The Junior Senator

"Are you kissing it to make it better?"

"That's exactly what I'm doing."

He stopped kissing and started sucking. I didn't want him to. I wanted to continue what we'd been doing, speaking softly and caressing gently.

"JJ," I whispered. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't want a blow job right now. I want to keep doing what we've been doing."

He pulled off, rolled over so that his head was in my lap, looked at me, and jokingly asked "am I the first guy you asked to stop blowing you?"

"No, but you're the first guy who was doing it right that I asked to stop."

"You hate me, don't you?" he asked, obviously jokingly.

"Far from it. I love you. Before you, I was a love virgin."

"A love virgin?"

"A love virgin. I had never loved anyone. So, I had also never had sex with anyone I loved."

"Is it better?"

I moved so we were face to face. I whispered "so much better... it's not even close... it's the difference between cookies made with applesauce and cookies made with sugar" and then coquettishly brushed my lips over his.

"What did you think, JJ, the first time I kissed you? You remember, when you didn't kiss me back?"

"I thought you might be a demon, sent here to tempt me?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"And now?"

"I know you're a demon, sent here to tempt me. And, I'm Eve. I ate the apple."

"You more than ate it," I said, again brushing my lips across his, his head in my lap. "You devoured it."

"I did."

"I'm glad you did," I said, again brushing my lips across his, his head in my lap.

"Me, too," he answered, grabbing my head, pulling my mouth to his, and kissing me like I had never been kissed before. "I wouldn't have missed this for the world," he added, when the kiss was over and we could barely breathe, the kiss having gobsmacked each of us, the words coming from him in more of a hum than a whisper.

That night, he told me he had a surprise for me. When I asked what, he told me he wanted to tie me to the bed as I had tied him.

"When you're tied up, ask and ye shall receive," he parried.

The look on my face must have nonplussed him. "I want to do to you whatever you want me to do to you."

"Whatever?"

"Whatever."

"We should both be blindfolded," I said, reaching over him and into the drawer of the nightstand, where I kept a half dozen or so sleeping masks.

"Sometimes, the room is too bright, especially for a nap. So I use one of these."

"Like Zsa Zsa Gabor," he said, "in Green Acres."

"That was Ava, not Zsa Zsa. But, yes."

I slipped my mask on before he tied me. "Promise you won't cheat," I said, my hands above my head and bound to the headboard.

"I won't."

"Kiss me."

He did.

"Lick me," I directed, when the kiss was over. "All of me. Everywhere."

He did exactly as I directed. In order, he went eyelids, cheekbones, nose, lips, ears, neck, clavicle, chest and ribs, armpits, sides, stomach, navel, hip bones, throbbing erection, pubic crease, scrotum, thighs, shins, and feet (including between my toes).

"I'm going to take my mask off for a second," he whispered, rolling me over and then leaving the bed. I heard him in the bathroom, first peeing and then running the water.

"Spread your legs," he said, returning to the bed. When I had, I felt a warm cloth between my legs, his whispered "just to be sure" confirming that he was going to rim me again.

I felt him leave the bed again. "I'm putting my mask back on," he said, when he returned, the weight of him at the foot of the bed.

He licked the bottoms of my feet, my calves, and the backs of my legs.

He tentatively licked my crack.

"Hey, JJ," I interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Will you do me a favor and lick me hard? Like you're licking a melting ice cream cone? Like I licked yours?"

He answered by spreading my checks with his hands and burying his face in my crack. I arched my ass into the air, revealing as much of me as I could.

"Oh fuck," I said, as he delivered the favor for which I'd asked, the timidity and tentativeness of his prior effort gone.

"Oh my God," I moaned as he kept at me, his tongue firm and grinding away on my opening.

Without a request, he tried to force his tongue inside me, the way I had forced my tongue inside him. I wanted to tell him he didn't need to try that, but the pleasure from him trying it swept that want away and replaced it with another, the need to be penetrated.

"JJ... JJ," I insisted. "I need you to fuck me. Right now."

"Patience is a virtue," I heard, his tongue leaving my crack and sliding over my cheeks and up the middle of my spine until his body was on mine, his tongue again in and on my ears.

"How do you want me to fuck you?" he asked, his use of the word "fuck" thrilling me.

