All Comments on 'The Lazy Lemon Sun Ch. 03'

All the tension is back, now that Sandy has confronted Mark.

I'm not one of those readers whose highest priority is how the story resolves--I always try to enjoy the ride, regardless of the destination. And this is a terrific ride!

Lots of pieces still to fall into place--and I'll be the first one in line tomorrow to read how it all works out!

Thanks, ohio

you made a bed not of your own choosing and the big boys are nervous. TK U MLJ LV NV

Can't wait for the finale!

Good story. Well written, well spaced. I like it and look forward to chapters.

I was all ready to torch the bitch and then we hear her side of it. Wow. Excellent!

I love the way you write so entertaining. Just great story telling. Thank You!!!!!!

don't die publicly in a horrible, disfiguring, embarrassing industrial accident while being shat upon by syphilitic ferrets, there is no justice in this story.

You're a pretty good writer, Rehnquist; but the jury is out as to whether you're a great one. Only one way to determine that ...

Syphilitic. Ferrets.

Introducing an escalating emotional complexity at this point certainly increases the intrigue. Now, I wonder is Sandy saying what she has to say to bring her husband back into the fold? Or is she speaking from the heart? Add the little mystery of just what is happening with Clarice and that phone call, not to mention the hints that abound with Whitney and Rebecca, and even Ferlin, and you are getting a whole kettle of different fish.

Just what is coming up that will tie all this together, or sunder it apart for ever more?

Thank you! Looking forward to the final chapter.

I figured that Rebecca would be the villain of the piece. She might not be the rebound girl, but she doesn't seem to be the villain.

This portion had forward momentum. I don't know what to think about the wife yet. She seems a bit self serving, but I'm wired that way. And I suspect her cluelessness. But I can't wait to read the rest.

Let me be clear here. I am in India, in a cab going to an airport to catch my flight, and I took the time out to grab my computer to read this when I saw that chapter three was up

Stangstar still wins though

Another great addition to the Rehnquist oeuvre. I don't know how you're going to wrap all of this up in one more chapter, though. What with two sets of parents, Rebecca, the wife, the little brother, and the songwriting career, that's a lot to tie up in one more installment. I can't wait to read it. I really enjoy how the Grant City characters and locations weave in an out of your stories. Very well done. PLEASE don't wait so long between stories next time!!

You did a great job in portraying their emotions. Can't wait for the final chapter. Thanks.

there was no real need for bringing in characters from old stories though..... what you have now is a soap opera.....

but other than that, i have no other criticism....

eagerly awaiting your next instalment....

Can you please make your next story 300 pages long?? I can't put any of your writing down!

I can't put it down either. GREAT twist with Sandy. Rock on. drmike

...I stayed up late, waiting for this, and I'm not sorry I did! (Knew I wouldn't be)

Had a feeling this was how it would go with Sandy...except, I couldn't have anticipated she would actually reveal how she laughed at him with her friends. Jesus! I actually cried, reading that paragraph.

No matter what happens with Sandy, I can't see how the parents are to be forgiven, playing with his life and emotions like that. God, are there people out there in this country that still pull this shit?

Can not wait to see what happens

God, I hope Mark totally embarrasses their fathers for what they did to Mark and (to a lesser degree) Sandy. I can't wait to see how it ends.

. . . and then a powerful quarter of Sandy's falling in love. Just great stuff. Also powerfully telling is the conversation on divorce with Fargo; seemed to recall a Damp Grey scene to me as in advice to avoid total committment to avoid total defeat. Given your past stories, Chief, there are a number of roads to the final curtain and which two players will hold hands and do the bow and curtsey?

It seems that any color ink you use in your pen works Mr. Chief Justice, MacDonald would be proud that you are borrowing from his titles. I think I see a bit of Carl Hiaason as well.

Nice structure, well told . Can't wait for the next chapter

More turns than a twisty turny thing. Riveting stuff, can't wait for the next chapter. A big thanks for all your time and effort in writing your stories.

Thursday is becoming a special day.

I'll be damned if I can figure out how you're going to wrap this up in only one more chapter. But I'll be sitting here with bated breath waiting for it to post.

Really nice job.

Thanks for the great entertainment. A very good story. Mike from Texas

i'll give one, but i wanted to wait until after it was finished. i knew the wife loved him. the only thing left now is if they will stay together. and nice to see Teddy and Nick again.

Particularly, the insertion, that's what it was, about the song; that scene had a lot of potential to express emotion with, maybe, more on the 'lyrics' and the tone of the progression.

You like progressive Rock? Even just 'Pineapple Theif'. Just asking.

K. India.

To say it accurately,

It doesn't get any better than this. Well done.

