All Comments on 'The Guitar Player Ch. 05'

Really good but hoping for a happy ending that now seems in doubt.5 stars for this one.

Sometimes the good ones do win!

5

Excellent

I knew Todd was a prick. Tanya was a cheating cunt wife but she wasn't smart enough to pull off that scam. Now all we need is the final happily ever after with Dawn and Allison. Please continue...

Five Stars

Great story line, well written, but too short a chapter. Is chapter 6 the last one? On the positive side, a new chapter shows up about every day.

Please don't drag stories out like this. Long time reader

Is Dawn ill?

So far so good. Don’t get melodramatic. This is not a soap opera.

Please don't let Dawn have cancer or something. Her being tired and the foreshadowing at the end makes it seem like she is going to be killed off.

Keep them coming. Great read and very enjoyable.

Looking forward to the next installment. I'm glad that this one was a bit longer.

very nicely done so far but I think I will skip the last chapter since you say it will be on the verge of collapsing.

Don't you dare kill Dawn off and then let him go back to Tanya !

This is LW Dammit , not General Hospital !

Lol , that was fun to say , but please don't do that !!!

Entertainment law is not my specialty, but I was hoping Robbie had been recorded at his family reunion singing his new songs, which would have gone a long way toward proving that he had written them before Dawn ever recorded them. I really want him to own his own songs…especially since that’s where the real money is!

This was a 3 chapter story at most. Almost the whole first page of each chapter is a recap of the previous, that just makes you long winded and shows contempt for the readers, do you think we can't remember 24 hours later? There was NO need to drag it out like this!

The series was well written.

But it didn't move me much.

And the ending was quite...a wimper.

But I think there is still a chapter to go.

At least not an all out duck story.

Coz I do hate cuck stories.

lol anon ur doing it wrong. u wait till they all out, then spread them with butter, then u start reading them. u know like bingeing

Better

Oh no a shameful business partnership that was secretly forged in darkness and adultery didn't pan out well... Seriously, if ya get together through cheating then how can ya be surprised when it turns out that the other person is a scumbag?

Although now I'm anxious about the next chapter cuz of that ominous ending. Rob and Dawn seem very solid, more so than with Tanya or whatever that other b*tches name was, so why would his life got to pot now? Terminal illness? Secret drug addiction? Latent gold digging thievery? The common denominator with his past spouses has been cheating but Dawn seems to genuinely love him and he's willing to let go of stardom to keep her happy... hang on, he's gonna resume his career and go on the road for periods at a time, she'll feel lonely and have an affair won't she?

Why can't he have music and a loving wife? Surely some musician has attained it.

and I don't mean that in a good way. I mean that it is a romance in the Hallmark movie mold of hackneyed, formulaic, predictable, and not believable. I mean really, even down to the bad big city and the return to the simplicity and goodness of the small town life to follow granddad's life advice.

More please, love it

"Tanya immediately began divorce proceedings", divorce from who? Did she get married right after the first divorce? What is going on here? Can you focus on detailing one plot before exploring the other? This story is all over the place.

Whoever advised you to split this into short chapter, punch him in the stomach. When this went up, I already forgot details from previous chapters.

1⭐

"Tanya immediately began divorce proceedings", divorce from who? Did she get married right after the first divorce? What is going on here? Can you focus on detailing one plot before exploring the other? This story is all over the place.

Whoever advised you to split this into short chapter, punch him in the stomach. When this went up, I already forgot details from previous chapters.

1⭐

More of a Romance Story.

A bit too long.

If it was over in three parts, I would have scored a 5/5

This entire series only strengthen my view that the main character is a narcissist and the reason for his own misery.

Almost every line of his monologue are telling the reader how good he is. If he is not telling us how good he is, he'll humble-brag. "I never wanted to be a celebrity," but he did everything in public.

This guy is pushy and demanding. Even if he didn't show it, his monologues tells it.

I think it's his own fault that he keeps getting bitches as his significant other.

Or whatever bitches that lay dormant in those women was awaken because of him.

And he absolutely is using Dawn, a stranger for his personal revenge.

Unlikable main character.

-Anon868967

"my own life was on the verge of collapsing, and I didn't even realize it."

I'm curious now, how do you fit "twenty-four years of marriage" into the sixth segment.

This story is filled with unnecessary things that forced it to be broken into six segment. And five of those were not focused on the wife that narrates the series opening.

