The Hundred Year Storm

The wind kicked up, and the temperature dropped about ten degrees in a matter of moments. The front was coming through, and that meant it was time to head back to the farm. By the time we got out of the parking lot, the snow was falling hard and heavy. I was glad I wasn't riding my bike in this mess.

Snuggled under the covers in the thickest flannel nightgown I could find and a pair of fuzzy socks, I dug through my purse and took out my phone, dialing Lexie's number. "Hi. It's Chrissy. Is it too late to talk?"

"Baby girl, No. I was just getting ready for bed. Are you ok?"

"I don't know. Why am I like this?" It went from there, me describing how I was feeling, what I liked about dressing like a girl, what I didn't; there wasn't very much of that, and all the confusing stuff that was happening, including buying boobs from her. "And then they almost got in a fight - over me. How crazy is that? Lexie, what am I going to do? I just feel so confused about everything. Sometimes, I just feel so lost. I love it, but it scares me."

"Well, first realize that it's ok to feel like that. It's a lot, and it's all happening so fast, especially for you. My mom dressed me up like a girl and put me in pageants when I was little. I can laugh about it now, but it messed me up for a long time. I felt the same things you're describing. It got better when I learned to accept it was just part of me. It wasn't illegal, it didn't hurt anybody, and when I get all dressed up, I'm smoking hot. I know you know what that feels like."

"A little." I smiled to myself.

"There's no 'a little' about it. You are gorgeous. You know it. I know it. Everybody that sees you knows it. Girl, you just told me you had two boys ready to fight over you. What evidence do you need?"

"But what do I do when someone finds out?"

"You be honest. Their opinion of you is just their opinion. If they hate on you, you go find your sister and cry on her shoulder, maybe share a big carton of ice cream, and then get up the next day, put your big girl panties on, do your makeup, and do it all over again."

"She's not really my sister, you know that, right?"

"Then she's a pretty good friend. Now get some sleep and just enjoy yourself, ok?"

"Ok. Thanks for talking to me like this."

"Any time, Chrissy. My boyfriend is giving me dirty looks. I need to go."

Images of me and Xander flashed through my head. I smiled as I thought about what they would think of the new me.

I got up and snuck through the bathroom into Belle's room, sliding into bed with her. "Thank you." I whispered.

"For what?"

"Being my big sister."

"My pleasure." Belle kissed my forehead and wrapped me in her arms. I snuggled into her embrace and was asleep before I knew it.

"We can talk about this later." Ben swatted me on the butt hard. "Right now, I need both of you to help me with the cattle." I guess he did the same to Belle because we both let out loud yelps and jumped out of bed.

"Hey." Danny was standing in the kitchen when Belle and I got there.

"Hey." I pretended to act mad and poured myself a cup of coffee.

"It snowed more than I thought. We need to move the cows up closer to the barn so we can feed them. Danny's got a blade on his tractor. Chrissy, you'll follow him in the truck with hay in the back. Honk now and then to make them think you're dropping hay and keep them following you. Belle and I will wrangle the stragglers on Cowboy and Lady." Ben was all business. When we went outside, I understood why. The snow was at least two feet deep and still falling. I almost felt like I was back home in Chicago.

"About that thing with Rick. It was a little childish. I'm sorry."

"A little childish?" I laughed. "I barely know either of you, and you were going to fight each other."

"There's some history." He looked down at his feet.

"Belle told me about how you stole her from his brother."

"It's more than that. I thought we kind of clicked and I got a little jealous."

"Let's go, you two. You can talk when we're done." Ben shouted.

I climbed in the pickup and watched Danny climb into his tractor, pulling in behind him as he cleared a path to the back pasture. We had clicked, and he was so handsome, which I was still trying to wrap my head around. But Rick was attractive, too. I had so much to figure out.

It was slow and tedious and some cows weren't as interested in moving as we'd hoped, but we got it done. Ben and Danny put the hay out while Belle and I took care of Cowboy and Lady. It was our job, after all.

"Listen. I'm sorry I said anything. It's none of my business who you date." Danny caught up with me on the way into the house for lunch.

"Look, except for that little display of testosterone last night, neither of you has been anything but nice to me, but I'm not sure I want to go out with either of you. You both seem to have a bit of a temper."