I wish I could come up with something witty but your stories are so real I can just feel it in my bones, and it hurts.

Very very well done.

Now you need to suck it up and accept the low rating you are going to get for letting them get back together, cause in my mind, that is what needs to happen here. Have to remember that both, in a sense, are victims here. Parents of both basically prostitute the kids in power games.

As portrayed, both characters have flaws. Who doesn't. I want the fairy tale ending for them.

Added a comment and went to read other's. Damned if you didn't have 27 comments already and it's only 6:30 in the morning. Did people stay up all night waiting for your posting of this chapter? What a compliment.

Although you did say at the beginning that this would be another "run away husband" theme, it isn't quite the same as most of the others and you have written a completely unique setting. It's a great story so far and I'm looking forward to more.

done...n from all the comments on this early i guess other must like it also ... next chapter anyone

I just want to know when Allysin, Kristin's hot cousin, is going to join the mix. I think she is too hot of a commodity to leave out of Mark's life. Great story but I just can't see it ending with the next chapter.

This chapter upped the tension. That was appreciated. It left several unanswered questions. That's good. The writing was superb. I notice that when the Chief forgets to dot an eye, someone comments on his editing. I personally feel The Judge's writing is far cleaner than most stories edited a dozen times by someone else.

The one thing that confuses me is the main point in the plot. They were married for years and never actually spoke to each other. They are smart, well educated, successful people, sleeping together and yet they never really discuss kids, careers, goals, desires, needs, problems, fears, dreams, etc.? They sat at the table and sounded like two strangers just meeting. I realize that communication skills can be weak, but this just seemed like a huge gap. "I thought you knew we were in a sham marriage" thing seems weak. Then she decides to make it real without even telling him that she wants to switch to a real marriage? This is great writing and I love the story. Grant City is your universe and that's fine, but it seems like Anytown, USA to me, so I admit I have been missing many of the shadow characters mentioned....like the cop that likes Whitney. Is he someone we will, or already do know?

Long story short, this writing is almost flawless and interesting as all hell. Are there others that can write like this? Perhaps, but they need to step forward. It is my theory that writers do not compete, except that we make each other try harder to do better. The success of this story takes nothing away from Ohio or Stang or any other writers. It simply raises the bar. The Judge has passed the bar as well as raised it way up. Stories like this will make other good writers get better. The shit writers, however, will remain just that.

i can't stop reading this story and thinking about it. I do have a problem accepting the idea that the son of a Senator and son in law of a Governor running for president could disappear for more than 24 hours when he was using his true name. He was part of a celebrity couple and had been in the news as a result of his big case. If Sandy really loved him, everything would have been done to find him. The way he left, people would have guessed he was kidnapped or the victim of a crime or accident. How could he have been part of a fake marriage for 5 years without her doing or saying something to tip him off? Did they never fight?

A lawyer can't disappear a leave clients in the lurch. A lawyer would have confronted the plotting parents or investigated the situation not just walk away. I hope he doesn't go back to Sandy. She doesn't know what love is. She is just a mercenary I think Mark was infatuated with her. He wasn't broken up when she disappeared and he believed she was cheating on him. How could she think he was cheating on her when she saw him pouring over papers, going to court? An appellate lawyer is usually sitting at his desk all day. All she had to do was call the office to confirm he was there. But really she couldn't tell he thought it was a real marriage after 5 years?

well the major flaw is one you could drive a truck through. When the protagonist learned he was in an arranged marriage, why was he shocked? He and wifey should have been in tune with this from the start, seems to me.

If wifey thought they were going to split up after a year or two, a simple word or two back in the beginning of time, like: 'how private do you want me to keep my affairs?' -or- 'how long after the election should we stay together?' would have brought clarity to hubby's thought processes.

It was kind of an important topic that needed to be discussed between two business partners. The fact that hubby didn't know that it was a business would then have been rectified.

OTOH, then we wouldn't have much of a story, would we? Wish there was a better way to arrive at the moment of truth that lead to the rest of the story. This one requires serious suspension of disbelief.

Other than that, I'm as enthralled by this as anyone else. It's great and Rehnquist is a serious writer.

Still so many juicy plot possibilities.

Does he accept Sandy back, since it appears she does sincerely love him and her only fault was not realizing that he didn't know about their parents pushing them together?

Does he get the divorce and fall into the lovely Rebecca's bed, even though Rebecca has given almost no information about herself or why she's never married.

Or does Rehnquist go for the twist ending and have our erstwhile hero get both girls. Not that either girl has shown a real interest in that kind of relationship. And I can't see how it would work with 3 type A personalities like you have here. They'd all want to be #1.

And the face off with the parental units has to be coming as well.

