The Other Side of the Fence

Wait, let me correct that, I was running back towards Karla's car. I knew I had to look like a fool, but at that point, I didn't care. I couldn't stand there and converse with that woman no matter how blameless she was in what had happened. I slowed down as I reached the car and slumped down behind the passenger's side hoping that Dan and Kelly weren't parked close by. I didn't see his car but had no idea what she drove so I couldn't be sure.

When Karla finally approached the car and unlocked it I quickly jumped inside the baked interior. Once Karla had cranked the engine and turned on the air she turned to me and said, "Panic much?"

I buried my head in my hands and moaned.

Karla just laughed before joking, "At least you showed her you could outrun her."

Not looking up I groaned again and said, "Please, just shoot me."

"Yeah," Karla said, "probably not your best moment."

Two days before I was scheduled to leave for vacation with my parents. I was looking over some of the catalogs describing the courses I would be taking the first semester of my freshman year. While I was looking forward to being out on my own, I was apprehensive as well. I didn't know what Dan's plans were. I'd assumed he would still be heading to college but I was no longer sure which one. If little Miss Perfect was still in school then he might want to head wherever she attended. There was no guarantee that she was going to the same college we'd planned to attend.

While going over the catalogs my phone rang. Fully expecting it would be Karla, I answered with, "Calling to tease me about my track skills again?"

"Cady?" said a female voice I found vaguely familiar. There was only one female I'd ever known who called me by that nickname. She was the only one I'd ever allowed to do so.

"Sara, is that you?" I asked breathlessly, tears instantly filling my eyes.

Her voice cracking and fighting through tears of her own, she replied, "Yes baby girl, it's me. I've missed you so much."

"Mom and Dad changed the number after they kicked you out. It's unlisted so how'd you get it?" I queried.

She hesitated as if formulating her response carefully then replied, "I recently made a new friend who happened to know my family. They supplied me with the number. I'd be more specific but I promised I wouldn't."

Perplexed about who it might have been but more concerned with having reestablished contact with the sister I'd been missing for the last decade, I set the subject of "the friend" aside. Instead, I concentrated on catching up with her.

"How are you, Sara?" I asked. I quickly added, "Tell me about my big sister."

I could hear Sara sigh.

"Where to start," she said, "after Mom and Dad cut me off I left school for a couple of years. I worked two jobs during that time using one to pay my living expenses and the other to save for my schooling. It took me nearly four years after I went back to get my degree. Working full time and going to school slowed things down but I finally got there. I met a guy in my senior year and got married. We had our first child, a little girl, about six months after I graduated."

"That's amazing Sara," I exclaimed, "what did you name her?"

I could almost hear the smile in her reply when she said, "We named her after what we assumed would be her two favorite aunts, Cadence Kelly Griffin. Everyone calls her CK for short. She's three years old now."

"You named her after me?" I asked incredulously.

On the other end of the line, Sara laughed, " Of course I did Cady, there isn't a day that's gone by in nearly the last decade that I haven't missed you dearly. I almost felt as if you were my first child. I raised you for the first ten years of your life."

"I know you did Sis," I replied. Then a thought occurred to me, "Who's Kelly?" I asked.

"Kelly is my sister in law Cady. We've become great friends the last year or so," she answered.

"You didn't like each other before that?" I asked.

"We'd only briefly met once or twice before then," said Sara adding, "Kelly lived out of state with her Mom."

She then took on a very somber tone.

"She didn't return here for me to get to know until about fourteen months ago Cadence, when my husband, her brother Ryan, was killed by a drunk driver."

I was shocked, "Oh my God Sara, I don't know what to say."

"There isn't anything you can say that will help Cady," she said sadly before adding with a bit of resolve, "I'm getting through with the help of family and friends as well as a loss support group I'm apart of."

"Tell me about you baby girl," she said changing gears.

I was glad she did because I was still struggling to come up with a way to comfort her. I hadn't been there for the family member I loved the most when she needed me. That made me even angrier at my parents over what they'd done to her.

