The Infinite Bk. 03 Ch. 06

The men with experience, be it in a lover's bed or a room in a brothel, now listened to Sophia's cries of euphoria and thought back to their past partners. Oh, how tepid and fake their moans sounded in comparison. The longer it went on, the more their confidence withered. Yet despite their shame, listening invoked a physiological reaction that had to be dealt with. As Noah pleasured Sophia, the cadets took matters into their own hands in silent humiliation. As soon as they were finished, they'd try to fall asleep, but still, the moans kept them awake and compounded their shame.

Similarly, the women with experience remembered their own escapades and couldn't help but feel cheated. Rather than shame, they seethed with envy towards Sophia. They tried to picture what was going on in Noah's room, what he was doing to invoke those noises from her. Like the men, they would masturbate to try and ease their tension, imagining themselves in Sophia's place. Many young women were tempted to leave their rooms, and a couple came close to knocking on Noah's door in the hopes of joining in, only to chicken out and return to their beds for a sleepless night.

It was well after midnight when Noah and Sophia finally stopped to take a break. Noah was sitting against the wall with Sophia resting her head on his lap, all smiles as he stroked her hair. It was so hot and humid in the room that their sweat refused to evaporate.

"This has been the greatest night of my life," Sophia murmured. "Hours ago, you were just an acquaintance, a stranger, but after you say the things to you say, make me feel the things I feel, what can I possibly do but love you?"

"That's not love; that's just really good sex. Trust me, I've had enough of both to know the difference," he said, making her laugh.

"I mean it, though. I don't ever want this night to end, this moment. I don't ever want to walk out that door. I don't want to go back to that world."

Noah took a deep breath. That day when he saw her in the infirmary, bathed in the summer sun, he had desired her the same way she now desired him. However, if she stayed with him, it would not end well. In order to help her, he couldn't give her what she wanted. She deserved someone who truly loved her in all the ways he no longer could.

"It won't be the same world. Things have changed, and you now have room to breathe and make new choices, but you don't have to think about those right now. All you have to do is enjoy the moment. Focus on the present and bask in all your feelings. The confusion, the excitement, the newness, the intensity. Hold on to these sensations and cast all other thoughts aside. Soon, the dust will settle, and everything will be different, but until the sun comes up, there's nothing but you, me, and this room."

Sophia began to tremble, overwhelmed with guilt. "After everything we've done, who would take me? Who would accept me?"

"Someone who loves you. They are out there, and you'll find them. I'm not the person you are fated to be with. In another world and in another life, I could have been, but I have my own path, and you have yours. I am simply a catalyst to help get you moving. I'm a happy memory for you to carry until you find someone who will make you even happier. Do you know someone like that? Is there someone you love?"

"Yes," she said softly.

"Then go to them, and if they love you, they'll accept you."

"I don't know if I can face her after this."

"Her?" He felt Sophia tense up as if she had been flash-frozen. "Wait, do you mean Alexis?"

She sat up, staring at him with eyes full of terror and embarrassment. "Please," she said, on the verge of tears, "please..." She couldn't speak the rest, as she was cut off by Noah's laughter. It had been a long time since he laughed this hard, all to Sophia's confusion and eventual annoyance. "Just because you don't approve of two women doesn't mean you can laugh at us."

"It's not that," Noah said as he settled himself. He looked at her with a smile. "You noble types really do like to keep it in the family, don't you?"

Her sour look twisted into a smile and an ungraceful snort set off a laughing fit for the two of them. For Sophia, that laughter was like releasing a breath she had been holding for years, though that happiness soon faded.

"I'm sorry about this. I always see you together, and I'm sure you have strong feelings for her. I suppose I like both men and women, but she's not the same way. I'm afraid it would never have worked between you, but she does cherish your friendship."

"It's ok. When I started spending time with Alexis, I decided that whatever would happen would happen, and I'd mirror whatever feelings she had for me. If anything, this just makes her more interesting to have around. Besides, she and I work well together. I know I can rely on her when things go wrong."