In a way I feel sorry for Clarice. She's going to be dragged back into the family fight even if she'd rather stay out. And the outcome of that won't be pretty since the scandal of "married politician has love child with secretary and attempts to buy her off" tends to end political careers rather quickly. I get a feeling that Papa Senator is going to be freaking out about ending up Papa Nobody soon.

I just wish I didnt' have to wait 24 hours for the conclusion.

Rehnquist,

It is so nice to read a story on this site from an author who knows how to use paragraphs.

Your stories have a good flow so one can lose oneself in them. Most of the stories on this site one has to stop oneself periodically and reread some parts because authors confuse both characters and plot.

Keep writing; you always get a "5" on my evaluation.

Cordially,

Cladymoor

be perfect? So far this one seems to be.

I cannot wait to see how this pans out. I really enjoy Mark's voice and the whole "husband runs away" argument... The are men other than alpha's or chest beating Neanderthals but that's just MHO. I also like how Mark has come into his own, a bit of more than meets the eye and not a typical ugly duckling/swan. (Besides slim guitar playing guys with hot bods are right up many a girl's alley ;)) It will be interesting to see how he deals with the parents/inlaws... I'd assume anything with that much of a political stake... well they wouldn't be shy of trying to silence him.

Wish I could rate you higher than five for the enjoyment.

(On a side note, I don't think I'd be able to forgive Mark if he gets back together with Sandy. If she had half a brain as the depicted intelligence she's supposed to have she would have known what sort of guy Mark was, since she knew him from school... I know people change and do odd things but the fact that she was laughing at him behind his back, laughing! And not just her... He should move on preferably with someone who doesn't have a bone to be that dishonest to begin with. Okay I'll stop now... LOL Looking forward to the rest either way!)

Thank you, Mr. Chief Justice. I thought that there was no way that any of the writers on this site could live up to the standard set by Mr. D.Q.S., but you've done it. Can't wait for the grand finale tomorrow!

God almighty she sounds so fine. I dont care if its going to the movies or making a pot of beef stew on a cold rainy November day... or 3 hours in bed with her...

I am in LOVE....

There is a famous scene at the end of the movie THE UNFORGIVEN were the end of the film the evil bad Sheriff by Gene Hackman is lying on the floor of the saloon looking up at Clint Eastwood.... and he says

" I was a good man and don't deserve this...."

And Clint Eastwood as the cocks the double barrel shotgun... Looks down at him with that heavy gravel voice of his and says was probably the greatest line ever uttered in the classic western movie genre....

"Deserves aint got nothing to do with it "

In this story we have "Fuck fair. Fair aint got nothing to do with it "

fabulous....

as THE BULLET and a few others pointed out the story SEEMS a a plot hole in it or two. Mainly regarding why these two political families have not been launching a all out manhunt to find Mark. One possible answer might be that if they were to do such a thing he could attract a lot of attention and sink the presidential run with a scandal even before it gets started.

That being said what makes this story and all of Rehnquist stories so fabulous is that he'd of dialogue so well. I really cannot use the correct words to convey how impressed I am with this author's ability to make a conversation flow and develop the story and characters all the same time.

The only author that I can think of which comes close to showing this truly literary gift is late Robert B parker - the mystery writer superb who did the fabulous SPENSER and JESSE STONE stories.

A lot of authors can spend a lot of time here are learning from the fabulous use of dialogue here to move the story along and conveying the thought process and emotional mindset of the protagonist.

One final comment with regard to SANDY.

Assuming that all of what she is saying here is correct --and I see no reason why it could not be accurate and the truth--- There are still questions regarding her actions to the marriage crisis when Mark started to withdraw from her emotionally as he got more involved in the legal case .

Sandy is arguing that she did in fact grow to Love MARK and she realize that she was very happy with him and that this is no longer a pretend or politically arranged marriage.

Yet her reaction to the marriage crisis brought on by MARKS deep involvement in the legal case speaks of cynicism .... not Love.

She claims that she just figured mark was pulling away and beginning to find somebody else on the side which is sort of expected in political or arranged marriages. Again that maybe true but that is NOT how somebody in love REACTS to a marriage crisis like this.

Can't wait for the next chapter and for the next story.

God, I love this story; it stands head and shoulders above most of the other stuff around.

That said: The motivation for Sandy's affair seems a little weak -- she complained about about Mark's late hours but never did anything to confirm his explanations, which she allowed herself to believe to be excuses. Plus, she really can't have it both ways; either she believes Mark is a puppy dog and in absurdly in love with her, or he's in on the marriage-of-convenience scam and doesn't really love her. Either he's an open book ... or not.

