The Long & Winding Road

"Tracy, did that traveler mention anything about zip lines?"

"Not a word. I might have even mentioned to him that I wasn't particularly fond of heights but caves didn't bother me. Guess he thought it was funny, probably laughing his ass off, wishing he could see my expression when I found out."

"I know exactly how you feel. I avoid roller coasters, Ferris wheels and anything that involves flying."

Even though I had already bought our tickets I thought about backing out. The tickets didn't cost much, not worth getting a heart attack for. The old me would have gone back to the truck but, as the saying goes, we put our big boy and big girl pants on, strapped in and took the tour. Was I scared? Absolutely. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. That tour was amazing. When we left the cave, we were laughing and holding hands.

"Tracy, I'm embarrassed to say this but I'm thirty-two years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. I've had sex twice and each time turned out badly because the women expected someone with more experience. Being here with you is uncharted territory. You may be scared being in a truck with a stranger but I'm just as terrified being alone with you."

"All the time I've been on the road, I've never been with a man who was afraid of me."

"I'm not talking about physically being afraid. I'm just afraid of doing or saying the wrong things."

"Just act as if I'm one of the guys you used to work with."

I started laughing and Tracy asked what was so funny. I told her that none of my previous co-workers looked remotely as good as she did. If they did, I might never have left.

Tracy looked at me strangely. I wondered if she thought I was feeding her a line to get into her pants so I quickly changed the subject.

"Tomorrow is a shopping day. You're going to get some clothes and a rolling duffle bag to carry them in. I don't want you to ever be embarrassed again about what you're wearing. We'll find a big department store and you can pick out whatever you want. Just promise me you won't let the price tags make your decisions. Even if we don't stay together, a rolling duffle is something you can manage while traveling. You won't owe me anything. I just want to help a friend, okay?"

Even though I repeatedly said there were no strings attached, she didn't like the feeling of owing anyone anything. It wasn't easy but I finally convinced her that this act of kindness would make me happier than I'd ever been.

"It's hard to imagine how you've been able to survive without a job."

"I've been luckier than most. When we've known each other a little longer, I'll tell you how, but I want you to know that I never sold my body."

"Do we know each other well enough now to be able to say our last names?"

"I think we can do that now, so I guess introductions are in order. My name is Tracy McGowan, formerly of San Francisco."

"Pleased to meet you, Tracy McGowan. I'm Christian Ramsey, born and raised in Gaithersburg, Maryland."

"Chris, what are your plans when you decide to stop traveling?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead, and I could ask you the same question. I guess it'll be to start a new life different from what I left behind."

"I've lived homeless for so long, I'm not sure I'd fit in anywhere. I've learned a different set of skills to survive on my own and I'm not sure society and I are ready for each other."

I pulled out a tablet from one of my bags, opened it to a map of the US and handed it to Tracy. "I'll let you pick our next stop."

"For a long time, I've wanted to go to Memphis."

"Any particular reason?"

"Actually, one time in Oklahoma I met a man who played a mean guitar and sang the blues. I asked where he learned to play like that and he said Memphis. I think I'd like to hear more of that music."

"Then Memphis it is."

Saturday, before leaving Louisville, we stopped at a Macy's department store. It seemed perfect for finding clothes that weren't too fancy and not too cheaply made. Our first stop was the luggage department where Tracy picked out a rolling duffle bag that would be easy to travel with. That was followed by a quick trip to the women's shoe department to pick up a comfortable pair of shoes. Finally, I gave her a budget of $500 to buy whatever clothes she wanted to put in the bag. She was to bring everything to one of the registers and then get me. I'd be waiting in the men's shoe department. I picked that area because I could sit down while she shopped. Once her shopping was complete, we loaded the truck and hit the road again.

We'd been traveling south on Interstate 65 for barely a half hour when I spotted a sign that caught my attention and I got off the highway in Shepherdsville, Kentucky.

"Chris, where are we going?"

