The Only Constant is Change Ch. 11

She stood as he approached the table, and before she'd even greeted him, she pulled him into a hug. It was unexpected, and yet comfortable at the same time. Immediately, he picked up on the scent of vanilla that he'd always associate with this woman. He idly wondered if she'd chosen that scent just for him today, but quickly shifted to how good her body felt against his. It had been a quite some time since Jeremy had felt the soft press of breasts against his chest, and his anatomy was already responding. Trying to avoid any embarrassing contacts, he managed to gently extricate himself from her grasp. Stepping back, he realized that he'd forgotten how tall Monica was. Just a few inches short of his own six-foot height, her calf-high leather boots elevated her to stand basically eye to eye with him.

Monica beat him to the punch when she held him at arm's length and said, "I am so sorry about Ava."

After all the condolences over the last year, Jeremy had learned to accept the sentiments without tearing up. It had taken time, but he'd wrapped his grief around himself like a warm blanket to insulate himself from the emotions. Content to simply exist in his loneliness without Ava, there had been fewer and fewer times when his emotions had surfaced. Thus, it was a bit of a surprise when the tears sprang to his eyes. Something about the connection they'd had in the time "before" made her comment so much more meaningful than those of the people who'd never known Ava personally.

He sniffed and nodded. "Thanks, Monica."

As they sat, she grabbed his hands and asked how he was doing. Watching her hands, feeling her soft skin against his own, was a small and welcome distraction. "I won't lie," he quietly said, "it's been a rough year. I'm just starting to get my feet under me. My world has been...dark," he concluded sadly.

He was surprised to see a tear leak from Monica's eye. "Hey, hey, hey," he said. "None of that."

"I'm sorry," she said as she dabbed her eyes, trying to avoid smearing her mascara. "I didn't expect to feel it so strongly, but I know how much you loved her. I can see you're still in pain, and it makes me sad. It just caught me off-guard, that's all." She resolved not to let her emotions get the best of her, not with Jeremy sitting right here. Somehow, she'd known that he'd be the kind of guy who gave himself completely. It was everything that she'd hoped her husband would have done, and that had been the underlying theme of her failed marriage. He just couldn't open up and trust her enough. Of course, she'd eventually learned what kind of secrets he had that he couldn't share with her, but that was in the past.

Jeremy was watching Monica as she struggled to regain her composure. It was clear that she was struggling with something more than Ava's death. While he waited, he looked her over. Monica White, in high school, had been the epitome of composed. Always stylish, he couldn't remember ever seeing her at less than her best. Other than that night at the barn dance, he thought. Today, she was still ready for the pages of a fashion magazine. The main difference that Jeremy noticed was that she'd filled out her frame in the intervening years. The younger version of Monica had been arms-and-legs, though her backside had been a thing of beauty. There were only vague traces of that girl in this woman sitting across the table from him. Still on the slender side, there was nevertheless a softness to her hips and bosom that he found incredibly appealing.

Smiling, Jeremy gripped the one hand he still held and said, "How about we start over without the tears?" He stood up and then immediately slid back into the booth. "Hey Monica! You're looking great today. Is that a new scarf?"

The look on her face was priceless, and she struggled to respond for a moment. Finally, she shook her head and smiled. "I can't believe I forgot about that."

"What's that?" he asked.

"The way you always know how to get to me," she replied. When he looked confused, she continued. "Do you remember what I told you that night at the barn party?" Recognition bloomed in his eyes. Nodding, she said, "You still have it. All these years later, you see me for a couple of minutes, and you know just what to say to bring me out of my own head." She reached for his hand, "You have no idea how rare that gift is."

Jeremy shrugged dismissively. "It's not really something I do on a conscious level." He looked into her eyes and said, "I just don't like to see pretty girls upset."

"Oh, you're smooth!" she laughed. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think I need to look after my virtue around you."

As luck would have it, their server arrived just as she finished this declaration. A pretty 20-something blond woman, her eyes flicked to Jeremy. When he shrugged and winked at her, she blushed slightly.

They placed orders for drinks and a plate of bruschetta as an appetizer.

