The Journo and the Pollie

Struck between the eyes by its beauty, I felt my knees tremble. It must have cost a small fortune. "Ivy, sweets, it's too much. I can't accept this."

"You must. If you decide while you're away that this is our last moment together, then I need to know you have my heart. I will be broken, if that's what you decide. I love you so much."

We embraced wickedly, tears flowed, mascara ran. I walked slowly to the bench and brought back my gift for her. "I feel terrible, like a real cheapskate giving you this. After your gift, this seems cheap and nasty."

She shredded my attempts to wrap her present. The gold wrapping laying in a pile on the floor. She whipped open the box and her eyes bugged open. Reaching inside, she lifted out the key and glanced at me. "What is it?"

I smiled. "It's the key to my heart, but also the key to my apartment."

She jumped into my arms. "Oh bloody hell, Mel. It's perfect."

The two weeks at home were peaceful, although the ongoing interrogation from Dad about the Demons became a little hard to take. I caught up with old friends, shopped and spent hours at the beach. Ivy called at least five times every day and we chatted and giggled about stuff. Mum caught me talking to her, although she could only hear my side of the conversation. She did hear me say, "I love you too."

"Sneaky little bugger." She sniggered playfully. "You have met somebody, haven't you? Go on, tell me. Who is he?"

"Mum, it's not like that," I spluttered in reply. "We are only friends."

"Friends." She huffed. "I'm not a fool, Mel, I heard your voice."

"Mum, please, it's still early. We have only known each other a short while."

"Fine, don't tell me," she muttered, obviously upset with me.

"Mum, honestly. There's nothing to tell."

"Fiddlesticks. You are on your phone all lovey-dovey every blasted minute of the day. Honey, I'm glad. Your father and I both want what's best for you. If you have found a nice young man, then that is wonderful. You don't have to be embarrassed. We understand."

"We are just friends."

"Just friends. Phewy to that, young lady. That bracelet you wear on your arm must have cost a pretty penny. That is not something friends buy."

I had no answer for that. Mum was upset, and it took a couple of days before she got over it.

The solitary time did give me time to think. I did love Ivy, but living life under a constant shadow was no fun. The alternative didn't excite me, either. That would mean coming out to everybody, the whole world would know.

Everything happened so quickly. One minute I was a happy, if lonely, little hetero woman, and the next I was in love with my best friend.

By the time I was due back in Wellington, Mum and I were back talking. It was a sad farewell, but I needed to get away again. She could be a bit overwhelming.

Unpacking at my apartment, I went over it all again. Even after all the time away. I was no closer to a resolution. Although, with all the calls we made to each other, I really didn't get the break I wanted. As I unpacked, the realisation set in. The calls we made to each other. It wasn't just her calling me. I called her at least twice a day, and when I didn't hear from her, I missed her. Damn it, I knew I couldn't walk away from this. Somehow, we had to make it work.

I was unpacked with a coffee, when the front door opened and Ivy walked in. My heart fluttered. She looked gorgeous, even in her casual clothes. "The key works then," I breathed as we glided into each others arms. The kiss seared, her body melded as one with mine. I could feel the beat of her heart against my breasts. "Oh god I missed you, Mel. You are not allowed to leave. Never again. I can't live without you."

Her mouth crashed back against mine before I could reply, her scintillating kiss overwhelming, her desire all encompassing. We made love long into the evening. We ordered in takeaways and ate in bed as we tried to formulate a plan.

We were like giggly girls, laughing and making love, eating and drinking champagne in bed. It was one of those magical moments. At times like that, when we were perfect.

That changed as the holidays dissolved and it was back to work. We were back in our old routine. Pretending to be friends for everybody, lying about who we were. I hated it, I wanted to be honest. If we were in love, then we had nothing to be ashamed about.

I guess that's where it all came tumbling down. We were having a nice late evening meal on my balcony. I liked to cook, and I made a yummy marinade pork strip salad. It was time. "Ivy, I want to talk about us, about who we are, and where we're going."

She smiled, her mouth full of salad. "Hm-hm, of course."

Reaching reassuringly for her hand, I said softly. "I love you, I know that now more than ever. But I can't live like this. I want to be proud of who I am, who we are. I want to announce it to the world."

