The Grande Futapest Hotel Ch. 07

Layla hated cilantro. But she would no longer be told to hate herself for her shape. Let everyone see her as she was. Let these men salivate and envy her member, even as theirs barely fills their denim pouches designed to hold and accentuate them. Let her and those that follow her feel no obligation to hide themselves.

After snapping many pictures, the mover-cum-photographer looked through his creations, even though Layla was still writhing and running her tongue on her teeth and otherwise being very seductive.

"I think we've got a few good ones in here." He said matter-of-factly, as if he was checking an old drawer of parts for a spare hinge that didn't have rust.

"Ohh, you're bored of me already?" Layla pouted.

"I'm not really into futa." The photographer said. "I won't act like I'm not into how... into that you were."

Layla picked up the robe from the corner where it had been quickly thrown. "I don't have business cards, but I'll just say a website name out loud, and anyone who wants to see me again can look me up there."

She put on the robe and walked the men back into the living room and to the front door. She put her hand on the shoulder of the last one to reach the doorway, a younger man, and one who hadn't ever looked her in the eye since she hopped on the bed. He turned back.

She flashed him.

The man's face lit up like a lantern, and he made his retreat, his hands below his waist.

"Don't forget that website, boys!" She called out, waving as they hit the stairs.

She turned back into her apartment and closed the door. Her heart was pounding harder than ever, her cock almost painfully hard and pulsing, ever-teased by the soft fabric of the robe. No need for coffee after all. Her mind flashed with erotic images like a disorganized flip-book. She wanted to rip her robe off and jerk off... to get her laptop out and stream... to jizz onto some popcorn and eat it... to... to...

Layla grabbed her phone and looked through the pictures. She couldn't deny that the one he had selected as his favorite was, in fact, a 'good one.' Thus, she attached that picture to a text and sent it to Selena.

Layla put the phone on her night stand, which now looked hopelessly old and busted compared to the new bed. She pulled her new pillow in close and took a very comfortable breath. This really was a nice bed...

Within a minute of her setting the phone down, it began to ring. Not buzz from the receipt of a text, but ring. Layla reached over and grabbed it.

It was Selena.

She answered it.

In lieu of a greeting, Selena simply asked, "Who took that picture?"

Layla laughed. "One of the movers."

"Oh, wow. You're so bold." She responded. "I never mess with, like, the plumber or whatever. They're there to do a job."

"These guys seemed alright with it." Layla turned onto her other arm.

"How's the bed?"

"It's very nice. I wish you were in it."

"I knew you'd say that."

And so on...

SUNDAY, SEVERAL MONTHS LATER

Loree had gotten all dolled up in her neon yellow zebra striped leggings and hot pink leg warmers. Her T-shirt had a wide neck hole to keep one shoulder exposed. It also said 'Utterly 80's!' in pink letters set against blue squiggly lines. It was convenient for your T-shirt to remind you what decade it was. With the recreational drugs that were likely still working their way through her system, it was a necessary precaution.

She chose the center stall in this bathroom, sitting down on the toilet, but not taking her pants off. On each side of the painted stainless steel lavatory partitions, there were two holes cut straight through them, as if a pipe would be directed through this lavatory by the world's most stubborn plumber. The sharp metal edges had been thoughtfully covered with duct tape. This glory hole was up to code.

The only thing missing... were the dicks.

She huffed impatiently. She pounded on one of the stalls, the wall wobbling suspiciously like cardboard. "Come on! Where are you?" She shouted. "I ain't got all night."

The smell of sweat and sex that lingered eternally in this bathroom had gotten to her. From inside her tight leggings, she unveiled her turgid cock. There was no guarantee it would see any action today, unless whoever appeared on the other end of this portal was very generous and returned the favor. But she knew the rules. She was in the center, which meant she would be the one on the receiving end. It's what she was craving anyway. She had skipped lunch to be sure not a drop would be wasted.

The bathroom filled with echoing high-heeled footsteps against the tile. Someone entered the stall to her left. With a bit of shuffling fabric, this individual presented their erect penis through the hole.

"Finally!" she sneered, taking a look at the cock she had been presented. It was a really big one, one that compared favorably to the size of her forearm. It was definitely a cock worth waiting seventy seconds for. In fact, it looked a bit familiar. It was a foot long, maybe longer...

