The President's Gay Wife Pt. 05

"Yes my lord."

"What do you do girl?"

"I'm er between jobs."

"Daddy, she's our country's incoming Foreign Minister, youngest ever by a long shot."

"Good show Kitty."

"Yes Kitty, that is very impressive. Obviously a title will be coming your way in due course."

"Thank you my lady."

Mullins was looking at Kitty with huge new respect.

"Ma'am, you are aware the Lady Magnolia has also just been elected to our Parliament, with a huge majority, and is Leader of the Liberal Party and when we return will be in negotiations as a possible party to join the Prime Minister's party in coalition."

"Yes my dear, she mentioned that in her e-mail thing advising she would be visiting us accompanied by you. But I say, your country doesn't even have an Upper House."

"Well my lady, take heart. I predict the Lady Magnolia will be elevated because her party will be the best fit with the Prime Minister's party and as a carrot she will be offered the Ministry of Housing or perhaps Overseas Trade."

"Well that is more like it Kitty. Are you able to help her?"

"Yes my lady. I will be advising the Lady Magnolia to hold out for the Overseas Trade ministry. There is a fit between the Foreign and Trade portfolios and we can then go to joint conferences in such great shopping places as London, France, Hong Kong and New York will also jointly attending to our country's vital international affairs."

"Well done. May I suggest you run along with Mullins, allowing Lord Quorn and myself to renew our family ties with out daughter."

"Yes Mullins, off you go," Lord Quorn said. "Take Kitty with you and please don't sexually embarrass our distinguished visitor."

"As you wish my lord. Please follow me Miss Kitty, VIP."

* * *

Magnolia returned an hour later. "God, I thought my parents had aged and they have but lightened up after you left. After lunch with them we can walk through the village for your benefit, return and have afternoon while playing croquet in ballroom with them and then we'll have dinner with them at 5:00 we they will retire for the night."

"Well, that's okay."

"You don't have to be polite with me darling," Magnolia said, pulling out a notebook. "I was thinking of booking a private room at a local inn and inviting some of the younger set to party with us, most of whom will be related to me. Let me see, who would you like to screw -- I can do a Marquess, an Earl, a couple of Viscounts or a load of lusty commoners from which you can take your pick."

"Sounds good to me."

"Tommy the Marquess is a little over forty, looks feminine but knows how to use that big one of his. I should know. His sister Margaret is even better -- oops, what am I saying? Perhaps both?"

"I, er, suggest you ask a whole bunch. Er, possibly it's too late notice to expect them to come?"

"Oh they'll come darling. It's what they do."

Both debauched women were awaken at 11:00 next morning and after a tour of the countryside driven erratically by Lord Quorn's in his recently acquired 75-year-old rebuilt Rolls Royce, they collected Lady Quorn and went to Barrow-upon-Soar, stopping on the way for late lunch of pork pies and chips before the visitors were dropped off to catch a train back to London via Leicester.

"Gawd what a night last night," Magnolia groaned. "I did the right thing by confining myself to Billy and Fredrick otherwise I may have been hospitalized for the next couple of days. How did you go with Tommy and other callers?"

"I am so ashamed of myself," Kitty said glumly.

"Darling you came to England to meet my parents and to experience a little about how titled people live. You've done that and are entitled to be disgusted by the abandonment of moral standards amongst privileged younger people, quite forgetting of course of how their ancestors behaved, particularly in the 16th century or thereabouts. We return home much relieved, knowing our society in Oceanpacifica appears to be much higher in the scale of morality and that allowing the Navy to rundown and being excessive about sex led to Britain losing its mega-resource rich colonies. You and I in just a few hours have completed a finding of immense value to us as we prepare to steer the people of our country from our exalted positions of influence. By the way, thanks for telling my parents that crap about me being given a ministry to oversee."

"Magnolia darling, thanks for that little speech that has vindicated me for participating in such wanton excessiveness last night,' Kitty said, rather unconvincingly. "I simply had no idea I was engaged in social research of such grave importance. Regarding your elevation, please consider yourself as the incoming Minister of Foreign Trade. You'll get the post providing you follow my guidance; I'll bet on that."

"Well, well. Thank you darling. Oh, by the way, daddy has given me a bank draft for £250,000 pounds as compensation in accepting responsibility for placing me in all those years of deprivation."

"Good for you darling. Will you buy a fancy car or use it to buy clothes and make-up?"

"A little excessive don't you think darling? In our currency that's around three-quarters of a million dollars."

"Oops, sorry. You could make a down payment on a castle."