I watched, hoping for that warm loving embracing smile. When I saw the look of horror spread across her face, I knew I was lost. "Mel, I can't do that. I have worked so hard to get where I am. You, more than anybody, knows that. I am a woman in a man's world. I can't go public. Our life is so wonderful. Why change it?"

"Because I'm sick of being your dirty little secret. I want you to be proud of me. I want to know you want me by your side."

"Oh, babe, I do, I really do, but please, give it time. Let's just carry on like we are. Nobody needs to know."

Standing and dropping her hand, I growled, "Yes they bloody do. Mum hassled the hell out of me while I was home. She wanted to know who I was going out with. At the time, I was too scared to tell her. What I know now is, I want to tell her. I think it would be a shock, but I want to tell her."

"No," Ivy yelped. "No, I can't do it, Mel. I am afraid of what would happen. We could both get tossed on the scrap heap of life."

"If that happens, then I am prepared to accept that. If my punishment for being head over heels in love with my best friend means I lose my job, then to hell with it."

Ivy stood up slowly. "No, please don't say or do anything. God, I couldn't live with it. Things are so perfect at the moment. Why change?"

"Because, our life is a lie. Every time we go out with your friends, I feel like a fool. We are frauds. I want to tell the world. If you can't stand beside me, then perhaps this has run it's course."

Ivy burst into hysterics. "No, don't spoil everything, don't do it."

"Sorry, but maybe it would be better if we didn't see each other for a while."

"You cannot mean that. Mel, I am begging, do not do anything foolish. This will pass. You will see, it is for the best."

"I know what's best, Ivy. If you think so little of me, then I think this is goodbye."

I picked up the plates and marched inside to throw them in the sink. She followed me in tears. "Mel, you are spoiling everything. I love you."

"Then prove it. Tell the world."

"I can't, I know it's wrong. I know I'm a coward, but I can't do it. I just can't."

"Fine, then. I think it really is goodbye."

She walked out still in tears. The moment the door closed, I ran headlong into the bedroom and threw myself on the bed. The tears flowed freely. My body wracked with pitiful sobs. Was this it? I couldn't believe it was going to end like this."

I sort of stumbled through the next few weeks. She was gone from my life. Often it was when I was looking for clothes and couldn't find them, I remembered, "Damn, they're at Ivy's.

Phil, surprisingly was my saviour. He knew something was up, and nursed me along. If I randomly broke down he took me out for coffee. He tried to find out what it was all about. I'm sure he thought it was the Demons and having my life threatened. Bless him, he tried to soothe my raging fears of dying alone.

He also tried to shield me from some of the people milling around looking for follow up stories to the drug bust and my part in the bust.

Seeing her on TV also shook me a little. It was about a month later when it all came home to roost. I was watching the evening news and there was an extended interview with Ivy regarding the motorway project, and a key milestone achievement.

Seeing her like that, it affected me and all the emotions I had been burying came surging back and I broke down. It wasn't a flood of tears, it was a torrent, like the heavens had opened up, drowning me in salty bitter tears.

I had to ring in sick the next day. I couldn't function, my heart had been ripped out and I was bleeding to death, a slow merciless death.

That night, Phil rang me at home. "All right, young lady. What's going on. You have never had a sick day."

Trying to hold back the tears, I burbled, "Sorry, Phil, I have some personal issues to work through." I couldn't help the little sniffle.

He sensed my unease. "Mel, if you need somebody to talk to I'm here for you. Those bloody Demons haven't been giving you a hard time have they?"

"What? No. I haven't seen hide nor hair of them."

"Yeah, well maybe they're sneakier than you think. There have been some digging around the newspaper. There's also a PI digging around. Colin knows him. He told me who he was. He's been digging around asking a lot of questions about you. I sort of heard, he's also hanging around Parliament as well."

"What? Who is this guy?" Suddenly my tears were gone, replaced by concern.

"His name is Joe Grant. It's a bit suspicious that the Demons and him have all been trying to dig up dirt."

I tried to figure out what he would be after. Especially if he was digging around Parliament building, as well. The phone hung silently in my hand. Phil's voice echoed, "Mel, does this have anything to do with why you are off sick?"

His words dragged me back to the conversation. "I don't know, Phil. Maybe. Would you mind if I don't come in tomorrow?"

"You take as long as you want. Just be careful. I know there are still lots of bad feeling from the Demons."