Longer than a foot... of a size and shape she'd seen before... many, many times before.

Loree left her stall and faced the provider of the cock in that stall. It was a brunette woman with big breasts, slightly above average height, dressed in a tube top that said Shermer High and a blue sling bikini with gray leggings. Her cock was hanging outside the sling.

"Selena..." Loree whispered.

"Layla!" The woman cried, as she tried pulling herself from the custom-made extra-wide portal. There didn't seem to be enough stall to back up into to get free.

'Loree' started to hyperventilate. She staggered back, both fists over her heart. And then she ran, leaving this bathroom, which was weirdly surrounded on three sides by a movie studio. That would explain the guy in the fabric folding chair with the megaphone asking her where the fuck she was going.

Having finally freed herself from the wall, Selena walked off set and chased after her costar, tossing her wig away and telling the director to 'give them a minute.' One production assistant chased them down, finding Selena holding her sobbing costar to her shoulder in the locker room.

He gave them the minute she requested.

---

"I can't believe you're here." Selena said, barely able to fight her smile.

Once Layla had stopped crying, she pulled her face off Selena's shoulders, wet with tears. "It IS you, isn't it? I've had this dream a few times..."

"It's really me." Selena assured her.

"You said that in one of the dreams."

With her thumb and forefinger, Selena very softly pinched a bit of Layla's reddened cheek. "See? You're not dreaming."

Layla pulled herself in tighter, as if Selena was a toothpaste tube. "I can't believe it." She repeated.

"They said I'd be working with someone I haven't worked with before." Selena looked to the door, wondering what sort of joke they were trying to pull. "I guess that's true, but I feel like we've both been pranked."

There was a lengthy silence.

"It's been so long..."

Selena took another breath.

"How've you been, Layla?"

It took still more time, and many deep breaths, for Layla's reply to come.

"Fine."

After an equally long silence, Layla asked another important question.

"How've you been?"

"Fine." Selena answered a little quicker.

"What happened, Selena?" Layla asked. "Why did you stop texting me?"

"I thought you stopped texting ME."

"I didn't want to bother you."

"It wouldn't be a bother, I swear. But I... I just assumed you were busy with your own thing."

"My own thing? My little apartment and my boring life and my stream?"

"I've seen how much it has grown. I'm so proud."

Layla's breath got deeper and more panicked. She started to shake. "I can't do this, Selena."

Selena held Layla still as delicately as she could. "Of course you can, Layla. You're a natural. Don't worry about it so much."

"No..." Layla pulled back just far enough to make eye contact with Selena. "I can't go out there and suck your cock and pretend that I don't love you, because I do. I love you, Selena."

Selena took in a slow gasp and held it. "You..." She said, almost inaudible.

"It's not your money that I miss, or even your body. I just miss all the stupid shit we got up to. I miss snuggling with you and watching Jeopardy and talking about whatever we were thinking at that moment."

Selena brought Layla back in, staring out into space. "I miss that, too."

"Did you see that you were finally an answer on Jeopardy?"

"I did. Nobody answered it, the big fat chickens. Did you sign that petition to save Two Broke Girls?"

"I did. It didn't work."

"I signed it, too."

"You never watched that show."

"With my number of Twitter followers, I thought maybe I could actually tip the scales."

"I friended a few Jeopardy writers on Twitter to see if they'd make you an answer."

"I used to lurk on your stream. I didn't donate because I didn't want to give myself away."

"My moderators learned not to bring you up in chat because it was upsetting me."

"I had to take the Layla ringtone off my phone because it made me cry."

"Every time I hear Careless Whisper, I burst into tears."

"...why Careless Whisper?"

"I don't know."

They looked at each other again. "We sound like crazy people."

"Love makes people do crazy things."

"Do you love me?" Layla asked, speaking so gently that her voice almost squeaked.

"If you had asked me ten minutes ago, I would have said that I was over you." Selena answered. "A courtship, friendship, whatever it was, that smoldered and died. Happens all the time. Sometimes, it does that. We sort of fizzled out. And it was hard for me, since I knew I could tune in whenever and see how you were doing. I'm so glad your channel continues to grow. But it was easier to see you though the screen, the way you used to see me."

"You were my first, Selena." Layla confessed. "That night at my apartment after the vacation..."