The interesting wrinkle here would be for that all to be true, that her explanation for her behavior and "affair" is false, but that she has finally decided she wants the marriage anyway, and she's spinning her actions and infidelity to appeal to Mark.

Whatever. So, then the question is, what is Rebecca's secret and is it enough to derail her relationship with Mark?

She seems to be a better bet for Mark in the long run than Sandy, anyway.

Assuming they start out with a clean slate.

but at your request I'll comment along the way. Always love that your characters are so well fleshed out and realistic. Love meeting your old characters as peripheral characters in current stories. Love the story though I think his naivete re: the arranged marriage seems implausible from a intelligent attorney from a political family. Sandy does not seem believable. Not that she is lying (though she might be), but that she doesn't ring true. Not a redeemable marriage in my opinion. The damp, gray gone had a more redemptive marriage and that was DOA. I can go with a torch or a reconciliation if it's well written and that, your honour, you never fail to deliver.

Thank you for all the many hours of enjoyment you've give us.

that pretty much somes itup!

How are you going to wrap all of this in only one more chapter?

I flat out love Rebecca, right now she's as real to me as the woman who just left my lab. I really think that Sandy has just delivered another of her Oscar worthy

Performances. The only line of her's that I believed was that she and her friends laughed at him. Mark should let her head back to Memphis and find herself a clone of his big brother from another politically necessary family and move on with his life. You can't build true love from a foundation of lies and that's all they have.

I love this story. Maybe not as much as "damp gray" but it's no secret that I've always thought that was the best story ever written. Excellent job! SS06

This is another of your terrific stories and one of the reasons you have become one of my favorite authors. Can't wait to see how the characters continune to develop and want happens next.

This is the first time I think I am going to root for them to get back together.

Yet again you build a story with real people and a compelling tale. Your characters are so genuine I can almost recall where I meet them.

What a line, even if I am having a little trouble thinking of a posterior pouting. Perhaps I have not looked at enough of them, but no, that can't be it either.

Lots of loose ends brought together in this chapter and as usual, I like the story. Good plot with a few twists and turns, but it all comes alive because of the dialog. The characters actually talk to each other and the dialog is interspersed with the characters doing things that give it all a dimension, instead of just words on paper.

I must admit that I am not terribly surprised at Sandy's revelation and the fact that she had fallen in love. It may be a bit of a stretch to not know Mark was not in on the plan after being married for that amount of time, but it certainly adds to the story line.

I am rooting for Mark and Rebecca, but I suspect as usual you are going to disappoint me in that regard. Come to think of it, something in the back of my mind tells me that your male lead never marries the lawyer after the SHTF.

Several things still seem improbable. But here is the worst;

"Because lawyers aren't allowed to sleep with their clients. Big no no. Quick ticket to disbarment."

He honestly does not know this?

Love your stories but for a man who can pretty well do anything he has to be the dumbest lawyer i ever read about, 8 years together and they never talk or their friends never talked about their relationship. Anyway to each there own some people love a story i love a story i can relate to this one is to much of a fantasy.

Once upon a time there was a minor prince ( of a fellow ) named Mark. He was a heck of a young man ... smart as a whip ( went to law school , made law review) . He was talented ( played guitar semi-professionally) and industrious ( tended bar ).

Mark was however not a jock , a scosh reticent ( except for guitar skills ) , not physically imposing ( small but what was there was YOKED ). Ergo Mark could not be the heir designate and family star who would date a beautiful princess ( not related by blood, this is Loving Wives not Incest). The princess was the daughter of allies to Mark. That lot in life fell to Mark's older / bigger/athletic and more charming ( in classic extravert mode ) brother.

Mark WAS however a reasonably competent driver. This quality came into play when unfortunately big brother crashed and tragically passed on. Suddenly the game changed. He was summoned to his father. Some parental ju-jitsu was applied to new heir designate with net result that Mark was new Lion- Legal King in training. His guitar was relegated to side BUT the aforementioned princess suddenly came to center and THEY became magically a couple and lived happily ever after.

Well...not exactly: there was this terrible misunderstanding where for no fault of his own - Mark saved a innocent man but had to work horrendous hours in the endeavor. When he turned around his queen was gone and wouldn't take his calls.

Mark searched and searched but was totally unaided by the missing queens BFFs who not only didn't help. but treated him as an afterthought akin to newspapers of yesteryear before there was Kindle . Then suddenly SHE was back. Mark was such a prince , he waived any expanations as to her exact whereabouts and they lived happily ever after.

Well not exactly...purely by chance Mark overheard his in-laws disclose that their daughter has married him merely to further the two families' burgeoning dynasty. This was akin to a bolt from the blue ( or royal purple). Upon further investigation , Mark discovered a junior prince secreted far far away in Kingdom of Grant City.

