All Comments on 'The Hike'

I enjoyed reading this and look forward to more. Humor as part of foreplay is intriguing to me and I love to see it done well. Unless I missed something (entirely possible), your male character is not mentioned by name...that could make the dialog tricky to follow but you managed to make it work. Nicely done. It is a "5" for me.

Thank you much. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I often don’t name my characters.

Try and remember which sentences should be quoted and which should not because they're not dialogue. You seem to get confused about that a little too often. Also, the POV choice was really not a winner. It almost never works, and this wasn't one of the exceptions.

so nice i am seeping already

I think that this could have been a 5 with a change in the POV - first person, third person omniscient - doesn't matter - just not this soppy second person

The only second person POV story I've read that was not a waste of electrons was truly epistolary - the jilted mistress telling her ex-lover (who has returned to his wife) what and why she feels the way she dies, and what she believed while the affair was going on