"Very droll. Eeeek! That's it. Tomorrow we go apartment hunting."

"What, waste one of our precious days in London -- are you mad?"

Magnolia said to her best friend patiently, "Don't you see darling -- we could use it as our base during parliamentary recesses and when not on official business aboard or at home sitting on those boring committees."

Kitty asked her friend to be a little more enthusiastic about the value of committee work where the real work of parliamentarians was done. "Although I must admit so long as committee involvement doesn't fall below 50% of full attendance, one's absence is tolerated providing it does not occur at crucial voting times."

"But that's managed isn't it?"

"Yes, it does seem feasible."

Magnolia bounced in excitement and said now Kitty was switching on. "You and Jim could use the apartment because after two nights even the best of hotel living becomes a little dreary, at least that's what you're always saying."

"Well yes. Um, I have money tucked away. I could think about contributing."

Magnolia said that was wonderful. If they bought in the right place and let it out for most of the time the investment would run into profit that they would split.

Kitty said she could go up to £200,000 if it was a solid investment but she'd need a couple of months to unravel it as it was in property back home. The two women agreed to swoop on inspections in the morning with a real estate agent and try to have it wrapped up by early afternoon -- joint ownership and Magnolia would provide the deposit with settlement in three months.

"Good, but we only buy in that ridiculously short time-frame if the words 'value and prime location' scream out at us."

"God yes, I'll track down Cousin Patricia who works for her father who is a partner is a large firm of estate agents," Magnolia said, pulling out her phone. "I'm looking forward to find out from Skye if Scotland Yard survived her visit."

"Me too -- we must look for a two and a half bedroom apartment for when the five of us visit London together."

"Whose the fifth person."

"Jim, even if you decide not to marry him."

"Oh Jim, oh I feel dreadful, I'd forgotten about him," Kitty cried.

"Darling, one tends to allow one's man to slip from mind when he's not around performing that essential service," Magnolia said, mimicking her mother's very 'cultured' voice. "Oh hello Lady Alice, it's your niece Magnolia from the Colonies. Yes, I'm well. No I'm still without children. Yes I am back briefly to visit to recharge my batteries. Aunt Alice, could you please give me Pat's number? Sorry, I mean Patricia. Oh, now married to an earl is she but still works selling and renting-out apartments? Oh good, good. Yes, I did glimpse some sun yesterday while up at Quorn."

* * *

Three nights later as the three women flew out of Heathrow on British Airways on the way home with a 12-hour stopover in Hong Kong to squeeze in some shopping Skye recounted in detail some of her experiences during her time with different units at Scotland Yard. "They are very different to us and even our police in one important respect -- in restraining villains and suspects they are prohibited from softening up those apprehended and it's an absolute no-no to go into a cell with a rubber hose and one faces a serious charge if one hits a fellow officer, even one below one in ranking."

"What's this 'one' thing with you Skye?" Kitty asked.

"One is expected to talk like one's hosts when one is away from one's homeland, isn't one?"

A flight attendant had to rush and politely ask Kitty and Lady Magnolia to muffle their mirth. With order restored the two new politicians talked about the luxury apartment they were in the process of purchasing in Mayfair, thanks to urgent calls to Sir Gerald and Jim who both agreed to invest as partners once they'd seen the walk-through video emailed to them by Patricia, now the Countess of Charlton.

Although deep into the Scotland Yard handbook 'Guide to Collection of DNA Evidence, at the mention of how conveniently placed the apartment was to three tube lines, the closest being the Piccadilly Line and that they could easily walk to Buckingham Palace, Skye said, "Good, I'll be able to check out palace security on my first stay with you guys in your apartment."

Kitty said brightly, "Good one Skye. And with my connections through the Foreign Office I'll get you access to Westminster."

"I'd rather you got me access to Parliament."

"Darling Skye, the Palace of Westminster houses the Houses of Parliament and they are in the same area of our apartment which is in the City of Westminster which is of borough of London with city status. I know this sounds awfully confusing but this type of confusion is what the British rather like. I think they think it confuses the enemy. Are you aware that our apartment is actually in the district of Mayfair which is where the name of our Mayfair Heights comes from which in early days was actually there the fair was held each year in May?"

"Gawd, how confusing," Skye said. "Small wonder the pioneers of our country rebelled to kick the British out before they stuffed up our country."

The same air attendant rushed over to quell the raucous laughter. "Look ladies,' she said sternly. "Unless you behave more moderately I shall be forced to put you outside."