Dawn could be the 24-year wife but by now at ch.5, they have not even married yet.

It must be a very short 24 years that we get Tanya's short story being stretched into multiple chapters.

I was hoping for some fiery revenge on Tanya after all that build up. Was that it?

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His payback seemed to be "I'm going to work harder" which made him moderately more successful than his ex-wife. Now he's given up on that after wearing out Dawn. He did manage to partially-refute the abuse accusations, but didn't accomplish anything that really sabotaged Tanya's career. It all fell a bit flat and was very anticlimactic.

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It would've been much more dramatic if Tanya had a big hit with one of his stolen songs. She gets signed up for a massive contract for a multi-album deal to record all the other songs she stole... but the betrayed husband manages to prove that he was the sole songwriter and sues her for all the profits. Her contract gets cancelled when she gets accused of plagiarism and Tanya has to watch her dreams be torn away from her when she is *this close* to finally achieving super stardom. The husband then records all the songs with Dawn performing them... they become hugely famous and Tanya is ostracised for being a fraud.

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In the story as it is at the moment, If the husband had just done nothing at all, the end result would've still basically been the same. Tanya never would've got much further in her career and Todd would still have ultimately been exposed as an embezzler during the divorce financials.

This story is just excellent, likely your best to date. (And you've written some great stuff...) I will again recommend if you break it up like this again, remind the readers that the story is being related by someone reading his journal with each post. I'll bet few remember that's how you started this tale. 5*

Drip feeding a story is really annoying, it’s a good one so having to wait is irritating.

Don't let dawn be sick they doesn't deserve that

Well written story.

This is so excruciating having the story piecemeal. If its finished put it out there. I would rather read a couple of longer chapters than have it dragged out, especially when you have already completed the story.

Don't tell us that Dawn dies from Cancer and he and Tayna get back together or that he quits the business

Despite it seeming to take forever, this is a very well written story. Clearly 5*.

well well todd was up to no good all this time now robbie needs to sue him and tanya big time

I don’t know. The bones of a great story are there …. Somewhere ….. but it’s hard to find.

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The lack of any interaction regarding Tanya’s betrayal and treatment of tne MC robbed the tale of most of the emotion. As well…lack of any personal interaction with Dawn over many months leading to their marriage also was a demerit to tne tale.

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I guess it was a “learning moment” for him to realize that he was becoming like Tanya in his obsession to destroy her by outdoing her. But this lesson was delivered to the readers in a clinical way that again didn’t deliver any emotion.

.

So OK…..we are getting there. I’m fearful as I indicated in a previous comment that the woman reading his “journal” is going to turn out to be Dawn, and not Tanya. So is the punch line going to be that when she kicks him in tne gut, he finally writes a #1 hit about it and out shines Tanya….only to melt away in a sad pathetic puddle or depression?

.

Dropped to 3 *** for the reasons indicated about lack of emotion.

Loved the story. Couldn't wait for the next chapter. Hope there's at least one more with a very happy ending!

Great writing!

ok, now I wish your chapters were longer. Your entry is becoming part of my daily routine and that may or may not be a good thing Stony.

I’ve forgotten what the chapter one setup was at this point…oh yeah, he leaves a wife of 24 years. So not this one. Or the one before. It’s turning into quite an anthology of bad choices.

Not a collapse! Hopefully a happy ending for this long suffering guy!

Madness! But a gripping tale.

Glad to see his conscience, or his mom's, shortened his mission of revenge to less than a year. It wasn't natural for him, so it wouldn't have made him happy anyway.

Now we have to deal with Dawn's condition that you foreshadowed. Since she isn't overflowing with happiness, I assume she isn't pregnant.

I went back to re-read your Intro in Ch 1. You gave us a subtle misdirect, didn't you? Robbie has had 3 loves up to now, but I don't think we have met yet the one who shows up first, the one whom he 'deserted' but left his diary to.

Really looking forward to the final Chapter.

Good work! 5

I do wish authors would retire all variations on this phrase: "I did have my head up my ass concerning [Tanya]." It's vulgar, suggests a low IQ, is a hoary LW cliche, and is probably only idiomatic in the Upper Midwest. The inclusion of the 2 white boys in the park scene was transparent virtue signaling. 3 blacks and 2 whites working together as a gang in central Atlanta? Not in this life.

Love the story but just to dragged out by the many short chapters.

