The Perfect Beginning Ch. 03

Sometimes he tries to "fight back."  Love that!  Bring it, little boy.  I love it when he tries to stand up to me. Let's see my little boy can stand up to his babysitter.  Yeah, see how that works out.  Ha! 

The thing is, the babysitter spanks!  She's one of those spanking babysitters. Smack!!! 

But no matter what, I get to watch him just fall apart.  He is overwhelmed by fear, desperation and neediness.  All of this is because of me! 

And here is something really beautiful, I'm making Tim cry more and more often.  It's not like he's sobbing or anything crazy.  It's more like he's broken and gets all teary-eyed.  So adorable. So cute. Way into making him cry!  Oh my god...like totally! 

His cock shows me when he's aroused and his tears show me when he's emotionally vulnerable.  Just like with his cock, there is no hiding it.  In this way, he is completely open to me.  So completely mine.  Pop! 

One of the reasons I'm so completely into this, why it gets me so, so, So very special is because every time I do this to him, a little bit more of his manhood dies. Like, I really do think it will have a long term or permanent effect. I really do think that if this goes on long enough that if I eventually left him, he'd be changed forever and never be a real man. You know, like a manly man.

So the thing is this...what I'm learning about a lot of women is that they LOVE to make their men cum.  Like it's their THING.  It's like a well-being thing or probably some sort of sexual validation thing or something.  For sure more of a Kimberly thing. 

I don't relate...but kind of do.  See, the thing is, making Tim cry is to me what making a man cum is to a Kimberly.  It's where I get the emotional satisfaction.  When I make him cry, I know I've more than done my part in the relationship.  It's one way I give to him what he needs from me. 

Almost always...check that, ALWAYS, makes me spiritually and physically special.  Way!  Then I become like a woman.  I'm a woman and he's my broken little boy. 

So here I spank and scold him and that is VERY important because it's the first part of fixing him.  Next, I give him all my affection and he becomes the MOST attached, good, obedient little boyfriend.  Then I let him take care of me.  Double Pop!

****

Just as often, Michele felt no need to direct her dark side at Tim.  On these occasions, she'd playfully spank him and speak down to him as his very loving and caring authority figure.  This is when she'd shift into her loving parent mode.  

"Timmothy."  

His spine went rigid.  

She had perfected a tone and volume that cut through whatever swirl of thought that might surround his head, or the spell of deep concentration.  It was not a yell, but it carried and affected a short, clipped enunciation that sounded the alarm.  

He entered the kitchen prepared to make amends for whatever the issue.  Awareness of fault or actual guilt was a question he knew he had to dismiss and set his mind at appeasing the now displeased love of his life.  It was during just such an occasion that he realized just how whipped he really was.  He was scared yet he needed to negotiate some sort of settlement that would appease his benevolent, though temperamental dictator.  

Yet was she displeased?  She stood akimbo and she'd used the voice, and these were clear indications that he was in trouble.  Yet she was so relaxed and there was a clear expression of amusement on her face.

"Tim, look at that dish towel and tell me what's wrong with it."

Tim looked at the towel.  It was a shade of cream and covered in a cherry pattern.  Nothing.  It was clean and folded in a rectangle.  "Nothing."  He already regretted his response.  Obviously she thought there was something wrong or she would not have called him in.

"Tim, don't be so stupid.  I told you to fold the towels you leave on the counter."

"What do you mean?  I did!"  He sounded so defensive and he knew this was the wrong tac

But she's being ridiculous.  What the hell is she talking about? 

He had a great deal of protest, yet no serious reply.

The look of determination did not exactly fly off her face at his rebuttal.  Her pleased, closed mouth smile did not waver with his empty rejoinder.  

"Is that so," more a statement than a question.  "Look here, Tim," she indicated one corner of the towel.  "What do you see?"

Really?  That's it!  This is what this is about?  You've got to be fucking kidding me!

The corners of the fold did not precisely line up.

Overriding his silent response, "I'll tell you what I see.  I see the work of someone who does not follow directions.  I see the work of someone who does not seem to care what I think.  Do you care Timmothy?  Do you?  Because an idiot could do this simple chore."

Michele was calm in all of this, relaxed even.  She was enjoying herself.

