The Motherly Ghost

Few words before the story. All characters are above 18 years old. This is my first longer and complete story. It might be a little slow at first but I think it builds the situation's that come later, quite well. I would love to hear any feedback and maybe ideas what to change in the future. Have a good reading!

Leaving the apothecary, I felt the whole day of walking working wonders on my back, the familiar dull pain in my lower back made me stop for a moment. At least I finally can go back home. Visit to my new psychiatrist went quickly and smoothly, unfortunately for me, the apothecary was just a few streets away. With the meds I need for my sleep in my bag, I just need to walk down the street to a bus stop.

The gray sky above finally stopped pouring rain down but there was no sun in sight. Unfamiliar streets before me were wet and full of people, like always in the big city. I'm not used to it, the crowd of people that goes with their own day, like a sea of faceless figures, always busy with their own things. Moving to the bigger city was a good idea at first but I didn't know that getting used to the new environment would be so slow and hard. The bus stop had few people underneath it, so I stood next to it, waiting for my bus. I didn't like to be part of a crowd. Unfortunately my bus under the number of 117 would not be so quick to arrive, but at least the weather was not as bad as before. Yet, I felt weird. The feeling of being alone was much higher than usual, even though I stood in between such a crowd of people. Not only that but a feeling arose in the back of my head that someone was looking at me.

That is why I needed to visit the psychiatrist. My social anxiety grew more every day after I entered adulthood, moving to the city. Not only that, my sleep was often interrupted with nightmares about... I don't even know. The best solution right now is to use the sleeping meds I got and finally get a night of proper sleep. The only silver lining was that I was working from home. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if I actually was working in the office!

The bus finally arrived and people rushed in with me in between. All the seats were already taken so I just stood and grabbed the yellow metallic railing. The bus moved and I just looked through the window, glancing at the wash of all colors of old buildings mixed in between with the newer ones, or the buildings that were renovated. The boring architecture of the newer modern buildings painted a bleak picture of the city. I expected more, but maybe it is just the weather that is mostly distorting the image of them. But one thing didn't change still, the feeling of someone's eyes drilled into the back of my head. My body froze in place so as to not show it. I wanted to turn around and scan the bus but that would make me a target of people's attention.

After standing like that for the next few minutes, my stop finally arrived and I quickly left, not without shooting a curious gaze into the back of the bus, and maybe it was just my imagination, but the tall person, much taller than those around them, looked at me with their yellow eyes from below the wide hat. But maybe I'm getting paranoid again, like the time I was riding to school in my hometown, always hearing kids laughing behind me in the last row's, thinking it might be about me. In the perspective of the time I know it wasn't real. Perhaps old habits return slowly but that will not demotivate me.

Taking steps forward to my house, or rather my apartment that was built into a bigger housing complex, I reached the green walls of the block before mine, and walked below the small tunnel made in the middle of the building. The neighbourhood was quiet and rather uneventful, hidden in between the same looking green multi-family blocks, all three stories tall, with three doors leading to the staircase. My place is in the very first staircase in the middle block, before it there is a pretty looking small park in between the buildings. One large tree gave a shadow from above to the two small wooden benches below, as well as covering the sun from reaching my bedroom window in the morning. The same little park was also behind the block, rendering my apartament in darkness most of the sunny days, but it was not a problem, due to my line of work. Lack of direct sunlight shining into the display of my computer was a positive trait of the place.

Walking past the tree I took my key off and reached to the new looking door with a big window in them, past them were stairs leading up. Walking in I also saw the basements on the right, the stairs leading to the darkness looked quite unappealing but that was the case for any basement for me. I still remember the time when I was just a kid and my mom sent me to the basement for milk. It was like traveling into the darkest dungeon I knew, with the longest corridor with no lights, an empty void reaching to me before I could flip the light switch, for just a little comfort. But to return up and not make my parents mad I needed to turn off the light on my way up, and to do that would mean to turn my back to the darkness. I always ran like crazy, once even falling on the stairs just because of that. There were never any monsters there. It was just my imagination acting up like it always did. But the familiar fear never went away as I now walked past the basement stairs and took the staircase up.

