The Personal Ad

"So, this is the secret you've been hiding from me. I had suspicions but now I can see for myself. It is quite different to see you like this. I've heard about men being feminine in women's clothing. They say it is a masturbation fetish for some and others are very much homosexuals," Annie challenged me with. She put her hand on my face turning it to look in her eyes. "Which are you?" she asked pointedly.

"I...I...I'm not sure how to answer," was my feeble response. "Maybe....a....little...of.," my answer trailed off.

"Maybe a little of both?" Annie inquired, finishing my answer. "You do look rather sweet and gay in lipstick and lingerie. I know you probably masturbate a great deal. You can tell me; do you have a lover? It has been nearly two months since you've made any real attempt at sex with me. You can tell me," As her words came out it seemed she was stroking my penis more energetically.

I looked deeply into her eyes in a dual state of shame coupled with the ecstatic sensation of her hand on my pantie clad penis. The hollow, scared look of shock in my eyes told her what my inability to reply with words were unable to.

"I...I...I'm.....," sputtered out.

This whole unexpected confrontation about my sexuality had my mind reeling in shame, fear and physical arousal in my penis. I'm not sure what I was trying to say, whether it was "I'm sorry or I'm gay." My fear was she was going to explode in anger over me admitting I was gay which would be the same thing as admitting I cheated on her - with a man. Annie was clever and rather than a direct questioning of my sexuality she used another tact:

"You love to dress for him, don't you? You love looking pretty for him. Am I right?" she went on as her hand rubbed my cock through the panties with a bit more emphasis. "Do you do things with his penis like the gay men in the porn on your laptop?"

As she continued playing with my penis, selfishly I did not want to tell her what was apparent to both of us to be true, out of fear she'd stop the most incredible hand job I had ever experienced from Annie. Back when our sex life was more active, she did wear some of the lingerie I had bought her. I so wanted to put on and wear her panties when we had sex, but was too chicken. There were times when she had removed her panties before I penetrated her that she would rub my penis with her panties.

Let me tell you this, it took every ounce of will power for me not to snatch the panties from her hand and put them on me back then when we were having sex, regardless of what she may have thought or any implication about my sexuality and masculinity. But I never had the courage to wear her panties in front of her during sex. Now with her calling my bluff, with Annie wanting to see the "me" that cross dressed and masturbated in panties, it felt out of this world for her to stroke my penis wearing a pair of her panties. I had not climaxed and did not want this wonderful hand job to stop, regardless of what she was confronting me about in terms of my sexuality. I broke when she asked:

"Were you ever planning on telling me that you are gay?"

If I wasn't gay and none of what she was asking was true, I would have protested that no, it wasn't true. But it was true. It was like I was in another world being confronted about my sexuality by my wife when I least expected it and yet being aroused beyond belief wearing her panties as she stroked my cock in them. Selfishly I did not want the sensation of her hand on my pantie clad penis to stop. But I broke. Resigning myself to the inevitable acknowledgement of my sexuality, I placed a hand on her lovely breast and uttered a simple, honest "yes I am" certain that my hand on her soft tittie and this admission would end the hand job and open the flood gates of her wrath.

For whatever reason, neither happened as I played with her lovely titties. Annie gave me a sweet, fractured smile indicating her acknowledgement. Certainly, for her and for both of us the enormity of the revelation and the inevitable change it would bring to both our lives would yet to shake the foundations of our marriage. Annie seemed to enjoy my touch upon her breasts when in a short while she pulled her hand off my penis and undid the top button of her jeans and zipped them down. She reached into her open jeans and rubbed herself a little through her soft cotton panties. Very soon she pulled one of my hands off of her breasts and pulled it into her jeans whispering "you do me". I rose up on my knees over her as she was lying down, one of my hands rubbing her sweet soft little titties, my other hand inside her jeans rubbing her crease through her soft cotton panties. Annie returned one of her hands to playing with my penis and the other hand she rubbed at my nipples through the satin camisole.

"This is quite strange, isn't it?" she uttered softly. "I don't know why everything today is making me like this. I should be angry yet I'm hornier than I have ever been and very sad at the same time. Maybe it's my escape from reality."