"Shit, really?" Selena coughed. "I went way too hard on you."

"No, it was amazing." She sighed. "That lip print you left on my shoulder... I had it tattooed in place."

"Oh, wow." Selena touched the pink lip print. It didn't budge or shift at all. "I don't really like tattoos, but I'm flattered that you did that."

"You're my first... anything. I've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. If it wasn't for the scene I shot with Vyronica, you'd be my only partner ever."

"You lost your virginity on-camera?!" Selena was alarmed.

"Like they say... you need to act like you've been there before."

"Layla, you could've got SO MUCH money for a real first time."

"If it was sold as a first-time, then my fans would know I was a phony."

"Your fans HAVE to know that you're just acting, right?"

"I don't know."

Selena held Layla tight. "Well... if it makes you feel any better... you took my virginity, too."

"That's impossible."

"It's not impossible." Selena said. "That night we met... you were my first."

"That can't be."

"It's obviously not my... dick virginity or anything like that." Selena seemed a little embarrassed to say this. "But think about it. Have you ever seen anyone else fuck my pussy?"

Layla didn't answer, evidently rolling through the archive of Selena's work in her mind.

"You've seen almost everything that I've ever done." Selena said. "You know I'm telling the truth."

"Not even that video with Azrael Whatshisface?"

"Nope. Lots of people complained about us leaving that one on the table."

Layla was growing less convinced that she wasn't having a lovely dream that would turn bitter and dark the second she woke. "How can this be real? How can I be your first?"

"When I started, I thought I'd save me getting fucked for my last video before I retired. But then we met, and there were so many sparks, it must've looked like a meteor shower. We got in bed together and I asked what you wanted, and you said... you wanted to kiss me."

Selena sniffled. "That experiment we did on vacation, where we learned that I didn't need to hold back all week... it turns out that once I tried it with someone else, it didn't work. I was back on my gross smoothies and the soy lecithin again. It seems obvious now. I came that hard... because it was you."

Selena pulled Layla in closer without realizing she was doing it. "I thought I was over you... I swear I thought I was... until you fell back into my arms. The months without you... it now feels like it went by in an instant, like turning a single page over in a book.. But now you're here and..."

They leaned forehead-to-forehead, the tips of their noses pressed together.

"I can not let you go."

Layla was quaking with sobs. "You mean it?"

"Yes." Selena's eyes shimmered, speaking as emphatically as she could while maintaining a sexy whisper.

"I.

Love.

You... Layla Boyd."

Layla blinked away her tears and rubbed her nose on her shirt.

"Sue." Layla sniffled. "Sue Wilkins."

Selena grinned wider still. "Do you mind if I still call you Layla?"

"Please!"

The production assistant returned to the locker room to see if they'd settled the younger costar's stage fright. They didn't appear to have made any progress, with the costar still crying into Selena's shoulder.

"You ladies all right?" He asked diplomatically.

"We're great." Selena answered with a beaming smile.

"She appears to be crying even harder than before."

"We'll be out in a few minutes. I promise."

He may not have appreciated the difference, but Selena felt amazing. She felt like the sun was inside her, filling her with warmth and sunshine, ready to burst out from her at any moment. She put both hands on Layla's cheeks, brushing tears aside with her thumbs.

"Come on." Selena said. "Let's go show all those dudes out there what real cocks can do."

The sales of Glory Hole In One 7 were less than the studio expected, possibly because of the confusing set of numerals in the title. Sales ballooned when a rumor spread that Selena Grande had met her girlfriend on the set of this film.

Those familiar with Selena's life knew that this was an exaggeration.

---

EPILOGUE

The following is a transcript of a portion of the Porned Beef and Hash podcast, Episode 55. On the episode released May 5, 2022, the hosts interviewed porn legend Selena Grande. This transcript has been posted here with permission.

HASH: You ever think of starting your own podcast, Selena?

SELENA: I don't know. This is my first foray into podcasting as it is. I hope this microphone is good enough quality for your show. It's just a regular USB microphone.

HASH: You sound great.

SELENA: To answer the question, I really don't think I have enough to say about anything to support it. I would love to go onto one of those podcasts where they watch old TV shows, but I'd have to listen to all of them so I would not repeat any information. My trivia knowledge comes from the same place as them.

