All Comments on 'The Perfect Wife Ch. 01'

Great first part of the story. I look forward to seeing where you take it.

I'm figuring Becky is a trans-woman.

Personally, I found the characters and situations a little too exaggerated, too perfect.

Good story -Please don't months to post part 2.

Long time no see! Great to have you back with a new story and it's starting to read like a good one. Several subplots hidden in the prologue and ensuing history. 4.8*

I bet incest or family swinging but….interesting plot.

Sorry everyone I asked to have this all posted at one time

Ugh! Fell for it again.

I try reading every story this author comes out with. Yet again I couldn't finish.

The story concepts are good but, the way in which the story is actually written makes it painful to comprehend what the author is saying.

I wondered when you said you had 4 chapters together, but called this part 1. We can wait. I can imagine what the beginning scene was all about but will wait before I comment. I am enjoying the story. I hope you are going to leave Robert a good guy and the hint at the end here that he beat up his ex was just a red herring.

Ahh as I read through the comments, I see Nasty has the same idea I do about story direction. Still working on the timeline. You started in 1999 for some reason and then backtracked to 1991 for the beginning of the explanation. I'm curious why you established years at all unless they are crucial to the story. Usually easier to just leave the story in a non-stated contemporary time. And when you go back like you did, just say, '8 years earlier." That works for television and movie plots.

Great story and good writing for the most part with just a couple of minor errors. I really enjoyed it and looking forward to the next part. Bravo!

A long drawn out story that served no purpose.

Where are the tags ? Just "wife" is pretty much obvious, and useless, in this "Loving wife" category. Doing so, you're telling the readers nothing, about the content of this tale. No good.

This story didn't raise much enthusiasm for me. I found it too artificial.

The guy has everything, but really everything: 25 I presume, tall, handsome, kind, intelligent, hard-working, ambitious, very very big dick, owns his own business, a great sportsman........It must really be hard to be in his shoes.

The woman is the same way: about 24, super beautiful, super sexy with tits bigger than a basketball, super smart, super rich.......

That's great. You perfectly meet Lit's criteria of multiply by two or divide by two.

The average everyday intellectual becomes a genius

A normal pair of breasts becomes hot-air balloons

A 7-inch cock becomes an enormous 14.

A pretty blonde becomes Kate Upton.

A good sportsman becomes Captain 0.

Women in their forties are more beautiful than those in their twenties. But what about when they were in their twenties? They were more beautiful than who?

Yes, it's fantasized, but in my opinion, such exaggeration detracts from the maturity of the story.

Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but it seems to me that Robert and Rebecca are around 25 years old, and are both babies oops with an 8/9 year gap to their elders.

How then could Robert have played James when they were young if there's such an age gap?

No way going to read 5 pages of just the first chapter of a new tale, without knowing anything about its direction. With 90% of the new plots made around the usual fetish-cuck theme, it would be a total waste of time spending precious hours. So, do a favour to all the readers and add good descriptive tags.

I found your intro so awkward and hard to read that I didn't want to read the story.

Family secrets always get out... eventually. Rebecca should have told him whatever it is she is hiding. She was warned/told by her own family members but rejected their advice.

It very much sounds something sexual. By what her mother was suggesting, it has to do with Beccy's sexual appetite. Is she a secret nympho? Or perhaps she got drunk and ended up in a gang-bang? The family reaction when a mention was made about a naked photo of Rebecca was interesting. Perhaps she got drunk, had a gang-bang and it was filmed/photoed and put on the internet. We shall see.... Cheers.

"Then a whiff of his sister-in-law's pussy permutated his sinuses.” The word is “permeated."

"he asked with a plaintiff cry.” I think you meant “plaintive."

I seriously hope this doesn't go off the rails on some wild tangent about her being a super slut etc etc

Great read, can not wait to see the rest. From the dialog with her father I bet the whole family are swingers.

