The Hotel Ch. 02

As the boys rushed off to do their warm-ups with the team, the girls ran off together, playing. I asked again, "What were you scared of, Julia?"

"You, us. That night at the movies. It was wonderful, so wonderful. That night after you left, I reassessed things, because I didn't want you to leave. I was disappointed when you did."

"Really... Didn't seem like it." I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Reece, I like you, I just didn't want to become the other woman. Your marriage might not be the norm, or even be very good, but I didn't want to break up a family."

"Julia, I like you as well. I don't know what the future holds, but I can tell you, Sierra and I have separated."

"Separated... Oh my god. Not because of me I hope." She gasped.

"No, it's a lot more complex than that. Lets just say we are different people."

"So what are you going to do?"

"God knows, because I don't."

"I was being serious, Reece. Have you moved out?"

"No, I'm still living there, just not with Sierra. She is now living full time with Leif. I stayed for the kids. They have seen enough fighting to last a lifetime. I wanted to try and get things settled. Give them a chance to get used to things."

"That must be hard, living under the same roof."

"Shit, you're not wrong. I thought I was going to be able to handle it, but... actually, I think I'm just about ready to walk away."

That's when she lost it. "Reece, you can't be serious. After everything that's happened?"

Surprised by her venom. I replied softly, defensively, "Julia, what Sierra and I had is gone. I can't live like that. I'm not sure what alternatives there are."

"You said you were staying for the kids?" She sighed, the worry obvious in her shaky voice. "You can't just walk away."

"I wanted to stay for them, but I didn't realise how hard it would be."."

She looked shocked at my statement. "I think you need to try. Those kids would be devastated if you left."

"I get that, and I am trying. I just don't know if I can handle it." I went on to explain how things had panned out at home, how Sierra had cut me out of her life.

"Reece, think about what Sierra has been through. She's been trying to be be a wife to two husbands, mother to four children, run her own gallery and pottery classes. Oh, and on top of that, keep up that big old house. All the while she's grieving for Patience, just like you. That's an impossible task. She kept trying because she loves you. Yes, she loves you, and Leif, and the kids. Now she's lost you, she must be feeling like a complete failure. She must be in real pain."

I was a little ashamed that Julia saw it so clearly, and I had ignored how hard it must be for her. "it's been hard, there's no denying that, but it's been hard on all of us."

"Holy mother of god," she snapped. "Sometimes Reece, you can be clueless. You see your needs, but seem totally oblivious to other peoples problems."

"Bullshit, since we separated. She has been nothing but a bitter old crone."

"Don't be so flaming selfish. Try and look at it from her perspective, for once. Of course she resents you. You have destroyed her world. Reece, I like you, and I think maybe if things were different we could have something good together, but right now you need to sort your shit out."

Sick and tired of being lectured, I grumbled, "Well, I guess that's put me in my place. It's been fun getting to know you, Julia." I started to walk away, but she yanked me back by my arm.

"Not so fast there, buster." At least she was smiling. "You'll still be seeing me around. Amy has missed spending time with Autumn and Harmony. That was my fault. She would love to spend more time with them. I need her to have friends. You and I still have to work together, and I would like to be friends, more than friends actually."

She said that with a glint in her eye that made my knees go a little weak.

"I wasn't trying to start a fight, Reece," she whispered, becoming serious. "I do like you, I like you a lot. But I'm not getting involved in that mess. I will always he here to talk to. Don't cut me out of your life, just because I don't agree with you. Your first priority must be at home, you need to sort it."

Dinner was chaos as usual. Sierra was trying to hold it all together, but there was a desperation about it. I could see what Julia was talking about, too: she had lost some weight, and if I looked carefully, I could see the circles under her eyes. I made the boys help me clean up while Sierra and Leif relaxed on the deck. After the kids were in bed, I went out back by the creek to think.

Julia had been right, of course. I had been so wrapped up in my own needs that I hadn't seen what was happening to Sierra. It took Julia whacking me over the head to open my eyes.

I sensed that Sierra's desperation was driven by fear. She was afraid of failing our family and afraid of everything collapsing down around us. On top of that, there was the feeling she had let Patience down. I had only made those fears worse.

Monday morning, and Julia was her old self. She came out and sat with me for lunch. It was nice to have somebody to talk to, who offered a supportive ear.