If I did do it, I know what I'd use as an intro. I'd license that clip of Alex Trebek saying, "Who is... Selena Grande?" What a great moment that was in my life. But I don't have time to start something like that right now. I'm still pretty busy. It's one thing to cut out an hour to talk to all the porn lovers who listen to your show as a one-time thing. But every week? I'd have to find something else to give up to make room in my schedule.

HASH: Since we're talking about schedules, have you given thought at all about retiring from mainstream porn?

SELENA: You're finally sick of me?

HASH: Absolutely not.

SELENA: I won't pretend that I haven't considered it. I thought about it at my ten-year anniversary. And my thirtieth birthday is not that far off. And each year lately, I've done less movies than the year that preceded it. I am getting older, and I now wear glasses around pretty much everywhere except when I'm performing, mostly so I don't lose another pair.

But I'm afraid to just retire for two reasons. First off, I feel like me leaving would have a bad impact on the porn industry, the way that Mom leaving you home alone is bad for that bag of Oreos. I feel like my presence at certain studios and such keeps people in line somehow. Everyone knows, and not just futa porn stars, that they can come to me if someone wronged them or abused them and I'll try to make it right. If I'm retired, and people aren't threatened by not being able to work with me... that won't work anymore.

Second... maybe it's just because I've done it for so long, but I really do love performing. It's not even that I love to have sex with random porn stars, or I love orgasms. Acting in porn IS performing for me, and I love doing it. That's why I call it performing, like acting or dancing.

HASH: Well, we've all seen that GIF of you meekly dancing on that karaoke show.

SELENA: It's the only GIF of me that's ever been work-safe. And can I just say... everyone said my dancing was awkward. Of COURSE it was. I'm not a dancer. I'm not a singer, either, as anyone could tell by listening. But I was on that show because someone dared me that I wouldn't do it. And I wasn't going to until I heard they had a Disney-themed episode.

HASH: You getting on that show is the greatest prank in the history of television.

SELENA: Nobody at production seemed to think it was a prank. Remember, this is ABC, owned by Disney! All the producers just seemed to think, "Well, WE don't want to be responsible for sending the most famous person we've ever got on the show away." So they just sort of rolled with it. They introduced me as just "Selena."

HASH: You did very well. You only missed one song.

SELENA: It was from Bedknobs and Broomsticks! That's how far back they had to go to stump me! Everyone else was stumped by Fixer Upper.

HASH: Well, I hear you're not the only musician in your family.

SELENA: Yes! Would you have ever thought... skinny little Layla Boyd would be a drummer in a rock band?

HASH: How did that come about?

SELENA: We saw Bohemian Rhapsody. Now that movie sucks, but there's that clip of the music video of Don't Stop Me Now with Roger Taylor drumming in a three-piece suit. It stuck with her, so I offered to buy her a drum kit. It's not something I have time for, but she went for it and loved it. She's gotten very good. She drums open-handed like Max Weinberg. But I'm always there like a fussy mother making sure she's wearing her ear pro.

HASH: Do I hear faint giggling? Is she in the room with you?

SELENA: She's right here. She has been for a while.

HASH: How are you, Layla?

SELENA: She can't talk right now. Her mouth is full.

LAYLA: Selena!

SELENA: Isn't she talented? You'd never think she could speak so clearly with her mouth full of dick.

(There is tittering and gentle shuffling on Selena's mic.)

LAYLA: Have you all forgiven us for that fake sex tape?

HASH: I thought that was hilarious. It didn't seem to go over well with...

SELENA: With people who love authentically leaked private sex videos, I guess.

LAYLA: Or people who don't understand dozens of references to old TV shows.

HASH: It was still you two walking around naked for two hours. Some people just don't appreciate it. So, are you two still as in love as you were when you met?

LAYLA: I think you should take that one.

SELENA: When I met Layla... we found each other at the best time, really. But we almost didn't make it. We were both sort of afraid to say what we felt. We were both afraid to recognize what was so self-evident... so early. So we were apart for a long time. And I had the worst year of my career. I was evidently a terror because I was so unhappy.

I'm almost certain someone in my life conspired for the two of us to meet again. Nobody's fessed up, but I think it was like that beginning of the third act in the romantic comedy, where all the tertiary characters team up to get the two main characters locked in the same room again so they can kiss and let the credits roll.