The Junior Senator

"I'm not going to move," I assured. "I'm not going to move until you tell me it's okay to move."

Instead of moving, I nibbled on his ear lobe and whispered "I love you" into the ear I was nibbling. He responded by turning his head and making a kissing noise, which I responded to by kissing him as best I could from behind, his hands still clenched in mine.

"I love you, too," he answered, after the kiss was over. "It's actually overwhelming me right now, with us together like this."

I knew what he meant. Even when fucking a stranger, the moment you first enter them is pretty emotional and raw. When fucking someone you love, the moment you first enter them can be overwhelming, as the connection between the two of us stripped bare and then ignited.

"You can try moving now," he said, jarring me from my thoughts.

"Pull my hands under your chest," I said. "I want to be locked together with you."

He did and I started moving, gently and slowly. Unsurprisingly, he was incredibly tight, and I was very concerned about hurting him. His moaning and whimpering didn't help.

"JJ," I said, once I had again stopped moving. "Too little is better than too much. I think we should stop for now."

"Don't you dare," he hissed. "Like I said, I'm in it to win it. I'll throttle you if you stop now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I started moving again, our bodies as coterminous as they could be.

"Oh... oh... oh," he said, each "oh" reflecting a thrust.

Unlike JJ, I didn't have a habit of lasting long. I was typically a quick go, and the tightness of his channel had me crashing toward the shore more quickly than typical.

"JJ, oh, God, JJ, I'm about to go."

He didn't say anything, but I could have sworn I felt him push back into me. I gave him a few more strokes and then let it flow, filling the condom as I bit down on his shoulder and whimpered.

"What'd you think?" I asked, when I had settled next to him.

"I'd have hated it if it wasn't you. I didn't hate it because it was you.... But, I do have some questions."

"Fire away."

"Why the condom? You said I didn't need one, but then you used one."

"I didn't want to be presumptuous. I didn't know that you'd want me to bareback you the first time."

"All you have to do is ask. I'll tell you if something's not okay. I have a voice."

"What else?"

"The thing you did with your tongue. Back there. Is that a normal thing? Is that something you want me to do to you?"

"It's normal for me. I really like it, both giving and receiving. If you want to try it, that's fine. If you don't, that's fine, too. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

"Next time, can I be on my back? I want to be able to see you. Not seeing you made the whole experience kind of, I don't know, disassociative."

"Disassociative? Is that even a word?"

"I don't know. I may have made it up. It means 'I felt like it was more something you were doing to me, not something we were doing together'."

"Oh. Got it."

"What else?"

"Can I do you?"

"When?"

"Right now?"

"I'll throttle you if you don't.... How do you want me?"

"I liked it when you were sitting in my lap, when we were chest to chest and face to face."

"Like this?" I asked, settling onto his lap.

"Yes."

I moved my mouth to his. I kissed him ravenously. I felt him pressing against me. I found the lube, coated him, coated me, and guided him home.

"Oh boy," he said as I shimmied down, the penetration now easy. Using only my knees, I started sliding up and down, our bodies and mouths clamped together. Before he got carried away, he picked me up and sidled me to the wall, bracing me against it as he moved in and out of me. My hands were on his face, my mouth on his mouth.

I got vocal. "Oh, JJ, you feel so good... Fuck me... Yeah, just like that... Oh my God... Yes... Oh my God... Just like that, give it to me, teacher man."

He whirled me around and dropped me on the bed. I put my ankles on his shoulders and wriggled my ass until it was on the edge of the bed. He widened his stance and buried himself inside of me. I felt like he was in my throat. I lost control of my limbs, my arms above my head, my legs here and there, flailing that way and this as he fucked me wildly, his breath hitching, his body sweating.

"Oh my God, JJ," I said. It was like he was running, like he was chasing something.

"Come on, teacher man, come on," I demanded, just as I erupted, soaking my chest and stomach with a half dozen thick ropes.

He followed right behind, growling as his body convulsed and twitched.

He pulled out of me, my eye still closed and my head still light.

He surprised me by taking my softened penis into his mouth and cleaning it.

He surprised me more by licking through the mess that coated me as his tongue traced up my torso to my mouth.

He rolled me into the bed until I was on him, our bodies united, my mess now his, too.

"God, you're good at that," I said, my body gelatinous, the pleasure still radiating through it.