"For me, this trip is all about new experiences. I've never been to a flea market and this town has a big one with indoor and outdoor vendors. I thought it might be a fun side trip. The timing is right since it's only open on weekends. You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not. Like you said, it's not like we're on a schedule."

When we turned onto Dawson Drive the sight was amazing. While highway driving might be miles and miles of empty space, what we saw now was a huge building surrounded by hundreds of vendors. I decided to just pick a spot to park and check out what was being sold.

We spent about two hours checking out old toys I remember playing with, a roll top desk I loved but knew was impractical to take with us, and collections of old items. Tracy concentrated more on jewelry and I noticed she paid more than a little attention to a pair of vintage silver earrings before putting them back. We split up for a while and agreed to meet back at the truck. It was during that time that I secretly bought those earrings. It would be a surprise gift.

Neither of us bought anything else but we had a great time looking around. I did take a picture of Tracy wearing a wide brim straw hat. She looked cute and silly at the same time. Before we left, we noticed some food trucks and we got a couple of corn dogs, another first for me, along with some cokes.

As we walked back to the truck with our food, I remarked, "Now let's find Memphis."

Due to our trips to Macy's and the flea market we didn't arrive at our hotel until 9 p.m. True to my word, again I had arranged for separate rooms although they were next to each other.

I asked Tracy, "Too tired to visit a blues club tonight?"

"Are you kidding?" Give me forty-five minutes to take a quick shower and change and I'll be ready."

I did the same and phoned the front desk for a recommendation for a good club. To tell you the truth, before Tracey I never knew a woman who could be ready to go out in forty-five minutes.

Almost exactly forty-five minutes later I heard a knock on my door and I opened it to the sight of a beautiful woman. Tracy was wearing some of the clothes she had bought at Macy's but I hadn't seen until now. Gone were the camo outfit and boots. In their place, Tracy wore a dark blue dress with a silver chain around her neck and the shoes she had just bought. She also wore makeup for the first time that I had known her.

"Please don't laugh."

"I would never laugh. You're beautiful."

"I'm not ready for high heels."

"You don't need them. You look gorgeous in that outfit but something's missing." I reached into my pants pocket and brought out the silver earrings.

Tracy looked down at them and then at me. "You're going to make me ruin my makeup."

"There's a mirror in the bathroom. Check out how amazing you look in them and fix whatever you have to. Our reservation isn't until 10:30."

We arrived at B. B. King's Blues Club and listened to live music until midnight when the club closed. They also serve food so we enjoyed pulled pork sandwiches with dipping sauce. Time passed quickly as I watched Tracy moving to the music with her eyes closed, perhaps remembering her friend in Oklahoma.

The ride back to our hotel was strangely silent. Usually, Tracy was talkative. After taking the elevator to our floor we continued in silence until we reached our rooms. As I put my hotel key into the slot in my door I turned to Tracy.

"Thank you for a wonderful day." I kissed her on the cheek and told her to sleep well but her reaction was not what I expected. She seemed hostile as she said "What's going on? I mean what's really going on?"

I replied, "I don't understand."

"Come on Chris, nobody does what you've done without an angle. What are you after?"

I could sense this was going to be a conversation that the other people in the hotel didn't need to hear. "Maybe we can find a more private place to have this conversation. The hotel hallway doesn't seem appropriate."

"Private, like maybe your bedroom?"

"I was actually thinking of an area near the hotel lobby. It's late and there shouldn't be anyone there."

She didn't say anything. She just walked to the elevator and pushed the button. Once downstairs we looked for a private spot to continue the conversation. We settled on the area where breakfast is usually served.

"Tracy, what's going on?"

"Ever since I left home, I learned that I had to protect myself to survive. That meant never to trust anyone. Everyone I met had a con, a game to convince some poor sucker to give them something. Well, I will not be that poor sucker! So, what's your con, Chris?"

I was stunned by her words. "I guess you're right, Tracy. We do live in different worlds. What you see is who I am. I'm not wearing a mask and I never considered you a mark. I even had thoughts about what a life with you might be like but I guess the gap is too great. Tomorrow, I'll buy you a bus, train or plane ticket to anywhere you want to go." With that, I turned and walked back to the elevator.

