All Comments on 'The Marigold Mark'

Absolute crap, total waste of time

This is wild, even for noncon. Not really in a good way.

I read this last night and have been thinking about it ever since. I really enjoy your descriptions and how fully immersed I was able to get into this dystopian scenario. I do have some things that I think could have been done a bit better. I will try to avoid explicitly detailed spoilers but that may be impossible, so I suggest not reading this feedback if spoilers are an issue for you.

I will break my feedback into 3 sections; buildup, peril, and rebuilding. I mostly think the buildup to this story was perfect! It showed exactly how Mary got into this situation in a believable way, and did a wonderful job of foreshadowing that something was very off about Jack without telling what. I especially like how you made Jack a standup guy that honored Mary's boundaries, and also that you established that this is both mentally and physically difficult for Jack. Both wonderful foreshadowing of the devils he dances with, and also helps keeps me from just wanting revenge on him for his crimes. The only thing I see missing here is some slight indication that Mary has the capacity for masochism. I wouldn't want her to understand that consciously, but something to indicate that, had the plot not interrupted, they would eventually find some kinky compatibility rather than continuing to fail. Just getting wet from seeing the hidden room revealed and then wondering wtf was wrong with her, something like that to indicate that there is a side of her she doesn't know.

The Peril: whew boy, it takes a lot of extreme torture to turn me off, but you got there. I found myself crying and cringing when reading about her fate, rather than any arousal. I think that is a testament to your writing when that is exactly the point of these scenes. The thing missing here in this section is Jack's perspective. The situation he finds himself in where he he finally is able to take all he needs from her sexually, while knowing that he is utterly destroying her and any chance at what they were trying to build before, is a massive headfuck and I want to feel that angst. Jack should be absolutely hating himself and how much a part of him loves breaking her. I want to be in his head while he is feeling those emotions, as much as we are subjected to Marys broken headspace.

The rebuilding: this is where you start to lose me, and I don't think I can avoid speaking directly about spoilers here, so final warning. I definitely do love some of the things about this, how you established again that Jack is not Mary's worst case scenario, and that he still is protecting her as best he can and risking it all to get out of the trafficking life. I also like how the healing process is realistically long and involved, and that she never fully heals. However I definitely don't like this split personality she develops, and I also don't like that Jack basically goes celibate for an entire year, then flips the horny switch and decides to keep her as a slave on the suggestion of a guy he hates. You already laid some of the groundwork for a better scenario, where Jack has spent a year celibate because he knows that he has lost the right to touch her and needs protection from his sadism. whereas a half healed Mary realizes that her training worked too well and she needs the domination and stricture of a Master, and begs Jack to keep her. Rather than having two distinct personalities, a vibrant independent woman and a mindless torture toy, I think they both deserve to find a balance between the two with her willing submission.