"I think it's a lot easier to be good when the person you're with wants you to be good," he answered. "You don't just wait for me to finish."

I flinched at the suggestion of Claire. At some point, we were going to have to face the fact of her.

"I was surprised," I said, forcing Claire from my mind. "When you did the tongue thing, I mean. I thought you didn't like it, and then you did that."

"It was instinct. I didn't think about it. I just did it. You had part of me inside you. I wanted part of you inside me."

*****

Friday started with a very erotic sixty-nine, first with each of us on our sides and then with each of us straddling the other. Neither of us came, but we were both hard as rocks as we showered, my "let's make out and jack each other off" resulting in a lot of conditioner and a lot of cum.

"I'm lightheaded," JJ said.

"Me, too," I admitted.

When we regained our bearings, we soaped each other. Surprisingly, JJ spent a lot of time soaping my backside, including inserting very soapy fingers inside of me.

We held hands at the breakfast table. We kissed between bites. "We're ridiculous," I thought.

"Come on," JJ said, leading me to the bedroom after we cleared the table. "It's time for breakfast dessert."

"Breakfast dessert?"

"Yes, breakfast dessert. It's dessert, only after breakfast instead of after dinner."

JJ had my asshole for dessert. First, he took it with his tongue, his shower ministrations making more sense. He wanted to make sure I was as clean as he could get me if he was going to rim me.

It wasn't the best rim job I've ever received. It was too tentative and too timid. I like to be devoured, not finessed. I could only suspect that he was hung up on my opening's primary use, his acceptance of body positivity not remotely complete.

Second, he took it with his dick.

"Remember the video?" he asked. "I want to do it like they did it at the end. With you on your back, but propped up so it's easier for us to kiss while we do it."

We did it exactly like he wanted. I had explained edging, and he was putting it in play, getting himself close to the line and then backing off, pulling out and taking me in his mouth until he was sure he was safe, re-entering me and re-approaching the line, pulling out and taking me in his mouth, over and over.

"We're going to be so tired when we finish," I said, as he re-entered me the fourth or fifth time.

"I don't want to finish. This is too good. I don't want it to end."

"My body is going to need it to end at some point," I pleaded. "It can only take so much."

The next time he pulled out and took me in his mouth, he finished me off. I hadn't expected him to, but I wasn't disappointed when he added his hand and picked up his pace.

He smelled and tasted of me when he re-entered me, his mouth on mine, his hips working toward the line. Our eyes were open as we kissed and as he came, the only signal that he was crossing the line the very small grunts in his throat and the feeling of his cum flooding my channel.

*****

"What are you going to do if Claire checks the results?" I asked after the Saturday morning sun had jarred us awake and I had maneuvered so I was head to chest, but facing him.

"She won't," he said, his finger tracing my face. "She never has. But, if she asks, I'll tell her I withdrew because of cramps."

"I can't believe it's our last day already."

"I know."

"I can't think about it. It'll make me sad."

"I know."

"Now that I've had you, I don't remember how not to have you."

"I know."

"You need to stop saying 'I know'."

"I know."

I playfully glared at him, a wry smile on my face.

He playfully glared back, the palm of his right hand now on my left check, cradling it. I felt tears start to sting my eyes. I saw tears start to sting his.

"H," he said, his thumb wiping the tears from my left eye. "Make love to me."

I did just that, JJ on his back, my erection bare.

I looked for discomfort or pain on his face. I didn't find any.

"Are you alright?" I asked, seeking reassurance.

"I am. I'm not loving it, but I'm also not hating it."

"Tell me if I go too fast or too hard."

"I will."

I tried to be respectful. I stayed slow, and I went as soon as I could, not counting or savoring the strokes, just giving in. When I was finished, I pulled out, locked my mouth on his, and used my hand to bring him to where I was.

"So"?

"I didn't mind the physical part of it, but I didn't like the mental part of it at all. I felt helpless, lying there like that. I don't like feeling helpless."

I knew what he meant. It's what I liked the most, the feeling of being open and raw, the intimacy of being taken, the helplessness of being violated.

"You don't have to do it again," I said. "I'm happy to catch for you."

"Does it make you feel helpless?"

"I mean, I'm in the passive role, but I actually feel pretty powerful in it. After all, you are doing only what I'm allowing you to do. I don't have to let you in. And, I don't have to let you stay in. It's all on my terms, everything that's happening is as I say it should be."