His protestation evaporated.  Michele was smarter than Tim and he knew it; and he hated it.  It was one of so many ideas that swirled about his subconscious that he was too frightened and uncomfortable to examine.

Deftly, Michele refolded the towel and demonstrated the ease at which she could make all four corners align. Her closed mouth smile widened and her eyes went large as if to say, See, it was so easy, an absolute idiot could do this, but you couldn't.

"So what is it Tim, do you not care about making me happy, or...are you stupid?"

As he'd experienced so many times already, once more Tim experienced defeat on every level, he felt the cold radiate though his bones.  "I...I...I don't..."

"'I don't know.'  Is that what you were working so hard to say?" asked in the most earnestly concerned voice of the caring Mother.

"Yes."  There was nothing left.

"I kind of thought so," she said smugly.  With a radiant smile and in the happy voice of a magical presentation, "You know what that means?"

"A spanking?"

Continuing to share her joy, she patted him on the bottom.  Tim's cock went rigid from her cruel smile and her hand on what had become a very erogenous zone for the boy.

"Place the the spanking chair, in front of the mirror, stand there and hold my hairbrush with reverence.  In fact, while you wait for me, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror as you gently kiss the business side of that lovely brush," she directed joyously.  "Someone's earned a spanking!"  She was quite pleased.

Michele loved the idea that she was going to make Tim sorry, make Tim cry and then he'd make her cum. 

My life is so good!  

*

No matter how these episodes began, when they wound to a close, Tim was giddy with joy, and about half the time subconsciously, and ever so subtly shifted into Kimberly as he pleasured Her.  

As Tim or Kimberly, he always pleasured her.

****

Dear Diary,

OK, realized that I've so perfected a very important technique when dealing with my boy.  I've been doing it for a while now and the cool thing is that it did not develop out of some complicated plan and it's not like I got instructions on how to do it.  Like so much of what Tim and I have, it just sort of came about naturally and like, with no actual planning. 

I call it "the impossible choice."  I give him a choice of two options and either one brings him down a peg and usually (like today) earns him a spanking. 

Today he had to choose between wanting to displease me or being an idiot.  Smiling!  Oh my god, I'm so bad!  More like so, so, so very good.  I'm so good at this! 

Above I wrote how natural all this is to me.  I like that because it shows me how loving and wholesome all of this is too.  It is a natural expression that he responds to perfectly.

He becomes less sure of himself.

He becomes more dependent on me.

Going forward, he thinks more about how I might want it done.

He becomes more emotional.

When he becomes more emotional, he becomes more vulnerable.

And last but not least...he gets a spanking! Yay!

Was reading in Cosmo about how emotional vulnerability is like super important for people in relationships and how men especially fail in this way.  When he becomes more vulnerable, he is able to really bond with his partner, me.

This vulnerability is the basis of so much of what I am doing with Tim.

I'm just raising him to be my good boy.  Happy!  God, I love when I look down between my legs and see the tears on his face and that look in his eyes.  I LOVE to be adored.  It's more than adoration.  We both know he is worshipping me.  :)  And I so deserve it!  Then we are connected in a loving way.  It's natural.  It's wholesome.  It's loving.  God, what a great thing to recognize!  I deserve to be worshipped by my boy.  Smug!

****

As Michele sat at the little table outside The Coffee Cup, she spied Becky parting the crowd on her way to Michele's table with statuesque beauty, her bright and shining face and her effervescent and ever present smile. 

Becky was a cheerleader down to her bones.  She was always on display as she got her value in life from the appreciation of others.  While some in her shoes, (quite fetching flowered, "little girl" platforms) derived power from beauty, Becky sought and took only approval. 

Michele beheld a human Barbie doll as she strode gleefully upon the longest legs toward Michele, with her flowered little girl purse swinging gently at arms length.  Michele hated to admit it, but she loved that this gorgeous creature possessed absolutely no self worth. 

Maybe I'll help this poor, pretty girl feel important.

"Hi Michele!"  She was so vivacious, and excitement at their meeting poured off the beauty.

With a relaxed and casual tone, "Hello, Becky."  

Michele was the adult here.

Becky did a little twirl to show off her outfit.  She was adorned in a cream colored, cotton dress with little cherries on the shoulder straps and at the base of the skirt.  "Do I look pretty enough?" asked with a hopeful smile.  

