The New Tenant Pt. 09

Seeing the confusion and the pain on his face forced a single stream of tears down my cheek, as I could barely take the odd mix of emotions within me.

"Josh?" I muttered, approaching him, robe wrapped around me for some ludicrous attempt at decency.

I had tried washing away Toby's foul play, my mistake in being so fucking stupid, but I couldn't help but feel I had made it worse.

He was silent, but I didn't push him. I had done enough already. Pushed enough. Pushed too far.

So we just stood there. The water glistened, the smell of chlorine filled the air, and the night sky was dark. I wondered what he was thinking, but I was determined for him to speak first. I owed him that much. I owed him everything, honestly. We never fought, we never even argued. I didn't know what to expect. Our relationship was such an upward trajectory it perhaps had blinded us, or me, to the consequences of my actions.

The worst part was, it wasn't even a fight, a dispute, or a disagreement. Josh was just quiet. The worst. It wasn't like him. And it was killing me inside.

After a few minutes, maybe ten or so, he finally broke the silence.

"Do you love him?" Josh asked, still looking out over the water.

"No," I immediately replied. "Never. Just him fucking me. The- the act."

Josh's eyes looked glassy. It was breaking me.

"Do you still love me?"

"So much. Yes," I said, almost in a whisper.

Josh smiled faintly, looking up at me for a split second. Then a bit of silence as he collected his thoughts. I stood like a stuck driver on the train tracks, waiting for the impending collision. He let out a heavy sigh.

"I think that is why... it... turns me on so much. But also hurts me. Seeing you with him. Because you look like you are enjoying it. So much. You looked like you were having the time of your life in there, and it killed me to watch you enjoy it so much. With him. I don't know. Perhaps in another world, in some alternate reality, maybe it could all have worked... but it is all tainted now."

He sighed heavily again. I stood frozen, feeling the ice-cold air prick my skin, trying to absorb his words. They hit me hard, but I waited.

"I just wish you could see yourself, y'know, real life," he continued. "It's like you're a different person. And that scares me. I don't know what happened. Then I went to... I don't know, to collect myself and... I saw the bat and got so angry. And I didn't want to lose to him a third time. Lose control. This... thing... It's like this thing I can't help, but that is so self-destructive."

He finally looked me in the eyes. They were so beautiful and full of emotion, yet so cold and distant. It made my stomach sink.

"What do you want, Kim?" he asked. "This... can't keep happening. It's tearing me apart. In the moment, caught up in everything, I get aroused, but I don't think I can do this again. This just isn't me. It's too much."

"I'll never do it again," I said immediately. And I meant it. "I never would've done it if it wasn't for... you know... the phone thing. Fuck, I have been so stupid. I can't get over how stupid I've been!"

"I know I am part to blame. We played with fire, allowing a bit here and there, playing around, but then we... fucked it all up," Josh confessed, slumping down on one of the sun loungers.

"I can never take it back, and I'll hate myself forever for it," I admitted, seeking repentance rather than anything. "And it was a mistake pushing it today like I did. Or Toby. I don't even know anymore. Fuck, I haven't even had a minute to process everything that has happened since you left."

A long pause.

"He wanted to split us up," Josh muttered, a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "He wants you for himself..."

The amount of pain I felt from just imagining a world where Josh didn't love me, where I didn't love him, was immense. I had seen the texts, but there was still so much to decipher. But in hindsight, Josh was probably right. In the moments, I took it as dirty talk, but I guess it wasn't.

I shook my head. "Toby's just a pervert, and we fell for his bullshit," I said, sounding almost pleadful.

The pause and silence followed by Josh had me worried, however.

"Do you want him, though?"

"What?!" I asked, shocked and disgusted. "Fuck no! That motherfucker is fucking dead to me! You're all I need, honey," I assured him, taking a step closer to Josh. He didn't move. Not away from me, but not towards either. But I couldn't restrain myself anymore. I had to know. "Josh... are we good?"

