The New Girl

Quin opens the door. Her eyes light up for just a millisecond and then she remembers who I am and the spark disappears. That stings. A lot. But I don't blame her. We stand there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. Her hair is up in a messy bun, her bangs are swept to the side. She's wearing a cute maxi dress that would look casual on anyone else but looks beautiful on her.

My mouth is dry and I can't speak. I try to make a move to get by her but she blocks the entrance with her hand. I don't move back, slowly looking up at her from under my lashes. I want to move closer. Kissing a friend hello is normal right? Aren't there cultures that kiss on the mouth even? Can't there be?

"Hi, Anne." Her smoldering look calls to my hidden wants and needs. It's unnerving.

I clear my throat. "Can I come in?" I can feel my face and neck flush red.

She hesitates but drops her arm.

I round the corner, opting not to remove my shoes in case I need to sprint out of here. Pen's place is pretty much the same as before. Except now she has yellow plush pillows on her white couch and aqua candles on her glass coffee table. Straight out of a good home magazine. The view from up here is breathtaking, but I am breathless for other obvious reasons. I hear Sage before I see her. I can't hide the look of disbelief on my face when she rounds the corner.

"Annie?" She doesn't sound pleased.

"Shit." I hear Pen say from the kitchen. Her tiny footsteps get closer and she rushes up to give me a hug.

"Annie! Hi! What brings you here?" She pulls me towards the kitchen and whispers in my ear. "Sage just showed up, I was about to text you." We move to the open kitchen with a long white marble island. There are elegant, black bar stools lined up against the island and hanging ceiling lights. They match the dark wood floors and black painted cabinets. The accent brick wall near Pen's front door blocks Quin and Sage from our view.

I quickly nod and pretend this is all part of the plan. The plan that I shot with a machine gun to make sure we had every possible outcome accounted for and that Pen swore she had a solution for. I should have bombed it. Why didn't I think outside of the box? What am I doing here? I really feel like an uninvited guest.

Pen elbows me to say something.

"Uh-yeah." I clear my throat. "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would drop by." Pen looks at me to evaluate the damage.

I'm not crying, so that's good. My hands are slightly shaking but I can work with that.

She hands me some wine and I drink it all in two gulps.

"Whoa." Quin says behind me.

"Careful, Annie. Wine can really sneak up on you!" Sage giggles and tosses her blonde hair to the side. "I was just telling the girls how I was at a pregame before coming here, so I'm already a little tipsy." She stumbles next to Quin, who doesn't fail to catch her.

They look at each other for a second too long.

I shove my glass into Pen's empty hands. This is going to be a brutal night. "I need another."

"Are you sure?" Pen is apologetic but can't argue with me. What would she do in this situation? Probably use her curves and awesome personality to get who she wants. Even in her simple shorts and t-shirt she looks like she walked straight out of a summer catalogue.

"Please and thank you." I take the bar stool next to Quin and pull it around to the other side of the island, next to the sink. I would take it across the street and sit there but Pen probably wouldn't want her expensive furniture out there.

"Are you driving home tonight?" Quin watches Pen hand me another glass filled halfway through.

I take another healthy gulp of the wine and try to control my face. It tastes disgusting. Dry and not sweet at all. It burns. I like it.

Sage leans into Quin's arm against the table. They do make an attractive couple. Sage with her cute black dress, and very revealing neckline, Quin with her dark looks and striking features. Who am I to stand in their way? What am I doing?

"Oh, shoot. I would give you a ride but I forgot my car is in the shop for the weekend." Pen leans against the counter and tries to act casually. "Maybe Quin can give you a ride home? She said she's not drinking tonight."

"Actually, Quin and I were going to head back to my place after this and I think Annie's place is on the opposite side of town." Sage pouts, adorably. It is hard to imagine any human being immune to her charms. And yet, here I am.

Pen and I snap our necks to look at Quin for confirmation.

"I think I will take you up on that drink offer." Quin gets up from her seat and walks to the fridge. "Do you have something stronger than beer and wine?"

Pen gets up and shows Quin her liquor cabinet.

Sage looks down at her phone and pretends I don't exist.

I take a sip of my wine. I can be the bigger person. I should be. Next to someone like Sage I don't think that is a big feat. "How is work going, Sage?"