Excellent character development. 5

No thanks. The previous comments were enough to make me skip this.

Wow. So good. So very, very good. Your big reveal is set up very well.

Some tags please, not just wife.

3 stars so far BUT I do not hold out any hope that this will end 'happily ever after'.

It is just too perfect - too sweet and syrupy - too nice - too good old southern boy - just too much.

I imagine the next part will be all the things that never got disclosed in the first part.

Yeah right - good luck with that.

AND what is the problem with the TAGS?????

If this is just another stupid cuck/slut story I want to be warned, so my filters will weed it out.

Good start. I wonder if you didnt consciously or unconsciously borrow parts from the movie It's a Wonderful Life. Not plagiarism!

This is a great argument for paying our teachers more. Clearly, you can go to school and not learn a damn thing about language or writing.

Awesome story! Natural dialogue and good characters. Really enjoying it.

Please continue to write the conclusion. Great story.

So far so good

I gave up. It's a pity because it started quite good.

Well F me, everyone should marry a big tittied Rebecca

I read this comment: (This is a great argument for paying our teachers more. Clearly, you can go to school and not learn a damn thing about language or writing.)

It was written by an anonymous reader who of course has probably not written a story in his life. Or if he has is too afraid to post it.

It is damn tough to write a story that satisfies you. And you know as soon as you post you think of many ways to change the story to make it better. But to satisfy readers? Even harder.

As an author myself, I am critical. I read Omega's previous story he based this one on. It had me sit up and say 'wait a minute!: Then I got it. I really want to see how he finishes this.

I may see holes in the story but it is HIS story to tell. I applaud he has the cojones to put it out there and tell a tale for our enjoyment.

Hmm interesting start. Not sure where it is going but I am very interested to find out.

It is not another cuck tale with the first chapter hiding the revealing tags, right ? Add the tags.

Good beginning!

4

AAUUGH! I hate cliffhangers. Well written and paced. Thank you for your time and talent. DMW

3*** Good plot, but weighted down by excessive number of characters and unnecessary scenes. Also, you need to get an editor to deal with grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

A decent plot, but gonna get ridiculous when it turns out Rebecca's family are all fucking each other. Why drag that nonsense out? And the stupid cuck claims he's So Fucking Observant. Over months and months of interacting with the family, casual conversations and just sitting and watching the family interact. And Not One Hint that they have incestuous orgies. As if people that Fucked Up are otherwise normal and sane and reveal no odd or weird behaviors and attitudes.

\

I hope I am wrong. I will wait to rate the entire project. Even if most of the parts work just fine, its usual that it only takes one or two parts to fail for a plane to crash. We'll see where this lands when it ends.

Why would Walgreens not develop all the pictures? Quite a conspiracy.

Obviously the ex was beaten by the newbie. If she had massive tits, why would the ex say she was beaten up by a male?

Well written, really looming foward to the next part. I usually like the BTB the most,but this one needs a really goox ending.

First, learn to use tags. They are both a courtesy to the reader and a benefit to the writer.

For the amount of ground actually covered, the story was rather long. I hope it improves in the coming chapter(s), but I'm not holding my breath based on the quality of the story or writing in this chapter.

Enjoyable so far, truly wondering AND anticipating where this is going.

That bit from 1999 is some serious foreshadowing, maybe a bit much.

Terribly specific warning from Dad to Becky about needing more than our hero can provide her, and her having two children by someone else.

Why is there a 10 million dollar dowry?

"I can't tell him, I love him" is almost certainly something you SHOULD tell him.

I love how the lead female is described, and is sexy as hell, but nothing too specific. She is clearly a gorgeous BBW, but not too much is spilled by this author, because characterization trumps bodily measurements.

Our hero is a little too perfect, save for not being rich to start.

Okay, the measure of "how much I write and think about this story" tells me a lot.

I hope you continue

Five for you

Told ya! 10 stars aren't even close! Wondered when you were gonna release it! Keep going. Wonder why Becky'S knuckles are swelled?