"Not really. We just don't like each other very much. Oil and water, I guess. That stupid thing with his brother doesn't help. Besides, you were the prettiest girl there last night." Danny smiled and blushed, looking down at the ground.

"Ok, you can call me. Give me your phone." I stuck my hand out and tried not to smile; clueless about what I was doing, but it seemed to work. Maybe Belle could give me some advice on dating two boys at the same time because, with the way he reacted at the bonfire, Rick was going to be calling me, too.

Danny wasn't even on the road when my phone rang. We were going for pizza Friday night, assuming the storm didn't have everything shut down. He told me the roads would be clear if he had to do it himself.

"Danny's a good man." Ben sidled up to me as I headed inside to get warm.

"Seems to be. Rick, too, I guess. Even if he is a bit young."

"I heard about the bonfire." Ben laughed. "Are you sure you're ready for that kind of attention?"

"Ben, I'm not sure about anything. That's why I'm so grateful to you and Maggie, and Belle. I don't know what I'd do without Belle."

"She told me what you two have been up to; spa, salon, all that girly stuff. She always wanted a little sister. I guess she got her wish." He nudged me with his elbow. "So, she told me you're bisexual, too?"

"Yeah." I chuckled. "I met a couple in Greece when I hopped that freighter. Let's just say they taught me a lot about myself." I could feel my face turning bright red.

"Just don't hurt my little girl, ok?"

"Ben, seriously. If anybody, I think you should be worried about what she is doing to me." I bumped him with my shoulder. "Do you think I could make Belle do anything she didn't want to do? Do you think anybody could make Belle do something she didn't want to do?"

"I guess not. Still, she is my baby and has led a pretty protected life."

"Protected? She lives in L.A. and hangs out with Brad Pitt." We both laughed.

"Ben." I grabbed his arm just before we went inside. "Why are you and Maggie being so nice to me? Why are you doing all this? I mean, you bought me boobs."

"Because it's the right thing to do, and maybe a little guilt." He took a deep breath. "Listen, about fifteen years ago, my best friend's little brother came home from college for Easter. He, or she, I guess, was like you and it didn't go well. Her parents didn't understand. Some of us laughed. People said things they never should have said. It was ugly."

I could feel Ben breaking.

"Evan went to apologize and found Michelle; that's what she wanted everyone to call her. He found her on her bed, in her Easter dress, arms across her chest. She had taken a bottle of pills and just went to sleep. They buried her in that dress. Her tombstone says Michelle. I still go to visit her now and then. It's not something you forget."

I found myself wrapped in his arms, both of us crying our eyes out.

"Do you think I'm really like Michelle, transgender, I mean?" We were both sniffling between sobs as we stopped crying.

"I don't know, Chrissy. That's for you to figure out." He put his arm around me and led me up the stairs to the back door. "I just know I'll do anything I can to help you along the way. If anybody gives you trouble, you tell me, and I'll make sure it doesn't happen twice."

I went upstairs to wash my face and fix my makeup. Smiling that I thought it was important enough to do. Maybe I was transgender? Maybe I wanted to be a girl. I certainly enjoyed how my life was going right now. The clothes, the way I looked, Belle, Danny, Rick, all of it.

I stood there for the longest time, looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't even see Chris anymore. What did that say about me?

Going into my room, I curled up on my bed and scrolled through the pictures on my phone from the spa and the salon, smiling at the progression. As I flipped from one picture to the next, it hit me what I was watching. It was a butterfly slowly emerging from its chrysalis, airing its wings to prepare for taking flight. I was a caterpillar metamorphosing into something new and unknown.

Everything I had done had prepared me for this. All the crazy challenges and dares, hopping the freighter, meeting Xander and Sophie, even getting stranded here with Ben and Maggie and being forced to wear Belle's clothes.

"Forced." I laughed out loud. There was no force. Subconsciously, I knew it was what I wanted.

I had hit redial and didn't even let Lexie say hello; "How did you know?"

"Well, hello to you, too." She laughed. "And, baby girl, I was born gay. There was nothing to know. As for knowing about Lexie, I knew the first time I let someone put makeup on me and get me all dressed. Sure, I was only six or seven, but it was just right. I won some pageants. My mom was happy with her little girl. Alex died and Lexie was born, and I never looked back. It doesn't hurt that my boyfriend likes girly boys and treats me like a princess. Why are you asking?"