"I want you to start like this," I said, "your body on mine. I want to stay like this until you're so close you think you can't stop. Then, I want you to stop, flip me over, and fuck me missionary into oblivion."

"Masks or no masks?"

"Masks."

I heard him fumbling for the lube. I heard him find it and then fumble with it.

"You need to help me," he said, his erection pressed into my taint. "I can't see."

"I'm not going to help you," I answered. "I want you to find me on your own."

His hand was in my crack. His finger was at my opening. His erection replaced his finger and he pushed into me. I pushed out, easing his path. He worked his way all the way in and his body coated mine, even our feet coterminous.

I wriggled my hips, my channel opened, and his erection released fully into me. "Stay like that," I said. "Don't move. I just want to hold you tight."

He slid his hands under my shoulders until his elbows were in my armpits. "You feel so good," I heard, his hot breath tickling my ear.

"You feel better," I answered.

"I need to move."

"You need to wait. Patience is a virtue, remember?"

"Kiss me."

I did as best I could, my head turned, my lips half on his, our tongues mostly out of our mouths.

"Fuck me," I said, when the kiss was over. "Slowly."

He did. Tantalizingly, his body still on mine, the only movement his hips pulling most of him out and then pushing all of him back in.

"Slower," I directed. I didn't know if he could go slower, but I wanted to feel every millimeter of him moving in and out of me, like the click click click of the roller coaster's slow climb before the first big drop.

I also worried that this was the last time that JJ would be inside of me. If it was, I wanted it to be one to remember.

I don't know for how long, but JJ slowly ground in and out of me. "It's difficult to go this slowly," he whispered in my ear.

"It feels so good," I answered.

"Can we flip over? I'll keep going slowly, but I want to kiss you while I do."

"Not yet. I want to stay like this for as long as we can. When I flip over, you'll have to go faster, or my legs'll cramp."

"Ask and you shall receive," he reminded me, his erection teasing me.

"Can you go all the way in and just stay there? I want to hold you there.... Yeah, just like that.... Now, relax completely.... No tension at all."

With JJ's body blanketing mine, I used my channel to grip and release his erection.

"Wow," I heard. "I didn't know you could do that. It feels really good. If you wanted to, I think you could finish me off like this."

"I don't want to. I want you to finish, but only after you've fucked me senseless."

"Are you ready for that?"

"I am."

We changed positions. JJ slid back into me and crashed his mouth against mine.

"Work me for a little bit like this," he said. "Like you were when I was behind you."

I flexed my channel like I had been, only faster. I wanted to give him the sensation I wanted him to give me.

"Oh my gosh," I heard. "I'm going to have to fuck you soon. Hard."

"Do it," I said, thrilled that he had used the word "fuck" again.

We went at it like beasts. I felt flesh tear under his nails and teeth. I tasted blood when we kissed too hard. I felt his flesh tear under my nails and teeth.

My bed springs screamed.

My headboard banged against the wall.

It was pure, wanton lust. I lost all sense of what was happening, the pleasure radiating from my channel tantamount to sensory deprivation, the only sensations I could feel the sliding of his erection in and out of me and the dripping of his sweat on my cheeks and chest.

I growled and thrashed as I started to come. It felt like my body singed when the hot ropes of fluid landed.

"Oh.... Oh.... Oh...." JJ cried out, loudly, as he, too, exploded, his fluid filling me.

Unlike every other time, he didn't collapse onto me. Instead, he kept at me, neither his erection nor his rhythm flagging.

I pulled my mask off and then his.

"Again?" I asked.

"I think so."

If he was going to double up, I wanted to also. I grabbed my flagging erection and started jerking myself in rhythm with his thrusts.

JJ watched intently as my hand worked with him. "I'll go when you go," he said. "I'm sure of it."

I was so close that I arched my back and aimed my erection at him. I wanted the second one to singe his body.

I almost blacked out when I came, the prior feeing of deprivation having turned to overload. I felt like I was feeling everything.

JJ pulled out of me, climbed over me, and unloaded on my face and neck. He roared as he came, before collapsing back on my pelvis, his spent body covered in sweat and his stomach covered in cum.

"You should see your face," he said, when he finally recaptured his bearings. "It's flush and covered in sweat and my stuff."

"Kiss me."

"No."

