The Only Constant is Change Ch. 11

He noted that she'd gone a little beyond his long-sleeve t-shirt and jeans combo, wearing a University of South Carolina fleece pullover atop a white undershirt. It hugged her curves nicely, confirming Jeremy's earlier observation that, while Erin was on the slender side, she had enough swell in her bosom and hips that no one would mistake her for a man. Jeremy thought she looked lovely and told her so.

"You look great, but I must say I'm a little embarrassed," he said. "It's been a long time since I had a date, casual or otherwise, and I've broken one of my personal rules by showing up without a gift. If you'll forgive me, I promise that next time will be different."

There was a twinkle in her eyes as she chided him. "Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you? Who says there'll be a next time?"

He had to laugh. "You got me. See? I told you I was out of practice."

She grabbed her jacket and winked at him. "Things are looking pretty good so far. I'll let you know in a little while whether there'll be more."

They made their way out the door, and as she was locking up behind them, she asked, "Where are we going for dinner?"

"I don't know what you like to eat, but I was thinking we could hit one of those places that serve the gourmet flatbread pizzas? I know this place not too far from here." He held the car door for her.

"Antonio's?" she asked, as she took a seat. When he nodded, she said, "I love that place! Let's hurry, I'm starving." Jeremy chuckled as he made his way around the car. Erin seemed like a fireball, and he was looking forward getting to know her better.

Things were progressing well, and Jeremy was beginning to let himself relax in the company of the lovely young woman when the first awkward moment hit. He ordered his flatbread with chicken, bacon, and an alfredo sauce. When Erin placed her order, he was shocked into silence. She ordered her pizza with pepperoni and shrimp, with extra cheese. He'd only ever known one person who liked to order shrimp on their pizza: Ava. The realization caused his throat to tighten, and his eyes began to fill with tears.

Erin said something that he didn't hear. When she finally got his attention, she could see that he was upset. "Are you okay?" she asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

Embarrassed, he tried to cover. "No, it's not you. You're lovely. It's me. I'm...I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not as ready for this as I thought I might be."

She looked confused, and Jeremy realized that she might not know his situation. He wasn't quite sure when she'd come to the command, but he was thinking it might have been after Ava's funeral. Between that and the two of them not working directly with each other, she probably had no idea what a basket case she'd apparently agreed to go on a date with.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" he sighed. She shook her head, a concerned look on her face. Jeremy took a deep breath to calm himself, trying to find a way to explain what he was feeling without ruining everything. "I'm sorry. I've been so absorbed in myself for so long, I just assumed everyone around me knew what was going on and looking at me in pity.

"A little over a year ago, I was happily married to my high school sweetheart. We had a little boy, Joshua; he was 3 years old." As he was speaking, Erin began to have a sinking feeling in her stomach. "One night, my wife and son were driving back from visiting relatives. It was night and raining hard, and this semi was coming downhill from the other direction." Jeremy began to choke up, and Erin laid her hand atop his to lend him the strength to continue. "The police aren't sure why he was in the wrong lane and why he didn't seem to hit his breaks. They think maybe the brakes failed..." He trailed off, staring at something in the distance that only he could see. "Ava and Joshua were killed in the collision. I buried them in matching white coffins," he finished quietly, as his voice faltered.

Erin didn't know Jeremy well, but she could see how much he'd loved his wife and son. Her heart was breaking to see how much pain he was obviously still feeling. But she wasn't quite sure how to react, under the circumstances.

Jeremy finally smiled through his tears. "Some date, huh? I'm really wowing you here, aren't I? I thought maybe...I mean, I'm just tired of being alone, you know?"

She grasped his hand even more firmly. "Jeremy, you have nothing to apologize for. I can't imagine going through that, and I can only hope that someday I'll have someone who loves me the way you obviously loved your wife." She paused, then asked, "What was it that triggered this?"

"Believe it or not," he said, "it was your order. Ava used to order shrimp on her pizza. I've never known anyone else who did, so when you placed your order, it caught me off guard."

