All Comments on 'The Lost Lord Ch. 09'

Loving the plot!!! Keep the stories up; they are so good.

Sorry for the bad formatting, as in the spaces between scenes are blurred. I'll try to remedy that in the future.

This is an epic storyline! I can't wait to read what's coming next! Please keep writing!

A terraced city with a palace at the top.... Were you thinking of Minas Tirith when you wrote this?

When you were changing scenes to each of the lords of sin there was no gap or anything. The change was too abrupt and got confusing. Maybe next time you could add a dash or underscore to signify a change of scene.

yes i figure that everyone will have something to say about the confusion in the chapter about the scene jump.....

some times some as-tricks helps and they show when you post.........

but past that it was as usual well written and i cant wait for the next chapter

the plot is great and when can i expect the next chapter to be out?

this is epic! i lol'd when i saw that he reads garfield. great story! keep em coming!

Honestly pissing me off and I'm betting quite a few others as well. Mark them with something. Anything.

Squirrels are amazing, and would make excellent ninjas.

Also if both of his hands were occupied while going through the portal, what happened to his book?

" "May I present to you this human world alcohol, General, they call it... Jack Daniels."

"Ohoh! I like this Jack man already! And his friend Daniels! They like this stuff don't they? The humans I mean." "

that killed me, bwahahahaha...

Loving the story.

JC

This is very nearly unreadable.

Take a bit more pride in your work, and yourself, and, at least, do a proofread. The massive amount of incorrect words is staggering.

This is NOT a +4 star story. If not for Lit 'rating inflation', it would be a -3 star work.

Atrocious writing, and too bad, because the story has potential.

The descriptions are pedantic, and repetitive, (you don't have a character make a defining statement, then follow it with a narrative description of the same topic.)

The dialogue is stilted, and not how ANYONE speaks.

The overall story line is confusing at times, (in this chapter, we are presented a long sex scene between the main protagonist, and the soon to be fallen angel, only to then discover the protagonist is unconscious!?)

As the title of this comment states: Don't give up your day job.

Gotta day while in terms of grammar and flow this isn’t the moat polished story there is, I still enjoy it very much and really dig the story and world that was weaved. I’ve been reading Lit stories for over 15 years and I bookmarked this story and author years ago and go back and read it often. I enjoy it and while there are errors here and there it also doesn’t ruin the story for me. You don’t like it too F’ing bad, piss off and go sh1t on your own work. Wish more would have been published but it happens and I still like to re-read it like I am now.