My apartament stood on the highest floor. The windows on the staircase shone the shadows of the dancing leaves from the tree in my wooden door, painting them in an image like it was some kind of magical castle entrance. I gently put the key into them and unlocked my safe place, finally being able to rest.

My place maybe is not the biggest one but at least it is everything I need. Just as I walk in, the living room on my right opens for me with the big window in the middle of the wall opposite of me, small balcony with its glass door on the side opposite of me, connecting the window with the kitchen where the open doorless entrance was before me. I took my boots off and put the jacket on the wooden hang. My living room was also working as my office, working from home had its perks and with it I could enjoy the quietness and peace of my four walls. The blue walls of my living room fit the darker furniture quite well, and even mixed with the exception of that rule, my white bookshelf just behind my desk that my computer was on. My work place that was covered now in white paper sheets and ugly colourless folders. At least my flowers that were happily resting between the balcony doors and the window were colourful enough to make the room into something more lively. White roses, purple chrysanthemum and pinkish orquideas, my favourites.

I walked past the living room and turned to my left, to the corridor that had two doors in it. On my left, my bathroom, small and tidy with a shower and wc and everything the bathroom needs, on my right, on the very end of the corridor the door to my bedroom stood. Walking in the smell of dump old clothes hit me, forgetting I should finally clean the place in the morning, as well forgetting about opening the window. Living alone maybe was not hard but little things like this seemingly never got away from my everyday life. The clothes laid next to the wardrobe, next to me as I walked in. Opposite the wall, the window was covered in the shadows of the outside tree, and those shadows danced on my bed in the middle. I never liked sleeping on small beds or couches so I got myself, with monetary help from my parents, the bigger two person bed. It helped to bear with the nightmares and sleepless nights.

I threw my bag on the bed and sat down on it, sighing. I wish I could watch TV right now but I don't have one. Separating the bedroom from any computer or laptop was my psychiatrist's idea but right now I didn't know if that was such a good idea. In my mind was already plan forming, as I would just lay down and spend the rest of the day in my bed with my laptop under the hand, watching some stupid videos just to kill the time. But my plan couldn't fully form as my mind wondered, feeling uncomfortable. The same feeling came back, as if someone was just looking at me.

No time for this. I will not let my anxiety control my everyday life. And looking at the time, it is a perfect hour to make myself lunch. Walking away I turn to the kitchen to wash my hands in the sink. My kitchen was quite bigger than I expected at first when I moved in, it was perfect for my needs in fact. With no table and just build in fully equipped kitchen furniture against the wall and with the fridge against the wall in the corner.

With minutes passed I started to prepare a piece of the chicken breast with spices and some rice. Swiftly cutting it into the parts and now on the pan the meat sizzled against the warm oil and my mind rested on the idea of an already made meal. The rice was already boiling, soon to be perfect. The warmth of the fire and boiling oil was smothered from the cold feeling of someone looking at me, like a drill making a hole in the back of my head. I quickly turned around to the doorway but there was nothing. Nothing closer or further at the main door. Emptiness, like always. I turned and finished the meal, slowly and carefully to not hurt myself, awaiting the same feeling to come back but I did not feel it again. At this point I couldn't wait to take meds and fall asleep, to finally end the day. But meal first.

I wish I could fully enjoy the food but the weird anomaly that was happening with my anxiety was tiring enough to make me stressed, the not so happy weather outside made me sleepy. After the meal I just left the dishes in the sink and took a quick shower before laying in my bed with no thought in my mind. The soft mattress under me felt like a cloud as I sank into it, my whole body felt heavy as ever. But the memory of the awful nightmares came back as I felt the sleep setting in. With my pinch of strength I turned and grabbed my bag from the floor beside the bed, taking the small orange tube with the meds. I opened it, took one pill and placed the closed tube on the bedside desk beside my phone, the pill went to my mouth and I swallowed it. Now I can finally sleep and perhaps even in peace.