She doesn't look up from her phone. "Busy."

We sit in silence for a while. I look over at Quin and Pen who seem to be having a private conversation.

"So, how are you planning on getting home?" She finally puts her phone down to look at me.

I bite my lip. Has she always been this rude? Or is it all in my head? The only reason I would act like that is if I was jealous or something. But even now, me being jealous of Sage is not changing the way I act towards her. I am at least trying to be mature and civil. In the end, it doesn't matter how Sage feels or how she treats me, I will just kill her with kindness.

"I was going to get a taxi or something. I didn't expect Quin to take me home." Not really.

"I think we might leave soon. We just dropped by for one drink." Her gloss-covered lips curve in a knowing smile.

"And you're going back to your place?" I reiterate just to twist the knife a little more on myself. In case I still want to somehow go through with this. Yup? I'm still sitting here. Okay.

She nods, clearly loving the upper-hand she has.

If only she knew Quin has also been to my house. We have slept together. She has kissed me.

"Time to get this party started!" Pen brings over two bottles, one white and one brown.

I point to my glass. "Actually, I think this is my last drink."

Pen takes the glass away and puts 2 shot glasses in front of me. "Just two shots and I promise I will leave you alone."

I shake my head. The first glass of wine is settling in and making itself at home. I only had a grilled cheese sandwich earlier. I don't think it's enough to hold me over. I assumed Pen would have food but all I see is charcuterie board. Not my cup of tea. Where is the food?

"Come on, Anne. Two shots." Quin leans next to me and pours white liquor into the two shot glasses. Well now I don't have a choice. She pushes them my way. I ignore the delicious scent coming from her.

"Let's make it interesting!" Pen claps her hands and then pours the rest of the shots.

Quin goes back to her seat across from mine and Sage moves closer to her.

Pen sits next to me and rubs her hands together. "We will play one round of never have I ever. That way we can each take at least one shot. Does everyone know how to play?"

We all nod.

"Since I am the host, I will get to choose who goes first!" She points at each of us and then goes back to Quin. "I choose you."

Quin holds her dark shot glass in one hand. "Okay. Give me a second."

I stare at her for as long as I can help it. It is her turn. She is the one speaking. So, this isn't weird. Maybe I should blink though. Be more natural about it. Her cheeks have been flushed since I came in. She's glowing. No one would ever accuse Quin of being average looking. But in my eyes, there is a special spotlight that never goes away from her.

"Never have I ever spent a whole night in a library." She gives me a pointed look.

I take a shot without thinking about it. Then it hits me. "Wait." I look around at everyone's glasses still full. "How did you know I did that?" I would spend hours at my campus' library all four years. It was open 24/7, which made it very convenient. If I wasn't studying, I was reading or on the computer. It was my favorite spot.

"Lucky guess." She gives me a half smile.

I blush.

"Okay, me next!" Sage jumps up from her seat, too eagerly. "Never have I ever been interested in technology." She wrinkles her nose at the word.

I shoot my second shot and breathe out of my mouth. At least I am done now. No more painful shots. Shit, that burned. Hold it in. Shit, it is trying to come back. I panic. Hold it. I breathe out. I smile when I feel it travel down to my stomach.

"Okay, my turn!" Pen offers me a shot glass but I shake my head. I don't want to make a fool out of myself. "Never have I ever kissed anyone in this room."

The silence is deafening.

My face goes blank and I look anywhere but at Quin.

She drinks her shot in one gulp.

To my horror Sage takes her shot as well.

No one says anything.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I get up from my seat and rush to the bathroom.

******

I'm there for at least half an hour.

The whole time I am looking down at my phone. I'm officially drunk and I can't call a cab. The words are blurry, I don't understand any of it. I can't do anything. But I need to get out of here. I don't belong here. Why did I ever think this was a good idea? Sage is the one Quin should be with, not me. Especially if they have shared kisses.

Now I really feel sick but I can't throw up. I look up at the ceiling. Is it because I am a lesbian? God am I on your shit list? I put up a hand as if I am really talking to him. "Don't answer that."

"Anne?" Quin knocks on the door. "Are you okay?"

"Like you care." I mumble to myself.

The doorknob jiggles but she doesn't come in.

"Unlock the door." She orders.