And Becky was very clearly the child.

Michele relaxed fully into her afternoon.

****

Tim had come to Michele right away with news that he'd had lunch with Becky no more than a week after Halloween. 

Apparently she'd "...been looking for you everywhere!"  She found him and they had a delightful lunch together. 

It seemed they were both outcasts of a sort and found comfort with one another.  Tim was both shocked and in a strange way relieved when he saw how easily Tiff had turned their whole click of friends against him.  Though he was somewhat devastated by it, there was one positive outcome: He did not have to disclose to any of his peers that he was currently dating an under-girl who was so, so, very shamefully young.  

Becky was openly disliked by the popular girls as all their boyfriends drooled over her.  And to be fair, she'd had a couple indiscretions with very attached boys.  She was disappointed that none of the boys fulfilled her.  She encouraged them to go back to their girlfriends.  

Additionally, she'd broken boys' hearts all over school.  She just couldn't find the kind of guy she wanted to be with.

As pretty as she was, and Tim thought she was objectively, the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, he was not strongly attracted to her.  Sexually, he was obsessed with Michele.  Besides, Becky was absolutely the wrong kind of girl for him.  

Becky was really much brighter than one might guess upon meeting her and she was extremely intuitive.  On Halloween, she saw immediately through the "joke" of Tim's costume and upon speaking to him, felt an instant kinship with him.  At least as far as relationships were concerned, they were twinsies. 

While sharing lunch, they took solace in their mutual, social exclusion and began a friendship.  

She was dying to know all about Tim and his much younger girlfriend, but she knew she'd have to go slowly on that.  It was going to be awkward for him to talk about being with someone so much younger. 

She got a shiver of fear and excitement when she considered being with a boy so much younger and she was at least a ten to twenty years younger than Tim. 

In the beginning he was very reluctant to share about Michele, but she really did her best to make him feel safe.  For her, it was about both inviting him to share while giving him permission to share the outrageous.  She assured him that she'd "done things."  Becky realized that a lot of his trepidation came from his inability to accept it all himself.

Becky was good at putting others at ease as she was so comforting and non-threatening. 

Dating someone so much younger was hard on Tim. Yet she was suspicious of the relationship and curious if she was right about how things between the two really worked. Girls like Becky noticed certain tells. 

When he finally came out that he had to ask for Michele's permission to hang out with Becky beyond lunch, he began to relax a little.  Becky made it all seem perfectly natural and sensible that he'd need the permission of such a young girl to be friends with Becky. 

"Totally understand. Please ask her for both of us."  Becky got it and it was all perfectly alright and reasonable.

So Becky called Michele as requested and Michele suggested they meet for a coffee.  Before hanging up, Michele said, "Oh, and Becky?"

With bated breath, "Yes, Michele?"

"I'd like you to look pretty for me."  Michele hung up.

****

After her slow twirl and curtsy, she sat at Michelle's invitation.

"Tell me about yourself Becky."

It seemed such and open question. 

A dumb-belle would have been a tumbled box of crayons, but in contrast to the bimbo cheerleader affect, Becky was not stupid.  Her intelligence might not have been in Michele's league, but she knew why she was here.  She was asking Michele if she could be friends with her boyfriend and she needed to not just explain, but to actually reveal who she was so that Michele would agree. 

And she was not just asking to be friends with Tim, but to be privy to Tim and Michele's relationship which she was sure would only fascinate her with each and every revelation. 

Becky did not waste time, "Actually, I'm a lot like your boyfriend."  She gave a nervous laugh and paused to gage Michele's response. 

Michele maintained her poker face of mild amusement, not saying a word.

She went on, "Really, I'm just a girl."  In any other context this statement would have elicited sneers, judgment and condescension, but it's casual, bimbo utterance was calculated and could not have been a more perfect way to begin this interview.  And Becky knew she was being interviewed. 

With this as her guide, she managed to reveal a lot of who she was in the context of a romantic relationship, both relationships she's had but more importantly, the relationship she'd like to have.  In the process, she implied or, with the appropriate amount of self effacing smiles and giggles, clearly stated that she was attracted to a strong, controlling, possessive guy.  She found a round about way of implying that she was the sort of girl who enjoyed "supporting" her partner in her ever positive and perky way. 