Our mutually masturbating each other while feeling up each other's chests was heightening our arousal to the tipping point. Annie's lovely little titties looked stunning from my perch over them. Something I really loved doing earlier in our marriage but was rarely allowed to do anymore was to press my penis into her soft feminine orbs, to tittie fuck them. She removed her hand from my penis as I leaned down pressing my penis into her awesome soft breasts. Her hand replaced mine inside her jeans as she rubbed herself diligently with my penis chafing her lovelies.

I'm not sure how close she was but I was very close. In a fit of pure eroticism, I removed my penis from her titties and planted an emphatic kiss on each of her tender breasts leaving a sexy imprint of red lipstick on both, the first one, the far one from me a perfect red lip imprint, the second one a little less perfect lip imprint. This act seemed to generate a moan from Annie, seemingly making her rubbing herself a bit more agitated. Beside myself with arousal at this point, I pressed my penis into the near breast, smearing the lipstick then with a few frantic tugs I ejaculated gobs of cum over her lovely titties.

Annie was still whimpering as she continued with her hand inside her jeans, masturbating herself through her panties which I could only imagine were many times damper than when she replaced my hand with hers. In the continued afterglow of a most intense ejaculation the stunning sight of my semen that had painted Annie's lipstick imprinted little titties, this kept my sense of arousal still peaking. By now Annie's masturbation was frantic and ragged as trails of my seminal fluids dripped away from the bigger gobs of cum, pooling in her belly button. Not being able to control myself, I reached my face down to the tittie with the perfect red lipstick imprint all splattered in cum and gently began to kiss and timidly lick my semen from her breast.

Soon I was wholeheartedly sucking her sensitive cum coated nipples and bathing her titties with my tongue, lapping up my own semen as I went. This obscene act of tittie fucking, lipstick kissing, ejaculating over, then kissing, suckling and licking up my mess on her tender soft breasts seemed to be the trigger to Annie's own self-induced climax. Her hand was thrashing at her pussy as her hips were bucking in waves and she muttered "oh gawd, oh gawd, oh gawd" over and over till she finally went limp with her middle finger still glued to her crease through her panties.

Then in silence and awkwardness, things were different between us, things would never be the same, I was 'outed' to my wife and surely outed now to everyone we knew in our circle and our families. I cringed inside knowing many people would now know I was a crossdressing homosexual. Things at home were civil though a little chilly between the two of us. We didn't speak of the elephant in the room, like a chicken shit I thought I would leave it up to her. Eventually, she did. Annie was very inquisitive if I had a steady boyfriend, what was his name, were we close or in love, that she'd like to meet him sometime. Needless to say, I walked on eggshells around her and was very attentive and kind though our relationship was now clinical and she was a bit icy around me. Whatever level of betrayal and anger she felt towards me discovering her husband was gay, my level of guilt and shame was many times more.

Randy was very understanding and supportive and did not try to rush or push things. Yet, it took me quite a long time to shake the misery and shame of breaking up my marriage because the force of my closet homosexuality led me to place a personal ad and meeting Randy. Annie comes off as the 'antagonist' in the telling of all this, but certainly I am the villain, not the hero, not the protagonist. I was deceitful by how the tides of my sexuality pulled me away from Annie without being honest and open. My sexual hunger was more powerful than my love for Annie and now it was over with her.

In the vastness of my sexual imagination, I might have imagined a different ending, one where Annie feminizes and emasculates me, cuckolds me in front of her lovers, perhaps even Randy. He certainly had no interest in her and that would be so off her radar to even have her think about it. I'm sure Annie and Rebekka would be great friends, comparing notes. Those are things in my mind not theirs. Though it would never come to pass, I wanted her to meet Randy, to see me with Randy, see the gayness I hid out in the open with him. Yet now despite all the heartache and disruption I caused in that life, my new life blossomed as my guilt and shame faded into memory. I relished being who I was inside hidden all those years; the queer in the closet was now a loving femme homosexual in Randy's bed, in Randy's life. I became his wife. That is a very gay thing for a male to say, but for all closet femmes who hide their true nature, it is life we have always wanted.