Sitting back as the waitress walked away, Jeremy realized that there was a comfort with Monica, a familiarity, that was different than what he'd shared with Erin the other night. It surprised him how much he'd missed that connection with another person. He'd wallowed in his grief and misery for so long that he hadn't recognized the isolation he'd wrought. It was a nice feeling. In fact, it was so nice that he felt like flirting a little bit. More than that, he wanted to express interest in a woman. He fixed his gaze on his lunch companion, and with a sober tone said, "It's no game, you know. I remember you as a pretty high school girl, Monica. Now...well, I won't give you the cheesy 'You've aged like a fine wine' line, but you really have become a beautiful woman."

Monica was surprised by his compliment, but secretly pleased. She was taken with how very different Jeremy was from her husband. Kelvin had been a shallow jerk, and in a year of dating and four years of marriage, he'd never said anything that meant as much to her as what Jeremy had just said. There had always been a part of himself that her husband held back, and when he gave compliments, it was always a means to an end. By the time their marriage wound down, she'd learned to dismiss the nice things he said because she could read through to his intentions. Monica knew that Jeremy wasn't like that, and she basked in the unexpected warmth of his attention. Not to mention, the intensity of the look in Jeremy's eyes was doing interesting things to her body. All of sudden, the room seemed a little warmer. She could feel her face getting hotter, and embarrassed, she stammered out her thanks.

Jeremy was at war with himself. He was surprised at his own response to Monica. That surprise had ignited a feeling of guilt at contemplating a relationship without Ava. It felt so sudden to act and feel this way around Monica. When he interpreted her stumbling response as discomfort at his words, he immediately felt even more guilty. With a deep breath, he said, "Monica, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I can see that I crossed a line..."

"What are you talking about?" she interrupted. She laughed lightly and said, "If you want to tell me I'm beautiful, you go right ahead and do it. I'll give you, oh, 50 years to stop."

He relaxed a little bit. "Sorry," he said. "It's been a while...it felt a little too personal all of a sudden." Shifting gears to alleviate his own discomfort, he said, "Your message said something about a job with your company. Want to talk about it?"

Monica recognized the struggle within Jeremy, and she appreciated the turn in the conversation. "Well, I think I mentioned that we are a security contractor. Have you ever heard of a company called Gåta Systems?" Jeremy shook his head. "I'm not surprised," she said. "It's a Norwegian company. They've done quite a bit of work overseas, but they're just starting to get a foothold here in the states."

"What's their focus?" asked Jeremy.

"Founded just after the second World War, they started off designing, manufacturing, and installing physical security systems for commercial projects. Everything from locks and doors to reinforced security bunkers. Over the years, they've taken on a more comprehensive approach. They started a consulting arm in the mid-70's, assisting companies with developing site security plans. That led to them forming their own security forces and contracting them out not just for guard duty at sites, but also as bodyguards for executives and private individuals."

Jeremy thought about it. "They do any mercenary work?"

Monica nodded. "That's a part of their business, but not the way you're thinking. They only have a few soldiers, and those are more or less independent contractors who go in to help train forces already in place. Most of what we do is more on the preventative side of things. Regardless, that's not what you'd be doing."

"Oh, yeah? What did you have in mind?"

Before she could answer, the server returned to check if they ready to order their meals. Once she left, Monica replied, "The one piece of the puzzle that they feel they're missing is cyber security. It's been creating some complications, since so much of what a corporate spy would want to acquire these days is held electronically. Having to subcontract for data storage and security just adds to the costs and adds a variable that's outside of their direct control.

"To address this concern, they recently purchased a small cyber security firm, Gatekeeper Technologies."

"They bought Gatekeeper?" Jeremy asked in surprise.

It was Monica's turn to be surprised. "You know about Gatekeeper?"

Jeremy smiled. "I've never done any work with them, but they've got a pretty good reputation. I heard they had a shakeup recently, but I didn't know they'd been purchased."

"Actually," she said, "it was during the acquisition that some irregularities came up. One of the department heads was embezzling funds from the company. I uncovered it during my due diligence investigation. After that, they fired the COO and CFO for not figuring it out themselves. Since they probably would have been superfluous after the acquisition anyway, they aren't being replaced."