Mark took leave of mercenary wife , moved to Grant City and hit reset in terms of his vocational trajectory and once again plied dual trades of barkeep and minstrel . Divorce papers were duely served as he hooked up with legal eagle hottie and lived happily ever after .

Well not exactly... SHE ( the aforementioned mercenary princess bride) came to Mark's triumphant gig P.D.Q. with a passionate confession and plea sort of hybrid. True, she had not initially loved him but after prolonged period of intiamate exposure had grown to love him back .

Except for that bumpy patch where she trifled with others because she thought he was trifling with others and it was a horrible misunderstanding because he trifled only with the pursuit of justice and saving a wrongfully convicted man with a hilariously grandiose name ( Napoleon f__g Bonearo). Tears fell as she begged forgiveness and vowed her eternal though wee bit belated love.

Suddenly all was in flux. Which woman should Mark pledge his troth to ? What of the exiled princeling ?How to determine Mark's royalties from his songs with MP3 download versus shrinking cd market share dynamic in play. All that assured is Mark, our savant naïf , will not be consuming rubber chicken at 1000 dollar a plate fundraising dinners.

Buckle up buttercups and be appropriately ( I know I am ) grateful ( I really am ...

really!) to Rehnquist for outside of Stang it's been bit of a dry spell in Loving Wives. D.Q.S. last sighted leaving that moebius strip of a story ' Paul & Paula' which was very proficent but equally as frustrating for it had indeterminate beginning and ending. Trust in Rehnquist for a clever twist if appropriate and dispense justice according to qualities of his characters.

For he would never ever ( shudder) castle stone us and leave us with Sophia's ( non) choice.

I love the reappearance (won't call it "recycling") of characters. Nice to see Whitney happy. So many LW stories paint the women as monsters. Describing good people who do bad things is much tougher, and you do it well.

Another common point in many such stories - and one that others here have mentioned about Mark and Sandy - is lack of communication. I often wind up shaking my head over plot contrivances that hinge on some obvious, yet unmentioned, point. I think it is mentioned here because your stories are so good and you write so well that people look for something they can carp about. Human nature is a sad thing.

Geez, the end of my world as I knew it. I agree with Harry. Who'dhavthunkit! She was playing house and got sucked in? What about his half-brother? My hope is to have another 30 chapters or more.

Next I'll agree with the BIG W!

that Sandy and Mark get back together. Best parts of the story by far are their interactions. Two flawed characters, but if all that's been said is true, both very much in love.

Thing that I find most out of character for Mark is how litle he's agonised over Sandy since he left and how easily he fell into bed with Rebecca without considering Sandy. Though, personally, I find the running away without talking to his wife thing a bit strange too.

One of the best stories I've had the pleasure of reading in a long time. Keep writing.

your comment is a story in itself, but spot on. there is a growing feeling of fairy tale in this story of the lemon sun, i agree. a very well written fairy tale, but a fairy tale nevertheless. but i'm sure we'll find that there is enough rottenness in the state of denmark to counter the sweetness... soon. this is rehnquist, you know.

I'll leave a comment. At 52 entries and counting, everything has been said, and praise for your skill is unanimous.

One chapter to clean up the denouement? Or is the climax yet to come? Gonna have to be a lot of skill packed into 4 pages!

The wife states that she thought hubby knew that their marriage was a sham. BUT, she never, even casually, when he thought he was having an affair, mentions that since she was suspecting him of cheating, hubby might be more discreet to protect both families political fortunes? No? Why not? So the Author could later write this chapter?

You obviously play a guitar, something I did myself many many years ago. Mine is an Epiphone, one of those real ones, I suspect you know what those are.

You also write, and so very well I find myself a tad jealous of your skill.

I would guess that 90% plus of the stories I start to read here, I never bother to finish or even vote.

This morning I read the first three chapters in one sitting.

Excellent.

Thanks,

MGM

The story moves on with Sandy trying to explain to Mark what her position was in their marriage. However, I have some problem understanding this serious discussion between Sandy and Mark. For example, what does this mean "When I finally saw the news conference." I must have missed something in the reading - what news conference?

Sandy's explaining is really not clear to me. But maybe only me. I'll re-read it tomorrow.

Among the loose items is, of course, the little brother. Does anyone else have a feeling that the little brother is actually going to turn out to be a nephew, conceived with the Stephen shortly before his death. The timing seems to work with what we have for the car accident. That could also explain Clarice's sadness. The irony of that would be that Stephen and the family would then appear to have been doing to Sandy what she and the family did to Mark. That is, planning a marriage for appearances, only that time it would have been Sandy who was clueless.<BR>

<P>

Alternatively, perhaps Schuyler is indeed a brother and Stephen found out about Clarice's pregnancy and was coming back from brokering a deal with Clarice for his father when he had his accident. Or maybe Stephen has no connection to Schuyler and I just have an over active imagination. :)<BR>

<P>

Of course, resolution of the Schuyler issue does not seem all that critical to the resolution of the story. I anxiously await the publication of the last chapter.

