All Comments on 'The Perfect Storm'

I am sure you will get a lot of angry words and offends because he simply did not dump her and preferable sccrewed her over so bad she would have a horible life after the divorce.

But I really liked it and the end of the story did it for me. It is a story and a setting that could easily happen in real life. Thank you 5☆

Wife plays a slut then hides it for 19 years Burn her Let everyone know what a slut she was Make her live on her own for 6 months Let daughter know it and have her review to talk tp her mother for 6 monthsd also

Should of divorced her for no matter the reason she a cheater and a whore. Untrustworthy. He should of slapped her back also.

Very well written

Nah

Thank you WC5710 for your story. Kinda of on the fence with the story plot for this one. Not sure how i feel about the wife & her deceit; only pressured to tell the truth because of blackmail. Not so sure i would believe that was the only time she was with another man. Appreciate the effort!

There is no moral equivalence between what she did and what he did, so you rather spoil things by implying there is. The wife is honest and caring and the daughter is understanding, but the husband character is not well developed. We don't know what to make of him. On the whole, I thought it was a good first attempt and you should not get too discouraged by the inevitable negative comments from those who are ready to burn any woman who transgresses, no matter how repentant she may be.

So you Bégin with a Bad RAAC really ?

And what the hello with all this flash crack boom, Rumble Rumble ? Its so inapropriate

So she picks up a soaking wet stranger and decides now is as good a time as any to start a family. It boggles the mind.

A good adaptation of the song by Heart

It was okay. I think in stories like this, you need to point out that the wife had other options that she didn't take for good reason - the most obvious one is to divorce her husband and find a man that can actually give her a baby and her 18 plus years after the event of being a good and faithful wife does need to account for something. Ultimately the question needs to be posed to Alan - Would you rather Marie didn't have sex that one time, or would you rather have Anna (the daughter)?

I couldn’t get past the ‘boom rumble rumble’ bullshit. Written by a twelve year old?

Nope, unforgivable, and he wont be having grandkids they are the other guys.

Horrible writing! Flash boom rumble rumble got old really fast! How old are you? Couldn't finish the first page, and FYI using a lot of italics in your other stories you still have to post...don't, as soon as I see huge amounts of italics in stories I skip them.

An umpteenth cheating-cuck-raac fantasy like tons already here. Nothing new.

Sorry, husband has no self worth and she is vile & treacherous. Tacky all around. Poor kid.

Well done!

Thank you for sharing your story with us!

That Alan would be seen as culpable in any way for not calling her out on the child's paternity is ludicrous. The bridge that was burned woulda been her telling him how he was the best ever,that would have made the emotional would fester for me and start killing any love I was clinging too.

So keep the daughter, dump the skank

The comic book style "boom rumble rumble" was annoying. It made a bad story even worse.

Thanks for sharing...

Good read, but it made me wonder after her description of events together with deceit. whom does she fantasize about behind closed doors? Is he happy about being second best?

What's with the Boom rumble crap

Great start. And a big middle finger to the BTB kiddies is always appreciated.

Too many "Flash! Boom! Rumble rumble"...I can understand why, but "too many" can take out the focus of the story and ruin it! *

The world needs all manner of men in it. Even those like this main character. You can put lipstick on a pig but she is still a pig. Poor guy lost in a world not of

His making, being bounced around like cork on the ocean. One reaps what one sows, betrayal gets betrayal. There are a couple similar stories written back in the 20teens. Good writing loved the characters always 5⭐️and FAV for a guys first LW story. See ya next time

Just reread my comment, unfortunately it comes across rather negate. It wasn’t meant to be. I was trying and failing at being insightful. And my friend that’s the difference between talent and a reader. Lol

I liked this submission. You lost a point for the weather insertions, totally unnecessary. Also, the prison rapes and cocksucking endured by the scum biological father would have been a bonus.

I rated 4 *, and thanks.

Good story. Not a fan of the " rumble, rumble" parts. I believe the song is by Heart?

The premise is silly. He is incapable of having children and is wound up when someone says I did that.

I loved it. I can see it as a possibility. The drive to have children in some women is so strong that they will risk anything including their life and the same holds true for some men. He knew he was sterile but convinced himself that miracles can and do happen. Sperm donation isn't a requirement to be a father. Being a father comes only from the heart. Men are not weak because they can raise and love a child that is not theirs biologically. In many cases they are more of a man. This is a really good story. I loved it and the ending was perfect. 5-stars.