"I have been waiting for something from them."

"This might be it. What dirt do they have on you?" He sounded accusatory.

"There is only one thing, and it's personal, not illegal, or unethical."

"Well, look after yourself, girl. I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks, Phil. I appreciate that.

As I disconnected, I started to wonder. What did they know? Ivy and I had been careful, but unless she had been up to no good that I didn't know about, the only thing they could sling back at us was our relationship.

Okay, maybe it didn't look good, because I had been using some inside information from Ivy. None of it was illegal, but it wouldn't look good. Especially for Ivy. I knew Phil wouldn't care."

I was left with the decision. Do I tell Ivy, or leave her to fight on her own? I still didn't know how much they knew, if they knew anything at all. If they did know something, then she should be made aware of it.

With heart in mouth I called. She answered after a few rings. "Yes, what do you want?" It was curt and to the point.

"Sorry to call you, I just wanted to make you aware of something. You may already know, but if you don't, a PI named Joe Grant has been digging around at the newspaper. Asking lots of questions about me."

"Why should that concern me?" Wow, she sounded so bitter.

"I have nothing to hide, Ivy. The only thing they can dig up on me, is our relationship. This guy has been seen with the Demons, so he's obviously trying to discredit me."

"Oh Christ, really." Her bravado broken, she hissed. "Fuck."

"Sorry, he may not know anything, I mean we were pretty careful, but I thought you should know."

"Thanks, Mel. We will have to hold our breath I guess."

"Yeah, sorry to be the bearer of bad news."

The phone was painfully silent for minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. Eventually Ivy sniffled. "How have you been?"

"I am okay, I miss you."

"I miss you too, Mel. I'm so sorry for what happened."

"It's okay, Ivy, maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

"No." She snapped sharply. "That's not true, Mel, I love you, and I know you love me. I just wish I was braver." She burst into tears. "Sorry, I have to go."

She hung up leaving me feeling empty. Hearing her voice was so resonating, it opened up my heart, I felt warm and tingly, and disappointed at the same time. I understood why she couldn't come out to the world. God, I was scared, too, but I couldn't help feeling an element of abandonment.

It took me a couple of days before I felt strong enough to return to work. Phil, as always, was great. He gave me a couple of soft stories to follow up on. The PI was gone and no longer hid under filing cabinets waiting to tackle unsuspecting employees.

Life edged slowly back to normal, until, well, my world exploded. I was leaving work a little late. I walked out through the front doors out onto Willis street and bam. I was suddenly in a TV interview. A camera in my face, a microphone boom waving under my nose. "Melissa, is it true that you and Ivy Lawson are in a relationship?"

The shock stunned me I tried to push away the mic. "What the hell are you talking about?" I snarled curtly.

"Melissa, we have it on good authority you and Ivy Lawson are lovers. Could you confirm or deny?"

"Piss off," I barked angrily as I tried to push past them. They followed closely, pushing and hounding me.

"Did you get inside information from Ms. Lawson on the Motorway story?"

"Are you a lesbian?"

The questions kept coming, they were in front of me, beside me as I walked as fast as I could to the carpark.

I finally walked in to access my car. Thankfully, they couldn't all fit in the stairwell. I jumped quickly into my car, and hit the starter as I backed out as quickly as possible. They had to jump out of the way as I ignored their banging on the window, and their screams as I roared backwards and then squealed the tyres as I shot out of the building.

My phone went wild in my purse. Call after call, messages pinging as I tried to control my pounding heart. I couldn't believe all the fuss.

As I pulled into my street, I saw the camera crew waiting outside my apartment building. I just kept going. I never even slowed down. I watched as they scampered to get in the van and follow me, but it was too late. I was already gone."

I took the off ramp and got on the motorway out to the Hutt valley. As I drove, I saw the Khandallah turn off, and turned, heading out to God knows where. I reached the coast by Paekakariki, and as I approached a motel, I noticed a vacancy sign flashing.

Booked in and my heart rate now slowed down, I managed to get my breath back.

Going through my phone, I noted most of the numbers I didn't recognise. Phil, yep, he was there. As I scrolled, I saw Ivy's number. As it rang I counted of the ring tones, she answered on the fifth repetition. "Mel, are you all right?"

"Yeah, you?"