Becky wanted Michele to know she was dependent on a stronger partner.  She was super attracted to a "strong decision maker."  "I kinda think me and Tim are a little bit alike in that way."  She looked at Michele expectantly. 

Becky continued, "Anyway, I really like Tim, but not in that way.  You know, just as friends.  Actually, I feel we, in some ways, are so much alike that I feel safe with him.  And oh my god, he's sooooooo in love with you." 

In a more serious tone, "I think he's real lucky.  I only know a tiny bit about your guys' relationship," Becky's voice got a little deeper and much softer as she looked down at the table, "but I'm pretty sure you are the perfect girlfriend."  

In this moment Michele knew that Becky was not just asking to be friends with Tim, she was ever so subtly demonstrating submission to Michele.  Michele was most pleased. 

That'a girl, Becky. 

For an instant, she was tempted to take the bait, but she resisted.  There would be time for that later.

"I think it's wonderful that you want to be friends with Tim."

Becky's whole being went from happy to radiant.

Michele smiled, thinking Becky really was just a sexy, little girl in a woman's body. 

"I want you two to continue to have lunch together.  The more we get to know one another, the more I agree with you: you and Tim really are a lot alike.  That's a good thing. 

"I want you to help him to get comfortable with that.  As a boy, he sometimes has mixed up ideas about how he's supposed to be. 

"I think you'd be the perfect influence on him.  Be his friend, but also be his teacher.  Help him get in touch with music, fashion, beauty, magazines and shopping." 

Michele adored the older girls rapt and joyous expression.  "Support him like a good friend and give him tips on how to be a good, little boyfriend.  Help him feel okay about being more like you.  In some ways, he wants that too.  More importantly, it's what I want.  Do you understand, Becky?"

"Oh yes, totally," she said enthusiastically.  "I completely understand."

Michele was pretty sure she did too.  "Good girl."

With that, Becky sat up taller and the look of pride on her face was just precious.  She looked to Michele like the second grade girl who was just openly praised by the teacher in front of the class.

"I can see you teaching him all about clothes and skin care and all sorts of fun things.  It's easy to see you two shopping together with you showing him how fun all of it can be.  Just a couple of bffs shopping on the weekend.  Do you think that would be fun?"

"Totally!  Oh my god, that would be the very best!  I love shopping with my friends!"

"But Becky, I want to be clear about this: you are to be his role model.  He needs you...and this would be important to me too.  Can you be this for him?"

"Oh my god, yes, yes yes!" she said beaming with pride and joy.

"Wonderful, it's settled then: you two will be allowed to be friends.  Now anytime you want to talk to Tim on the phone, just talk to me first.  Trust me, I keep him very busy around the house; but when I can, I'll let him have some time to chat."

Becky experienced her first pangs of real jealousy with that comment. 

Oh my god, he's sooooooo lucky! 

She hated herself for being jealous of her friend.

"And if you want to hang out with him out of school, just call me and ask me for permission."

"Okay, Michele."

"I want you to be someone he can trust and talk to, Becky.  Really let him feel safe to confide in you.  Of course if he shares anything I'd want to know about, you will tell me."  Michele smiled.

"Yes, Michele."

"Yes, Michele," were two of her favorite words.  "So tell me Becky, do you like to cook..."

****

Tim did his house work with a sense of nervous anticipation.  He was really happy and a little frightened when Michele came home.  He wondered how Michele and Becky's meeting went.  He loved Michele more than anybody and wanted to spend as much time with her as he could, but he also wanted a friend. 

At this very confusing time in Tim's life, he felt especially sensitive and vulnerable.  One of the things he really loved about Becky was that she was so nonjudgemental, so open and accepting.  She was also very caring.  Tim really needed these qualities in a friend and he could not begin to imagine finding them in a guy.  

Tim was a guy and he knew that in certain ways, he'd always see some things differently than Becky.  Yet in other ways, she seemed a kindred spirit.  His new friendship with Becky had come to mean more to Tim than he'd ever realized.  Not until he ran the risk of Michele taking it all away did he see how important Becky's friendship was to him.

Later, as they ate dinner, Michele told Tim how much she liked Becky.  Tim's relief was written all over his face.  "I think you and Becky have a lot in common and I think she's going to be an excellent influence on you, and a valuable friend.  You have permission to tell her anything you like about us."