All Comments on 'The Intruder'

However it could use a little work . It was too short for starters. And needs some polishing on the visual details . Still it was fun and exciting . I look forward to your next effort .

but you could take some more time on it, watch switching tenses, which I also have a problem with. The first paragraph was kind of choppy too...but you write well and if you worked at it more, could be good.

omg that was hot.