The Hotel Ch. 02

"Julia, this wouldn't have to destroy the family. I could still do most things with them. Still spend every weekend with them. I still want to be part of their life."

"No, I know the way this starts. Shit, it was like that with Mark. He promised to be part of Amy's life. Now he never sees her. I couldn't do that. I'll not have that on my conscience."

"Then what do we do?"

"I don't know, Reece, but that is too extreme. What we have is amazing, and we can just take our time. Take little steps."

"Yes, but it could be so much more. I hate creeping around in the dark, hiding what we have. I hate going home to a cold bed at night."

She nodded, her smile warm and supportive. "I guess we start slowly. The kids are cleverer than you think. They already know we see each other. I think we slowly make it more obvious. We uncover it a little bit at a time."

Sierra and I fought, we did nothing but fight. Nothing I did was right. If I breathed, she accused me of stealing her oxygen. Everything was an issue, and it drove me bananas. In the end, I decided it had to end. I was moving out. If Julia wouldn't have me, then I would find somewhere else to live.

Sierra and I were in the middle of a bitter argument, when it just got too much. "I'm leaving," "Sorry, but I can't do this any more," I blurted out.

"Oh yeah, moving in with fucking Julia are you?" she hissed sarcastically.

"No I'm not, actually. I did ask, but she won't have anything to do with me moving out. By walking out, I might very well lose her as well. I just can't carry on fighting with you every night."

"What do you expect? We're fighting because you lied to me. You purposefully undermined our marriage to be with her. Don't expect me to be happy about it. You may as well move out, because you're never bloody well here. Don't think the kids haven't noticed either."

"I'm never here because I hate fighting with you. Everything I do or say is wrong, according to the book of Sierra."

The room went quiet. Leif, who had just walked in, had been standing watching and listening quietly. His face was etched with pain, and he muttered, "This is your home as well, Reece. Nobody has to leave. You two just have to get your shit together."

Sierra gave him the dirty look and walked away, snarling. "Should have guessed you'd be on his side."

"I'm not taking sides, Sierra. I'm just as pissed at him as you are."

"What have you got to be angry about?" I snapped back cynically. "Jesus, you've got what you wanted."

He shook his head in bewilderment. "Sometimes, Reece, you are a dumb bastard. What do we have to be pissed at you for? Sierra's right. You never committed to our relationship. You can be a jealous greedy prick. Everything has to be about you."

"Fuck you," I spat back.

"Reece, I do love you, but it killed me when you took Sierra away when I needed her most. I mean, how cruel could you be? I needed her. I was dying inside, and I just wanted some affection. How would have her spending the odd night with me have hurt your relationship?"

"Because I was left alone. You might have felt better, but I had to pick up your sadness."

"This is what I don't get. On one hand you can be so generous, so magnanimous. You are an enigma. You can be so selfless, you would give me the shirt off your back, but you wouldn't spend a few night alone to help me out of the dark pit I was in. Fuck, bro, I was so close to topping myself."

His words bit deep and I felt my face burning with shame.

"Reece, you were so wrapped up in your jealousy and greed. Sierra was part of my life, the four of us shared everything and you couldn't even extend me that. Why, I just need to know why?"

"She was my wife. It was wrong."

"How could love be wrong? Why was it so hard to share with me the one thing we both love?"

"I don't know. Without Patience it was unbalanced, inequitable."

"It wasn't about the sex, you know that, right?"

"Of course it was about sex."

"Okay, I got that wrong. What I should have said is, it wasn't just about sex. When Patience and I met you guys, it was like, yes... We connected on so many levels. Sex is fun, but without love it means nothing. I wasn't after sex. With Patience gone, I needed somebody to hold me, tell me it was going to be all right, somebody to keep me warm at night, to remind me life is going to be okay."

He scowled deeply. "I love Sierra, just as much as you. If you had committed to that, we could have had a happy life. I wasn't trying to take her away from you. I wasn't trying to push you out. You're my brother, my whanau."

Sierra, who had been listening from the doorway, burst into tears and stomped away.

He waited until she was gone before saying. "Reece, I have another suggestion. Could the two of you live here, with us? You and Julia, could you do it? You could have your room. We would be two couples living together. Christ, at least that way the kids would get to see you every day. Things could go on as they are. You would be free. Would that work?"