PaRebel

Brilliant!...you have had me captivated from the first paragraph. Can't wait for more!

Very tightly written story. To me this story seems real. I will

read this with enjoyment. thank you!

Any constructive criticism I had for the last chapter has been remedied here, and the only technical stylistic issue I can see is the jarring changes from first to third person. With this stories strengths, that is hardly criticism at all. So instead of commenting on the feel of the piece (which I can't praise strongly enough) I'll taklk about the plot.

This chapter contained the most believable exposition of the cheating wife's position I. Have ever seen. Because of Daddy's election bid, though, there is some unavoidable doubt as to her motives. I see a pretty clean plot device that can be used to clear up that doubt, and I hope the judge uses it just because i'd like to know one way or the other. Depending on how that turns out, I can easily see him with Sandy or Rebecca.

I will be up bright and early to see how it turns out. Thanks again, Judge.

Wulf

I have to feel a little for Sandy. He parents didn't do her any favors by not telling her Mark wasn't in on the secret. It sounds like Sandy and Mark had what they both wanted right up to the time their parents shafted then yet again. I can see it going either way but if they do make it, they should cut both sets of parents off cold...absolutely no contact with any of them and stay out of Tennessee.

Every year or so, a story appears in LIT that immediately proclaims that the author is a real writer, a writer with talent and a deep understanding of the human condition, and one with a firm control of the technique of fiction. Many of your readers have made perceptive and appreciative comments about the subject of this work; I prefer to think of the skill you possess. Your dialogue, especially, flawlessly reveals character and moves the story along. The single sex scene -- in chap. 3 -- is worthy almost of an Edmund Wilson; it is sensitively handled, with detail that is delightful. believable, and it does not pander to the perversities that seem, at times, to dominant this site. Congratulations.

You've succeeded in pulling me into another of your well-written stories. Can't wait to read what happens in chapter 4 tomorrow. I am less sure of the ending than most stories.

He had sex while married. But, AFTER he left and that makes it different.

No reconciliation, please.....

I’m completely hooked and can’t wait for the rest. I hope Mark and Sandy stay in that area and never go home again. I hope their political families don’t kill them.

happy every day to write crap of this quality. So please go on writing your crap as it is better then what other authors think is good. And I'm happy and curious to see how your stories look like when you think they are good.

Thanks.

Mark is the father of Schuyler(he was drunk that night) and he decides to live in Grant City and raise his son while tending bar and writing songs. Sandy wants the big city life of Memphis and leaves Mark.

As a commenter also said how does a U.S. Senator’s son and governor’s son-in-law managed to disappear for months? Methinks those two politicos would have many a string to pull to locate him…

So now Mark’s an adulterer too… but at the time he did it there was a chance that perhaps his “wife” isn’t… he said he had suspicions she cheated but had no proof. So it was possible she cheated but also that she didn’t, making him in that case the sole cheat… He should have kept the moral high ground and start divorce proceedings before doing that… Doing that made him come down a bit from his hill. How’s Sandy going to react when she finds out? And how do you resolve this angle?

The irony is that Sandy now claims that although arranged the marriage may have been, she ultimately fell in love with him but thought that he knew as well. The couple’s communication was really warped… both sides thinking the other was going to leave him/her, but both in love with each other… Each looking at each other through their – mistaken – preconceptions of the reality they were in and this causing them to make wrong choices.… Question is whether she’s telling the truth of her part... or is it just a ploy to lure Mark back in the family fold. If she is telling the truth (which I’m hoping for), I’m really rooting for reconciliation and some payback for their political family members… If she isn’t, than she deserves to be “hang” with the other politicos.

A marriage where both partners aren’t in love but through the years grow to love each other was not uncommon in the old days when marriages were arranged, especially within the upper class. Sometimes it only grew to fondness and sometimes they grew to loath each other and had separate lives. Nowadays such a marriage is less a given in the USA but still not unthinkable… after all, one often still sees that old money still weds old money or power. But the communication mishap is less believable in real life, good as it may be storywise

I thought when reading the 2nd chapter whether it would be funny if Shuyler wasn’t Mark’s half-brother but his nephew instead, born from an illicit relationship between his brother and his father’s secretary… That avenue is still open. This would mean that his brother was cheating on his fiancée Sandy… and Mark’s father covered it up to save his golden boy’s political future… after all they were planning a big political career for Mark’s elder brother. The timing of his brother’s death and the child’s birth seem to be coinciding… A further possibility could then be that Clarice was his brother’s one true love and his engagement with Sandy was as arranged and politically expedient as Sandy and Mark’s marriage.

