The Paradigm Lecture

Although he was a doctor, he hadn't practiced medicine all that much. He went for the bureaucracy of medicine more than the hands-on aspect. And he was good at it. He was dean at a very young age. He had raised a lot of money for the school - big shot donors. He'd hired Deb as head of nursing because she was also good at raising money. Thus, the award banquet.

Deb was also good at other things. Roger recalled those fondly. He had worked on her for almost a year before he got her into bed. A bed at the cross-town Marriot. Once she decided to meet him there, she was all in for the sex. Man, was she!

He was younger than she, and he was in good shape. But she wore him out. Wore him out. She was more intense than any woman he'd ever had. And he'd had many before his marriage, and some after.

The thing was, the sex never got old. It was always, always fantastic and intense. If it was going to end, he would sure miss it. And he knew that she would miss it too.

He thought that if they both got divorced, and lost their jobs, they might still have that sex. Could be worth the price! Although the price would be high.

He fell asleep, with an erection. His attending nurse noticed when she came in just after he drifted off. She was impressed. She peeked under the hospital gown.

MONDAY LUNCH AT THE WOLFE HOME

Justin had gone for a longish run after he got the kids off to school. He saw no sense in having them sit around the house all day. Although they'd probably have to put up with some rough comments at school. The entire banquet episode was big news. Especially locally. But not only locally. There were videos of all of it circulating online. One was shown on TV. The forearm to the jaw was the main attraction. And stepping over his defeated rival.

When he rounded the corner onto his street, he saw Deb's car in the driveway. He paused but continued. It was a chance to assess the situation.

He unlocked the door and went inside. Deb was in the kitchen, making coffee. There was a duffel by the door.

They stared at each other for some time.

She said, "Asshole." She said this softly, not angry. Almost loving. It conveyed how she felt.

He almost smiled but didn't. He replied, "Slut." Not an accusation so much as a statement of fact. Not loving. Not hate filled. Flat.

She looked down, blushed. Then she looked at him and said, "You could argue about the asshole. But I can't argue about the slut."

He nodded. Said nothing.

She asked, "Where are we, Justin?"

"Broken."

"Oh. Can we be put back together? Like old Humpty-Dumpty couldn't?"

"Dunno. Depends. Are you hungry?"

"Surprisingly, yes. The 'continental' breakfast at the hotel was inadequate."

They made ham and cheese sandwiches. Something they'd done hundreds of times before. Efficient, almost choreographed.

When they sat to eat, Justin sat in his normal seat, but Deb sat across from him in Lyle's seat, not in the one to his right that was closer and normally hers.

Deb said, "I'm apologizing for my affair with Roger. It was wrong."

"Why did you do it, Deb? Because, to me it reeks of an assertion of privilege. You get to have the sex partner you like best. That's not me."

"I resisted a long time. I did."

"And never spoke to me about it at all."

"No. I should have done that."

"But you didn't because, deep down, you knew you were going to fuck him. And if you talked to me, that would go up in smoke."

"He might have gone up in smoke. You'd have lit him up."

"Maybe. But I probably would have only made a complaint to HR. Which you could have done at any time....but didn't."

"It was a mistake. It's undeniable that I was attracted to him. So....so I didn't talk about that."

"Then you kept on with him, Deb. You had to know that sooner or later someone would tell on you. I assume you kept on because the sex was worth the risk to you. So much better than you got at home that you'd take the risk."

She flushed. What he said was absolutely true. If she agreed....poof - no marriage. If she lied, then what?

Her hesitation, though, provided him the answer.

He said, "I see. And there's a wrap." He got up and cleared his place.

She said, "I won't do it again, Justin. I won't. Our love life is fine."

"Nah. We both know the truth. If you had honestly to rank all the best sex you had in your life, every time with him would be above any time with me. I can't abide that."

"It isn't...shit! So what. To risk the cliché, it was only sex. Great sex, yes. But he's an asshole. In fact, the fact that he's so narcissistic probably made the sex better. He prided himself on being able to fuck me into.....into submission. I always went back." She was crying.

He was, too. Because then he knew they were done. He knew it because she'd affirmed his comparative sexual inadequacy. She'd done that, and she knew that would end the marriage. She wanted out. Maybe she didn't quite see that yet, but he did see it.

After some more tears, she rose, took her duffel and left the house.

Driving away she said aloud to herself, "That went well."

As she considered it a little later, she realized that her attitude, her candor, had put any reconciliation out of reach. She knew Justin. She knew he'd arranged her embarrassment so maybe the marriage could be saved. But she'd rejected him with her honesty about the sex.