As much as I hate to say this you need a true closing chapter where Todd goes to jail and has to repay the money he embezzled, Robbie and Dawn get married with Allison adopted by her new loving father and Robbie finally decides that he can be a successful song writer living in the Ocala/Eustis area near his folks. Tanya will never be the star she thinks she deserves to be because she lacks the support of loved ones and talent.

Please don't let something happen to Dawn!

Hope it's just Dawn being pregnant.... And Robbie can adopt Allison.

/

4*, Hooyah, but broken up into to many parts.

I hope this is not it for Tanya's getting hit with a nasty dose of karma. I mean so far she STILL has his songs and STILL has a career. ???

5* and loving it!!!!!

To the anon that posted this:

Anonymous about 8 hours ago

In the future

Please don't drag stories out like this. Long time reader

If you are a long time reader, you should be able to quote chapter and verse about all the authors that have left readers dangling (Is anyone else still waiting for the final chapters of When We Were Married?). These 5 chapters have been posted pretty much daily over the last week. I have confidence that StoneyWebb has everything in hand. At least save a remark like that for a break in posting.

Don't rag on him for something he hasn't even done yet!!!!

:-P

A couple of stumbling blocks in the legal stuff.

First, if they are still sorting out assets in Tonya’s divorce from Rob then that divorce isn’t final and neither could have remarried yet. She can’t start a second divorce before finishing the first. She could fire Todd and sue him on his agent’s contract.

Second, and this is pretty technical so I don’t blame you for missing it, the copyright on the songs would belong to whoever could prove they were the author. Merely swiping the manuscript doesn’t give her ownership of the copyright, although it may make it harder for Rob to prove authorship. The author would need to register the copyright in order to file suit, but the copyright in the work exists as soon as it’s written down.

I agree that the chapters are a bit too short. I understand you were looking for natural breaks in the story, but must if these could have been doubled up in pairs and would have flowed better that way.

Best work so far

Please don't kill Dawn!!!!

So, Aunt Claire is fucking his parents!!! Didn't see that coming!! On the serious side, please don't kill off Dawn and have Tanya come to realize that she loved him all along and he takes the cheating skank back. Sorry to think like that but that seems to be a very frequent story line on this site. Overall, a great story with some likable characters. I figure Todd has a handlebar mustache that he frequently twists.

"It's a Cinderella story..."

It's OK, but you certainly know how to drag out stories that don't deserve to be dragged out. Too much fluff and meaningless stuff. Finish the damn story already! Please!

I really have a feeling this story is going to get weird and not in a good way. I'm still confused by the first chapter. You remember way back when it was posted his wife was wondering why he left her after 24 years then she just disappeared in the fogs of time. On second thought I no doubt it's going to get weird.

You're a gifted storyteller. You end each chapter in a "natural" way, not forced fit, that leaves the reader with just enough of a hint to want to continue reading. These end of chapter pivot points seem a bit unique on Lit, especially since you write them so naturally.

To this point please let them be happy. But I think I can see where this is headed.

How can Tanya initiate divorce proceedings against Todd when she isn't divorced from Robbie? Or had the divorce been finalized but the financials pending?

SW, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t by this crowd. Half of them complain about lack of Character development and the other half complain about too much fluff and say it’s too long. Well, I am enjoying the story so far, please keep it coming.

Damn! You picked another fine spot to stop the story. I realize this story is just a long country song, but please don't kill off Dawn. Robbie has suffered enough for a dozen Patsy Cline songs. No plane crashes needed either. I'm sure the obsession with burning Tanya will end badly for him though. I still think this is a masterpiece, and I've enjoyed every chapter.

Really enjoying it.

Very nice job. Keeping everyone hanging on to almost every word. Robbie had so much bad stuff happen to him, especially from the divorce from Tanya. Tanya and Todd are paying the price for screwing up Robbie. Now that it seems like some good things are about to happen, something tragic is going to happen. Some believe that Dawn is going to die, I hope not. Heaven forbid that something bad happens to little Alisha.... Please FTDS ... But good job so far.

Allison not Alisha, my bad.

Lying commenters! There is nothing interesting here. The score didn't tell how shit this is.

MC pledge for revenge the past chapter, what we get is just normal outcome from divorce.

Whatever he planned did little to nothing in changing the outcome. What Todd did is off-screen anyway, and what will happen to him also just procedural. For all that talk about revenge past chapter, readers who keeps reading because of it weren't rewarded at all. Shitty author.