Touching story of human compassion. thanks

Flash! Boom! Rumble rumble. Even the stupidest clod would have know that wife had to become pregnant by a surrogate, as even husband admitted. Therefore, why the violent reaction when guy showed up after 18 years? And why did guy show up after 18 years, and how did he know how to find the husband?

I too really liked it and the end of the story was perfect. It is a story and a setting that could happen in real life. Thank you 5☆ from me, looking for your next works...

A nice story. Had a lot of Heart. ;⁠-⁠)

Thanks for sharing - gb

Well done, keep writing!

No angry words. Except I do have a problem with the physical assault of the wife. No one should be laying hands on anyone. Women should not go around attacking men. Sure he called her some names, that does not give her the right to lay hands on him.

The writing seemed a bit hurried, but this is your first story and it was not bad. A little unbelievable to be honest. I am a little surprised the husband stayed with a wife like that who has no problem striking him when she gets upset. Oh, and that she turned him into a cuckold.

That all being said, please continue writing. 4 stars for the writing and 2 stars for the physically abusive spouse. 3 stars average.

You will probably get some rabid anonymous comments upset that he did not leave his wife and continue being a father to the child he raised, but in the end it's your story and your rules.

I am interested in seeing what you write in the future.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Lovely story. Just cut the rumble crap. its damn childish

Well written bit you just glossed over what would actually give the story it's emotional anchor - I cheated, you're a slut, let me explain, flash forward to wedding with no explanation if they split or not - you never really wrapped this up and basically cheated your readers. 2*

I like that you rely on dialogue to drive your story forward. I ABSOLUTELY. CAN'T. STAND the sound effects! So, not bad for a first post. There were occasional editing opportunities, but not too distracting. While I praised the heavy use of dialogue, a little narrative to fill in the plot gaps would have helped. The explanation of her being pregnant after the conference needed more color as the presented explanation was too short to get reader buy-in. We needed more interaction between father and daughter after the big real as well. You get the idea... 3.7*

Okay, to the critics of the "Boom, rumble" distraction, I think it was the author's attempt to provide some atmosphere to the story, sort of like describing the surroundings to allow the reader to become more immersed in it. But it came out as too little imagery and somewhat distracting. It takes a much longer story to provide such imagery for the reader.

As for the story line and content, I thought it was very good. Those saying "divorce her, because she must have cheated more than once" are just writing their own lame story in their own minds. The story is just and only the words the author has written. If the reader is claiming otherwise, it's just in their own head. According to the author, she cheated that once to get pregnant, and the husband knew he could never have children with any other woman. So, what's the point of the husband divorcing her after 19 years and raising a daughter together? In that divorce, the husband would just lose everything he had (including the daughter) and turn into a bitter old troll posting disparaging comments on Loving Wives stories!

Great wonderful love story, thank you for writing! 5*

Was a very good story but please skip the "flash. Boom, rumble rumble." stuff.

It felt like I was reading a children's book!

A good story. I'm not so sure I believe her completely. D

I'm amazed at all the comments you have received in just a few hours. You are an excellent writer and you have spun a good (and I think, perhaps, a realistic) story. I agree with your critics about the 'flash, bang, boom, bum' intrusions. They didn't add to the story for me. Did you mean their injections to foreshadow a storm on the horizon for the marriage? Anyway, you did a fine job.

The story was written well enough, I just didn't like the story plot. She's robbed him of his only biological child. She had one by extortion or something and I suppose she couldn't have more for fear they wouldn't look alike enough. So he just puts up with this? Nah, that's not right

First story. Outstanding! Thanks for sharing. Five stars from me. I wish you well.

5*****

quite the first story. Well written and totally believable dialogue. More from you some day

Good story, but even hillbillies knew about turkey basters in the "70s, so .... Just a suggestion, download Grammarly for free and let it catch some of your typos. Like a few others, I didn't like the storm sound effects. You write well, please continue.

You asked for constructive criticism, so here goes. I think I read this was the first time you actually put yourself out there, so I feel for you—I can still remember my first story and thankfully most readers were kind, and I always try to be also. (Yes, if you read a few of my latest comments you’ll realize I will call “Bull Shit” when it’s deserved.) SO LET ME ASSURE YOU, THIS IS A PRETTY DARN GOOD STORY.