Grammar and spelling issues. Too much unnecessary details, still worth 4 stars. Looking forward to next part.

"The restored 1970 454 L6 450 hp GMC pickup.."

WHO CARES!!!!!!!!! Fuck this kind of writers on this site. Everyone here wants to emulate StangStar06.

The moment I get to that part (2nd paragraph of the actual story!!), I know right away this is going to be filled with unnecessary stuffs.

And this is only chapter 01.

-AngryAnon768

Great. Waiting for Part 2. Not a single criticism for the way it is written. Five stars all the way.

Wow, just wow. I may or not be a word geek, but some of your sentences actually drew me to reread a couple of times. Your word-play just blows me away. Great story-telling, no matter the subject. Truly impressed, and waiting impatiently. Thanks for sharing. (wish I'd had a couple of those pick-up lines a few years ago)

blah blah blah

I'm usually a big fan, but this started out too complex, with too many pre-story plotlines and too many characters that were too hard to keep straight. Even the intro was confusing. Tolstoy could use that many characters because he wrote a bazillion-page book with a flowchart in the front, and he was... Tolstoy. Plus, everyonme reading his book knew the story in which the events took place.

-

The secret to using many characters is creating visual (i.e. descriptive) and referential (i.e. The Cooler King, Major Major, etc.) benchmarks which help the reader keep them straight. Here, they all have the same names and pretty much the same familial relationships. I lost track and interest at the end of the first page. I won't rate the story, but I do offer this advice.

Yeah, no thanks.

Pity you didnt get it checked for bad spelling and grammer

So, i didn't even get through the first page and decided to ditch this story........... good grief glad I did as I see where so many others did the same thing......... this author needs to reconsider doing a rewrite and get some serious assistance editing..........with a different editor. (-) stars if available would nix this effort big time.

Don't bother with another episode.

Full marks. This was good story telling with rich characters and even good supporting cast members.

It has editing problems but that's a technicality I will overlook as it did not cause the story to be unreadable.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Geez Louise people!

Grow a little literary complexity. Try reading other things as well as porn.

This has editing problems but the writing and storytelling is really good.

I like where this is going... so far.

5 stars.

"Hey, Robert, catch," yelled James, "Throwing a Heineken beer toward him."

Snagging it out of the air, Robert raised the bottle toward James, "Thanks."

James asked, "Have we met? I swear I've seen you before."

Untwisting the top of the bottle, Robert pondered, "No. No, I don't think so."

----

I hope the author has never opened a bottle of beer he caught... It's a fountain, a foam salute, an extravaganza! And everything within a four-foot radius is sprinkled with drops... Not to mention the "beerkeeper"...

If you wanted it all posted at once, then just submit it as one document, with internal chapter headings.

Really great story telling. You have a natural talent. Compelling characters and engrossing plot line. Thanks for sharing.

@sbrooks103x

I found your intro so awkward and hard to read that I didn't want to read the story. -

Oh how childish of you. Go ahead and take your toys and go home

Y.ep l can see where this is heading, my guess is that Becky comes from a family that swaps and shares partners. Our hero is going to be so pissed.

His work will leave her lonely and horny. She will return to old family habits then it’ll all fall apart.

5/5

Am I the only one confused about the girl he rejected at the club? So far I think this is a great story, and I'm interested in seeing it through. Thanks for sharing! Keep writing please. J2

Never listen or read anonymous comments, they dont deserve ANY, time.

Jesus H Christ, get an editor and use a story board. Your time lines are wack as well as the characters. This was confusing and painful to read. I’m going to assume that English is not your first language.

Really good story, full of good details, characters were more real than some stories on here.

Looking forward to part 2

Compelling story and interesting and fleshed out characters. I'm enjoying this.

Beautifully told and executed story with wonderful characters who interact perfectly. 5⭐️