"There's not much to say. I'm still living under Mom and Dad's rules so you know how that goes. I have learned a few tricks that allow me to skirt some of them which helped with my dating life for awhile. Not so much these days though."

"I'm entering State in the fall on a full academic ride so that's one good thing I've got going I guess," I said although I likely sounded less than thrilled.

Sara congratulated me on State and the scholarship and told me how proud she was of me.

She then asked, "What did you mean by saying "not so much these days" when talking about your dating life. What's going on?"

"I'm sure you'd probably find it a boring story," I responded, "I'm sure your past all that teenage drama."

"Hey," she chastised me, "not when it comes to my favorite baby sister. What's going on?"

I explained to her the entire story involving Dan and how I'd messed up. I included the story of him leaving and how we'd recently been seeing him around town on some weekends this summer in the company of some blonde named Kelly.

"She's so pretty its intimidating Sara," I told her, "I could never compete with a girl like that."

"It's why I asked you about CK's middle name," I admitted, "the name Kelly kind of makes me nauseous when I hear it these days,"

"Well is he dating this girl or just friends with her?" Sara asked.

I explained to her how I really couldn't tell for sure, but that I'd seen them holding hands. I also told her how Karla had confirmed to me that Kelly was staying with Dan at his parent's house on the weekends they were in town.

"Well why are you worrying about this one guy if you broke up with him to date other guys?" she asked.

I laughed at her question and said, "Well for one I was never sure I was doing the right thing. I think I panicked when he told me he loved me. I thought I was too young for love. Heck, I'm not even sure what love feels like, to be honest. Secondly, I did make one date with a guy but he gave me a lame excuse and backed out a few days before the date. After that, it was as if I'd contracted some disease fatal to the male species. No boy would even come near me. Now I don't even care about dating anyone else. I had the perfect guy in love with me and I blew him off."

"It seems pretty simple to me Cady. Get him back," Sara stated as if it was just that simple.

"I don't know how," I shouted in a frustrated manner, "He's all I think about from the time I get up in the morning till I finally manage to go to sleep at night. I wonder if he's thinking of me. If I even enter his mind anymore. If he still has any feelings left for me at all, much less love. I'm miserable Sara!"

"Oh Cady," she replied, "you're in love with him you goof."

"What?" I asked confused, "How can you tell when even I don't know?"

As gently as she could, she said, "Because when you lose somebody you love. All those things you described yourself feeling and all those questions running through your head are a result of that love and loss. That's why this hurts you so bad. Believe me when I tell you I know what it's like. Unlike me though, your guy is still around for you to get back."

I sat there stunned, at first not knowing what to say in return. The more I thought about it the more it made sense though. The acceptance of her words in my mind made me feel that much worse.

"Oh god Sara, I've screwed up so bad and I don't know what to do."

She stated simply, "Do you see now that you love him, Cady?"

"I...think so," I answered, though I still sounded as if I didn't want to admit it.

Sara got a bit short with me then, "It's a yes or no question baby girl, Do. You. Love. Him?"

I nodded my head yes with my eyes closed as if I'd be punished for admitting it before realizing she couldn't see me through the phone.

"Yes, sis. I'm in love with him," I told her.

"Then you have to find him and tell him, honey. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't. You'll always wonder what if? Don't do that to yourself, Cady."

Her words made me remember the dream I had the night I'd broken up with Dan.

I hesitated briefly before asking, "And what if he rejects me?"

"Then at least you'll know you've done all you can. It may not be easy to live with, to begin with, but eventually, you'll be able to get over him and move on."

She then added, "Judging by the calendar I assume you guys will be leaving for vacation this weekend. If so, why don't you take a week to make sure of what you feel and if you still feel the same way then find him and tell him when you get back."

I racked my brain trying to remember a time I knew I'd be able to see him again. After a minute it hit me. We'd double-dated with a couple he'd been friends with that had graduated a year before Dan. I'd received an invitation to the wedding so I assumed that Dan had as well.