At home, though, it was still the cold front. Resentment, I could feel it digging in its icy fingers. It was slow, painfully so, but it was there, like ivy climbing a brick wall. The tentacles slithered inexorably into the tiniest of crack, searching for weakness, and once inside, it blossomed. As always, it started with just little things, but the pressure built. Sierra, although putting up a friendly face for the kids, in private, she found fault with everything I did. I decided in an effort to maintain peace, I would stop fighting with her. My new approach was to ignore her.

If anything, it made it worse. It annoyed the hell out of her, but she at least suffered in silence.

Thank god for Julia, although as our lunches turned back into therapy sessions, she became sad as well.

The kids became my focus; I spent as much time with them as I could. I learned to play video games, guitar hero. They were my world. Plus, there was weekend sports. Julia and I went back to standing together, cheering and yelling. Most days we followed the games with a late lunch, or early dinner at Mickey D's.

As Julia and I grew closer, it felt like I was being lifted, even although I knew she wouldn't let it go anywhere. She told me several times, "Reece, I am not going to be the other woman. I am not looking for an affair."

She could say it as much as she wanted. It didn't stop my mind from filling with erotic images of what she would look like naked, what she would taste like, feel like. I wanted her badly... And the more Sierra and I fought, the deeper that yearning hunger went.

We were like kids on a carousel, going round and round, none of us happy. I'm sure Julia felt the same way. I think we both wanted to taste the sweet waters, but were holding ourselves back, afraid if we did unleash that beast, there would be no turning back.

I guess with that sort of tension building, it was always going to erupt, and it did.

Leif was away on a job, and it was just Sierra, me and the kids. We had a pleasant evening meal. I helped the kids with homework as Sierra finished the cleaning up. We all watched a little TV before the kids went off to bed, leaving her and I alone in an uncomfortable silence.

As we sat there, the tension building, she asked, "Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, choice."

When she returned, she sat beside me, and as I flipped the lid on my beer, she clinked her wine glass against my bottle. "Reece, I'm sorry for the way things have turned out. This is not how I saw our future. I do love you."

"Yeah, I know. Believe it or not. I have never doubted your love for me. It's just that now, you love him more."

"That's not true, babe. Yes, I do love him, but not more than you. I know it's not fair, but that's the truth. I do love him, just like you loved Patience. I don't want to dredge all that up again, but you know what I mean. That relationship. It opened my heart, and my mind. I never expected to love two wonderful men, but I do."

I heard the little sobs as she moved, wriggled closer, wiping away stray locks of damp hair. She looked wretched: swollen puffy eyes, smudged mascara. For the first time, I saw how haggard she looked.

"Reece. I wanted more than anything in the world to make you happy. It just seemed like we were on a see-saw, and I was piggy in the middle. If I made Leif happy, I hurt you, and then vice versa. Whichever way I turned, I hurt somebody. The guilt, the shame and disappointment, it just overwhelmed me."

"I understand, at least I think I do. But it doesn't change where we are at the moment. ."

"Reece, I don't want you to leave. That is my biggest fear. I am so scared every day that you are just going to walk out. Leif and I both talked about it, we both feel like we could work out something permanent..."

I went into the bathroom and returned with a box of tissues.

"Thanks." She sighed.

"Sierra. I'm not going anywhere. We have to find some way to make this mess work."

She peered at me through those fluttering smouldering eyes. "We could go to bed, make love, just like old times."

"And what happens tomorrow?"

"We cross that bridge when we get to it. "Reece, I want you. I love you. I just want the pain to go away. Please, let's leave everything else out of it and just live, even if it's just for one night."

"I can't do it, Sierra. I mean I could, in fact I would love to."

That brought a smile to her face, but that faded when I added, "I can't though. If I did, we would be right back where this started. We have to build separate lives, but I promise, I'm not leaving."

The tears returned and between sniffles, she said, "Thanks, Reece."

Sleep for me was an impossibility. I kept going over everything, weighing up the possibilities. Of course, the more I let my mind wander, the more images and memories came into focus.

Patience, her beautiful warm smiling face. I recalled all the conversations we had before moving into our merged marriage. Fuck, I missed her so much. She had been the genius and the glue that brought the whole thing to life.

