The Journals of ███ ████: Ch. 01

Chapter One: A Very, Merry, Emilia Clarke Christmas

It's difficult to know how to even begin writing this. Of course, there are many who would prefer that I not even try. If this got out with my name attached, I would probably be in some amount of trouble, so I'll have to be careful about what I say.

I suppose I should start by introducing myself. Hello. I am a producer of films and television, and this is my journal. I have held my position for the last 15 years. Unless you are living under a rock, I am confident that you have watched projects that my hands have touched. No, I will not tell you my name.

Spilling Hollywood secrets is something of a taboo in the industry. Especially the kinds of secrets that I will be spilling in this journal.

I'm sure you know that the industry was rocked a few years ago with the fall of industry titans whose names you already know and the uncovering of the seedier underbelly of Hollywood, but really, that was only the tip of the iceberg in terms of Hollywood secrets. Not all of them are quite as vile as those connected the the #MeToo movement, but these secrets run just as deep and have for a long time. Much longer than I've been in the industry.

I'll just come out and say it. Believe it or not, most actresses that you know have traded sexual favors for prestigious roles and career advancement. Now, why didn't all of them come forward during the #MeToo movement? Because there is a stark difference between what those awful men did and what I believe to be more of the norm. I will not mince my words when I say that there were rapists in the industry and that they needed to be exiled from our business and locked up for good. But what I believe to be a much more common experience is the entirely consensual trading of favors that has ruled the industry for a long time. Is this ethical? Perhaps not, but it is the way the industry has worked for a long time, and I don't expect to see a change any time soon.

It all comes down to supply and demand. At every level of prestige, from the biggest awards-bait movies down to cable television, there are more people looking to get cast than there are parts to go around, and people are willing to do whatever -- and I mean whatever -- it takes to get them. This is the way it has always worked.

I learned this firsthand on my very first day on the job back in 2006. I came into the industry with the best intentions. I'd heard the rumors, and I knew I was never going to make anyone feel like they had to do something they didn't want to. But I was naive and didn't really understand the way things worked. I could say that I was not going to run a "casting couch," but I quickly found myself faced with the expectations of the ways things have always operated. In this specific instance, an actress that absolutely everyone reading this knows came into my office and showed me firsthand the way things operated in this town.

That's a story that I can't wait to share with you, but I don't think it's the right time for that yet. But I felt like I had to mention it just to illustrate that the relationship between producers and actresses (and yes, in some cases, actors too) has always been more intimate than the public knows. Like I said, I really had no idea until I was faced with this reality, and it opened my eyes.

Ever since that day, I've had many interactions with many, many actresses. Some of them incredibly transactional, but occasionally some of them have been far more interesting.

And that's what I'd like to share today in this first journal entry. As I write this, today is Christmas 2021, and I was thinking back on Christmases past and some of the incredible experiences I've had in my life, especially since joining the industry 15 years ago. Above all, one Christmas stands out in my memory as the greatest Christmas of my life.

It was December 2015, and I was in London for a party. No one in this industry has ever been able to resist the temptation to throw a party, and of course Christmastime is no different. But this wasn't any ordinary Christmas party. With awards season on the horizon, this was an event meant for BAFTA members to get together and discuss the films of the past year before awards season kicked into gear in the new year. This was everyone's opportunity to rub shoulders in a laidback way and just discuss what they thought were the films of the year.

Typically, this is not an event I would attend. While I do love a good party, I try not to make any more international flights than I have to. I'm in London countless times a year for premieres and I would be here for the actual BAFTA awards before long, so I was planning to skip out on this one.

That was until Emilia Clarke told me to go.

Now is probably the right time to say that since 2012, Emilia Clarke has been one of my most frequent -- and favorite -- hookups. We met just before she began filming Game of Thrones' third season. She came into my office to discuss why the time was right for her to begin to transition from television to the silver screen, and her, uh...argument...was extremely compelling. It just so happened that there was a part in a movie we were putting together that she was perfect for, which I of course gave her, and she's been grateful ever since.