There's no buildup with the romance. Everything was presented to him. Everything happen right away.

For such a long story, it's full of nothing.

if you kill of Dawn it will be the most rotten thing that you could do especially after what Tanya and Todd diud to him have Todd get his ass reamed in jail and Tanya fail as a singer

You certainly can write very well. Better than the majority of them, but this reads like the guy that likes to hear himself talk, and talk, and talk, and talk.

This would have worked better if you had actually written it to the length it should have been not the length you wanted. Too much filler that just slows the whole thing down that learning to skip read is a prerequisite to get through it it.

Even tho I wanted the other stories to be longer, i felt this was dragged out like his divorce was. With the ominous ending, I only hope that Dawn doesnt die and that he gets back with the ex.

So you had Robbie and Dawn rising to stardom, only you made her gun shy in front of live audiences. You would think 🤔 that over time and robbie helping her her envious jitters and success that she would get over her fears. Plus they started making real money .she was coming from pure poverty when he heard her in the park. Now all she wants is Robbie and being a housewife. Strange he would give the career up . Then after 2 divorces you write more problems for Robbie. What turning a good story into a sad ending.

"Besides, my own life was on the verge of collapsing, and I didn't even realize it."

oh oh i don't like how it sound.

Actually love the story and can't wait to read what happens next. You're very talented and I love your stories. Do what you think and not others..please.

Keep it coming.. Please. I like your style and the story you're telling. Ignore ant one shoes negative and challenge them to write the story they want. Thank you

Quick ranting: the worst part of this whole series, thus far, are the recaps at the beginning of every chapters. Completely unnecessary, giving how short this story is, of overall, and kinda makes it look like the author thinks his readers can retain details worst that a gold fish...

Pretty sure you could have edited out a whole page by taking out those recaps.

Slow and tedious. So Tanya is a soulless cruel cheating whore, and her husband, who spent all that time with her, did not have a clue. You must have had some really shallow distant tepid marriages. An arrogant selfish whore like Tanya is about as hard to spot as disco music at a country-western concert. Get real.

All contrived and sensational and too quaint. MC can't spot a cheating whore, cheating whore can't spot a cheating thieving asshole, and that's just life. Evil people are really clever and difficult to discern. Can't wait for Dawn to turn up pregnant and sue him for paternity, then go on the road as a duet with Tanya; perfect.

A box cake story with all the suspense and drama of a B grade sitcom. Thanks for the effort.

Nice.

This part was a little sugary, but many readers like that.

The plot had a good flow and was well written.

I'm enjoying this.

Top ratings from me.

Excellent story! 5 BIG stars.

This wasn't as good as the previous chapters. It didn't seemed fluid and the story stalled and lacked direction. It was a surprise ending implying the Robbie suddenly has major problems.

DON'T LISEN TO THE NAY-SAYERS ! This chapter was the perfect length. As usual another 5 for this chapter . You keep on writing and We'll keep on reading !

3 stars - It is my opinion this chapter did not focus enough time on his new wife and daughter.

There could and should have been more dialog between them.

The story is good. I have to agree with one of the anons, that they end on good breaking points. What’s missing, is emotion. Robbie’ been through 2 divorces, both wives cheated on him, and the strongest emotion is self pity. If he felt a sense of deep loss, or hurtful betrayal, it’s not coming through. He describes his trust issues at such a high level, that it doesn’t feel like it has much effect on him.

Holy cow, these are great.

Let the Guitar play

Let Tanya sink to bottom for treachery .....

Is it just me that is seeing Robbie more and more as just weak and wimpy?? I've been trying to cut him some slack but damn he's getting more and more like a wet dish rag.

One of the best stories I've read on LW...

Eh...what the hell? LP

Waited until the story was complete but knew it would be a gem and it did not disappoint in any way. A storyline this needs to bring down the hero in order to give him a truly wonderful reward. I'm glad I reached the happy ending! 5*

@SW anon

No, there is not enough character development.

The 'fluffs' wasn't developing the character, they're just stretching the story. If those 'fluffs' were removed, the story is just the same and the characters are still empty.

Remove all the recap, remove all the interviews and irrelevant encounters, remove all the repetitive self-pity, remove the sex scene, we'll only get just 1 page from this chapter alone.

This story is too long. The story progress a lot but very little details on how it got there.