As others have pointed out, trying to add color to the story is good, but I think you’d have been more effective with an opening something like this:

*****

The house shook, rain pounded against the windowpanes, flashes of lightening lit up the outside world, and the constant rumbling of thunder, couldn’t match the storm raging in Alan as he yelled at his wife.

“YOU WHORE! HOW COULD YOU? Do you know what else he said about you?"

*****

Extra exclamation points add nothing, and I think they are improper, but the upper case add the emphasis you wanted.

You can work the storm into later text if you feel it adds to your story, but be subtle.

All in all, I did enjoy the story and gave it a 4. No, it won’t win any prizes as it stands, but I enjoyed it. Good Luck!

Nice story, but not enough to but in to his acceptance.

Do you get off writing weak ass men?

For me this is a WTF kind of story. Just didn't buy the premise, the wife's attitude, the husband's response and the dialog.

Good story, reccgnized the song. Cute. Decent amount of story and characterization for a shorter story. However, it just fizzles at the end. There's her detailed confession, and hubby just takes it on the chin. I believe I would have slapped the lying slut for the betrayal the second she uttered the words, "you were the furthest from my mind. He was the best." Slap! Rumble, rumble. The next rumble would be from the wheels of the suitcase rolling down the hall to kick her ass out to return to her lover. "He's that good? Here ya go!"

First time out of the gate, and its a doozy. This might be the new February Sucks, so well done on that score. HEART'S song; this one is a hard one. On the one hand, I can understand a woman's desire to have a child and sympathize with the couple's inability to procreate. On the other hand, she cheated to get her way, and then kept it a secret. Granted, you wrote it in a way where the huaband suspected she might not be his, but still, she broke vows. It might have been different if she would have told him right away and let him decide, but as that didn't happen, we'll never know. All in all, a good story is one that prompts the reader to cast aside apathy and laziness and be prompted to respond with a comment, and you did that. Well done, and hopefully you'll continue writing a posting more stories.

Nope. I understand him loving the child he raised. But two things get me. 1. Cheating is cheating, she did it on her own without his agreement. Your telling me the way she told the story she never thought of him during the following 19 years, like when with her husband? The best she ever had? And 2. She's saying their two secrets, her cheating and his knowing, were equal? No. She still so heavily in the wrong its not in the same world. She should not get angry never hit her husband and beg forgiveness.

Just another day in LW not one story worth reading

Foregiveness, the emotion that leaves you open for more abuse.

I don't think he has to dump her. But what she did was inexcusable. She rewrote the entire marriage. Trust and respect were gone. Honesty to your spouse is gone. She wanted something, kids. He couldn't deliver. So she went ahead, and lied to him. That's their marriage. No amount of time and therapy undoes that.

If he wants to have affair sex to feel like a man again, who is going to stop him? What reason would he stop? There is none.

I'd make her sign a hall pass. Unlimited for him. Since she'll never have to worry about a constant affair baby, it has to be something permanent. It's not about using the pass. It's about having it. If she won't give him that, then it shows her true colors. Selfish to the core. Unworthy of forgiveness.

She said something profound at the end. About him loving his daughter a lot more than her. And it's true. He loves that innocent girl a lot. But it's more so an admission of her worth as being near rock bottom. He would prolly love anyone more than her after her fall from grace.

Nice first story. LW is a brutal place for this semi romantic story.

Excellent story. 5*****! Obviously, there was a lot of work to do after that conversation, but this was the pivotal moment.

Not bad for a first time. I had my doubts about it, but as the story progressed, I realized that it was just a story about human frailty. and love. Not bad at all. 7 stars, because I pay extra for the privilege. The Bear liked it, a lot. Don't listen to any of the naysayers. however, not all these stories are this cut and dried. The only problem is that the bastard is still walking around upright. But that's the way the real world works. If more people would say 'Fuck it ' and go to the police, admit to the embarrassment, and face the music, well, there would be fewer stories on the site. Thanks, bud. Keep writing.

The BEAR

There is some grace and reconciliation in this world. Ruining the daughter's life by dumping the mother would not accomplish anything. I enjoyed the story.

