- Loving Wives
- The Panther
- Page 5
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Click hereWe went to a motel nearby, where we had been before. We had five hours left with each other. We made love; long, thought-filled, gentle love; long periods of just lying still, closely entwined, not wanting to let go, feeling each other's heart beating. We said little: Not because we could not find convincing words to lie but because the true ones would have hurt too much. As always before, we stood for a long time under the warmth of the water streaming down on us for our final ablution. Without speaking much, we got dressed. I asked her where she had parked her car.
Helen did not answer. She hesitated, stepped-up to me and gave me a hurried kiss. Her eyes were filled with sadness; she looked haunted: -
"Ben, you better let me leave you now."
She turned. The door clicked shut.
A few minutes later, when I stepped out onto the street, Helen had gone.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 4 years agoAnother attempt to glorify an oathbreaking cheat.
Benultimo has some writing talent. It would be a good idea if it was used on a different subject.
AMerryman
hindsight2020over 4 years agoKatib,
Think you need to lay off the drugs.
This story was nearly unreadable. Bizarre use of the English language. Totally disorganized. As someone else noted, a train wreck!
Anonymousover 4 years agoBut I ask you- married twelve years to a German and her ability to speak the language is so poor? German is the closest language to English. Two years of classes and a few years dating a woman who spoke it and I was quite proficient. Eighteen months in the Philippines and my Tagalog kept me from getting lost.
Anonymousover 4 years agoLike two dogs meeting in an alley, they wanted to fuck, so they did. You really think the reasons matter? Helen was a whore who finally came out of the closet. She also had contempt and disrespect for her husband, who she kept only for material financial reasons. Helen uses people, and will one day pay an enormous price, and the sooner the better.
As to the cheating asshole, lets hope he suffers equally as Helen.
katibover 4 years agoMy god! Where have you been? This piece is absolutely the best I have ever encountered in this vast sea of motley, mediocre authors and their pitiful prose (there are a couple of exceptions, of course). Rarely have I read such well-formed sentences in Loving Wives; found such good copy-editing; enjoyed such adult vocabulary with words that are perfect for their effect. Congratulations, Benultimo. Plus, you have created interesting, mature, characters. I'm determined to read your other contributions.
I could not help but wonder if in addition to Rilke you were touched by Poe’s “Helen.”
There were a few questionable points, from a proof-reader’s pov:
“When we stood close together under the shower, I told her that I had form with sexy women in baths and showers”
“I nipped my way, none to gently” [too]
“while my hands freely over her back,” [needs a verb]
It was enough for me to discovered that I liked her clean tangy taste [present tense]
I would find out that Helen, unlike I, loved the phone. [unlike, a preposition, requires “me.” Helen is the subject of. loved]
Five stars at the least.
