All Comments on 'The Mommy Slut Ch. 05'

You need an editor. Your quote placement was sporadic, so it was difficult to see when someone stopped speaking and action was occurring. You lost track of names. There were a few awkward sentences. Lastly, some of the dialogue seemed mechanical.

Great chapter. Love how he is willing to do what he is doing to get what he wants in the end. Planning is always a good thing. Along with a lot of cum and pussy. 😜

One bit that stuck with me on a negative point was this yes sir my son, felt it wasn't needed, either yes sir or better yes master. She was after all his slut, then theirs the cousin bit, if he was showing signs of being dominant as these 5 stories indicated, then serving his cousin like a slave himself to another woman contridicted the story, either he was a sub to women like his uncle or he was a dominant like the writer tried and failed to project. As others stated an editor would have been useful, but not as bad as some writers here that only use fullstops every 3rd or 4th word. Find an old published book, read how they write stories if your not going to use an editor

I am enjoying your tale but I have to items to comment on. #1, learn how to write dialogue. You quite often will end a sentence with a period and quotation marks, double space and start a new sentence with quotation marks from the same speaker. When you double space and start a new sentence, the dialogue should change to the other person. #2, Keep your names straight. If he is with Ursula, don't refer to her as Sally. This mistake creates confusion and disrupts the flow of the story.

Well done. Perhaps a bit formal with his titles. Good sex. Well paced.

Nice, perhaps a bit formal with his titles. Good character flow.