All Comments on 'The Outdoor Life Pt. 01'

Nice story. He should have cum inside her pussy of ass at least

once.

How many times do you need to use the word "wet"? It's in almost every paragraph. I enjoyed the story, but this was distracting. Maybe try another adjective in chapter two.

You could reduce the number of adjectives and adverbs by eighty per cent and the result would be a huge improvement. Sometimes you use as many as three adjectives to a noun (little, pink ,wet.. when you don'[t actually need to use any. Lose nearly all of the "little"'s . That said, it's a good sgtory and I look forward to reading more of the series.)