The Link

"I know," Rose said softly, "neither did Natalie."

"Well, she's coming back as soon as I find a car!"

"No," Rose said, shaking her head, "Natalie is going to help you with her." She bounced Stinky on her lap and made her smile. I started, for the first time, unable to enjoy that smile. It took me a moment to come up with a response. When I did, it disappointed me.

"No, she's not," I insisted.

"Yes, Sam," Rose said quietly, "she is."

"You can't be alone," I added with more strength.

"Yes, I can," Rose countered. An image formed in my mind of Rose gasping her last alone. My eyes welled up. I hated that I cared. No wonder I steered away from people before. They screwed up my insides.

"You..." I started, and the tears came, and my mouth didn't want to work.

"I love you too," Rose said sweetly. That made it worse. I had no experience to help me with the horrible feelings coursing through me. I covered my eyes with my hand and tried to hide behind it. My lungs decided to dance, and I lost everything I thought a man should be. Stinky had ruined me.

Rose moved her chair next to mine. I felt her arm wrap around me, and Stinky moved partially on my lap. I wanted Rose to stop but leaned into her instead. Her breathing was erratic as mine. I let her hold me, thought better of it and wrapped my arms around her as well. I swore to myself that I would never again let anyone else get close. Stinky and Rose were it. At least, Stinky wasn't going to die on me.

"Where was the Magna Carta enacted?" Rose whispered when her voice returned. It was a stupid question and completely out of place.

"Runnymede," I replied after clearing my throat. I answered because it was Rose that asked.

"You're a lovely man," Rose continued, "with a wonderful mind. You have an amazing future ahead of you and Stinky to care for." Some of my control returned. I wasn't used to praise having not experienced it much in the past.

"Only because of you and Stinky," I admitted.

"It was always there," Rose said, her smile evident under her red eyes, "you just never had a direction to go in." I nodded.

"I do love you, Rose," I said, looking at her, "and I have never felt so horrible in my life."

"It comes with the territory." Rose smiled. "Your tears, your smile, your being here right now makes me think I am better than I am. I could ask nothing more from a friend." I had no idea it went both ways. I thought she had been tolerating me, more like a teacher. At best, I wasn't the worst kid in the class.

"You'll be alone," I argued.

"I have other friends," Rose said, looking down toward Stinky, "and who knows, you three could be back when this blows over." She shifted Stinky over to my lap, "I have to open the garage door for Tom." She left me there, stewing in a world of grayness. I gave Stinky my finger, and she grasped it tight, smiling. I let her fill me, hoping there was a sense to my misery.

Knowledge and confidence did nothing for my grief. I closed my eyes and tried to embed the memory of Ruth in my mind. Unintentionally, her thoughts flooded through. I could see her pain at her husband's slow passing, the inability to do anything but be there. My breath caught in my throat at the images she tried to forget. She wanted to remember him as he was and now the end was her first thought. I wiggled my finger free.

"The door is open," Rose said as she returned, "you had better get ready." She reached out for Stinky, so I could gather our things quickly. I stood and kissed her cheek, knowing she wouldn't find it uncomfortable.

"I'll always remember you as you are right now," I said.

"And you tried to convince me you were dull," Ruth responded with her lovely smile. I smiled back, taking the credit. Stinky couldn't argue with it. She shooed me out of the kitchen as her eyes began to fill again. I had to wipe mine as I packed.

Traveling in a trunk is a lot more uncomfortable than I imagined. I felt every bump, and there was little done to reduce the noise from the road. The pillows that Ruth gave us helped Stinky more than they did me. She fit neatly on one, and my arm kept her from moving around. I, on the other hand, had my knees cocked, and my hip was acting as a shock absorber.

Had it been any other baby, I suspect there would have been crying. Though I could barely see Stinky's face in the dark, I knew there was the same calm expression that she always held when she wasn't smiling. About fifteen minutes into the trip, Stinky let loose with a bubbly rumble. I closed my nose and stifled a laugh. If someone was going to search the car, they would need a gas mask. I could almost taste the smell as my eyes began to water.

We passed through the roadblock with little effort. Tom shouted out a good-natured greeting to someone who returned an insult with equal friendship. Tom retorted and sped by so he could retain the last word.

"Good God," Tom yelled, once we hit highway speed," did you die back there?"