Ruefully, she said, "Of all the things...I had a boyfriend in college who used to order shrimp on his pizza, and I kind of got hooked on it. My friends used to give me a hard time about it, but I never let it stop me. I can order something else..." she started to signal for the waiter.

"No," he stopped her. "I'm going to have to get used to things like this. I'm sure it won't be the last time something catches me by surprise. I just need to handle it better. Please, let's just try and salvage what has got to be, by this point, just about the worst first date in history."

She actually burst out laughing. "Oh, you have no idea how bad some of my dates have been." Waving her hand in the air as if grasping for the right description, she said, "This is...unusual, admittedly, but you're not even in the top 10 of my worst dates."

"Really?" he said incredulously. "What could be worse than your date bursting into tears, thinking about his dead wife?"

"Let's see... there was the time my freshman year of college when a guy showed up to take me out with his mother in tow. That was pretty bad. Once, as a prank, I got set up on a blind date with a transsexual 'man,'" she emphasized with air quotes. "Actually, now that I think about it," she said, "that didn't turn out that bad; 'he' was a good kisser."

Jeremy wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. The situation was funny, but she must have a bit of a wild side to carry through with it. That certainly got his attention.

Erin wasn't even close to done. She took a sip of wine and then said, "I went on a date once with a guy wearing a diaper." She timed it perfectly, because Jeremy began hacking and coughing from the wine he'd inhaled. She sat there laughing at him while he tried to calm himself.

Finally, he had enough wind to speak again. "You want to run that by me again? You went on a date with a guy wearing a diaper? Like a...a diaper?"

"Well, I mean, it's not like he pissed himself or anything. But, yeah, he was wearing a cloth diaper, complete with this big old safety pin holding it up. He was looking for his 'mommy,' I guess. I never really understood it."

Jeremy had completely forgotten the pain he'd been feeling earlier. "Are you serious about all this? Where do you even find people like that?"

Erin smirked, but playfully she said, "That's probably as much as I'm willing to say about that tonight. It is our first date, after all. But the point is, you could be so much worse. Showing emotion, feeling pain...that makes you more desirable to me. You're real."

With those kinds of preliminaries out of the way, it was almost inevitable that the rest of the date would proceed without a hitch. They finished their pizzas while continuing through Erin's checkered dating history. She was frank about her part when things didn't go well, but also forthright in pointing out how lame a lot of her dates had been. Dessert followed. Jeremy had a fantastic piece of tiramisu, while his date enjoyed a bowl of salted caramel gelato. Between the two, they downed a bottle of red wine, but neither was feeling especially tipsy. A glance at his watch told Jeremy that the evening was still young, but he hadn't really given much thought to carrying on past dinner.

Turning to his date, he said, "Thank you for tonight, Erin. I've been having a great time. It's been quite a while since I laughed so much. This year has been pretty rough for me."

Despite her brazen exterior, Erin had a heart of softened gold. "You're very welcome, Jeremy. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this, and that you've felt alone. I can't imagine how hard that must be, and I admire your strength for even trying. But from now on, no matter what else happens, you come to me when you start feeling down again." She winked at him and as she stood, said, "I've got lots more stories to tell you. It's sad, really, but if I can lighten your load a little by sharing my incredibly poor dating history? That's a sacrifice that I'm willing to make."

"Thanks for that, I guess," chuckled Jeremy as they made their way towards the door. "I appreciate it." Reaching the car, he opened her door and said, "I'm a little embarrassed, but this whole thing was spur of the moment. I didn't really plan any entertainment for after dinner. Do you have any ideas?"

With a cheeky grin on her face, Erin said, "I assumed this was the part where we go back to my place, tear each other's clothes off, and make passionate love until the early morning hours." Then she hopped in the car and slammed the door.

Jeremy's stunned expression had her straining to keep from laughing, but when he asked, "Really?" after taking the driver's seat, all prior restraint vanished.

"Good lord, no," she exclaimed. "What kind of girl do you think I am?" she asked with feigned injury.

Returning to the dating pool, for Jeremy, apparently took him right back to high school, because he completely missed the joke. Horrified, he backtracked. "I thought...I didn't...I mean, of course I don't expect you to sleep with me on the first date."