A minor possibly problematic thing is that you now have at least five story angles (the political angle, the musical angle, the marriage angle, the lover and the child)… How are you going to resolve them all while giving each its due? I’m waiting with anticipation… Please give us more!

Just does not ring true. There are so many places in the story when she could have said something -- especially when he expresses surprise at the way the relationship initially and rapidly progressed -- that it seems clear that while she was in the scam, she had to know he wasn't. At that moment when he was shocked that they were talking marriage, if she thought he was in on it that would have been the time to say so and talk it over. And it is contradictory for her to say that she thought he was trying to get her to love him for real and moments later say that he was with someone else because he knew he could get out.

Since it is your style to mix and match stories (obviously, the cop is the detective who helped rescue her in Damp Grey), and since this is somewhat the first time you have anything with Rebecca, I do not believe that you will pair them since Rebecca is still a blank slate in this and the other stories. There is more character development with Whitney here than with Rebecca. So I believe he will relent because he has always loved her though she will have a lot to make up for, and I believe a price he will demand is to stay there and do songs and to force Daddy to let him have a relationship with the brother.

..a real pot-boiler !!

Got me into the story Big Time.

You're clever way of weaving all things / emotions together,captured my interest,and shadowed a part of my Life.

At this time Sandy has not convinced me - too much Mea Culpa - and not enough of her lawyers skill evidenced,which she readily displays in her own defence,such as it is...

I love my childhood Teddy Bear,but unless you post the next chapter of this fine story soon - the Teddy gets it !!:-)

I see other commentators have ideas about how the story should go. Me, I think I will accept whatever you write. I have some ideas about what I want to happen, but since this is not my story I won't even mention them.

For tomorrow's chapters. This was an especially good set of chapters. Lots of impact and emotion. After thinking about Mark and Sandy, I kinda think they deserve each other. They both are shallow, not questioning each other about important things in their lives together. No matter what either of them did to each other, their parents are the really evil ones in this story. Their actions were really intolerable! Thanks again for sharing.

R,

Seems I and most agree. This is great. They were both mistaken (wrong). They do have something together not apart from history before their last 3 years. More than each being with anyone else would have as much. Stand up Mark, find how you want to put it right!

Humble thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

One of the best stories I've read on here. It has a couple of holes (him not realising that lawyers can't sleep with their clients, and being able to disappear for a couple of months) but the story is no worse for that; it's just a fantasy.

I love your descriptive writing and dialogue. And for what it's worth, I suspect he's wrong about the identity of the father of his half brother.

Can't wait for the final chapter.

Or not. This is the kind of thing that makes a man wanna' git a gallon a moon. It's time to put the brake on the old marriage truck. Park it for a while or part it out. She is really going to have to follow him around like a puppy now. It might take a while, or not. Maybe she can pull an elephant out of her hat. I have had the dating conversation several times in my life and one thing remains a constant, divorced women are tainted to most men. It is also agreed that the rest of them are in various stages of mental illness. :)

I love the way you capture the reality of life. At all the wrong times we have made assumptions that, at times, lead to a bad situation. Sandy and Mark made several and now they pay the price. Again thanks for sharing your work with us, please continue...

All of the little conversations and information that are put into the story, plus all of the side stories that are going on, make this story come alive.

Good writing and editing, makes the story read very smooth and held my interest through out.

It's quite sneaky how the author is trying to bring out sympathy for the 'to be ex-wife' Sandy, in how sad and misinformed she was about her marriage, and now knows that she has made a very big mistake by not telling Mark that she really wanted the marriage to work.

A really great story, and I'm anxious to read the next chapter.

Thanks for the good story.

I will give you one. I read the first three chapters now, and it is excellent! I look forward to each installment. That said, I cannot give it a 5 as I just don't think it measures up to some of the really great stories posted in the past by you and others.

I will readily admit I have given other stories "4"'s that are of a lesser writing quality, but for which I enjoy the topic or subject matter a great deal.

I don't know how you are going to tie all the loose ends up in one final chapter, unless it is double the size of the first three.

Also, incorporating characters from your past posts is not as enjoyable to me, although it does give one the benefit of character insights by the serial Renquist reader without fleshing them out in this story post. As such, you have a level of complexity that is far beyond what we get here on a usual basis. Kinda like a "Hardy Boys" series..or the James Bond series, or many others, where past characters show up and the reader has to have a functional understanding of them by having read the past works.