"I might," I yelled back laughing, "she definitely can call some flies." I could hear Tom laughing and the sound of wind increasing. He had opened a window. It was too hard to carry on a conversation, so I settled in for the rest of the trip.

"Oh, you poor man," Natalie laughed, moving backward and waving her hand in front of her face. Stinky laughed which caused Natalie to stop her retreat and take her from me. I climbed out of the trunk to find Natalie grimacing as she held Stinky as far away from her as she could. She tried to hand her back but declined with a laugh.

"I'm surprised you're still with the living," Tom joked as he pulled our bags and pillows from the trunk.

"You kind of get used to it after ten minutes or so," I lied.

"You need to change her," Natalie begged as her arms began to tire.

"I thought you wanted to learn," I reminded her.

"This smells worse than last time," Natalie whined, "do all babies smell this bad?" I shrugged my shoulders. Stinky was the only kid I ever changed.

"My nephews don't smell that bad," Tom informed her, "I mean they can smell, but Stinky is a whole new level of stench." I shouldered the bags znc laughed at Tom's description. Natalie looked concerned that my arms weren't free.

"Let's change her in your car," I suggested. I tried not to laugh as Natalie hobbled to her car trying not to hold Stinky too close.

"I have to head back," Tom said before I could move to follow Natalie, "I don't want to raise too much suspicion by being gone too long."

"You risked a lot. Not sure we could have made it out without you," I admitted, freeing up one of my hands which he shook hardily. "I will be listening for your sax," I added with a smile.

"You take care of her," Tom said, moving back to his car, "I'm not sure what's best, but Stinky trusts you, so I do as well." He opened the driver's door, then leaned over the hood with his arms, "You're risking a lot, you know that don't you? They won't stop looking."

"I'm all she has," I replied, "I've got nothing but her." I looked at the ground for a moment, then looked back up, "I was shit before she found me. Now, I have a purpose beyond my next meal. Right or wrong, I like the feeling and will ride it to wherever it takes me."

"Sam," Natalie called. There was a desperation in her voice, "this is getting gross."

"Sorry to leave you outnumbered," Tom chuckled as he climbed into his car. I watched him drive off before I moved to Natalie. She had a look of disgust on her face. Stinky was lying on the back seat, obviously as stinky as ever.

"Ready for you lesson," I smiled.

"Here?" Natalie asked, looking around for a place to run. The expression on her face made me cave into her reluctance. I also questioned if the back seat of a car was the best place for a newbie to deal with one of Stinky's deposits.

"I'll take this one," I said, adding a laugh. The relief on Natalie's face was worth the sacrifice. I liked the idea of handling this for her. I wasn't sure how changing a diaper made me feel more manly, but it did. I wasn't doing it for Stinky, I was doing it for Natalie, and I could see her appreciation. I might as well have jumped in front of a bullet by the look in her eyes.

When the grossness was complete, I proudly lifted Stinky into my arms. Natalie smiled at me. It was more than a smile of gratitude and confused me for a second. There was an awkward silence that I broke by picking up the rolled up dirty diaper and wipes. "Is there a garbage can around here?" I asked as I looked around.

"By the front entrance," Natalie pointed. Stinky and I headed to the garbage as Natalie began packing Stinky's supplies back up. I walked slow, trying to figure out the smile Natalie had given me. Most women smiled at me, and it never made it to their eyes. I had never figured out if it was fear or just politeness. Rose had been one of the first since grade school who smiled with friendliness. Natalie's smiles had been more at my expense in the past, especially when she had handed me a stinky Stinky the first time. The smiles had become more comfortable, but nothing like what she had just done.

I tossed the diaper in the waste can and stood still for a second. The smile held warmth. I shook my head. Natalie was a lawyer, a damn good one by Rose's account. I was way off her radar. It was Stinky that had her where she was. A common interest in the welfare of a child is what she was smiling at. So she had a pretty smile that made me lose my train of thought. I would just ignore it so the trip didn't get weird for her.

I was halfway back to the car when I saw them. Two men, one holding Natalie's arm the other standing on her other side. Both were large, dressed in jeans. The one on the left had gray hair that seemed premature compared to his face. The other, a was wearing a skin tight blue t-shirt with a gold chain prominently displayed. Natalie was scared. My hand found Stinky's barefoot.

