by Bandra
Story was good. But what kind of weirdo calls a girl "beti" while fucking her ?
beutifully paced story. Yasmeens innocence comes out very well. way to go, man!
Thank you all for your valuable suggestions and criticism. All my stories are based on pure fantasy not reality. The primary purpose is to entertain, not educate. I like to invoke emotions and strong physical responses from the readers.
There are different levels and types of erotic stories, and based on reader feedback to me, I will retain emotional responses such as the ‘Aaaaaahhhhh…s, Ooooooohhhhhh…s, etc., during the sex portions of the story. They also prefer pubic hair and I will keep this in mind, and cater to their requests with some minor ‘shaved’ deviations.
I am actively soliciting constructive criticism aimed at improving my stories. Please keep your comments going and provide me with feedback. You may hide behind the cloak of anonymity if you choose to do so. I will accept your feedback and will be glad to respond to those who provide an e-mail address. The sole purpose is to improve my stories; there is no other ‘secret agenda’.
Would the reader(s) who provided the most criticism be willing to be a volunteer editor and edit my stories? This would be an effective way of helping me improve my stories.
Bandra
loved the story. You made her grow her bush, how about letting her underarm hair grow too.
This belongs in the humor section doesn't it? Have you ever even met a Kashmiri girl in your life, or just fantasising about a fantasy? Let me count the ways in which your story sucks - kashmiri girls do not shave their privates. Yasmin is a Muslim name - why would she be married to Gopal, an obvious Hindu name? Can you imagine a middle-aged Hindu man travelling to Kashmir to pay a Muslim dad money for his teenage daughter? What milkwoman wears blue lace matching bra and panties on her morning rounds? Hilarious.
I also thought that it was a good story, buildup and the arousal! The sounds (ooou,etc) were expressive of the passion and were quite exciting...keep up the good work!
A female reader
The Story, The Build up is all good. It could have been so much better if you wouldn't have added the sound effects like "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH", "OUIIIIIII" etc etc. Read a few really well written stories on the website.