Sophia blushed and smiled, then put her hand over her heart. "I feel the same way."

"Listen, she's my friend, so you are as well. I'll support the two of you and your relationship. After tonight, Galvin's hold on you will be next to nonexistent. You don't have to be around him. Stick to Alexis from now on, and I'll watch over you both."

Hearing his words, Sophia pounced on Noah and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Noah," she said while crying tears of happiness. "Thank you for everything."

He patted her back. "You are welcome." He then gave a bitter chuckle. "Oh, Alexis is going to fucking kill me tomorrow."

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It was a cold, windy morning, dark and overcast, but the horn had sounded, signaling it was time for laps. No one in the upper-caste dorms was quick to rise, not after a night of almost no sleep. They all wanted to stay in bed and get the rest they had been robbed of, as well as avoid the bitter chill. However, the punishment for skipping laps was severe. They all slouched and stumbled through the dorm lounge, no one in the mood to talk. Then, there was Sophia.

She should have been more tired than any of them, but her smile was as bright and warm as the noon sun. She adoringly clung to Noah's arm as he escorted her to the entrance, past the mentally-frayed cadets who had been forced to listen to their evening fun into the wee hours of the morning. The ratio of anger to jealousy was about even. Galvin was gone, no one knew where, and Noah didn't see Alexis among the crowd.

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm. You certainly can't run morning laps dressed like that." The cloak she was wearing was warm, but underneath, she only had her negligée and underwear.

"Forget laps; let's just go back up to your room," she said as she rubbed her head against his shoulder like a cat.

"Don't worry, I'll see you at breakfast. You know where Alexis and I sit."

As they walked across the frosty academy grounds, Sophia squeezed his hand. "Do you really think she'll forgive me?"

"I'm more worried about her forgiving me. I should probably talk to her first."

"I just... now I feel so guilty."

"That's the "morning after" effect, and what we're doing right now is call the "walk of shame". Don't worry, it happens to everyone. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You took ahold of your own life, made your own choices. I'm sure Alexis is far from happy right now, but you did what you had to so you could break free of Galvin and survive. Now the two of you can focus on your future."

"I love her."

"I know you do, and you want to spend your life with her, don't you? If it takes her a year to forgive you, that's one year deducted from fifty years of happiness. It'll work out."

After leaving Sophia at her dorm, Noah went to the field with the rest of the cadets to run laps. After the previous night, he didn't have much energy, so he simply used his clone to do it. By now, there was no point in hiding his physical abilities, so he had it run at maximum speed, surpassing almost every other cadet and leaving them in the dust. He still had to run double laps due to the Seraph incident, but he got them done quickly. The problem was that he didn't see Alexis in the crowd. Normally she would be at the forefront, but she was missing.

He finally found her, not with his eyes, but his ears. Chopping wood, breaking glass, and grunts of frustration; she was in the sword-training field, hacking away at one of the training logs. He approached, and though she was aware of him, she refused to acknowledge him. He went with it and stood by, watching her swing her sword over and over again. It didn't take long for him to notice that her hands were bleeding. How long had she been out there?

Crack!

Alexis's sword broke against the wood, but she didn't retrieve it. She stood where she was, shoulders heaving as she sucked in air, with her breath fogging in front of her. Finally, she released an anguished scream and fell to her knees. The sky was brightening, and snow was beginning to fall.

Noah approached her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Alexis..."

She smacked it away. "You promised! You promised me you wouldn't touch her!"

"She was insistent. She wanted her freedom, and this was the only way she could do it, to make sure Galvin couldn't take her."

"It was supposed to be me! I was supposed to be the one to save her! I was supposed to be her hero, not you!"

"She saved herself. My only intent was to give her the opportunity to do so. In my defense, you only told me that you were cousins, not lovers. If I had known..."