"There was a couple that was a year ahead of him that we used to hang out with that are getting married the weekend before the fall semester of college starts. Dan was really good friends with Jacob the groom and I was just an acquaintance of Shereen the bride. I got an invitation so I bet he did for sure."

"That could work out Cady," Sara cautiously encouraged, "You can't be timid about it though. You have to be decisive. March right up to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you screwed up, and why. But, make sure in no uncertain terms that he knows you love him. If he rejects you then you've lost nothing but a little pride while at the same time gaining some peace of mind."

I told her she was right then reminded her it was almost time for the parental units to be returning from work. She knew it wouldn't do for them to discover me talking to her so she promised me she'd call me back the Monday after we got back from vacation.

It wasn't until we'd hung up that I realized I hadn't asked her where she was living now. I promised myself I'd find out the next time we talked.

The next week was torture. Riding in a car with your parents is never fun. Doing it while they know your upset over something is pure, unadulterated torture. My mother spent the entire trip trying to cheer me up. My father in the meantime would just give me these looks in the rearview mirror that seemed to tell me how displeased he was with my attitude.

The vacation itself wasn't too bad. I read a lot and spent a good bit of time thinking, making sure of my feelings for Dan as I'd promised Sara I would. By Friday morning, however, my stomach was tied in knots. I was worried that Dan wouldn't show for the wedding and I wouldn't be able to find him before heading off to school. I also worried he'd go to school elsewhere. Needless to say, the entire trip home I was incapable of longer responses than yes or no mam and sir.

Once home, I quickly unpacked and got on the phone with Karla asking her if she had time to help me run to the mall and pick out a new outfit for the wedding. After I explained to her my intention to try and win Dan back, she agreed to accompany me as long as I had her back in time for her date with Alan at seven.

After searching several stores and trying on numerous outfits we finally settled on a light green sundress that ended about a half-inch above the knee. We tried it with both tan and black silk thigh highs with the sales lady and Karla deciding a dark tan pair went better with both the dress and the open-toed three-inch slingbacks I'd decided to purchase a well.

The Saturday afternoon of the wedding was really beautiful. The sun was shining and there was barely a cloud in the sky. Despite the late summer date, the temperatures were quite mild compared to the norm for the region. As I pulled into the parking lot of the church I drove around back to the large assembly hall where the reception would be held afterward. I found a spot to park, checked my reflection in the mirror one last time, and then got out of the car making sure to lock it up so the wedding gift I'd purchased would be safe.

As I rounded around behind the SUV I was parked next to the first thing I saw was Dan leaning against the rear bumper of his car. To his left was a very beautiful Kelly wearing a sexy red dress and heels with white stockings. I'd worn my stockings in part because I knew Dan found them sexy.

"The blonde tramp must feel the same way," I thought to myself.

She was laughing at something Dan was saying as they stood there and talked while she smoked. Again the thought of how insistent Dan was that he could never kiss or date a smoker entered my mind.

"I guess he got over that turnoff," I thought dejectedly.

Kelly looked up and saw me looking their way and quickly said something to Dan. He raised his head and stared my way intently. I wanted to hold his gaze and march straight over there and tell him I loved him but at the last second, movement from Kelly caught my attention. I watched as she dropped and then ground out her cigarette with her heel. She then looked right back up at me and smiled. What I took as her being cocky shook my confidence and I instead quickly changed my mind and headed into the sanctuary where the ceremony would be held.

I sat in a seat towards the rear of the sanctuary on the bride's side. I figured that would allow me a better view of Dan during the ceremony. I knew it would also allow me the chance to get out of there and to the reception hall once things were over. I'd gotten seated about twenty minutes before the scheduled start of things. Doing so allowed me to be able to see everyone else that entered after me. About ten minutes before the beginning of the wedding I still hadn't seen Dan or Kelly be seated. Right as I was getting ready to get up to go look for them under the pretense of having to use the ladies' room, I saw them enter the doorway. As they wandered up the aisle I noticed Dan's hand resting at the small of her back and it just broke me. They stopped at an isle on the groom's side and as Kelly started in to sit down, Dan turned his head looking over the crowd. His eyes stopped once he spotted me. My broken heart couldn't hold his intent stare so I grabbed my clutch and made my way out of my row. I made it out the door just as the bridal party was starting to assemble outside in the entry hall.