His suggestion shocked me. Not something I had every thought about. "Mate, I think it's more about whether Sierra could do it."

"Bro, it's her idea. We have talked about this a lot. She has been getting worried about the amount of time you are at Julia's. There's no bloody way I'd suggest this without talking to her first. I'm stupid, but I'm not crazy."

Sierra came back, just in time to hear us laughing. "What are you two clowns laughing at?"

Leif stood up and slipped his arms around her. "Babe, I just ran your idea about Julia moving in here with us."

Sierra's eyes focused on mine. "And?"

"I only just told him. Let's just say it caught him off guard."

Her eyes hooded over, her intense stare burning into mine. "And?"

"Sierra, give me a chance to think about it."

"Not half an hour ago, you told me you weren't going to move in with her."

"No, that's not what I said. I told you she wouldn't let me. She refused to be the reason our family broke up. She might be open to talking about this. I don't know. If this is the way you're gonna behave, then I don't think it's even worth talking about."

"The way I behave..." she gasped. "Christ, what a laugh. You're the lying piece of shit."

I turned to Leif, who grimaced sharply. "I think that says it all. There's no way I'm exposing Julia to this."

I stormed off, leaving them staring after me.

The dinner table was unusually quiet. The kids were still angry with Sierra for not letting them go with Julia, Amy and I.

Afterwards, Lief gathered us together. "Reece, we're both sorry about earlier. We want you to at least consider our suggestion."

"Mate, I'm open to it, but only if it can be a peaceful atmosphere."

I didn't sleep that night, I kept going over the possibilities. It did solve my biggest problem: staying involved in the kids lives, seeing them every day. Would Julia go for it, or would she freak out? I was scared about suggesting it in case she hated the idea.

It was dangerous. If Sierra fired off at her the way she had me in private, I just knew Julia wouldn't take it. She would probably want nothing more to do with me either. I guess it was one of those risk and reward scenario's. After much contemplation, I decided it was worth it.

It still took me a few days, though, to build up the courage to talk to Julia

"How would you like to move in with me. Live as my wife?"

The gasp was loud. "Reece, I have already told you. I am not breaking up your family."

"Julia, I'm not asking you to break it up. I'm asking you to become part of it. I want you to move in with me at the house."

"What... Oh my god. What the hell would Sierra say?" I could see by the look on her face, she was horrified.

"This is Sierra's idea. She suggested it. I told her I was moving out, and she suggested that rather than me move out. You move in"

"How would it work?" Before I could speak she gasped. "I'm not bloody swapping partners, Reece. I'm not into that."

"Nobody expects that, including me. No, we would live as two separate couples, joined only by the kids. Amy loves staying out there, and she loves the kids."

"Yes, that's true, but what about us?"

"We would have what used to be Sierra's and my room. We would be separate, completely autonomous."

"God almighty. Do you think it could work?" I watched as her face went from laughter to disbelief. I felt a nervous twitch develop. This wasn't the first time she had heard this...

"I don't know," I replied with a shrug. "Remember, this was Sierra's idea, although I have given it a lot of thought. On so many levels, it makes sense. When we first bought the house, that's how it was. We weren't always tangled together."

It took weeks to finally convince her. Leif and Sierra seemed pleased, although it was hard to read Sierra sometimes. We decided that it was time to unveil it with the kids. All of them. We invited Julia and Amy for dinner, and it was while we all congregated around the big table that we revealed our plan.

I expected some shock, some push backs. It turned out to be easier than planned. Amy was already close to the girls, the boys seemed neither here nor there. I think they were just glad that I wasn't leaving.

They all gave out a collective sigh of relief, Hoping, I'm sure, that it would put an end to Sierra and me fighting all the time.

It was weird when she moved in. There were so many tense and awkward moments, like the first time Julia and I went off to bed together, leaving Leif and Sierra in the lounge.

The day we announced, we were painting our bedroom. I thought Sierra was going to burst. I watched sadly as she swallowed what was going to be an angry response.

It was later, when we were alone, she approached me. "Why do you want to paint?"

"Julia wants to make it feel like her room. I'm okay with it. I know we decorated that room together, but now it's Julia's and mine. I want to make her feel like she is home."