There was that one overriding emotion. I had failed her. I promised to do everything I could to make this work, and at the very first blip in the road, I fell. I failed. Why? Jealousy and selfishness. Sierra had thrown herself into this, and had worn herself to a frazzle trying to make it work. Tonight, I saw the ravages of that stress and what it was doing to her.

The bloody sun was up when I finally fell asleep. I was awakened about eleven by Harmony, who brought in a cup of tea and a plate of toast. As my eyes adjusted, she smiled, placing the plate beside me. "Hi, Dad. Mum said we had to let you sleep in."

"Thanks, sweetie."

As I ate my toast, I realised it was Saturday. "How come you're not at softball?"

She giggled. "It's school holidays next week. No games for us, although Mum has taken the boys to footy."

I finished breakfast listening to Harmony tell me all about how she wanted a pony. She sure knew how to pull at my heart strings.

After a refreshing shower, I wandered out to find it was just the girls and me. We played a little football, a little netball. It was fun, after the stress of last night. It was just what I needed. The girls squealed and giggled as they played keep the ball off Dad.

We were having lemonade when Sierra returned with the boys. They, like the girls were full of energy. God knows how. They would have just played ninety minutes of football, but they still had energy.

They rushed inside to get lemonade, as well. Sierra sat beside me, sliding her arm through mine. She planted a juicy kiss on my cheek. "You must of had a restless night, babe."

"Yeah, lots to think about."

I sipped my lemonade, the citrussy burst refreshing but bitter.

"You'll never guess who I ran into at the boy's game," she said matter of factly.

Without thinking, I asked, "Who?"

"Julia and Amy."

"Oh yeah, how were they?"

"Okay, but since when does she go to watch our boys play?"

"Oh, right... For a while actually. We usually stand together to watch the girls at netball, and she got into the habit of hanging around to watch the boys."

"The girls had no games today."

"She likes to watch the boys. Amy is friends with them."

She sneered with a hint of discomfort. "I don't think it was Amy's idea. Julia wasn't expecting to see me, she was expecting you. She said to say hi." There was real anger in her eyes. She waited till the kids were out of earshot and hissed nastily. "You told me our separation had nothing to do with Julia. You dirty lying bastard. It's got everything to do with her."

"Sierra, we're just friends. Nothing has ever happened between us."

"Like fuck you are. You lying piece of shit." With that she stormed off to see what the girls were up too.

School holidays were difficult for us. We all worked. It meant one of us always had to take a day off to be home with the kids. Sierra did most of it. Leif and I covering the rest.

Julia took the two weeks as annual leave because she didn't have anyone to care for Amy during the day.

The girls did invite Amy out for several sleepovers, much to Sierra's chagrin. Although, she swallowed that pill silently.

Over the holidays, Amy became somewhat of a house guest. Thankfully, Julia repaid the compliment by taking the girls for a couple of nights.

During those exchanges, Sierra and Julia were polite and courteous, without saying too much.

As they settled into this new relationship, as unlikely as it sounds, from the fiery pits of hell, they managed to forge something of a bond. Maybe not a friendship, but they talked. A couple of occasions when Julia turned ip to pick up Amy, she stayed for a cup of coffee with Sierra. It was uncomfortable seeing them sitting together at the table talking.

Imagine my surprise when I arrived home from work to find Julia's car in our driveway. Walking inside, the first thing I noticed was the girls squealing. They were all in the kitchen, aprons on, baking. Julia and Sierra laughing riotously as the girls had an icing fight.

"What the hell?" I gasped.

Sierra was the first to see me. "Hey, babe. Julia brought Amy out."

"Jesus, Sierra. Look at the bloody mess."

"Oh stop it. We'll clean up. At least the girls will. Julia and I are going to have a wine." She gave me a juicy kiss, before adding, "Oh, by the way, you're cooking dinner tonight."

Julia seemed embarrassed; the red flushed cheeks gave away her inner feelings.

I went and changed, and when I got back to the kitchen, the girls were gone, the mess cleaned up. I found Sierra and Julia out on the barbecue table with a bottle of wine.

I decided not to intervene. God knows what they were talking about, but they were deep into it. I opted for a cold beer and a search through the fridge for something to cook for dinner.

I was hard at it when Leif strolled in. "Hey bro, who's is the car?"