"So, what do you need me to do?" he asked, curious.

Pausing to take a sip of her tea, Monica said, "Before I tell you that, you need to understand that I'm not making a formal offer. I'm describing the position, but this isn't an interview and I'm not authorized to hire you myself. You'd still have to go through the interview process with the current CEO, Catherine Tabor, and also with the man you'd be working for at Gåta, Nils Borsheim."

Jeremy nodded and replied, "I didn't take it otherwise."

Monica swallowed her bruschetta and said, "We're looking for someone with a unique skill set. In general, we need a team that can travel to meet with perspective clients, propose a solution, and then assist with the implementation of the plan. But after consulting with Catherine, it's our understanding that the very best technicians typically lack sufficient interpersonal skills to make this approach work. What we need is someone who can bridge that gap."

"You need a geek who can still speak to humans." Jeremy wasn't surprised at the assessment. He'd known plenty of very smart people in school and through his work in the Navy who did their level best to avoid ever speaking to another person.

She was a little more diplomatic in her response. "I wouldn't put it that way. But, if that helps you understand what we're after, then sure."

Jeremy was intrigued. It wasn't his own company, but when it came right down to it, he enjoyed the work itself; doing it for himself brought along a different set of concerns that might be better left to others for now. Besides, he could always learn how it's done in the civilian world, network some contacts, and then start his own company later. He still had other questions that needed answers though.

"If I understand you correctly, I would be heading up this team?" She nodded. "What's your timeline to get this position filled?" he asked.

"Frankly, sooner would be better. Gatekeeper has some contracts that need servicing, and Gåta is anxious to get this division off the ground. It could have a huge impact on our business in the coming year if we can take over where other contractors have been handling things."

Their food arrived just then, and the rest of their discussion was put on hold while they ate. Jeremy was mulling over his options, and he had to admit that he had some concerns. As he finished a delightful bowl of three-cheese macaroni with smoked chicken, Jeremy felt a need to address his current state of mind.

"Can I ask you a question, Monica?"

"Of course."

"Why me? I mean, I appreciate the thought, and I can't deny that it's definitely something that I've had in my long-term plans for a while. But," he hesitated, "you should know before you stick your neck out for me that I've been struggling. In fact, my CO put me on leave this coming week to clear my head. He said I needed to find someone to talk to, but I think his suggestion to find a little female company might have been a little much." Hearing this, Monica couldn't help but smile.

His words did give her pause, though. Initially, she'd only considered that with his background, he'd be a good choice. She remembered the way that people had been drawn instinctually to Jeremy. At least, that had been the way things had gone in high school. Obviously, she had no way of knowing if that was still true. But it seemed unlikely that something so innately him would have changed through the years. It broke her heart to hear the pain in his voice. As he said, it was clear that he carried a still-healing wound. The answer to his question, though, meant opening herself up to him. She wasn't sure she was ready for that level of trust, but if there was ever someone that she could picture herself sharing her feelings with, it would Jeremy. Steeling herself, she began to speak.

"The answer to that question is...complicated. Obviously, you have the technical abilities, given your education and work in the Navy. And, as an officer, you've got some experience planning and directing the work of a team. But when I first heard them describe the position to me, your face flashed through my mind. You know why that is? Because you have a gift like very few people that I've ever met in my life. There's something about you that draws people in. It's not anything you do consciously, either, as far as I can tell. It's just...you."

She hesitated a moment before continuing. "That's the professional reason that your name came up. If I'm honest, though, I have more personal reasons for getting in touch with you." Jeremy had been listening politely, but in a relaxed posture. Her words caught his attention and he shifted into a more alert pose. She reached across the table and took his hand. Looking in his eyes, she said, "Jeremy, I have looked back in regret at how things between us ended in high school for years. My parents did express some concerns about us possibly dating, true. I didn't know how my friends would react, either. But the truth is that I was just plain scared.

"I was always the calm, cool, rational girl who had a plan and had to be in control. Guys would chase me, and I got to decide if they got my time. It was a safe existence. And then you showed up one day, and immediately, I wasn't in control."