She reluctantly agreed, but when we started the painting, Sierra joined in and helped. It was a bonding moment, in some ways.

That night, Once the bedroom door was shut, I pulled her into my arms and we kissed passionately. "Ooooh, you naughty man." She giggled.

"Hah, you're the naughty one. God, you are so beautiful."

"Flatterer." She laughed. "But don't stop, I like it."

Our lovemaking was frenetic. Julia, I think, was aroused by the situation.

It was the start of a happy period of my life. Julia and I were growing into our relationship. We were lovers, and it was a fire burning so brightly the fire brigade wouldn't have been able to extinguish it if they tried.

I couldn't get enough of her; she was a drug, and I her addict. Sierra focused on the gallery and classes. She now ran classes every other day, and the Gallery was full. Other local potters and artists filled it with work she sold on consignment.

It was so popular we discussed ways of improving it. The one we all agreed on was the inclusion of a cafe, but we couldn't find a way to make it work. It meant taking on staff, a chef, kitchen staff, waiters. It was hard to get right.

Weekends were crazy: Running after the kids, especially when Autumn decided she wanted a pony. Doesn't sound all that much, but the way it worked at our place, once one child had something, the others were soon close behind.

Autumn got her pony, and she did love it, but so did Harmony, so yep. We had to get a second. That was followed by a third, because Amy enjoyed riding the girls' ones, and she soon wanted her own.

... If things weren't hectic enough.

The boys, well, nobody gets something unless the others get something, as well. The boys, it was dirt bikes. Leif and I were both pretty excited, and I loved it. Seeing Zane cut lose on the trails up behind the property, he was a natural rider. A natural sportsman, full stop, he had great hand-eye coordination and moved with a feline grace.

Hawk, he was completely the opposite. He wasn't a natural, but he was a hard worker, and if Zane thought he was going to win, well, Hawk had other ideas. What he lacked in natural ability, he made up for with daring and bravery. They battled hard.

It took more time: football or cricket Saturdays, pony club and motocross Sundays. We couldn't do both. The pony club and motocross were miles apart.

Sierra had to keep the gallery open: Sundays were one of her best days. Leif wanted to go to the motocross, as did I. So when Julia volunteered to take over the pony club run. Leif and I were ecstatic.

Sierra was the only one who seemed displeased. I saw it on her face when Julia offered. She didn't say anything, but I saw it, the tightening of her eyes, the square set of her jaw. Very unhappy.

It was a few days later when I got a chance to talk to her alone. "Why were you pissed off when Julia offered to look after the girls?"

She scowled, hesitated, before saying, "It's wrong. She is worming and sleazing her way into their lives. Trying to push me out."

"Rubbish, she is only trying to help."

"I don't think so, Reece. She was quick to push her way in, everybody was so appreciative. Like she was doing us a huge favour."

"She bloody was. If she didn't do it, you would have had to close the gallery."

"I know, it doesn't make sense. I should've been happy. Somehow, it just pisses me off, seeing Harmony and Autumn, especially, so full of her praises. It's like she is taking over their lives. God, Autumn loves on her. I feel like I'm being replaced, damn it."

"Yeah, well welcome to my world."

She gave me a scathing look. "What the blue blazes are you talking about?"

"You now know how I felt when you chose to take Leif 's side when we disagreed, when you supported him over me. It bloody hurts, doesn't it?"

Her look of complete astonishment surprised even me. The realisation sinking over her. "Oh god Reece..."

"Look Sierra, it's in the past, but now you've had a dose of it. You need to move on. Julia's not being malicious. She's trying to help."

"Yes, I know, it would be so much easier if she wasn't so nice."

"Piss off. She is nice."

"I know, that's what I mean. I want to hate her, but I can't."

"Why in the hell would you want to hate her?"

"Because she has you, dummy. I know you don't believe me, but I still love you. I still want you, still need you. It's the only reason I agreed to this stupid living arrangement. I wanted you close. I needed to hear your voice, see your face, feel you nearby."

"You are a weird creature, Sierra, I wanted to be here, I gave you that chance."

"I know, but I love Leif, as well. Deep down inside I knew how much you love me. I just hoped that it was enough to carry us through. I never thought you would leave or find somebody else. Never in a million years."