I mock her tone and sit against the tub. I hate it here.

"Maybe we should leave." I hear Sage, as she offers her words of wisdom. Some would even call her a sage person. Barf.

I laugh at my stupid joke and then start to cry out of self-pity.

The door unlocks and I hide my head in my hands. I hear the door close and sigh.

"Hey." Quin leans down in front of me and moves my hands aside. "What's wrong?"

I pout and feel my bottom lip quivering. "I made a really bad joke." The tears continue to fall down my cheeks.

Her hands frame my face and she wipes my tears away with her thumbs. "Oh, that's okay. You're too pretty to be funny anyways." She pushes my hair behind my ears.

I hiccup and cry with more enthusiasm. "I'm not-" Oh, I hate how she makes me feel.

I allow myself to take one look at her and regret it. She has a tender smile on her lips. Her eyes are that sweet brown hue that I love. Like rich hot chocolate with golden flakes. Almost as sweet as she is. My eyes fall to her lips. She is the sweetest.

"Don't look at me like that." Her voice breaks.

"Why?" I sniffle.

"It makes me feel...special." She sounds insecure.

I look up at her. "You are special. You're Quin." It is as simple as that.

She swallows hard.

"Quin!" Sage knocks on the door. "We should really leave. I think it's raining outside and it's only going to get worse."

I hear the faint pitter patters on the ceiling.

I get up and move past her.

******

I dig myself further into my blanket.

No reason to get up today. Not like I have anything to live for. I allow myself more time to be overly dramatic and feel sorry for myself. It is Sunday. Tomorrow I have to face the two love birds. They have kissed. They went home together after Pen's place and probably had hot, freaky sex. I groan. I will just die alone. Might as well get used to it. I turn over.

******

Pen spends most of her lunch break giving me the play by play of what happened Friday night. As if I didn't have a front row seat. As if I haven't run those memories to the ground this weekend.

She picks a crumb from her orange blouse. It brings out the fire in her hair. "So, what do we do now?"

I push my salad around. "I am moving on with my life."

"What?" She snatches my fork out of my hand when I don't acknowledge her outburst.

"May I please have my fork back?" I don't have the energy for this today. Definitely not to come up with stupid plans that will lead me nowhere. It is all a waste of time.

"What happened in the bathroom should tell you everything you need to know." She gives me my fork back. "You make her feel special."

"So does Sage. That's why they kissed." No case of sour grapes around here. Just a big slice of humble pie.

"The verdict is still out on that one." Pen swirls her fork in the air. "Why would Sage wait until after Quin took her shot to drink? Do you really think if they had kissed, she wouldn't jump at the first chance to rub it in your face?"

I groan. "I am tired of thinking about this. It is all so exhausting."

"All I am saying is that you need to give it one last try before throwing in the towel." We stare at the people walking across the street, enjoying their day off. Lucky them. The sun is hiding behind small clouds scattered across the sky. I wonder what Quin is up to.

"What is your plan?" I know I will regret it but I might regret not doing anything else more.

******

"Do you like to hike?" My voice doesn't sound natural. At all.

It is shaking and sounds out of breath. It sounds really small in the garage. Can she notice that? I'm breathing like a tiny cornered mouse.

Quin takes her keys out of her bag and walks slowly to her car. I waited until she walked out of the building to pretend to also be walking towards my car. She really makes stalking look super easy and natural. I haven't quite mastered it yet.

"I can endure a workout for a good view." She opens her car door and gives me a look.

My heart does a summersault.

"I'm going hiking this weekend if you don't have anything planned..." So, that didn't come out like I thought it would. It's not even a question.

She purses her lips. "I actually have plans."

I nod my head like a lunatic and swipe my hand in front of me, as if that erases the question between us. "That's cool. Okay bye."

I turn towards my car to hide my embarrassment. There, I tried. It didn't work and that is okay.

"Would you like to join me?" She casually throws it out there.

It is hard to look back at her. "What plans?" If it has anything to do with Sage, I'm out.

"It's my little brother's birthday. Birthdays are a big deal for us and we always celebrate together."

My eyes go wide. Her family? She wants me to go to her brother's birthday party? It all feels like it's going 100 miles per hour. I wanted to do something laid back with no expectations. Meeting the family is pressure city. Will they like me? What if she realizes it was a mistake to invite me? My thoughts must be clear as day because she speaks up.