"I think I'm transgender. I've been thinking about all that crazy shit I did before. What if that was me trying to be something else, me trying to escape Chris, me looking for anything else that wasn't him? I look at myself in the mirror, and I don't even see him anymore."

"That's how I feel about Alex, and I'm not surprised. All I saw when I met you was a girl. The way you walked and talked, the way you looked, even before you got your boobs. I'm not really surprised you're calling me and asking me this."

"So, you're saying you think I'm trans?"

"I'm saying it wouldn't surprise me if you were. You need to do two things: first, find somebody to talk to, you know, to make sure before you make any permanent decisions. And second, talk to your family in person. This isn't a phone call discussion and call me if you need support. I wish I'd had someone there with me when I told my parents. I couldn't believe they raised me and didn't know I was gay. My mom was actually excited about Lexie coming back."

"My dad already knows I'm bi. He got a copy of the test results from when I got home from Greece because his insurance paid for the tests. That was an awkward phone call." I actually laughed. "He's been pretty understanding of all the stuff I've done, but this. I just don't know. Maybe it will be ok. Maybe it's a step too far."

"You won't know until you talk to him, but I'd suggest you relax a little and don't make problems that don't exist. What you're going through can be hard enough."

"Thanks. I feel better, I think."

"Always here for you, baby girl. Now I need to go sell some sex toys or something before I get in trouble."

I formed the words to say goodbye, but didn't say them. I couldn't hang up.

"Lexi, why are you helping me? You don't even know me. I mean, I appreciate it, but..."

"There's just something about you. You're kind of fearless. You just seem to trust that things will just work out. I don't know, maybe I just like your honest innocence. Maybe I wish I'd had that. I guess I want to protect it a little. Maybe I'm morbidly curious and want to be around to see how it all turns out." She chuckled and paused. "Mostly, I just like you."

"Thanks. I like you, too." A brief, awkward silence followed before I heard the call disconnect. I guess Lexie felt it, too. She was right, in a way. I did trust that whatever it was would just work out. I brought up my dad's contact on my phone and just stared at it. I couldn't bring myself to dial. Instead, I went back to scrolling through the pictures of myself and trying to wrap my head around what I was doing. I had to admit, the picture Lexie took of me with my new boobs in my new bra was pretty sexy.

"Don't get up on my account. I already took care of the horses." Belle stuck her head in my room, glowering at me, and then giving me a big smile. "Mom has lunch on the table."

I got up from my bed and followed her downstairs.

"You OK?" She stopped me just before we got to the kitchen.

"I guess. I'm just worried about what people are going to think about all this, especially my dad."

"How do you think he'll take it?" Belles slipped her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I don't know. I mean, he knows about Xander and Sophie, but this..." I stopped as we entered the kitchen. Ben and Maggie were already at the table. Ben didn't look happy.

Lunch was short and silent. I didn't have an answer for Ben's disappointment, but I knew we'd talk about it this afternoon.

"Get dressed and meet me in the barn. You can help me with the hay, since Belle took care of your job this morning."

"Yes, sir." I nodded and went to change.

With the cattle closer in, dropping the hay didn't take as long. Ben never mentioned my sleeping in, but he watched me like a hawk.

When we were done with the hay, he took me to the tack room. "Cowboy and Lady can't take care of themselves. I know you're going through some stuff, but that doesn't mean you can let your responsibilities go. You understand that, right?" I just nodded. "I want this room spotless before dinner."

I looked around, and the room wasn't in terrible shape. In fact, it looked pretty good, but I understood the exercise. This was my punishment for letting him down. It didn't matter how it looked now. When I was done, it had to look better.

Saddles, blankets, bridles, all of it got moved out into the barn. Then I started cleaning, sweeping, dusting, even polishing and organizing the tools. When I was satisfied, everything I took out went back in, only neater and more precisely placed.

Belle's saddle for Cowboy was the last thing to go back into the room. I had to admit; it looked at what I had done, and it looked great. With a satisfied smile, I went to work on my next task. Feeding Lady and Cowboy and cleaning their stalls was my job, after all.

"I don't think I've seen the tack room that clean since I built the barn." Ben laughed. "You know I'm not upset, but there have to be consequences."