"We are where we are because you wanted it. You should feel grateful that my partner loves our kids the way she does. Believe it or not, they love Julia, as well. She is good for them."

"Yes, I know, doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

"Either get happy, or you are going to have a sorrowful life, because she's not going anywhere."

Whether Sierra liked it or not, Julia became an important cog of how our family unit survived. She picked up the kids from school when Sierra couldn't. She took them to sports days, managed birthdays, cooked for us when the world got so busy we couldn't keep up.

I loved having her here in my life. She helped me with household stuff, she was around, and warm and cuddly.

"God I love you," I mumbled into the night air.

There was silence for a moment, but then, thankfully, she replied. "I love you too, Reece. I don't know where I would be if you hadn't come into my life."

I rolled over enough so I could see her eyes. "I'm the lucky one, Julia, you are a special person. Taking on this crazy lot, and my twisted life. Most are disgusted by it."

She giggled softly. "Truthfully, when I started at work and heard some of the gossip, I was horrified. I couldn't quantify them. Once I got to know you a little, I wondered how any of that stuff could be true. I guess I was morbidly interested, a moth to the flame. Now, having met your family, I can understand. There is genuine love here in this house. I had to open my mind a little to see how it could work, but strangely, I am drawn into it, and it just seems natural now."

Sierra's gallery kept growing, it was now on most local tourist brochures as a must see. There were constant crowds. We did talk a little more about the cafe thing, but it sort of died out. At least in my mind.

It was whilst cleaning the bedroom that I found an exercise book, crammed full of financial workings, sketches, measurements and working descriptions of a cafe on the property. It was Julia's writing. I knew it was hers. When I went over them, I realised she was interested.

I tackled her that night in bed. We were just cuddling and talking when I pulled the book out from under the pillow. "Care to explain this?" I whispered, trying to sound enthusiastic.

She snatched it from my hand. "That's private."

"Julia, I'm interested, not pissed off."

Contrite, she whispered hesitantly. "I was just playing about' it wasn't serious."

"Fibber, this is pretty serious stuff. There's even some quotes in here from that coffee place, and a training course for becoming a qualified barista."

"Okay, you got me. When Sierra mentioned about the coffee house, tearooms, whatever you want to call it, I became interested. It has always been my dream to run my own business."

"I get that, it has popped up a couple of times when we talked. How would you afford it?"

She rolled towards me, her eyes suddenly bright, her tone effusive. "When Amy and I moved here, I rented. Mark gave me a settlement when he brought out my half of our property. I invested that money. I wasn't sure we would like it here, which is why we never bought a place."

"How much do you have to invest?"

"Three hundred thousand."

"Shit, that's a lot of cash. Where were you thinking of setting this up?"

"The old barn at the side of the house. We could seal the area in front, use it for parking, get cars off the street. If you were prepared to help, we could build an extension on the front, keep it in the style of the old hotel, make it look like it was always there."

As she talked, she became even more animated; this really excited her. We talked long into the night, planning, writing down stuff, adding different ideas.

The next day after I got home from work, Julia and I walked through the old barn. Leif and I had done some work to make it weatherproof, and safe and dry for storage and workshop. He stored most of his tools and fencing gear in there.

We got the tape measure out and went over the dimensions. I was pacing out what Julia suggested as the new extension, when Sierra walked out. "What are you two up to?"

"Nothing." Julia snapped quickly.

"Bullshit." Sierra snorted. "You're up to something." Her face looked confused, she was definitely unsettled.

She tried again to get us to spill over dinner, but I rebuffed her attempts. Leif looked on interestedly, but said nothing.

In bed that night, I got my laptop out, and we put together a proper project plan.

There was one thing I needed to say, and it had been going round my head all day.

"Julia, this plan, if you wanted to go through with it, you would have to be here long hours."

She nodded, gulped and whispered, "Yes, it's true. It would be hard work and long hours." Glancing at me, she said, "It would mean giving up my job."

The silence that descended over us, lasted only seconds, but it felt much longer...

"Are you ready for that level of commitment?"

"Yes." Her voice was tremulous and uncertain.

"Maybe I should put it a different way. Julia, if you are sure about this, then I am going to be a hundred percent behind you."