They jumped me in the car park, as well. I saw your interaction. It was on the news. Where are you? I tried your home number."

"I'm in a motel out in Paekakariki."

"Why? What the hell are you doing out there?"

"They were waiting for me at home. I decided to just keep going."

"Oh god, Mel, I'm so sorry for everything. I should have listened to you. We should have made the announcement, rather than let them chase us."

"Yeah, probably. Look, Ivy, what do you want me to say? I don't know what evidence they have?"

"They have photos of us together, they have interviews with a couple of people who say they knew. It's not true, I'm sure, but it will be their word against ours. I don't know what to do."

"We can try and lie our way out of it. Just refuse to comment. The photos can't be bad, what are they?"

"You and me kissing out by a carpark somewhere. I didn't recognise where it was."

"That doesn't mean anything more than we are friends. I kiss all my girlfriends."

"It has caused a huge fall out in the house. The PM has requested a meeting first thing tomorrow. God, I just don't know what to do, or say."

"Ivy, you know I love you. I know things are all fucked up. But I will always be prepared to stand beside you. Make your decision with that in mind."

"What if I tell them we are in a relationship?"

"Then that would be perfect, just ring me before you go public. If that's your plan, then give me a chance to ring my parents."

"Are you sure you are ready for that. What about work?"

"I think Phil will be okay with it. He has been very supportive. I have thought about this a lot, Ivy. I'm ready, one hundred percent ready. If you are ready, then I am, too."

"I don't know Mel, god, I just don't know what to do."

"Do what you want, Ivy, all I am saying is I want to be with you. I want you in my life."

"Mel, I want you so much. I miss you like crazy. I need you, my life has been so empty without you."

"Then tell them, be honest. Let's not hide and lie."

"I will try, perhaps I could come out and visit you? Give me the name of the motel. I need you in my arms."

"No, I think that PI is still around. If he followed you, we would be busted and you would have no chance to deny it, if that was the case."

"All right, Mel. I will think about it, talk to the PM, and then call you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Good luck. Hear from you tomorrow."

With the call over, I flopped back on the bed. My life was about to change forever, one way or the other.

I watched the evening news, and we were the lead story. Bang, right between the eyes. The photos they had were not that damning. I had shared many more intimate kisses with relatives. It was the statements from Ivys so called friends that were the most telling.

As I watched, my phone was going off again. "Hi Phil."

"Well, is it true."

I swallowed hard. "You'll find out tomorrow, the same as me."

"Don't bullshit me, Mel. Is it true."

"Yes, all right, it's true. But I don't know whether Ivy is going to come clean. She may choose to deny it."

"What about you?"

"Well, if she denies it, so will I."

"God, what a mess. You could have warned me, Mel."

"No I bloody couldn't. I didn't know. This is my personal life, Phil. It's nobody's business but me and Ivy."

"I'm not judging you, Mel. I'm on your side. I don't care either way. Just be honest with me so I can help."

"It's in Ivy's hands, Phil. That's all I can say. Whatever she says I will back up."

"Are you guys still together, I mean are you still dating?"

"No, we haven't seen each other for over a month."

I heard him sigh as he said, "I'm sorry, Mel. You have my support. I have had every bloody reporter in the country after me for a statement. All I have said is no comment."

"Thanks, Phil. If Ivy decides to come clean, I will give you a heads up and you can burn me at the stake."

He laughed. "Fuck that. If we're going to run the story, you will have to write it. You can burn yourself. That'll reach you for lying to me."

"Piss off. I'm not writing my own obituary."

"Mel, it won't be an obituary. I said I will support you. You're still the best damn reporter I've got, and now that I know you have a line to god, I expect we will get all the inside goss."

"Fuck you, Phil."

"Ha, I thought you were a lesbian now!"

I laughed with him. "Yeah, you're right. In that case, you can go fuck yourself."

"That's sounds more like the Mel we have all come to know and love. Are you coming in tomorrow?"

"No, I feel a tummy bug coming on. I think I may be ringing in sick."

"Fucking typical. Just because you're banging a fucking Parliamentarian, you think you're hot shit."

"Yeah that's right, Phil, I might be sick a lot more in the future."

"You'll be looking for a new job if that's the case."

"Bullshit, we both know you're not going to sack the line to god."

"Fuck you, bitch," he sneered, and cut off the call.