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For the first time in a long time I opened my eyes after waking up with no memory of any dream. The pillow felt much softer than usual, the blanket on me felt like a hug of a woman, warm and somehow caring. I felt safe. Closing my eyes I sighed as the gripping feeling of relaxation slithered around me, the warm breath of my partner touched my neck, I realized that I'm alone. The feeling I long for was that of someone snuggling with me in the bed and now that I felt it the fear struck across my body as I quickly shot out of the bed.

It was just me in the room and my unruly bed, the blanket landed on the floor behind it that I just threw away. The sound of birds singing outside was the only sound that broke the silence. Perhaps my meds helped me with my nightmares but the invisible hand of them reached me during my wake. Hopefully for me it was only one time accident and yet as my heart slowly relaxed the thought of the warm motherly hug was something that I was enjoying. It was something that put my mind at ease but how could I enjoy some weird hallucination like that? It is too soon to deduct any sensible point from it right now, the day just started. Looking at my phone I read the hour, it was just a few minutes after seven in the morning, the time I normally would wake up to start a workday.

The situation in the morning was still in the back of my mind as I edited yet another document on my display before me. The company I was working for sent me many different documents to archive them and check for mistakes as well to "fix" someone else's mistakes with them. It wasn't boring per say but it wasn't anything special. The music I always played in the background helped to concentrate and smoother the time with endless strings of text and numbers on my screen. My mind often yet wandered around as sometimes my imagination took over. The sound of a glass moving or rather something really similar to it brings me back to reality. Pausing the music and looking around I was trying to hear the direction of it, it sounded close. And again the sound of glass touching glass reached my ears but now I could tell it was closer than I thought. It was in my kitchen. The only question that arose in my mind was; how?

I stood from my desk and walked past dancing shadows of the tree outside projecting on my wall and floor, I carefully walked to the doorless door frame to the kitchen. I looked inside but nothing seemed different, nothing seemed as it moved and my sink was clean as I already washed the dishes before. Maybe I'm starting to lose my mind at this point. The sound of knocking on my door was a real sound for sure. I turned around and walked to it, looking through my vision I saw the porter with a box.

"Hello, Milo River?" The poster said with his faceless expression behind the mask.

"Yes, that's me." I answered truthfully and then he checked something on his phone, giving me the package. It was quite heavy so I already knew what that could be, my books.

"Thank you then, have a good day." The man smiled and walked away down the stairs. I closed my door, locking them and walked with the new package to my living room, slightly excited I put the box on the floor. And as I opened the box there were the books, four quite thick hard covered books about the paranormal. Placing them all on my desk I started to explore them with my eyes and hands. I was always interested in the things unknown and secret and now with my own money I could spend it on things I wanted to explore. They were nothing that special aside from the last book from the very bottom, the fully black book without a title that was supposed to hide the secrets about summoning and contacting the ghosts, the special gift from my old friend working at the library. Its hard cover felt cold and as I opened it, the yellowish white paper pages of it smelled like an old library.

The small writing filled the page mixed with drawings of symbols, with every page I turned I saw more of it but that could wait as my job is more important at the moment. Closing the book I placed them all on my desk near me, one on each other in a not so tall tower of four books. My eyes returned to the not so exciting screen with numbers and graphs. With the corner of my vision I saw a small movement. I looked up and there was nothing. I must be going slowly mad after all. But jokes aside, I need some rest. And with the last of the documents being saved I closed my work programs and finally stood up from my desk, turning my legs to the bathroom. The shower was my priority right now.

I got naked and being alone in my own home I had nothing to be ashamed of, the feeling of the cold air on my skin was refreshing and as the warm water hit me I felt relaxation wash over me. Water flew on me and I felt all the stress slowly exit from my sore muscles after sitting without moving for so long. My mind felt at ease, finally empty of numbers and letters I was so sick of right now. My closed eyes opened as I wanted to get hold of the soap to clean myself and then I realized the door to the bathroom was open. Did I close them? I'm pretty sure I did and yet they are almost wide open. Is someone actually watching me? Why would thoughts like that appear in my head again? I'm sure I just left it open or at least I want to believe that, just to feel a little more at ease. Ending the shower I grabbed the towel and left, not even bothering about wearing any clothes.