It was pretty quickly that what transpired between Emilia and I went from her showing gratitude to something of a real bond developing between us. I think it was safe to say that we enjoyed each other's company -- and not just when she wanted something from me or I had something to offer her. To put it simply, the relationship between Emilia and I quickly moved from business to pleasure. I would never say we were dating -- I don't think that was something Emilia was particularly interested in, and I certainly enjoyed my freedom -- but it has been nearly a decade of spending time in each other's company.

So, that is to say, when Emilia asked me to come to London for the Christmas party, I said yes. We'd known each other for just over three years at that point, and that was long enough for me to have learned that when Emilia Clarke asks you to do something, it's usually worth it to say yes.

That's why not only was I in London for this party, but I had also booked a specific room at a specific hotel that Emilia had requested. I would have been more than happy to return to Emilia's flat after the party, especially since she wasn't dating anyone at the time. But something I learned long ago about Emilia is that she loves fancy things, and if we were going to party then we might as well do it in style. So, I booked the suite she requested.

It was a blustery, snowy day when my flight touched down at Heathrow on Friday afternoon, but the weather wasn't so bad to affect the flight at all, thankfully. You'd think I'd be used to it flying as often as I do for work, but I still get all screwed up by a rocky flight. I collected my belongings and called an Uber to take me from the airport to the hotel.

"Oy! You ████, mate?!" a short, pudgy man stepped out from behind the wheel of a Toyota Corolla and yelled at me. I recognized him from my app as Jack, my driver.

"Yeah, that's me. Hi, Jack."

"Well, hurry up, you? I haven't got bloody all day, have I?"

Had this been my first time in London, I may have been taken aback by his brash, inhospitable demeanor, but I was used to it by now. Customer service was more often than not just like that here.

The ride to the hotel only took about a half hour or so, but it was long enough to really get into the Christmas spirit. With the snow falling and the city decorated for the season, it did a lot to get me in the mood, and suddenly I was really excited for that night.

It didn't take long once at the hotel to get checked in and make my way up to the suite on the 45th floor, and as soon as I opened the door, I knew why Emilia had picked this one out. It was incredibly nice. Nice, but not tacky. This wasn't a suite with obnoxious excess at every corner with a toilet made of gold or anything like that, but it was certainly fancy enough. On the wall was a TV that had to be at least 100 inches from corner to corner, and directly across from it was -- no joke -- the largest bed I'd ever seen in my life. This thing had to be custom made; it was certainly no king. It was much, much larger. I jumped down on it and dear god was that thing plush.

I got to the hotel at 2, and I didn't have to be to the party until 7 -- I was to meet Emilia there, not beforehand -- so I had some time to kill. You had better believe I made use of that TV. While the most recent movies were of course not available, I saw that the hotel had Bridge of Spies available even though it had just been in theaters in October. I'd seen it theatrically, of course, that's a perk of the job, but I had really been wanting to see it again, and I thought today was probably the perfect time to do so because there was a decent chance that Mark Rylance could be at the party tonight.

About an hour before it would have been time to get ready to leave, I got a call from Emilia. I'd texted her when I arrived, but other than getting a "See you soon xx" response, I hadn't been expecting to hear from her before I got to the party, so it was certainly a nice surprise.

"When is the last time you've cum, love?"

"What?" I said in response, not expecting that at all. Emilia and I were really open with each other and liked to share our sexual exploits with each other, but typically those conversations came while laying next to each other in bed and not just out of nowhere on the phone.

"When is the last time you've cum!"

"Hello to you too!"

"████, I'm serious," she said in a tone that made it abundantly clear she wasn't messing around. "When is the last time you have cum!"

"Uhhhh, let's see. Well, I've been pretty busy getting ready for this trip. Ummm, I think it was like five days ago?" If I remember correctly, someone had come into my office like Emilia once had, determined to show me why I should cast them in my new movie. Is it bad to say I don't even remember who it was?

"You're joking," she said exasperatedly. Was she mad about this? "Don't you dare call a cab. I'm sending someone to pick you up."