As many others already pointed out: she does not ring true. Her excuses do not stand any closer examination. Why didn't she come after him earlier? Why didn't she seek a conversation earlier in the marriage? How did she find him if not with the help of the treacherous parents?

I hope you are not going for reconcilliation. That would spoil the story for me at least a bit. (But this request is probably useless, since the last part will be already posted when I am writing this comment.)

The best story on Lit-LW I ever read: 5*

So Sandy knows this is all a game and never once does she sit down with the guy she is going to be tied to for at least a couple years and ask "So we are going to be together for a couple years, what are the rules for this game?" If she had been trying to hide it from him I could believe she avoided such a conversation. But she thought he was in on the joke and just playing his part really well. There would have been no reason to avoid the topic. And yet she never brought it up? She says she made certain comments that he kind of went along with. Blah. The things she said barely touched on the reality. That's not believable considering the scope of the plan.

The only problem I have with this story is that I can't wait for the next chapter to come out. I love the way you keep us guessing if Mark will reconcile with his wife or leave her behind and move on to some one else.

come on guys - there are many more ways to skin this cat.

Whitneys' new beau could be her ex - her "hero", ex military, older than her ex. Kinda mirroring the bar owners problem... I mean, "You Got a Friend"?

That of course leaves our hero out in the cold, since Whitney and Rebecca are now out of play - can Sandy make a statement of enough power to indicate that she is in fact committed to being married to Mark? Could be - she moves to Grant City, he become a county western guy with a side in lawyering... could also not be, could be she is just doing what her parents require, version 2. And what about Clarice?

If I were writing this one, I would leave the ambiguity of whether Mark would give in to the parents, either voluntarily or not, until the very end. The parents are still in play - Clarice (interlocuter to evil) is attempting to keep evil from taking over her life more - she is desperately attempting to save her son. What will Mark do, when she and Sandy and the child are put at risk by the parents?

Anyway, an excellent story as is obvious to everyone, and I too thank R. for his efforts on our behalf.

Green-something

(not that I want to rain on what R. is up to, but weighing in on possible plot developments while entertaining does kinda dis the author... and so comments as to whats "gotta" happen in the story is just junk)

Sandy isn't telling the truth. She's scamming Mark for her father's political ambitions. Also... the boy is not Mark's brother, but his nephew. Mark's brother fell in love with his dad's secretary and fathered the child. Because this would hurt the family's image, the brother's "accident" was engineered by his own family. What I don't know is "who knew what... and when?" Perhaps I'm dead wrong, but it would make a good story, no?? ;)

Nothing from wifey about having to be swayed by the creepy factor, the living brother, and she had been with the other brother, to be a part of this arrangement? She felt the bonding? And her doubts of his fidelity, much she did not do, but get with at least one other guy? Interesting path thus far.

Enjoy the ride, guys. Stories like this one don't come along that often.

The conversation between Mark and Sandy is potent. It is emotionally powerful when she admits to teasing with her friends behind his back. You write believable conversations. Damn-it, I'm disappointed this is a four-part story and I've already finished three. Is it rude to request extra helpings before the conclusion is served?

This is a great story, I can't wait for the next installment. Keep it coming.

I think you are the best writer here. You tell a good story with solid characters and a believable plot.

if you carefully craft a story full of 3-dimensional characters, even if it is long, it doesn't seem like that at all because after each page, we want more pages... to find out what is going to happen... <p>

as Ohio noted, the "journey" is more important than where the story ends up ("forced reconciliation" or not), IF THE STORY, again, is intelligently written... <p>

authors should not use gimmicks or mindless writing tricks like repeatedly, every other line, cutting off a character's thoughts, making dialogues halting and stupid, for BOTH the readers and the characters. stories should be written simply; characters can be highly clever or simple-minded.... so long as the AUTHOR is able to carry through allowing those characters to stay true to their cleverness or simpleton. <p>

finally, what makes stories and characters interesting is when they have a life other than the other person or sex to tell the readers; authors need to invest time into building characters who have hobbies, conflicting thoughts, etc. other than the trials and tribulations that we all --- fiction and non-fiction characters --- go through.

So well done. The only reason I won't say it's your best is because you write so well all the time. Can't wait to see how you resolve this. But I think they should both divorce his parents.

Really captivating read, well crafted characters, good subplots, mystery!! Like who fathered the boy, bad daddy or the dead older brother?? Is Sandy being truthful in this chapter or is she a sociopath like ma and pa? Either way our hero was used and abused. I appreciate story writing like yours that excludes fantastical legal manouvering that is highly improbable. I do love a cheating story with vindication for the wronged party.... Thanks for entertaining us! As an aside observation ... I'm rooting for the new hottie girlfriend, you just couldn't ever trust Sandy again.