Perfect presence fused my mind to my body. I knew the two thugs were just that, thugs. They had been waiting for us, and I could sense every wayside oasis in many directions held the same types. They weren't government, but the gloves they wore told me they were equally informed. Both were armed, 9mm their minds told me, but they wouldn't use them. They had orders; nothing could harm the child.

"Who are your friends?" I said, smiling at Natalie as I approached. Stinky flooded me with alternatives, solutions I knew would work. There was no way I was going to let go of Stinky. Both of these guys had five inches and fifty pounds on me.

"Run," Natalie said as calmly as possible. The guy who was holding her arm must have tightened his grip by the way Natalie cringed. Anger filled me. Something I had not felt when bonded before. I didn't like them hurting Natalie.

"What do you morons want?" I asked with a menace I knew I could support. I settled Stinky on my left hip, freeing my right leg for movement. Vital locations on their bodies began to identify themselves in my mind, and my fury began to burn hotter.

"We just want the child," the idiot on the left said. Of course they did. I moved closer, wanting them within easy range.

"Release her," I demanded, "and we'll talk about it." The one holding Natalie's arm moved behind her and wrapped his arm around her neck. The other took a step toward me.

"The kid or her," the man said, nodding toward Natalie, "or we'll just kill you both and take her anyway." I could feel he meant it. He had a strong desire to make sure Stinky wasn't hurt. His life depended on it. I tucked Stinky closer to my body to allow me to center my weight on my left foot.

"No," I repeated, "release her." The man approached as the other's arm tightened around Natalie's neck. Natalie reached up and began to pull desperately at the arm. Anger, I had never felt before, surged through me like white hot lightning. My right foot moved so quickly; I barely saw it connect with the free man's face with a sickening crunch. Without waiting for his body to hit the ground, I moved with fluidity toward the second man who was now applying all his strength to Natalie's' neck. For the first time in my life, I wanted someone dead.

With the briefest thought, I dropped low on my left leg, and my right foot shot out between Natalie's legs and found gray hair's knee. It shattered backward with a power I didn't know I possessed. I returned upright as the two fell to the pavement. My foot moved quickly, finding a kidney then breaking a rib into his diaphragm. I knew it would render gray hair immobile.

Natalie grabbed my offered hand, and I raised her to her feet. I dropped to my knee as the anger burned deep, I retracted my arm and aimed the heel of my hand at the base of gray hair's nose. A killing blow.

"Sam!" Natalie yelled. My name seemed to echo down a long tunnel. My arm relaxed, and the anger drained away. I looked at the man I was about kill. He was struggling to breathe. The fear in his eyes was something I had never experienced before. I felt his fear coming in sickening waves before I let go of Stinky's foot.

"We have to go," Natalie said, trying to help me up. My groin complained as I stood. Some muscle I didn't know I owned had been strained beyond tolerance. I handed Stinky to Natalie and hobbled painfully toward the backseat of her car.

"Your nose is bleeding," Natalie commented, as I crawled into the car. My head felt like it was full of sludge. I laid on the backseat. Natalie tucked Stinky into my arms and closed the door. Natalie got behind the wheel, and we started moving.

"Don't stop til we need gas," I gasped. I knew they were watching other pit stops. We had to get far away from Flagstaff. I could hear Natalie talking to me, but none of it seemed to stick in my mind. I pulled Stinky close and closed my eyes. The silent blackness of sleep found me.

Chapter 10 - Sam

A blinking neon light woke me. It was a motel sign, Flanigan's Roadside Inn. I was startled when I felt no baby in my arms. I sat up quickly, still in the backseat of Natalie's car. My back complained as I turned quickly trying to figure out where I was. The passenger side door opened, and a haggard Natalie ducked her head in.

"Stinky?" I asked, my voice coming out raspy.

"She's inside," Natalie said, waving me out of the car, "Sorry, I can't drive anymore. Thought I would fall asleep on us." I slid toward her, my groin and back lamenting the movement.

"Where are we?" I asked. It was cold outside, not freezing, but not desert. Standing was a painful procedure. Whatever moves I used outside of Flagstaff had strained muscles. Natalie put her arm around me as I limped forward.