"I don't feel that way. I feel like you're taking too much of me."

"We don't all have to feel the same thing."

"Tell me about your first time?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Boy or girl?"

"Both."

I settled next to him, my head on his right shoulder, my left hand in his right on my chest, his thumb circling my nipple.

"Surprisingly, the boy came first. The summer after I graduated high school, one of my brother's friends from college visited for a long weekend. I tried to keep my distance. I mean, no one wants their little brother around. But, every time I looked at him, he was looking at me. So, I had an inkling. His last night, he walked into my room while I was reading, claiming the old 'I went to the bathroom and forgot which room was mine' trope. 'Easy to do,' I said, more confidently than I felt. He made no effort to leave. My heart went to my throat. I knew I could if I wanted. I just had to decide if I wanted. The decision was easy. I thought I knew what I was, but I wanted to be sure. 'You can stay in here if you want,' I offered, way more confidently than I felt. 'Yeah?' he asked. 'Yeah,' I answered. He didn't waste any time. He locked the door and then pulled his shirt over his head and his shorts off as he moved toward my bed. He was right in front of me, wearing only white briefs and hard as a rock. 'Touch it,' he said. I did. 'With your mouth,' he said. I did, through his briefs. It wasn't enough. I pulled his underwear down and took him in my mouth. He told me what to do and I did it. He finished quickly, in my mouth. I figured he'd pull his underwear up and leave. He didn't. He stepped out of them and climbed into my bed. 'My turn,' he announced, helping me pull my shirt and then my boxers off. He took me in his mouth. I finished quickly, in his mouth. He moved up my body and kissed me for the first time. 'Let's move to the floor,' he said. 'The bed'll make too much noise.' It dawned on me then and there for the first time that he intended to fuck me. He did. He fished a condom out of the pocket of his shorts, rolled it on, rolled me over, and fucked me. I know you don't like that word, but that's what it was. He didn't prepare me or fret over me. He just stuck it in and fucked me. It hurt like a motherfucker. When he was finished, he slinked out of my room, and I vowed 'I'm never doing that again'. I broke my vow. He was at U Dub. I was at Lawrence in Appleton. U Dub was less than two hours away. Not long after I got to Lawrence, he asked if he could visit. I said 'no'. He apologized for how he had taken me and said he wanted to make it up to me. I agreed. He got a hotel room. We didn't leave it. Unlike that first time, he taught me how to get fucked."

"Did he visit again?"

"On and off all year. He'd come up. I'd go down. We stopped when he started dating a girl. 'That's over for me', he said. I didn't believe him, as he had said it before and gone dark, only to reach out when he got the itch. But, he was steadfast that time, at least with me."

"The girl?"

"Same summer. After vowing 'never again,' I decided I needed to cross the street. I was friendly with a girl I worked with. I asked her out. We went to Little Amerricka. On the drive back, she got feisty, turning toward me and rubbing my dick through my shorts. We pulled over and I fucked her in the back seat, no condom, nothing. I wasn't any good. I couldn't find my way in. When I finally did, I came really fast. I kinda still do. Anyway, I felt shitty after, like I had used her. She didn't. 'That was okay,' she said. 'You'll get better.' We fucked the rest of the summer. She was very sexual. The dick grab during the drive should have clued me in. She taught me a lot about sex, mostly that it was more in the giving than in the taking. She also taught me a lot about my body, mostly that there were pleasure spots I'd never imagined and there wasn't a cranny or a nook that I should consider off limits."

"Could you have sex with a woman today?"

"Not with you here."

"You know what I mean."

"I think so. But, it's not where I belong. Once I figured that out, it seemed wrong to pretend otherwise."

*****

"Is this what it's like?" JJ asked as we lounged after breakfast, the taste of him still in my mouth after I deep throated him against the kitchen counter.

"Not always. But, when you mix love and lust, the outcome is pretty powerful."

"How did you learn to do that, you know, to take the whole thing?"

"It's an acquired skill," I answered. "I mean, I've literally given thousands of blow jobs."

"Don't remind me."

"Why not? You're the beneficiary of all that has come before. I wouldn't be able to do this with you if I hadn't done that with them."

"Were any of them married, like me?"

"Yes. I try to stay away from closet cases, but sometimes it's what you get."