Marry wife, fluff, fluff, wife cheats, fluff, fluff, empty revenge promise, fluff, fluff, meet new woman, fluff, fluff, had sex, fluff, fluff, 2nd divorce granted. That's it.

@numbnutz49 I guess your username is right... what ending?

Given chapter 6 isn't out 2 days later changed my 4 to a 1.

If all the chapters were 4 or 5 pages long I might be more forgiving but if you remove all the recaps I'm not sure the entire story so far would get past 5 pages.

Bad.

-26thNC

How soon for the end? Waiting, good story it is now 8/29. Keep it up!

I believe that this is an excellent story, can't wait for chapter 6.

FAB Series from a great writer NO ! No! from a great Author, thanks for sharing.

Good tale, like it. Just hope his foreshadowing of problems means this has a sad ending, these days we don't need that,a HEA would be great.

As far as Tanya goes I hope Robbie realizes he really doesn't have to do anything to hurt Tanya, she will hurt herself. She already realizes Todd was playing her and used her and she will soon realize that her talent limits what she can do, that.as they say her grasp is a lot shorter than she thinks it is, or as Lester Bangs in ',Almost Famous' says about the band Stillwater, 'it is a story about a mediocre band coming to grips with its mediocrity'.

The writing is good,I could do without the knocks on NYC or the stereotypes, but it is a solid story I would like to see how it plays out, gave it a 5 so far.

So... a theory jumped into my head today which might explain Ch 01. What if the woman is the future wife of Robbie and Dawn's (as yet to be born) son? The journals were passed down to him by his father, either as an heirloom or in an attempt to avoid the mistakes that he made in life/relationships. Just a thought.

><><><

I'm intrigued to see where you take this. My preference would be for a HEA with Dawn, however.

So six part story......first five chapters once a day and now 2 days and nothing.....seriously??????

Cmon its the 30th of august. Where is the final chapter?

Great story! Love it, and now you left us hanging waiting for the final chapter. PLEASE let us know when you intend to post the last chapter so we can get the closure you have built through the first 5 installments.

great story

I was confused at the end of this. It seemed like Robbie and Tanya’s divorce was still underway, waiting only for the financial issues to be settled. (“ About a week after we settled into our new home, the lawsuits all came to an end. As I expected, everything was to be split 50/50. All that was left was for the accountants to finish their audit.” But then “Not only was Todd arrested, but Tanya immediately began divorce proceedings.” Divorce proceedings against whom? Has she married Todd and I just missed it?

Apart from that, I’ve loved this all so far, but I’m trying to figure out how it relates to the very beginning (of Part 1) and I’m interested to see how it will all end.

"Tanya immediately began divorce proceedings." - Wait, wait! Didn't her divorce from Robbie just get settled? How could she be married to Todd so fast? Or did I miss something?

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@Anonymous Re: Entertainment law - Yes, I was thinking something similar.

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@Powersworder - Yes, I was hoping he could somehow prove she stole his songs, maybe as Anonymous said, record one before she does.

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I'm still curious who he walks out on after 24 years. Dawn? A FOURTH woman?

shit's getting dumber and dumber yo

This is the poorest effort by StoneyWebb.

After the third part, lost cohesion and dramatic effects

Give you 3⭐s.

Looking forward to your next story.

I know you will bounce back with a better story 🙂✌.

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AMerryman

You need to learn to limit. I will get to that in a bit but first, part stories suck. They are rarely written well because it stinks to high heaven of organic writing. Once a part is submitted, you can't fix issues with character development or plot that upon further development, do not make sense. The only people who make it work are those who have completed the story but for some inane reason have broken the story into pieces. That makes no sense. I have read the "make it easier to read" argument before but that's just pandering to laziness. There is thing called a bookmark....

Anyway, your story is fine and it started nicely but you failed to drop clues that Tanya was narcissistic and totally lacking in empathy. What you wrote was a long form slut ray/gold digger ray story. She was a bitch when they first met. She wanted to be successful too. Both are a far cry from how you presented her with the divorce. Regardless of your vote score, it didn't work. You wrote with emotion enough to have the reader to be engaged but your story wasn't very good after this part. Everything was forced into the revenge angle. This chapter was boring. The only sympathetic character is the child. That's a problem.

I knew a betrayal was coming. It was expecting it and based upon the descriptions, that revenge was coming. This on its own is not a bad thing. Your second half however does not have the same level of quality as the beginning. Its very very forced and rather obvious.