And then she hung up.

I was aghast at this because I couldn't really understand why not having gotten laid in the days before seeing her would be something that might actually upset her, but I knew enough to just roll with it. I would do as she said. I would get ready and not call a cab and wait for whatever was waiting for me in an hour's time.

About an hour later, I got a call from the front desk saying that my ride was here, and when I went down to the lobby, outside there was a limo waiting for me. The driver opened up the door, and it looked like it was empty inside.

But then I got in, and I saw someone I recognized who was seated just out of sight from the door: Nathalie Emmanuel.

I had met Nathalie once before. Emilia had introduced us at a party in LA that previous summer, but after a 5 maybe 10 minute conversation, I had never seen her again.

So, all that is to say I was incredibly shocked to see her sitting there in that limo, but I was, of course, not sad to see her. She was wearing this incredible black, shimmery jumpsuit that was not at all suited to the season but made her look like a billion dollars just the same.

"Nathalie? Nice to...see you?" was all I could really say. I had to look dumbstruck as my brain was trying to process why she was here.

She just smirked at me and said "Nice to see you too. Emilia sent me," which I knew of course, but I didn't know she was coming.

Nathalie rolled her eyes at me and just laughed. God, she had a gorgeous smile.

"What did Emilia tell you?"

"Well, she said that she was sending someone and she seemed annoyed about...hang on," I said, feeling like a complete idiot as it dawned on me what might be happening here.

She just laughed again.

"Figured it out, have you? Well, here's the long and the short of it. Emilia has plans for you tonight, plans that she wants you to be able to last for. And having five days of cum stored in those balls of yours, just aching to get out, well, that just won't do. So, here I am, here to make sure that you cum before the party."

Holy fucking shit, right? I must have looked downright comical after she told me that because my jaw was on the floor at that reveal. Like I said earlier, Emilia and I were not dating and whatever we had between us was far from exclusive. We slept with other people, we knew each other slept with other people, hell, we'd even slept with other people* together! (*Natalie Dormer, once.) But she had never, ever sent someone to me to get me off, and on top of that, I was here to see her. So to say this was extremely unexpected would be a massive understatement.

"Ummmm, okay..." I said, still trying to process what she'd just told me.

But the more my mind raced thinking about what was going on, the more sense it made. The Emilia I knew wasn't really one who would want to settle for a quickie. Not that we haven't had our share of them, but when Emilia wants to celebrate, that's not really what she's typically looking for. So, she sent Nathalie Emmanuel to do the job for her? I'll be honest, I had no idea Emilia and Nathalie were that close.

Nathalie smirked at me and said, "With that look on your face, for a second I thought you were about to tell me no, and that doesn't fit with what I've heard about you at all, ███."

I grinned back at her and said, "No, I expect not."

"Emilia's told me a lot about you," she said, "And I've heard some things from some others that corroborate what she's said."

"Oh, no, the word is really getting out there, isn't it?" Of course I knew this, there's no way I could have the number of...personal experiences I've had with actresses and not had people gossip.

"It sure is," Nathalie said with a smirk, "And I've been dying to see for myself first hand."

By this time the limo was out into traffic, but that didn't stop Nathalie from getting up from her seat and dropping to her knees in between mine.

"Let's see this thing Emilia's told me so much about," she said as she reached for and unbuckled my belt and dropped my pants. Before she pulled down my underwear, she made a real show of groping me through my boxers. After about 15 to 20 seconds of that, I was rapidly getting hard enough to the point where it was no longer comfortable to be as confined as I was. I think this was exactly what Nathalie wanted because right after that she yanked my boxers down hard, and my cock quickly stood to attention. Nathalie must have liked what she saw because voluntarily or not I saw her staring straight at it and licking her lips. Then she grabbed a hold of my balls and said, "Oh, baby, Emilia was right. These are full."

I mean, what do you even say to that? I tried to come up with something clever, but all I could do was just groan. I was aching at her touch and incredibly eager for more, and she knew it.