Returning to my living room I glanced at the books with the plan to find the place for them in my bookshelf. The one without title still stood open on my desk, pages turned on something I missed the first time I glanced over it. The left page was empty of text, the circle with the signs I never seen before were drawn over it, simple and yet somehow exotic in their nature. On the right page the text talked about strengthening the connection with the unknowns while at the same time weakening the barrier between the words.

And yet even looking at the circle of the ritual I just realized that I did not leave the book open. It was closed and resting on the other books. Is it just my mind playing tricks on me or maybe there is actually someone in my own house watching me? Maybe my anxiety was born from the fact there is some kind of person living in my walls? Of course not. The new city and the new job, finally living on my own, tiring nights. At least I finally got some meds that seem to be working. That's it. I just left the books on the desk and went straight up to my bed, the night slowly approaching either way so I might at least get more sleep this time. Naked as I was I just laid down in my bed and took my meds, one pill as the doctor prescribed. And as my head rested on my pillow I felt that my body grew in weight. The soft mattress almost became like a cloud again, sinking deeper. I felt my mind resting, with my eyes for the last time today watching the shadows dancing in the setting sun, the unfamiliar tall person watching me from the doorway as I finally fell asleep.

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My morning was as usual at its get's, with nothing interesting happening. The weather still was as awful as now a week back, the gray clouds mixed with the dark heavy black clouds, like a floating oozing turf it lazily moved across the sky. It wasn't as important to me as I preferred to stay in my house but because of that I needed to keep my lamp on in my living room. The orange glow from the high lamp placed in between my flowers gave my living room a warm look. One thing yet was not in the place as I realized sitting down behind my desk. It was colder than usual and the culprit was before me. The one single white rose rested on my keyboard. And as I touched it to move it away, my confusion changed into awareness as the sharp pain struck me in my finger. The culprit was not the thorn of the flower but its temperature, as the bleak rose before me was frozen. I gently touched it again and it was indeed the cold that hurt me, more from the surprise than actual coldness. It was cold, of course, but it wasn't ice cold. The weird anomaly before me confused me even more as I inspected it further. It white petals were frozen shut, like a glass with many little tendrils made on it. The green, now grayish spine of the flower looked like a handle of a lollipop. One single leaf paused in the moment, shining within the orange glow of my room.

Is it a gift or a warning? Maybe a message? About what I try to imagine and with that the thought of someone watching me falling asleep return to my mind. The open book that I left closed, pages descripting the ritual, the feeling of someone watching me. Is something trying to contact me? I know only one thing that I need to clear my mind and the short walk could help with it. The groceries are due as well. But before that I walk to my pc and start the program for the work, so they know I'm online and using it, but no one will actually check. Better be safe and pretend I'm still than sorry. With that in place I rest the rose on my desk away from my keyboard and walk out the room to the corridor, getting my jacket and boots, ready for the walk.

The whole way outside and in the shop I felt like someone was stalking me. Now at home again I shut the door in fear, even slightly angry. What is going on, the question bounced inside of my head and as for the rose before I froze myself walking to my living room. The black nameless book laid on the middle of the floor, the pages turned to the same circle as before, the white rose, different this time, placed on those pages. I quickly walk closer and indeed the rose is frozen again, the second instance of a message for me, now with direction. The page was undamaged, the frost seems to be not natural as I already suspected. And adding to the already bizarre situation the feeling of someone there came back harder than ever. I turned around in the instant and there it was, the tall something quickly hiding away from behind my bedroom door frame. At this moment the fear mixed with the proof that I'm not going mad but there is something interfering with my life, created enough bravery in my body so I could move, and almost running I reached my bedroom. Empty. Of course it would be.