Outside I did all I could to quell my tears and made the way to my car. When I got there I unlocked the door and grabbed the gift. I then made my way to the reception hall entrance where workers were busy hanging flowers on the columns next to the door leading inside. I opened the door and quickly found the gift table on the other side of the hall. I left my gift and headed back to my car figuring I could wait there until after the wedding. I could then quietly find the newly married couple and congratulate them. Then I'd wait for a chance to find Dan alone.

As I rounded the SUV next to my car I stopped. There stood Dan leaning against the driver's door of my car. Needless to say, I was stunned.

"Decide not to stay for the wedding?" he asked me.

I didn't answer his question, instead I asked, "Where's your girlfriend?"

He ignored my response and replied with a bit of frustration in his voice, "Why are you leaving Cadence."

I thought to myself, "He can see how uncomfortable I am around them and he's enjoying it."

"Well it occurred to me that they were more your friends than mine so I figured I had better things to do than be here."

He stood up straight and pointedly replied, "Bullshit Cadence, you're running just like you always do when things get a little uncomfortable for you. You're just like a little kid when it comes to emotional stuff like this. Things aren't going your way so you choose to take your ball and go home."

I immediately snapped back, "I wasn't the one that ran away to my uncles when we broke up."

"No," he said, "you're just the one that upon hearing that I was in love with you got away from me as quickly as possible. You then called me the second I got home and broke up with me over the telephone. Over the phone Cadence, who does that to someone they've been with for nearly two years?"

I just stood there. I didn't have any response to his retort. I could barely hold the hurtful gaze he gave me. After a minute I just looked down to the ground feeling ashamed. When I wouldn't respond and seemed unwilling to even look at him, Dan turned to walk away.

Realizing he was going I panicked. I was blowing this because of my stupid pride.

"Dan, please wait!" I begged loudly. He stopped but just looked down at his feet. He didn't turn to face me.

I set aside my jealousy over Kelly and continued, "I was so wrong in breaking up with you Dan. You were the only boy I'd ever dated. I listened to some bad advice from Amy and Robin regarding me needing to live a little and see what else was out there. Then when you told me you loved me I panicked. I didn't think I knew what love was or what it was supposed to feel like. I thought I was too young to be in love so I broke up with you."

He just stood there with his back to me, looking down at his shoes, and didn't move.

I bit my lower lip and then continued, "During the three months we were broken up I made one date. It got canceled and I never went out with anyone else."

Of course, I left out that no one else had ever asked me. I took a deep breath and then pushed forward.

"I never stopped thinking about you. I was heartbroken in breaking up with you but I couldn't understand why it hurt so bad. Even when I made that date you were still the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person on my mind when I went to sleep at night. I dreamed about you constantly and would wake up in the morning feeling confused by it. You can ask everyone, I talked about you a lot and kept asking everyone if they'd heard from you. I think your Mom finally quit answering my telephone calls. I guess I just bugged her too much. I'd always get their answering machine but she'd never call me back."

"Don't be mad at her," Dan answered without turning around, " I asked her not to give you any info about me."

I hung my head, hurt by his outright admission though I'd figured it had to be due to something like that.

"When people started telling me they'd spotted you dating someone else I was crushed. When school let out I refused to even come out of my room for a long time. Karla finally forced me to start going out. The night Alan and Karla came to your parent's house we were in town and saw you guys coming out of the grocery store. It hurt me so bad I asked them to take me home. The day we ran into you two at the mall I couldn't handle it. You looked so happy coming out that door but when you saw me that look went away. She's so pretty and I know I can't compete with her in that way,"

With that last sentence, he turned and started to say something but I held up my hand and begged him, "Please Dan, I know you don't owe me anything but please let me finish."

Dan hesitated then motioned for me to continue.