After Nathalie got done teasing me about my full balls, which might be the most bizarre sentence I've ever written in my life, she sunk down a little lower, opened her mouth, and began to show just why it was her that Emilia sent that day.

I've been with enough different women to know there are some women who suck cock out of a sense of obligation and some who really love it, and it didn't take long to figure out that Nathalie was clearly in the latter category. She went into giant tease mode very, very quickly, starting out by just barely flicking her tongue along the tip of my cock. Coupled with the fact that she wasn't even touching my cock with her hands -- those were gripped tightly on my thighs -- the minimal attention she was starting off with drove me absolutely wild. If I wasn't as hard as I could be already, the teases were getting me there very, very quickly. That only continued as she went from licking me to giving me a kiss, first on the crown of my cock and then down the right side, back up to the crown, down the left, and then back up to the crown. Once she was up there again, she gave me a couple loving kisses before opening her mouth and letting me sink in.

Once she took me into her mouth for real, she started out really slowly, barely taking more of me into her mouth than just the head, but she was really sucking hard on it while swirling her tongue all over. She was really, really talented, using her tongue to tease and pleasure all the sensitive areas of my head, and it was all I had not to just throw my head back in pleasure. But I was able to hold strong and maintain eye contact.

The look on her face was one of utter bliss. I don't know if she was enjoying it more than me, but I don't think she would deny that she was having a great time. The woman seemed to love cock, or maybe she just really loved the idea of being sent on a mission to get me off. I don't know.

While she continued to tease and pleasure my head, I took the opportunity to start playing with that magnificent mane of hair on top of her head. I'd never been with a woman with such a luxurious head of hair before, and I couldn't resist playing with it. Not enough women in the industry have full, unstraightened hair like Nathalie, so I was eager to get my hands in it. She seemed to appreciate having it played with because as soon as I did, her eyes really lit up. I would be lying if I didn't say the idea of taking two big handfuls of it and slamming my way into her throat didn't sound tempting, but that would run me the risk of angering not one but two of the most beautiful in the world, so I contented myself with just playing with her hair while she continued to swirl her tongue around my head.

After three or four minutes of this when my cock head had taken about all of the swirling action it could probably take, Nathalie started to modify her approach, taking me by surprise by taking me deeper into her mouth. First one inch, then back out, then another inch...well, you get the idea. I let go of her hair and watched as she bobbed back and forth, filling her mouth with more and more of me with each pass.

What had started as a seductive, intensely pleasurable if relatively calm blowjob had quickly turned into an oral assault with her head bobbing violently, taking me nearly all the way in and out, in and out, my cock absolutely drenched in her saliva and it dripping from her mouth and onto the floor (though she was very careful to position herself in a way so that she would not ruin her jumpsuit).

I was getting pretty close to the point of no return, so at that point she backed off and let my glistening cock fall out of her mouth. Then she winked at me and folded down the top of her jumpsuit and let her tits fall out.

"Thought you might want something to look at when you cum."

I just laughed. "Well, you're not wrong!" If you've seen Game of Thrones, you know that Nathalie has an absolutely gorgeous pair of tits, and I very much did enjoy the chance to see them right in front of me. But see them was not all I did, of course. Once she went back to work on my cock, I jumped at the chance to start groping them.

I'll just go out and say it. Best tits I've ever felt. I mean, fuck. They're big and soft and so perky. Just an incredible pair of tits. And those nipples, god I would have loved to have been able to suck on them, especially given how hard they were when Nathalie dropped down the front of her jumpsuit. I don't think there was any denying that she was 100% turned on.

But as soon as Nathalie had me back in her mouth, it was obvious that she had one goal in mind, and that was to make me cum as quickly as she could. What came next was one of the quickest, sloppiest blowjobs of my life. After a minute or so of that, she took her hands off my thighs and she grabbed my cock and started twisting me back and forth with both hands as she brought back some of the swirling tongue action from a few minutes prior. Another 30 seconds of that, and I couldn't take it.