"It will just be my two younger sisters, and baby brother." She clarifies.

Just the siblings? That shouldn't be too hard. That's better. I think I can do that. "Sure, sounds fun." I smile and wave goodbye before getting in my car.

She waves her hand in the air, calling my attention. I put my window down.

"Is it cool if I text you the details? Pen gave me everyone's phone number my first week here."

I nod. "Yeah, cool." I'm so not cool.

******

I pull up to an arcade style of restaurant, clearly for the younger crowd.

I clutch onto the dark blue gift bag with a football inside. I should have asked her what her brother is into. She said no gifts but I couldn't show up empty handed. And now here I am with a football that will probably never get touched. I should have gone with a video game. The guy at the store was right. I cross the street after looking both ways. There is a group of teenagers outside of the doors watching one of their friends do a skateboard trick. It feels like forever since I was a teenager. I briefly look at my reflection on the glass doors before going in. At least I am in jeans. I almost wore a dress. I have to remember this is not a date. This is...I don't know yet, but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.

I look around the room until I spot Quin. There are old arcade gaming systems along the walls, the smell of teen anxiety and stale fries shift through the air as the door closes behind me. Everyone is in little groups either playing games or huddled around watching others play. There are more boys than girls but it seems inclusive enough. She is standing over her brother and I assume her sisters, a set of twins, who are looking up at her with amusement. She's doing a lot of motions with her hands and they laugh when she gets to the punch line. She must feel me watching her because she looks up and smiles brightly. My heart trips over itself. I'm already walking over by the time she waves at me.

She's also wearing jeans and black t-shirt with some sneakers. Her hair is up in a messy bun, her bangs curled to stay away from her eyes.

"Hi, Anne." She leans over and kisses my cheek, completely catching me off guard.

I automatically tense and allow our cheeks to brush. The electricity between us is mesmerizing. I can almost taste it.

"Guys, this is Anne. Anne, this is Kendall, Cassy, and the birthday boy, Robert."

The twins look identical in their facial structure but polar opposite in styles. One, Kendall, is wearing pink and white clothing with a cute bow in her hair. The other, Cassy, is wearing different variations of black with a lot of eyeliner. They look like junior or seniors in high school. Robert is a regular teenage boy with a graphic tee and worn-out jeans. He is probably in his freshman year of high school.

I hand him his gift. "Happy birthday, Robert. My younger brother's name is Robert too. But we call him Bobbie." I wave at the younger girls and they smile back.

"Maybe we should call you Bobbie." Kendall makes a face at her brother.

He gives her a sarcastic laugh but otherwise ignores her. "Thank you." He motions to the gift bag.

"The receipt is in there. In case you don't think you'll use it." I go around the table and sit next to Quin. She takes her seat as well and pulls out a bag full of quarters.

"This should last for a good hour if you guys play it right." She grabs small containers and starts diving up the quarters into four different piles.

She gives her siblings a small cup each filled with quarters and they move as a group towards their first game.

"And this," She shakes her cup, "Is ours." She leans in closer to me and smiles. "Are you competitive?"

I shake my head, not trusting my voice.

"We'll see about that." She grabs my hand and off we go.

******

Quin is right, we all get enough quarters to last about an hour and a half.

Turns out I am competitive when it comes to showing off in front of Quin. At first, I watch and observe how the game should be played or I get distracted by watching how much fun she's having but then I get completely focused and put my tech skills to work. I may be clumsy, but I know there are certain things that I am naturally good at. She seems impressed and I do a little dance inside when I get some wins. Her siblings tag along halfway through and start to choose sides as to who they think will win. Her brother sides with her a lot of the time and the twins switch back and forth between us depending on the game. They know what Quin is good at and what I might have a chance in.

She holds the last four quarters in her hands.

"Let's make this last one interesting." She gets closer to me. I force myself not to move back.

Her siblings are back at the table finishing off the last slices of pizza. They already turned in their tickets to get prizes.

"I'm listening." Or at least trying to. Looking up at her flushed face makes it really hard to focus. Being next to her during these games has me on a runner's high. We don't talk much but I can feel the tension. I want to kiss her.