Jeremy had to chuckle at that. "Are you kidding me? You were always the one in charge. I spent months just trying to get you to smile at me. I didn't think you even noticed me."

It's funny how often two people can view a relationship from such different perspectives. Maybe it's a part of the human condition, but it seems like every relationship in high school suffers from the same affliction. Monica smiled at his statement. "It's amazing to me that you couldn't see how nervous I was around you. I certainly never felt in charge. It took a couple of weeks of you sitting next to me in class, before I realized that if I let you get close to me, I would be lost. I wanted so much to spend time with you, but I couldn't give up that control.

"And then the barn party happened. You were so sweet. You listened to me, calmed me down, and cheered me up. When you made me promise to have dinner with you? I thought I'd finally have an excuse to overcome my fears about being with you. But by the next day, I just couldn't do it." She looked down in shame, tears once again threatening to spill over.

Jeremy watched her struggle to collect herself. It amused him to hear how they'd each desired the other and failed to act on it out of fear. His fear was that she was way out of his league and he'd be rejected, and her fear seemed to have been that she couldn't reject him. Ah, the trials of teenage romance, he thought.

Clearing his throat to get her attention, he quietly asked, "Where do we go from here, Monica? If I'm reading you right, you feel the same regret about what we might have missed that I do. And, I think you'll agree, there's nothing keeping us from trying now. Right?" She nodded, unable to speak for holding her breath. "Look, Monica, I'm flattered that a gorgeous woman like yourself would show even the slightest interest in a guy like me." He hesitated, and then said, "I'm a little concerned about where I am right now, though. There's been something...broken...inside me for a while. When Ava and Joshua died, they took a big chunk of me with them. I think I'm just now really beginning to heal and move on. I...I'm not sure how to say what I need to say." He looked into her eyes, searching for the right words to say.

Monica somehow found her voice. "It's okay Jeremy. We haven't talked about my marriage, but I feel the fallout from that every day. It's been almost three years since my divorce, and I still can't quite trust others yet." She paused and took a deep breath before continuing, a slight quiver in her voice. "Maybe two broken, hurting people can help each other to heal. Maybe we can never be anything more than friends. But the last hour or so has been a reminder to me of what kind of man you are. And...I could use someone like that in my life right now. So, I have a suggestion. Let's take it slow and just see where it goes."

"I'd like that," Jeremy said. "What about the job? Will it cause problems if we're in a relationship, if I come to work for Gåta?"

She shook her head. "It won't be an issue. I wouldn't be in your chain of command, and like I said, I don't have any authority to hire or fire you. We kind of got sidetracked with the personal stuff. Are you interested enough in the job to meet with Catherine and Nils?"

Jeremy had to think about that. For the first time in a while, he reviewed The Plan in his mind. It had always been a goal to gain some experience in the military and then move into the private sector. When his family died, he focused on his grief instead of making plans for the future. His obligation to the military was up, so without having to take Ava and Joshua into account, there was really nothing keeping him from moving forward now. Finally, he said, "Yeah. I think I'd like to meet with them to learn more about it. Taking up this kind of challenge might be just what I need to finally move on."

Monica smiled and said, "If you can put together a resume, I'll meet with Nils and Catherine this week. He works out of Oslo normally, but he's in the states overseeing the acquisition until things are up and running. I'm sure he'd like to get it going sooner, rather than later, so he can get back to his family. Of course, Cat lives here permanently."

After paying their tab (Monica insisted on expensing it), Jeremy promised to get her a resume by Monday morning. They made plans to have dinner later in the week, and Monica assured him that she'd be in touch about an interview as soon as she knew something. Reaching the street, they each turned to the other, suddenly awkward. They said goodbye, but as they parted, Jeremy stopped and looked back at Monica, watching as she began walking away. He warred with himself for a moment before he said, "Screw it" and took off after her. When he was a few steps behind her, he called her name. When she turned, he was coming to a halt only a couple of feet away. She looked at him with a look on her face that reminded Jeremy of a deer caught before a predator's gaze. Without a word between them, Jeremy stepped to her, slid his hands to her cheeks, and gently drew her in for a kiss.