It was 2 a.m. when I heard banging on my door. I yelled "Stop banging. I'm coming."

I put on a robe that was hanging in the hotel bathroom and when I opened the door. A tearful, barefoot Tracy wearing a similar robe rushed into my arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

'"It's okay. You're safe now. You need to get a good night's sleep. We have another city to visit tomorrow."

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"On one condition. If you stay, it's only to sleep. We need to take baby steps if we're going to have any sort of relationship you can believe in."

"Deal."

That night we cuddled but true to her word Tracy didn't rush anything. Waking up with a woman lying next to me was another new experience. Like I said, I've had sex twice but neither woman spent the night.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"See, now I know you're lying. No woman is beautiful when she first wakes up. Where are we headed today?"

"I was thinking... New Orleans."

Tracy jumped out of bed and put her robe back on. "That sounds like fun. Make the reservations while I shower and change next door. Oh, and save your money. One room with a large bed should be enough." She was out the door before I could say anything. With all of her mood swings, if she was older, I'd think she was going through menopause.

We left Memphis at about 9 a.m. planning to eat on the road. It was about a six-hour drive to New Orleans if we didn't make any stops, and check-in at the hotel wasn't until 4:00 p.m. I booked us into a beautiful hotel in the French Quarter. The rates weren't bad at all. I guess it was because it was April. During Mardi Gras, finding a room is next to impossible without booking it far in advance. I knew that because I'd planned going there twice before but I always found some reason not to go.

Once buckled up in the truck Tracy asked, "Any surprise stops along the way?"

"Funny you should ask. Our first stop will be in a town called Tunica, Mississippi."

"What's there?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

I actually had two surprises in mind. On our way out of Memphis I decided to drive past Graceland. No trip to Memphis would be complete without at least a look at the outside of the home of "The King of Rock and Roll."

It was only an hour's drive south to Tunica. For a small town most people have never heard of, it had quite a few things going on. The town was full of casinos but that wasn't why I chose to stop there.

When we pulled up to the building, I could see Tracy's excitement even before we entered. Although small, the Gateway to the Blues Museum contains interactive exhibits, videos on the blues, paintings of influential artists and actual instruments that belonged to them. It also houses a staggering number of very important guitars. During our time there we had the opportunity to create our own two-minute blues recording. Tracy kept insisting that we had to do it. To tell the truth, I think I sounded terrible but I wrote down my email address so that our recording could be sent to me. We also left with a couple of cd's from their gift shop that we'd listen to on the road.

From Tunica, we cut across to Interstate 55. I hated using big highways but with just me driving, the trip would take too long if I took a more scenic route. When we reached the town of Hernando about a half hour later, we stopped at a Starbucks for some coffee and some breakfast wraps to tide us over until lunch. Other than one more stop for gas I drove nonstop until we reached Louisiana.

We were headed to a Cracker Barrel restaurant just over the state line when a thought suddenly came crashing into my brain. I forgot to call home. By now, my mother might have even reported me as a missing person. I could imagine passing one of those alerts you see on the highway, telling people to be on the lookout for a Honda Civic with my license plate number. All sorts of scenarios started to fill my head. When I bought my new truck, I kept my old license plates. Toll booth cameras took pictures of my license plates on my new truck and if I was reported missing someone might look at those photos and think I was carjacked or kidnapped or worse. I had to call home immediately. I pulled off the road, grabbed my phone from my pocket and tried to make a call but the battery was dead. With all that had happened, I forgot to charge it. Tracy could see how upset I was so I filled her in on the details. We decided that the best thing to do was to drive another half hour with the phone plugged into a charger in my truck.

With a full charge and a strong signal, I exited the highway again and parked the car at the nearest gas station. When I finally was able to open my phone, it said there were seventeen missed calls and eight missed messages, all from my mom. Before I could even say hello, my mother started screaming.