"North Dakota," Natalie said, "took a right at Los Angeles and just kept going." I tried to do the mental math. She must have been driving close to twenty-four hours. I stood up straighter, ignoring the pain. She shouldn't be carrying me as well.

"You need some sleep," I coughed, "I'm sorry I passed out on you."

"You saved us," Natalie said. I could hear the exhaustion in her voice, "they weren't from the government and weren't going to follow any rules." I stopped walking and turned to her, letting her arms fall away.

"Thank you for getting us out of there," I said. Her smile was genuine.

"I need a shower and some sleep," Natalie responded, "then will talk." I nodded. I had been out for a day, and I was still tired, not to mention the way my groin felt. No wonder those martial arts guys stretch all the time. "I fed Stinky twice and changed a diaper," Natalie laughed, "no idea how you slept through that. I almost lost my lunch."

"I'll watch her," I added, "you take your shower, and we'll try and keep it quiet so you can sleep."

"The place is a dump, but they take cash," Natalie said as she opened the door. Smart woman, not leaving an electronic trail. Stinky was asleep in the middle of a double bed. The entire decor looked like it was modern about forty years ago. Dark browns and oranges with two ugly horse paintings on the walls. I closed and locked the door behind us.

"There's only one bed," I pointed out.

"We'll share," Natalie said in a tone the broached no room for argument. She grabbed a small toiletry bag and moved straight to the bathroom, closing the door. I wished I would have stopped her. I had to pee like a racehorse. "There's donuts and Snapple on the table," she shouted through the door, then I heard the water turn on. Now I really had to pee.

Eating donuts and watching TV doesn't quiet one's bladder. My stomach needed the food, as unhealthy as it was, and I suspected I needed some liquid as well. The Snapple would have to wait until I had a bathroom available. I surfed until I found some news. The Ebola outbreak in Flagstaff was the third story and hardly warranted the twenty seconds they gave to it. The lack of spreading death seemed almost to disappoint the reporter on the scene. The CDC had no new updates and the house to house search had not located Stinky and I. I got the feeling the government wouldn't be able to keep up the farce for much longer. It was good news that they were still looking in Flagstaff.

Natalie exited the bathroom with a towel that barely covered her torso and another wrapped like a turban on her head. Her exposed legs and the hint of cleavage was incredibly becoming. She moved over to her suitcase and began rifling through it as my eyes took in the back of her legs. They looked smooth with the cutest indent behind each knee. Her toenails were painted a soft red that had begun to flake off. They must have looked adorable in sandals. She bent slightly, and I had to look away. Her tush was too enticing, even covered as it was.

I remembered my bladder too late. Natalie was back in the bathroom, doing whatever women do before they sleep. I almost groaned as the pain of holding it in came back two fold. I stood up and paced to take my mind off it. When the door finally opened again, I excused myself and burst passed her. Relief can be measured in many ways. On a scale of one to ten, that moment was a twenty. I washed my hands and left the bathroom a much happier man.

"You could have asked," Natalie said laughing, standing in an oversized t-shirt as she unwound the towel from her hair. For some reason, maybe it was her smile, she looked incredibly beautiful at the moment. There was no way I should be sharing the bed with a woman like her.

"Maybe I should sleep on the floor," I offered.

"On this carpeting? I don't think it's been cleaned this century," Natalie countered, "I wouldn't wish that on an enemy." She continued to dry her hair as she moved back into the bathroom. I felt like sharing the bed was an insult to her. I sat at the end and wondered why I was worried if she wasn't. Images of what was under the t-shirt sent my mind to the gutter. She was smart, successful, and way too good looking to be anywhere near me.

"There's supposed to be a crib in the closet," Natalie called from the bathroom. I found one there and began unfolding the ancient structure. It was as old as the decor. There were sheets for it on the closet shelf that looked clean. I rolled the crib into the little open space we had and made it up. I carefully lifted Stinky, who was dead to the world, and placed her softly in the crib. I covered her with the small blanket provided. For some reason, I leaned in and kissed her forehead. It felt like the thing to do. Sort of a you-are-safe-now message.

"You love her." Natalie surprised me when I straightened up.

"Well...she needs me," I stammered, "someone has to look out for her." Natalie smiled that honest smile she kept using. It was so damn confusing. Where was the humorous one, the one that told me I was, at least, entertaining. This one was too warm. It made me nervous.