Recommend a second reader to help clean up the wording and improve the reading experience. "Boom, rumble, rumble"

I liked it overall and it is solidly written. Yeah, I hated the complete lack of consequences for the wife. I did not score it and bring the score down.

The part that worked the worst was your description of the thunder. In my mind's eye, it was more like someone was reading the words 'boom rumble' rather than what they represented.

You write very well and should keep writing. As for truly bad writing. A couple of the stories listed below yours being published today by other authors fall into that category. This was well written and I can see your effort.

Please stop writing, this just SUCKED

I was surprised I could read all the text clearly.

I would have thought part of the text should have been in soft focus.

Well, this was dumb. Boom, crash, thunder, rumble, rumble. And the thunder rolls. 2 for trying, and that's being generous. If the other stories you claim to have ready are as poorly put together as this one perhaps you should hold off until you find an editor willing to read this drivel.

This boom, rumble rumble stuff is really annoying. Hope you keep it off next time.

Cliffa

Flash! Boom, rumble rumble. My thoughts, exactly.

All I want to do is make love to you... Heart.

Trash

Good one.

I am trying to understand Marie's need for pregnancy I do feel for her but I could not get it out of my head her motivation is selfish. At all cost she wants a child so much even depriving her husbands inputs on the matter and regardless that hubby isn't the sprrm donor yet shr forced him to accept the child, to work hard to provide the child which is not his to have a good future. Now my problem is not loving the child, my problem is I've been thrust into something thru deceit and selfishness of the wife and when she got confronted she has the audacity to slap hubby. That would really take a long time to fprgive and now she sdmitted it was the best sex she ever had as a married woman and that will play repeatedly in my head for years to come. I'm glad the hubby Alan is a better man than I am.

Realistic, I'll give you that. If they stay together that's fine but he no longer owes her any fidelity. If I'm him, I stay in the marriage and keep a side chick for the remainder of their relationship.

Dont bother posting your other stories. Leve them awaiting editing

Thank you

Could you please stop saying boom rumble rumble flash boom. You’re going for overt symbolism here but it’s over the top and detracts significantly from the story.

Absolute nonsense and crap. Keeping a secret for 19 years and all of a sudden forgiveness.

The solution is simple.and have read it in other stories. The couple picks a guy. The husband is present that way he is part of the conception. No sexual escapade no wondering if wife maybe had great sex and no wories about being replaced.

F@ck her.

A nice story, especially considering this's your 1st one.

On the plus side, I agree with the sentiments of GerMag below that they worked things out & kept the marriage.

> On the minus side, too much "boom, rumble" & whatever else. Overkill. Moreover was his apologies for not saying his thoughts over the time. OK, he thought Anna wasn't his, but just say what the thought process was during the years. Apology? Seriously? Then there's the going to the movies. Suddenly, from being angry & all, everything's forgotten.

I say the above still happy for the reconciliation, but it happened... within an hour of speaking with Anna? While forging thru, he HAS to still be seriously pissed that she even did what she did, even with the greatest of thoughts. There's no down time, no thinking & coming to terms with it. Just suddenly everything's great! And THAT'S the downfall of the story.

3 stars. With the above, can't give it the needed 4. Sorry. Rumble, rumble. :) Keep writing. Bob

Nice try but the sound affects are not needed.

I also wondered why when she was pregnant he let it go. That was a flag. But when she tells him how great the sex was with that stranger? That would have crushed me even more and we would be done.

Real life does hang on secret hopes, which we know are impossible.. Both main characters manifest this.

Very good debut. 5*

First, all the "Boom, rumble rumbles" got old pretty quickly.

~~~

The plural of "guy" is "guys," not "guy's," that's the possessive.

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"Sit!" She ordered him. is one sentence, so "she" shouldn't be capitalized.

~~~

I realize it's a plot device, but I don't believe that AI was ever that expensive.

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"He said he was going there too." - That's immaterial. Even if he wasn't, getting out of the rain into shelter is what was important, even if he wasn't going there.

~~~

Wouldn't the hotel let him stretch out in the lobby? It's not like there'll be many guests passing through on a rainy night.

~~~

"I wanted him to believe that by some miracle, he'd done it" - Even though the doctors said it was impossible? Is he an idiot?

~~~

"if you were you Alan's" - An extra "you."