"I understand. Besides, it helped take my mind off everything else." I smiled at him and shrugged.

"Speaking of which, there's someone here to see you. Something about pizza. And Rick called Maggie wondering if you were ok. Seems you weren't answering your phone."

"I left it in my room. I guess I should call him back. You have any fatherly advice on what I do about those two?" I had to laugh at myself.

"First thing I would suggest is go get cleaned up. Then you might call Rick and let him know you're not ignoring him. But, yeah, seeing two guys at the same time is not something I would ever recommend to a daughter of mine, especially those two."

"A daughter of yours. What does that mean?" I couldn't help but smile.

Ben just shrugged. "Go get cleaned up before Maggie invites Danny to stay for dinner and ruins your date."

I almost forgot to leave my boots by the back door. I smiled and waved at Danny as I hit the stairs. The smile he gave me back told me he didn't mind that I looked like I had just, well, just done what I had just done.

Rick had called four times and had left two very long messages that I decided I didn't have the time to listen to.

"Working in the barn all afternoon. Plans tonight. I'll call you tomorrow." I sent him a quick text with a smiley face emoji, stripped, and climbed into the shower, luxuriating in the hot water and scented soaps as they washed the barn from my body.

I took my time getting ready, not because I wanted Danny to wait or because I wanted everything to be perfect. Well, that last one might have come into play a little. Mostly, I was so nervous I had to keep stopping what I was doing and take a deep breath, so I didn't hyperventilate.

It was just a date, and a first date, so I didn't go overboard with sexy. Just a pair of jeans and a nice top with the boots my grandfather bought me. It was the first time I had worn them since Ben and I dug my bag out of the snow, and the first item of my old clothes I had put on since Maggie gave me Belle's worn Wranglers.

Yes, I glued my boobs on, and yes, I put on a touch of Belle's perfume, but mostly, I wanted to look like a girl that wasn't afraid to clean out the barn. Danny was a farmer, a cowboy, after all. I could get all girly and frilly for date two.

I imagined what I felt was like what a girl feels when her prom date sees her in her dress for the first time, everybody waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, their faces full of anticipation and my heart fluttering like a hummingbird's wings.

Danny was smiling like he'd won the lottery or something. Ben and Maggie just looked proud, and Belle, well, I think Belle might have been thinking about Xander and Sophie just a little. Her smile was more of a grin, a very mischievous grin.

"Sorry. I had extra chores." I bit my lip and looked up at Danny.

"Ben told me." He let out a long breath like he'd been holding it since I appeared at the top of the stairs.

"You ready?" He offered me his hand. I nodded, looked at Belle for moral support, and took his hand in mine.

"Don't stay out too late. We have Christmas decorations to do tomorrow." Maggie called after me. I had wondered why the house wasn't decorated. I had heard of some people that put their tree up on Christmas eve, but to do all the decorating sounded like a big job. It was just enough of a non sequitur that I forgot to be nervous for a minute. It was then that I noticed I had interlaced my fingers with Danny's and was maybe squeezing a little too hard.

The snow had stopped. Maybe the second storm wasn't going to be as bad as the first. Maybe it was just too cold to snow. Thankfully, Danny's truck was nice and warm. The downside was I had to let his hand go so I could get in and he could go around and get in the driver's side.

"You look nice." Danny smiled at me as he climbed in.

"How can you tell? In this coat, I look like a snowman."

"A really cute snowman." He quipped. I grinned at him. We both laughed. It was going to be fine.

We chatted about stuff. I told him about my mom and dad, and he told me about his family. Evidently, he had an aunt that had passed. I offered my condolences, but from his change in demeanor, decided not to ask questions. I found it odd that he would bring something like that up on our first date, but let it go. There were places I didn't want to go, too.

I found out about his family farm. Mostly hay and feed grains with a few seasonal vegetables that they sold in the local farmer's market. They kept a small herd of cattle and had some horses, which led to me sharing my limited experience with riding, well, riding horses, anyway. From horses, I told him about my girl, my bike, a Harley Soft tail custom with lots of leather and chrome.

I had had won her in a poker game in a seedy bar just outside San Antonio after my freshman year. One of those dares I probably shouldn't have accepted. The guy that lost almost kicked my ass, but his riding buddies shut him down. He had made the bet. I just called and four of a kind beats a full house every day.