"Ask and you shall receive, remember?" I asked, using my hand to cover my face with what he'd left there.

"Fine," he said, lowering his body onto mine and kissing me with abandon.

"Blech," he said, when the kiss was over. "My stuff smells terrible. Acrid, almost."

"I love the way it smells," I said, licking at the corners of my mouth. "And tastes."

It was past midnight. We'd fucked for hours. JJ untied me and we staggered to the shower.

At first, the water burned where I'd been bitten and scratched. Then, I noticed JJ wincing, as the water burned where he'd been bitten and scratched.

"JJ," I said, "I'm so sorry.... I left a mark on your shoulder, another on your chest, and scratches on your back and shoulder blades."

"I know," he said. "It was worth it."

"But," I started, about the point out that his body was now evidence.

"

"Shhhhh," he cut me off. "It was worth it. I mean it."

"But...."

"I'm going to tell her. I told you that."

I kissed and licked everywhere I'd marked him. He did the same to me.

"The bruise on your neck is outrageous," he said, adjusting my shaving mirror so that I could see the huge, purpling mark that his mouth and teeth had left on the left side of my neck.

"Wow," I said, marveling at the discoloration. "How long did you suck my neck?"

"Not as long as I sucked your dick."

I grabbed him and kissed him until our mouths were raw and red. By the time I was done, the water was cold, him in my arms and me in his.

As we dried, we decided not to sleep, not to lose any of our remaining time to unconsciousness. Instead, we decided to talk, to try to sort through a path forward.

We were on the couch, JJ behind me, me between his legs, his hands on my abdomen, my hands on and intertwined with his.

"We can't go back to holding hands," I observed.

"I know."

"We also can't call or text."

"I don't think that's true. We just have to be smart about it, call and text like grown men call and text. Nothing else."

"Can we do Tangueray Tuesday here?"

"Yes."

"Can we keep training together?"

"Yes."

"Can we email again?"

"Yes."

"Can you live in two worlds at once?"

"Yes."

"Will you run cold again?"

"Probably. Off and on. When the guilt is too much for me to bear."

"Will you come back if you do?"

"I suspect."

"If you're forced to, will you choose her?"

"Yes. Them, not just her, but yes."

"You're a father first."

"Yes."

"I won't force you."

"You will. Sooner or later, you will. That, or you'll move on, to someone who can complete the landscape."

"I can't imagine moving on."

"Not now, but you will. Later than sooner, I hope."

"What time is it?"

He checked his mobile and answered "2:48."

"What time does your flight land?"

"11."

"So, we have eight hours?"

"We have eight hours."

We stayed where we were. I dozed and started, waking JJ.

"How long were we asleep?" I asked.

"Not long.... It's only 3:11."

"Will you take me to bed?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

We kneeled in the middle of the bed, facing each other and kissing like fools, each cradling the other's head. I was overwhelmed and interjected "I love you.... I fucking love you.... I love you so much" into the kissing.

He answered with "I love you, too.... So so much.... Omigod, H.... I miss you already.... I want you inside me...."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I don't want you to fuck me, I just want you inside me."

I entered him from behind, both of us on our sides, the lights on so he could watch in in the mirror on the back of my closet door. I entered him slowly, the goal not for either of us to come, but instead for both of us to feel the closeness that comes from one being inside the other, from two being joined as one.

He rested his head on the pillow. I rested my head on his, my right hand moving between his chest and crotch, playing with his hair, nipples, his navel, and his erection.

He kissed me from below, only the sides of our mouths and our tongues touching.

"You can fuck me if you want," he whispered, his channel clenching around me.

"You keep doing that and I won't have to."

He kept doing it, clenching and unclenching, clenching and unclenching as I kissed him as best I could and squeezed and teased his erection.

"I'm close," I said. "Go faster, if you can. I'm close."

His channel convulsed around me, squeezing and releasing, squeezing and releasing until I spasmed and twitched and released. Once I started releasing, I couldn't stop. I filled him with eight ropes.

"Will you go down on me, please?" he asked, once I had pulled out and cleaned what leaked out of him. He was on his back, his knees bent and his legs spread.

I smiled at his politeness. No one had ever asked me so nicely for something so base.