"Is that how you think of me? As a closet case?"

"No. I don't think you're gay. I've watched you. You don't watch boys, even the hottest ones, like Kyle Singer and Matt Smart."

Kyle and Matt were both in my law school class and were both what we called "gay good looking." They were so hot they could make a straight man gay for them.

"I don't think I'm gay, either. But, l'm certainly playing gay on TV, at least with you."

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."

"Exactly."

"I didn't mean to insinuate that all of the married guys have been closet cases. Some are. They married because they couldn't stand the idea of not marrying or the idea of being gay. Some are not. They're bisexual or curious or whatever."

"What do we do now?"

"Uh oh," I thought to my self. Our last day was going to be spent on heavy questions, the "what do we do now" the heaviest.

I slid around and put my head in his lap, my body flat so my eyes bore directly into his.

"We can do whatever you want. We can go our separate ways. We can try to go back to holding hands. We can keep doing what we're doing."

"We can't go our separate ways. We probably should, to avoid people getting hurt. But, we can't."

I wanted to tell him that going our separate ways would not "avoid people getting hurt." I'd get hurt. Badly.

He was playing with my hair, his left hand pulling curls out and then letting them go.

"We could try to go back to holding hands, but I don't think it'd work. I mean, we tried to stay holding hands, and couldn't. If we tried to go back, we couldn't. Something would happen, and I'd find myself at your door, begging you to let me in, probably with a plea of 'just to talk'. You'd do let me in, we'd parry like boxers, and then I'd rip your clothes off of you and fuck you into oblivion."

"JJ," I said, "such language."

"I know. It's crass, but it's the only word for it. It's not 'making love'. I mean, we do that, too. But, sometimes, like this morning when I had you on your stomach, it's just fucking. Plain and simple."

Of course, he was right. That morning, he had ordered me to "get on your stomach" and to "spread you legs." When I had, he drove into me and then literally fucked me senseless, the pounding carnal and willful. There had been no sweetness, no nibbling of my shoulders, no sucking on my neck, no craning to kiss my mouth. He hadn't told me until we were finished that we were acting out the second half of "Juan Fucks Bret."

"Well," I said, "that leaves only to keep doing what we're doing."

"Are you okay with that?" he asked. "I mean, that seems to leave me getting the best of both worlds and you getting the worst of one."

"Presently, it's enough. I don't know that it'll always be enough, but, for now, I'm willing to do what I need to do to be with you. What about you? Are you okay with it?"

"I don't know. I mean, I think it makes me a scoundrel, like you said. I won't be the husband Claire deserves. And I won't be the father the girls deserve. But, I don't know that I can stop, now that we've started."

"We'll get caught. "

"We won't get caught. I'm going to tell her. I wouldn't if I planned to stop, but I don't, so I will."

"Wow."

"Yes. Wow."

We spent the rest of the day in bed, JJ's "I'm going to tell her" hanging over us like the Sword of Damocles.

Although in bed all afternoon, we didn't spend the day having sex. We had some sex, but mostly we just basked in each other, speaking softly, caressing gently, drifting in and out of sleep.

"Claire cautioned me about you," he said, our bodies in opposite directions so we could easily access each other for stroking and tickling.

"Cautioned you?"

"I think I told you, she accused me of having a man-crush on you. I assured her I'd never had a man-crush on anyone, much less you. But, I explained that I also had never had a male best friend and was enjoying having one. She said 'Be careful. He's gay. He'll fall for you. When I told her every gay guy didn't want to bed every straight guy, she said 'you're not every straight guy... he's already smitten with you... it's obvious from how he looks at you'."

"Did she say anything about how you looked at me?" I asked, incredulous at the suggestion that I betrayed what I felt but he did not.

"Not a peep. You are," he said, his hand gripping me, "clearly more smitten with me than I am with you."

"Hmmm?" I said. "I may be misremembering, but I thought it was you pleading outside my door, not me pleading outside yours.... Ouch.... JJ.... Shit."

"Be nice."

"You be nice. You're the one wrecking my junk."

"It seems to be the only organ in your body to which you listen."

"I don't think it's 'in my body'.... Ouch.... Goddamnit, quit wrecking my junk. You're going to ruin it."

"Well, we can't have that," he said, leaning up and over and then kissing up and down the shaft.