All Comments on 'The Mall'

What you have here is very good, but it seems like the Cliff's Notes version of a longer story. I'd like more description here - there should be more of what is going on with her psychologically - her shame (I assume), or her excitement about doing something embarrassing to her. The physical description is good but I think you should tap into her emotions as she is being used by the security guard - her resistance to cumming but enjoying it in spite of herself.v this is the framework to a very good story - just don't be afraid to let it all out.

Good story for a first time

Next time she comes into the mall the same security guard grabs her and really fucks her hard. After he cums in her he keeps her panties and lets her go but telling her to come back and bring her friend. Monica gets the ride of her life by a couple of security guards while Sandra watches. The girls are humiliated by the guards and made to steal some things with barely anything on. Could be a good start to a longer set of chapters as Wark2002 mentions in a comment.

Well, what I meant was that this story, in itself could have been added out and made more descriptive. I really wasn't talking about further chapters, but I can see by Anonymous's idea that it could be expanded to a series. Multi chapter stories here are not usually my cup of tea (with exceptions), but, sure, that's an interesting enough idea.

Great first story but some of the context was confusing as the names of your characters, "Sandra" and "Monica" were mixed up, and it made for a confusing read. Perhaps a beta reader would help?

Also, I felt that the fucking was rushed, and Sandra's point of view, which the story is written from, is lacking during the final quarter of the story.