I answered with motion. I moved between his legs and slipped my mouth around him. I didn't think it would be, but knowing it could be the last time I ever had him in my mouth, I deigned to give him the best blow job I could, a blow job that was languorous and long and that had him repeatedly approaching, but then retreating from, the finish line.

I looked at the clock. It was 5:17. "You're not going to come before 6:30," I thought to myself.

He didn't. I used my lips and my tongue on him, kissing and licking and teasing until he finally demanded, "Jesus, H, you have to let me come. You have to."

I slicked my finger with spit and slid it into him. At the same time, I took him as deeply as I could. I couldn't get him all the way down, but I could get close enough that I could smell the sweat in his pubic hair.

When my finger found JJ's prostate, he said "oh my oh my oh my" as he raised his hips off the bed, higher than I could've imagined. It was hard to keep my mouth on him and my finger in him.

As quickly as he raised them, his hips dropped, hard, to the bed. My mouth and my finger left him, but not before my mouth tasted that he had ejaculated into it.

I dove back on him, milking every last drop out of him. "You must stop," I heard him hiss, the urgency in his voice more plaintive than I'd ever heard him.

Only a few hours later, I was desperately clinging to JJ, his back against my door, his time to leave nigh. "Please don't cry," he said. "Your crying will make me cry."

"I can't help it," I said. "These have been the best days of my life. I don't want them to end."

"There are better days ahead."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

The End

*****

Epilogue

After JJ left on Sunday, my apartment felt like a graveyard, empty and soulless. I couldn't bear to be in it, so I left for the lakes and an afternoon of lounging, running, and walking, my headphones protecting me from any attempted intrusions by others.

I ate dinner alone, sadly.

I cleaned up after dinner alone, sadly.

To mollify myself, I emailed JJ:

Hey:

Thank you for the best -- most unforgettable -- days of my life. It's melodramatic, but I feel like everything that came before was the ascent, the last five days were the peak, and everything that follows will be the descent, that -- no matter how many breaths are left in me -- none of them will rival the breaths that I took while you were here.

My apartment is unbearably quiet without you here.

My heart is unbearable quiet without you here.

I now know not only what it means to be in love, but also what it means to make love.

I'm bereft without you here.

H

That night, I couldn't sleep. One, I could smell JJ in my bed. Two, I felt like a dog that was left out after getting used to being kenneled. There was too much space in my bed, so much that it made me anxious. I wanted to be confined, JJ's arm over me, his right leg between mine, he chin in my neck. Three, I felt in my core that JJ was in that moment moving between Claire's legs, the expectation that he would after being away for days claim the marital bed.

I'd loved his answer to my email more.

H:

I've tried to answer, but words are insufficient. I've tried to use them, but they look pitiful on the screen, inadequate. My answer requires clay and music and paint. My answer needs size and scope. My answer needs contour and texture.

The fire has been lit. It shall burn forever. It is an eternal flame, burning in me for you and in you for me.

It is a conflagration.

It rages.

JJ

PS I may be a pyromaniac at this point in my life.

The symbolism, however, was not lost on me. Uncontrolled fires are destructive, destroying everything, indiscriminately.

Controlled fires are potentially destructive, threatening to skip or slip and destroy everything, indiscriminately.

Uncontrolled or controlled, the fire that burned between us was a demon, threatening to destroy everything, indiscriminately.

*****

JJ told Claire as soon as he "returned from Boulder." After a lot of silence and tears and, ultimately, soul searching, Claire decided she wanted to stay married to JJ.

We thought Claire's decision would be accompanied by an ultimatum about me, but it was not.

Instead, she asked to speak with me. "I think what you have done is despicable," she said. "You knew he was married, and you did it anyway. But, what's done is done, and Jackie is my best friend and my daughter's father. So, you can have some of him, but not all of him. And, for appearances, you are going to have to be a part of all of us. No matter what, and I mean not matter what, the girls are not to know."

And, then, she asked to speak to both of us. "No evidence," she had insisted. "None. At the first hint of suspicion, it's over."

We agreed.

Not long after, JJ was elected Attorney General, and I became his Chief of Staff. We were careful, but we kept at each other, whenever we could.

Two years later, JJ was elected to the Senate. We were moving to Washington during the week, me his Chief of Staff, living in the apartment adjacent to his, but really living in his, joining him through an interior door that we had installed.

We had not slowed down.

We were deeply, madly, truly.