All Comments on 'The Horne Saga Ch. 01: Stuck Twice'

Very exciting story. I think you are a very good writer. It made my dick hard. You need to have Riley suck off Alexis in Chapter two. I am a writer as well. check out my stories. Well done. Solid 5.

Very exciting story

If this is your first story, you are gifted !

I'm definitely following you so I can read everything you write !

I'd love to see more of this!

What a great pairing.

Very good first story. (Even if you don't actually use WD-40 on old windows)

looking forward to pt 2

I really enjoyed reading this. I can't wait to read the rest of this story. You just got a new follower.

A fun story, if a little silly, would love to read a continuation.

More! Please?

Fun and sexy! Fun little family dynamics are enjoyable and sibling banter ans willing to rough each other up. Hope you will continue this tale!

when introducing a number of characters at once, don't use the one scene to give full physical descriptions for them, especially if they either feature in that one scene or if we spend more time with them later. for example, you introduced the father with a full description as if he was going to be the focus on the scene, but he said three line and just disappeared. just give a brief description like

"on the taller side of six feet in height, broad shouldered with cleanly shaven chiseled jaw, well built and tan."

at that point, that's all the reader needs to know. if he features more later on, especially if he's the focus of the scene, then write a paragraph that goes further into how he looks, maybe into his personality too. we don't need to know he is muscular at this point, just implying he is tall with broad shoulders invokes this image. go into more physical detail later. also, don't write heights in numbers, write them with text