Erin couldn't let the opportunity to slip a good dig in pass by. "Awww, that's cute. Lighten up, Francis. I'm just kidding. Listen, you're good-looking, funny, smart, and so far, I like everything about you. But despite what my history might suggest, I really haven't slept with many guys, and none on the first date. I would be flattered if you were that attracted to me. But something tells me that we need to take this especially slow."

Even thought he was sheepish at having been caught up in her game like a virgin schoolboy, he appreciated the sentiment. More than that, he realized that she was right. "Thank you again, Erin. You're absolutely right. If tonight showed me anything, it's that I'm maybe not as ready to move on as I thought." Starting the car, he added, "But I sure had fun tonight."

By the time they got to her house, Jeremy was wondering how to end the date. Should he try to kiss her? He'd been tempted a couple of times this evening anyway. But maybe he shouldn't, given what they'd just talked about. He pondered the possible courses of action, oblivious to the smirk on Erin's face as she watched him mull things over. The decision was removed from his hands entirely, because as he shifted the car to park, Erin said, "Jeremy?"

When he turned his head to answer, his lips met hers. As he drew back, he looked at her in surprise. Erin simply placed her hand on his cheek and said, "I've wanted to do that all night, and I didn't want to miss my chance in case you were going to do the noble thing at the door."

Jeremy smiled, recovered from his initial shock. "I'll let it slide, just this once." As he opened his door to exit, he said, "There's just one thing to remember." Then he closed the door and made his way around the car to open hers.

As she stepped out, she asked, "What's that?"

He looked at her for a second, and then with a smile and a wink, he said, "I can do a lot better than that."

Not to be outdone, Erin smirked as said, "I certainly hope so." Then she left him standing by his car, glancing back once to make sure he was watching her go.

Driving home, Jeremy couldn't make up his mind just how he felt about Erin Perkins. But, for a few hours at least, his life hadn't felt quite so dark.

*****

Waking up the next morning, Jeremy realized that he'd slept through the night for the first time in recent memory. He thought that the captain might be onto something with this idea of talking to someone about his pain. As much as he'd enjoyed spending time with Erin, the incident with the pizza reminded him that he was holding a lot of things inside, things he hadn't dealt with. Until he did so, there were probably going to be more surprises, and Jeremy knew that he owed it to himself to forestall those as much as possible.

With the intention of scoping out some therapist possibilities, he took his coffee into his office, converted from the third bedroom. Sipping his first cup of the day, he instead decided to tackle his neglected email inbox. He'd been pretty good about returning all the messages of sympathy from various friends and relatives in the months that immediately followed the accident. After the initial shock had worn down though, he had fewer and fewer messages to contend with. And these days he just didn't seem to have to energy to sift through the various marketing emails, e-newsletters, and other electronic junk mail to find the few messages worth reading.

So, it was with a not-inconsiderable amount of guilt that he realized he'd received a message from Monica White and failed to respond. At least, she used to be Monica White. The last Jeremy knew, she'd married a fellow lawyer just after graduating from Georgetown Law. Then she'd become Monica Maxwell. Ashamed to see that the message was nearly three weeks old, Jeremy resolved to do a better job of keeping up with his email. Even with the delay, he was curious. He hadn't spoken with Monica since their ten-year high school reunion, and even then, it had only been a quick "good to see you, see you next reunion" kind of thing.

He clicked on the message and began to read.

Jeremy,

It's been a long time since we spoke, and for that, I'm truly sorry. I only recently heard about the terrible accident that took Ava's life, and that of your son. Words cannot adequately express how deep my condolences are. I didn't know Ava all that well in school, but what I did know was that she was a wonderful girl, beautiful both inside and out. Even back then, it was obvious to anyone with eyes to see that you two were a great match.

At the risk of sounding gauche, I was wondering if you might be interested in a change of scenery. If you are like I was when my marriage broke up, everything that you see and do reminds you of what you have lost. It took changing my career path and moving in a different direction to put my past behind me completely. Now, I am a deputy legal counsel for a security contractor in the D. C. area. We are always on the lookout for talented individuals to join our firm. Someone with your credentials would certainly be interesting to us.