~~~

Alan's not going to get fired because his wife cheated 18 years ago.

~~~

Afraid I skimmed when she began describing the night.

An exceptional story in a tag where same old.. Same old is common place. I assume that the person who is part of the last conversation is her lover but was confused since he was described as “a young man”?

Sounds like the story line from a song by the band Heart. Cheating is cheating.

@someoneother, Re: "how did he know how to find the husband?" - He got her address from the license plate, then followed them.

Ok story, i found all the boom rumble rumble VERY distracting

Definitely a "better with" story!

5 from me.

Marie unilaterally made a huge decision that impacted them both, as well as a child.

This sort of thing is not good for relationships, marriages, or much else.

His reaction seemed kinda dim.

Well I'm old and seen this play out so many times over the years. Well done thanks for your time.

Thank you for writing. A few comments:

1) She comes across as angry. Yes, she was not apologizing for what she did but in her attempt to explain she came across to me as bitter and angry. It made me hate her.

2) The daughter was awfully calm. Even at 18 she would be in shock to hear this story and yet then she says let's go out as a family? Way to calm.

3) No real reaction from the husband. He doesn't really say he had his doubts nor why he did not test. No description of the child to say who she resembled, him or lover. SO what if he had doubts? You paint him as some wimp.

4) I was lost as to why the lover would follow up and care. If he was a gold digger in need of extortion money why wait 18 years and why such a low sum? I can see small amounts of cash but tell her it is installments or something.

so decent story of a well worn subject but I think some extra effort would help. Put yourself in the shoes of your character. How would you react if you were the wife, the child, the husband, the lover.

Evil stunt by an evil ... and I hated that Heart song as well. If you want a child, divorce, don't cheat.

Would have given more but the constant Flash, Boom Rumble, Rumble was far to much of an irration, only needed them on the first paragraph, I lost interest what you were trying to write because of this, think 3 was more than generous

Ok. Just read your bio and your a dude who is handicapped.

I encourage you to develop your writing abilities.

This was a little short for the subject matter even though I know you based this on the Heart song.

You wrote the hapless husband as sort of a prop set up as a target for abuse by an extremely selfish and self centric slut who made it very clear who the physically superior man was in her life.

She was far too angry and self righteous to be likeable at all given she was the betrayer and transgressor while the victims (the cuck first and secondly the daughter) were far to laid back with their agency being relegated into the background, unseen and unheard.

The minute she told her husband that bio-dad was the best lover she ever had and she fucked him all night long, he should have thrown her ass out. But, it seems that a lot of writers on this site like writing about cuckold wimp men. I think it is somewhat autobiographical. The story idea was good but the cuck RAAC is very distasteful. A different ending would have earned a 5 star rating. I will only give this a 3.

Rumble rumble flash literally stopped me. If you want people to read your stories leave out the batman sound effects.

Knowing how a large amount of women are so self absorbed about what they want, they dont seem to have any rational thinking about what they are doing to get it, then i can see how this happened. Once done they finally see the implications of what may happen if the truth comes out. It is so sad that so many dont trust their relation ship with their partner and keep it a secret. The saying of what they dont know wont hurt them is so selfish, not giving the one they are supposedly in love with, the chance to make a decision with them, which is often quite a major one that they have to take responsability for and also pay for. If and when the truth comes out, as eventually it often does by accident, they rightly get upset with the wife. she goes on the attack for being called out and named, maybe appropriately. A breakup of the marriage quite often follows with

the husband being unfairly blamed for it, with the original decision having no significance and what is he upset about.

Marriage is a joining of two so they should work together as one with respect for each other.

Omg, can't wait for more stories from you!

Although you have titled your story The Perfect Storm I don't think the rumbling of thunder noises were a necessary part of it .

Alan was sterile . The doctor did tests . He had had an accident and the damage was irreparable . So they looked at other ways of getting her pregnant ?

So when she announced she was pregnant , Alan at the very least should be somewhat curious about paternity ?

She's had years and years to concoct and perfect her story. To make her sound like the victim. Not good. It's hard to wash away that many years of lying. And speaking of italics, maybe you should have used some in your storm background.

kiss kiss make up live happily ever after

what a croc of shit

20 years of lies and now she wants us to believe she s a martyr

now she wants us to believe her ... would she ever have come clean ... doubt it

poor gullible cuck ... lol

i pity him