"Christian, where are you? I tried and tried to call you on your phone and it kept going to voice mail. I kept leaving messages and you never responded. We finally decided to drive over to your apartment, thinking that maybe you were hurt and couldn't answer the phone. When we knocked and got no answer, we went to the rental office in your building and told our story. The woman that we spoke to said it wasn't necessary to check the apartment. She said that you moved out without a forwarding address and when we called your job, they said you quit and you were starting your own company. What are they talking about? Your father had to stop me from calling out the National Guard to search for you."

"The National Guard, mom? Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Mom, I'm okay. I'm sorry, I should have called. I haven't used my phone in a while and didn't notice my battery was dead. I don't know if I can explain it that well but all of a sudden, I felt a need to travel. I don't have any destination in mind but I'm enjoying the trip. I'll let you know every few days where I am and where I eventually settle, just don't call the police on me."

"Christian, have you gone crazy? Come home and whatever the problem is, we can talk about it."

"Sorry, mom. I'm already in Louisiana."

"LOUISIANA?"

"Bye, Mom."

I turned off my phone. If I didn't, I knew she'd call back every five minutes. I could imagine my mom screaming to my dad about how crazy this situation was when she couldn't reach me anymore. I didn't have to put the phone on speaker. Mom was talking loud enough for Tracy to hear everything and she was smiling.

"It's not funny. I'm thirty-two years old and my mom still treats me like a kid. You heard her. Can you imagine how upset she would have been if I mentioned that I wasn't traveling alone, that I was with a beautiful woman? I'll tell you how upset she would have been. She'd have booked the first flight to Louisiana and tracked me down."

"That's the second time you called me beautiful."

"I'm not the only one who's noticed. Ever since you stopped hiding behind that outfit you were wearing when I met you, I see other men looking at you."

"When?"

"In the club, in the restaurants, in the hotels. Don't tell me you didn't notice. You notice everything. It's part of your defense system."

"I wasn't trying to hide. That outfit was practical. You don't wear fancy clothes when you're living outdoors. Have you ever slept under the stars, Chris?"

"No."

"Sometime during our trip you're going to. You've been showing me the glamour of civilized life. I'm going to show you the beauty of nature."

While Memphis was blues and barbecue, New Orleans was jazz and Cajun cuisine. I picked a hotel in the French Quarter so we would get a good taste of the flavor of the city. There was so much to see as we traveled around the country but I wanted to stay only one day in each city, at least until I found my permanent residence. I could always revisit places later. Tracy and I were getting closer as we worked through our differences and it didn't hurt that we had downsized to only one hotel room. We still hadn't progressed to having sex yet or even sleeping without clothes but I definitely could get used to sleeping with her.

New Orleans was nice but it didn't feel like home so it was off to the next city on my list. The trip to Dallas would be the longest drive so far, so we decided to get an early start. After a quick breakfast at the hotel, we left at 6:30 in the morning. It occurred to me that we were running out of clean clothes, not having done any laundry so I decided to do something different. I rented a one-bedroom apartment in East Dallas complete with washer, dryer and laundry supplies. There was even a dog park across the street so we could mingle with the neighbors. It would be a totally different experience than being in a hotel.

During the long trip I asked Tracey "Do you drive?"

"I took drivers ed in high school but never got the license."

"That's another thing we'll take care of. I can easily see you behind the wheel of this truck."

"You'd let me drive it?"

"As soon as you get your license. Of course, we'll have to remain in one spot for a while so you can complete a refresher course and take the exam."

"We?"

"I thought we cleared that up in Louisville."

Tracy looped her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder as I drove. Life was good.

Our stay in Dallas was more work than vacation. I knew we'd arrive late so I broke my unwritten rule and reserved two days to be able to take care of our laundry problem and still be able to see if this would be my last stop. The first night I just crashed when I got to the apartment. Lack of sleep and the long driving had finally gotten to me.

I woke up to the sounds of the washer and dryer.

"Good morning sleepyhead."

"I don't remember much from last night."

"You fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I just took your shoes off and covered you with a blanket."

"What time is it?"

"10:30. Now get up. We have shopping to do."