She also realized that she'd....she'd done it precisely because that was what she wanted. Out. She did it without realizing just what she was doing or why. She decided that she needed to work on her self-awareness.

People often do not understand their own motives.

DIVORCES

After the Monday talk, neither Deb nor Justin made any effort to save the marriage. Justin was too wounded, and she knew it. Maybe she should have lied. At least equivocated. But he was so smart. Eventually he would have cottoned onto that. And it was likely that she would have looked for another narcissistic asshole. One with the requisite equipment. Justin was average. She almost always got off with him. But for her, bigger was better. She wanted out so she could have that for a while, even though Justin wouldn't stand for it.

She cried for her kids, and for the family that had been, and could not be anymore. She cried because she loved her husband, still. But she'd left him anyway.

Justin and Eileen never got together sexually. That was mainly because Justin knew she was used to Roger. He felt that he would disappoint her. So he made no effort. His confidence was gone. His wife had seen to that.

The divorces were granted at about the same time. Justin kept the house, and bought out Deb. Linda and Lyle stayed with him, and with Deb on alternate weekends. Holidays split up. She was able to keep her job.

Roger was terminated, though. That diminished Eileen's alimony. But she didn't need it. She had a trust fund income. Roger hooked on with a local family practice and started trying to be a real doctor. He found that he kind of liked it. A lot less money, though, as a junior partner. At his age, too. He only had to be careful about the women patients. The partners had made that point forcefully.

Eileen married a trainer from the athletic department. He was younger, big and very strong. She liked that. She'd never strayed in her marriage. But when she had been tempted, it was always by guys like her new beau - young, big and strong. They didn't have to be smart or anything. She'd always resisted the temptations. Now, she was free to indulge, and indulge she did, until she settled on Brad. He qualified physically and was bright. A plus. She knew that she'd age out of him. But until then, he was fun.

Roger was able to get quite a few women. He looked good, and he was good. He never lacked for sex. He did lack for a true relationship, though. Also, when it was damp, his jaw ached. His new teeth, too. He made it a rule to avoid married women. Singles and divorcees only. A new man, in a way. A lesson learned, at least. Taking a married woman was the ultimate in ego boost. But too risky. Justin wasn't even big or rough. But he hurt Roger badly - physically and psychologically.

Roger was not looking for another wife or partner. Just looking for a fun time. Divorcees were really the best for that.

Deb was a divorcee. She and Roger saw each other about once a month after he healed up some. They met both before and after their divorces were final. She was always amazed by him. She came to actively dislike him, except on days when he screwed her. She felt as if that one thing - sex - had messed up her life. But she and Roger meshed sexually - like a hand in a glove.

When she had an urge to see Roger, she'd give him a call. He always responded. It didn't matter to either of them that they might have to cancel some other tryst.

Deb had other men for other days. Guys from her gym. A doctor. Another nurse - male. But so far, some years later, she hasn't remarried. She sees her kids. The relationships with the kids - both of them - have gone from uneasy to distant.

Justin? Justin had a very difficult time getting over his failed marriage. He felt that his inadequacies in bed were the cause of that failure. He ventured into the divorced dating scene and was able to hook up with women. Gradually he developed some confidence again. Confidence that he'd be able to satisfy a woman, if not keep one. He knew that there would always be guys around that most women wanted more than they wanted him. He was determined to up his game.

When Lyle went off to school, Justin looked for a relationship with some permanence. He found one with Nadine Schooler. She was forty and divorced when they met at a book signing. His second book. A thriller. It sold well, and he did the tour. He met Nadine, who lived about ten miles from him. She liked him and he liked her. She moved in with him after dating for three months. Neither one wanted a marriage. For Justin, a huge plus was that he and Nadine really got it on sexually. Almost always. He'd learned a lot. She was receptive. They were relaxed and compatible outside of bed as well. His kids and hers were all okay with it. They had big feasts at holidays. Deb not invited.

Sometimes, though, late at night, Justin pined for Deb. His first love. Mother of his children. They'd known each other so well. They'd fit together like a hand in a glove. They could produce great ham and cheese sandwiches in a trice.

Despite his new arrangement with Nadine, he knew that he'd never be as close to someone as he had been to Deb. And that was why she was able to hurt him so badly. And why he had worked hard to hurt her back. But she had been his soulmate. He missed her.

His lost love.

The end.

(This is kind of a companion piece to 'Dirty Dancing.')