"Julia, she's out the back with Sierra and a bottle of wine."

He gave me a telling glare. "Oh, oh."

"Whatcha mean by that?" I replied curtly.

He shuddered. "Look, mate. It's none of my business, but Sierra thinks there's something between you and Julia."

"We are friends, that's all."

"Hey, steady mate. I'm not judging or sticking my nose in. Just telling you what she told me."

"Yeah, thanks, Leif."

"It's cool, dude. She's pretty sweet, though. I can see why you'd be interested."

"Fuck off, Leif. I already said, we are just fiends."

He pulled out cold beers, passing one to me. "I might go out and say hi."

He vanished out the back. The boys arrived, followed by the girls, who had an empty tray. Judging by the mess they made, I reckon they had just scoffed over a dozen cupcakes. They all went up to their rooms to play, and with everything in the oven, I wandered out to see what the others were doing.

The table was full of laughter and conversation. I went to pull out a chair, but was interrupted by Sierra. "Whoa, not yet, lover. We need another bottle of wine."

"And a beer please, dude," Leif added.

This time, I did get to sit down. I sat between Julia and Leif. She giggled as I sat down. "I have missed our lunches."

"I would have thought the girls would have kept you too busy."

"Nah, I enjoy our lunches." She was tipsy and giggly.

Sierra jumped in. "When's dinner, babe. I'm famished."

"About an hour."

"Shit." She sighed

"We could steal some of the girls' cupcakes." Julia giggled.

"Too late, I'm afraid. They scoffed the lot," I replied.

Dinner was pleasant, although by then, it was obvious that Julia wasn't driving anywhere. "I'll get a taxi," she spluttered.

"Like hell. We have spare rooms here. You are staying," Sierra announced drunkenly."You can have a sleepover as well."

Leif, who was in the middle of a big fencing contract, went to bed early. Sierra and Julia stayed up late laughing. I left them to it, I needed sleep as well.

God knows what time it was when I heard Sierra showing Julia into one of the spare rooms.

The next morning, as always, was chaos. The kids were all running around getting breakfast. Julia and Sierra hadn't risen when I left for work.

That night when I got home, Sierra seemed in a really jovial mood.

"Reece, would you help me get dinner?"

I hesitantly went in to help. I was greeted with a sweet little kiss.

"What time did you drag your lazy arse out of bed?"

She giggled, "Hey, less of the lazy. I'll have you know, I had a really busy day."

"What about Julia? When did she leave?"

"Not long ago, actually. She came in and helped me in the gallery."

As we worked together, preparing dinner, she whispered, "Julia, she's really nice. I like her."

"Good for you," I muttered, unable to understand this new warmth. She was actually talking to me.

"She reminds me of Patience, don't you think, Reece?"

"No," I blustered, hoping my lie wasn't to noticeable.

She knew me too well. "Bloody liar. You see it as well."

Amy became a regular at our house, like part of the furniture. Julia, although reticent, did seem to enjoy having Sierra, as a friend might be overstating it, but they were talking.

After the kids went back to school, we went back to a semblance of our usual routines.

For Julia and I, this included our lunches, although things were different now. There was an underlying tension, an expectancy, or yearning. I couldn't really decipher it.

Saturday found us, as usual, standing under the umbrella watching the girls, although now it wasn't netball, it was softball. It was a bleak rainswept day, impossible to stay dry.

After the girls finished, I said, "You better get home. It's going to pour down."

Julia smiled, her arm around my back, and asked. "Would you mind if we came and watched the boys?"

"No, you would be most welcome. The more the merrier. It's going to be wet though."

By the time the game started, the bleak Canterbury sky was dark and foreboding. Large drops of rain started falling, the drops got closer together and then the heavens opened up and it bucketed down.

"Go back to the car," I yelled at Julia.

She laughed. "To late now, we are already wet." The girls, however, took my advice and they all made a run for it. Julia squeezed in tight beside me, her arm around my waist as we braced against the howling southerly. It was cold, the rain coming in horizontally, the umbrellas buckling under the pressure.

The kids loved it; they splashed around, running themselves into the ground as they chased down the ball.

We were all ready for somewhere warm. "Come back to my place. Everybody can have a shower and get something to eat before going home," Julia offered, and we accepted enthusiastically.