Tears began to roll down her cheeks and fall like the snow around them. "Ignorance isn't the same as innocence. Do you know what it was like, listening to the two of you? Hearing you deflower and corrupt the only person I've ever loved? Hearing her moan and say those things and knowing... that I could never make her as happy as you did?"

"I made her happy for one night, but you two can make each other happy for the rest of your lives. I played my part, and I'm stepping aside so you can play yours, so you can have the future with her that you always wanted."

"You really think it's that easy? You think I can just forget everything you two did? At least when she was with Galvin, I knew that I was the only one in her heart. How can I be with her when I know she'll always be thinking of you? It doesn't matter what your intent was; you left your mark. You don't want her? Well you're stuck with her, and I can never get her back or undo what you did."

"I told Sophia that I would support the two of you and your relationship, that I would be your friend and oppose those who criticized you."

"Friends?" Alexis got to her feet. "We're not friends. I don't think we ever were, and the more I learn about you, the more I wonder why I thought we could be. You lie, you cheat, and you have no sense of shame or honor. You're everything I hate. How could we ever be friends?"

"If that's how you feel, I can accept that, but don't take it out on Sophia. Don't give up on her."

"Just stop. You're not my friend, just the man who stole the woman I love. Go away and leave me alone. It's how I've always been and always will be." Alexis turned around and began to walk away.

Noah took a deep breath. At that moment, he could have told a million lies, spoken any line like a skilled thespian, and made her believe it, shedding crocodile tears so easily that all her rage would have vanished, but he knew he wasn't supposed to, that he didn't want to. He felt it, the truth on his tongue, that tightness in his chest. He wanted to speak the words normally saved as a deathbed confession or left in a suicide note. Even if he couldn't tell her everything, he wanted to tell her something, and for once, he wanted it to be true.

"I was married once." Those words echoed through the cold air, and Alexis stopped, held still by the lingering hope that she could live in a world where she didn't have to hate him. "I was married, a long, long time ago, longer than you could imagine." She was confused and skeptical, but she looked him in the eyes. "I'm not the young man you think me to be. I'm far older, so old that I've lost count of the years. I have no home, no family, only fading memories and a desolate future."

"Even if I was willing to believe you..."

"Centuries ago, I was in love with a beautiful woman with crimson hair. And I... was happy, happier than I had ever been, happier than I probably ever will be again. She wasn't my first wife or my last, but she meant more to me than any other."

"What was her name?"

Noah paused, feeling his voice trembling against his control after so long and his eyes stinging in the cold, dampened by emotion he no longer thought he could feel. "I can't remember." Alexis didn't know how to respond, her mind swept clean and her breath frozen in place. She could feel the truth in his words, the realness of the pain in his voice. "I can't remember her name. I can't remember her face. I can barely remember the life we lived together. All I do remember was that I was happy, and I don't even know why anymore. I just keep telling myself that I was, in the hope that I can be again.

I lost her to time, just like I've lost everyone and everything else. Ever since then, whenever I see a woman with that crimson hair, I pursue her, hoping I can be happy like I was all those years ago, hoping I can remember what it's like. It's been so long, I don't even know if I do it by choice, but that wasn't my intent with Sophia. My goal was only to help her break free of Galvin, and when she showed up at my door, I had no intention of laying a hand on her. Yet deep down, maybe I still hoped that for one night, I could remember that happiness. What happened with Sophia, I wouldn't have done that to you if I had known, and I'm sorry.

Listen to me. The passionate, honest love that you feel down in your heart of hearts, to be bound to your soul mate until your dying breath, I'm incapable of feeling that, but you aren't. I can't give it to Sophia, but you can. She loves you just as much as you love her and wants to be with you forever. Me? I'm simply a memory, one that will dim and fade as you give her a million more. I'm meant to be forgotten, but you aren't. Take it from me, someone who has lost what you're walking away from; you don't know how long a lifetime alone is, and you don't want to know." He held out his hand to her. "Now, please, come and eat breakfast with us."

The final snowflakes landed softly around them, and the clouds opened up and let the morning sun shine. Alexis took his hand.

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