If nothing else, I'd love to get a chance to get together and reconnect. Maybe over coffee? You still owe me a date after all...

Monica

Below her name, she left a number where she could be reached. Jeremy sat back and took a sip of his coffee. Monica White. After all these years, there was seemingly nothing keeping them from that date they'd missed out on so long ago. Making up his mind, Jeremy quickly typed out a reply.

Monica,

I apologize for the delay in responding. It's been a challenge for me to keep up my spirits recently, and I haven't kept up with my email. I was, however, pleasantly surprised to receive your message. Thank you for your condolences.

To be honest, I haven't thought very much about the future recently. It's intriguing, though. It was never our plan to stay for an entire career in the service. Might be something I'd be interested in.

If it's not too late, give me a ring and we'll figure something out.

Jeremy

P. S. If we ever do go on a date, I promise we'll do better than meeting for coffee.

Jeremy added his cell number and clicked "Send." Then he began searching for grief counselors in the area. Over the next hour, he managed to put together a list of three grief counselors that he wanted to contact on Monday. Just as he was finishing up his list, his cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway.

"This is Jeremy."

"Hey Jeremy, this is Monica White." Just the sound of her voice brought him back to high school. The last time he'd been on a phone call with her, she was cancelling their date. Funny how time and distance can melt away in an instant.

"Good morning, Monica. It's been a long time."

"True," she agreed. "Too long."

Despite the warm memories brought on by her voice, Jeremy wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. The ball was in her court, as far as he was concerned, so he waited to see where she'd go. But as usual, the silence got to him first. He said, "Monica 'White,' huh? I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out."

He could hear the venom in her voice when she said, "Don't be. He was a complete and utter bastard."

"Ouch. Sorry if I touched a nerve," he said.

She dismissed it. "Not your fault. And, anyway, I didn't call to talk about my stupid ex-husband. I called to see if you're available for lunch this afternoon? Say one o'clock?"

There was an edge to her that Jeremy didn't remember from before. Of course, it had been a long time since he'd spent much time around her. He couldn't help but notice the difference, though. She seemed bitter about the divorce, obviously, but he was a little surprised at the sharp, business-like tone of her voice. He'd thought from her email that she might still be interested in him on a personal level. Maybe he'd been mistaken?

"Yeah, I'm available. What did you have in mind?"

"Are you familiar the area around the National Mall?" When he replied that he was, she asked him to meet her at a bar and grill in the area that was a favorite of hers. Glancing at his watch, he thought it would be a close call to make it there by one o'clock, but it was doable.

Just before she hung up, her voice taking on a softer tone, Monica said, "Jeremy? It really is good to hear your voice." It wasn't the words that caught his attention, but something in her tone spoke of a lingering sadness, tinged with an uncertain hope. He was really confused and couldn't get a firm image of her in his mind. The truth was, he didn't know her all that well. Back in high school, she'd been like a mirage in the desert to him. Something he knew he wanted, but never quite reached. Now she was a lawyer, apparently a corporate bigwig of sorts, and he had no idea what she was really like.

With long-forgotten memories of Madagascar vanilla wafting through his mind, Jeremy locked the door behind him and made his way downtown.

*****

Outside was a clear but cool, autumn day. As he shook off the chill from the street, Jeremy took a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the subdued lighting in the dining area. It had been so long since he'd seen Monica in the flesh that he almost missed her. In fact, he'd scanned over her at least twice before he realized that she was watching him from a booth nearby with a bemused expression on her face. Jeremy consoled himself that it was the hair that caused him to overlook her. Gone were the curls that he remembered. Instead, she wore her hair in a messy pixie cut, with her bangs hanging long and swept to the side. He thought it took something away from her light brown eyes, but it was still a nice look. Her cinnamon-toned skin was augmented with a warm autumn palette of brown, burgundy, and olive colors; she was even more beautiful than he remembered.