Josh finally snapped out of this contemplative state he was in and looked up at me with utter shock on his face. Even as he hadn't replied yet, his instant reaction told me plenty.

"Of course, Kim!" he said, standing up and holding my arms. "I will always love you. No matter what. What we did, what we should've done, that is in the past now."

I nodded, tears forming in my eyes. I was never one to cry, but everything just welled up in me as Josh gave me his assurance. He pulled me into a hug and we stayed there for a while, him rubbing my back, and me sniffling. Was it from being happy that Josh was still mine, and me his? Or due to the anger I felt toward Toby for having exploited our predilection for being slightly more devious than some? I guess it was a mixture of many emotions that made my tears trickle down my cheek, as an outburst of too many emotions at the same time.

"It was a bad idea. A horrible idea," Josh muttered. "It's like alcohol. It can taste good, but too much can fuck you up. Playing around and having fun... well, I think there was too much 'fun'... If you can even call it that."

"So can we move past it? You think?" I asked daringly.

"Well, I still want you to be my wife. This is something that can never be taken back, so we'll have to figure out how to move past it," Josh said, in his growing maturity. He took me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes smiling. "But first, I have to kill him."

I chuckled and slapped his big manly chest.

He smiled and pulled me back in for a hug. It felt so good to have him near me, the warmth, the protection, and his embrace. I never wanted him to leave, but at the same time, I knew things were going to be different. I had to make this right. I just had to figure out how. Sleeping with other men was probably not the way to do it, judging by how the night had unfolded.

"Let's go find him," Josh said as if he was looking for whoever ran off with the last set of 100 lbs dumbbells.

Josh was one of the strongest people I knew, and from how he had rag-dolled Toby before, so if he wanted to throw him into the pool or worse, there wasn't much I or anyone else could do. Not that I'd object. I'd dig the hole, if it came to it.

So, we went in search of him.

We went from the living room to the kitchen, the guest bathroom, and even the front and backyard. Our bedroom, every bathroom, guest room, and through every floor. He wasn't anywhere. We didn't find him. It was almost like he had vanished. I guess perhaps he had read the writing on the wall and fucked off. Probably for the better. I doubted Josh actually would've killed him, but it would be nice to have some sort of conclusive end to Toby. Either Josh fucking him up, or at least tossing him out on his ass.

But no, Toby was nowhere to be found. Toby was gone...

*

It had been two months since the incident. Josh and I had talked, and talked, and talked. And talked. About boundaries, about our marriage, and most importantly, about ourselves. Why we did the things we did.

And the conclusion was that, well, we were both kind of young and stupid. And perhaps a little too willing to play around and have some fun.

I like to think that our marriage was stronger than ever, but that didn't mean we weren't still stupid. We had agreed, however, that we wouldn't do the whole cuckold/hotwife thing, as it was so botched this first time around. Though I have to admit, I didn't really see Josh as a cuck in that sense, as I had, to my big regret, merely cheated without his consent. We would have to work past it, and find a way, but we were both determined to do so.

As for the rest, the more devious part of our marriage, well, we decided to keep exploring that, but only when we were both in the mood. And not on a whim, and certainly not over a single text or an uninhibited decision. Everything had to be perfectly communicated between us, especially for Josh, as he was honestly the true victim in all of this.

We'd just have to see where the road takes us, and see where it ends. I certainly had some perspectives on how to make things right, truly right, and fun, but that's a story for another day and another time. Perhaps it was time for another party to alleviate some stress. Something fun, something less sinister. Who knows. We will just have to see.

All I know is, with great relief, this was not the end for Josh and me.

*

And here is the conclusion of The New Tenant. I understand a lot have some thoughts this way and that way about how it should've gone, and that's perfectly fine.

Anyway, thanks for reading. There will be a continuation, coming soon, that will go under the name of "A Young Couple's Journey" as mentioned at the top. I understand that a lot won't like the continuation, as it may not be everyone's cup of tea, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Thanks again to anyone who has enjoyed this first 'season' of TNT.