Knowing they were more than 30,000ft above the sea, 'Magnolia, Kitty and Skye thereafter curtailed their volume of laughter, tested when Skye eyed the retreating back of the flight attendant and said, "Being a British aircraft and British crew, I reckon they'd try it if they were sure we were from a former colony."

"I really don't think so, Skye, and besides you are safe as you are in my company and she'd recognized the Midlands accent I appear to have slipped back into."

"Oh yes, I noticed you are now talking more like a lady."

"Thank you Skye," Lady Magnolia smiled.

Chapter 17

Liberal Party president Gail Hammersmith, Lady Fitzroy and deputy Liberal parliamentary leader Hamish Harris went into the Cabinet room to meet their National Unity Party counterparts knowing they were last in line, that the NUP had already had exploratory talks with the New Age Party and with the Green Party. They'd spent two hours being briefed by Kitty and her uncle Alexander, a retired NUP Minister of Justice. As they entered they were required to handover their phones and were scanned for possible recorders or transmission devices.

The Prime Minister and Lady Fitzroy made the introductions after the couple had kissed.

Sir Max began saying the purpose of possible coalition talks was in the best interests of stable government rather than any suggestion of desperation of NUP to remain in power.

"Bullshit!"

The Prime Minister stopped, looking quite shocked at Lady Fitzroy who was looking around as if someone else had made that quite improper interjection.

"Good girl," Gail whispered to Magnolia. "Just as Kitty said -- he appears to be on the back foot already, confirmed if he makes no demand for an apology."

"Um, as I was saying, it's the best solution for everyone. It is essential that our team..."

"Prime Minister, please get down to the nitty-gritty."

"Er yes Lady Fitzroy. Keep your demands to the minimum and realistic then the NUP will enter an agreement with the Libs to form a coalition. Have you any comment?"

"Thank you Prime Minister. Our analysis suggests..."

"You guys don't have the money for proper in-depth analysis."

"Prime Minister, I would prefer not to be rudely interrupted," Lady Fitzroy shouted, watching the NUP party chairman whisper into the PM's ear and that caused the PM to clench his fists.

Some forty minutes later Lady Fitzroy said, "That's what we want, Prime Minister. Triple the parliamentary financial and service support that is due to our team as of right, a full portfolio for me and for Hamish deserves a junior posting but sitting inside Cabinet."

"That demand is grossly excessive."

"What else did you expect Prime Minister? May we adjoin for lunch?"

"Yes of course Magnolia, er, Lady Fitzroy."

"Get use to the idea we're your best bet," said Gail. "Our investigators have found that divorcing his wife has not sat kindly on Alf Struthers of New Age who is receiving specialist counseling for advancing depression and their deputy leader is a closet gay and has come to our knowledge that your talks with the Greens was a disaster with them demanding their terms of accommodation with you include disbanding the Air Force, reducing the Navy to Coastguard level and reducing the size of the Army by two-thirds and abandoning plans to advance into nuclear power generation."

"Good God, our talks with other parties are top secret."

"I would have thought so Prime Minister," but someone who is close to the wife of the chairman of the Green Party was drinking with her at a bar and they almost ran out of conversation until the subject Government inaction about getting a coalition partner came up."

"Sir Gerald, l need to talk to you in private," said the NUP party chairman, leading the purple-faced PM into a side-room.

"Where's the bar Samuel?" Lady Magnolia said to the confused looking NUP deputy-leader.

"Oh yes, of course. Champagne Lady Fitzroy?"

"Have we something to celebrate?"

"I rather think it's the Libs or nothing, don't you?"

"Obviously you are a bright man," Gail said. "I would think the PM could do with relaxing a bit although I guess his party chairman is working on that right now."

At 9:00 that evening over late dinner the negotiation teams completed their agreement and it was agreed and the PM and Lady Fitzroy work with the parliamentary legal department next morning on documentation to be signed by the parliamentary and party leaders of both sides at 10:00 and the PM to address a media conference called for 11:00.

"The whole nation has been waiting in limbo for this," the PM declared.

"Oh darling, don't be so pompous," Lady Fitzroy said. "Tell the media something like, 'The Libs had us by the throat but we pushed back and ended up with a pretty good deal including their undertaking to support us on Confidence and Supply."

"All right, but I'll have to spell out the finer points."

"Why?"

"Because it has been the case in the past."

"But aren't we the coalition of the future?"

"Well yes, you are right. Why tell those jerks in the media everything when they'll ignore most of it and stuff up half of what they do report."

Lady Fitzroy raised her glass and said, "Well done darling, now you're smoking like a real PM. Oh, perhaps you should explain for the benefit of those in the media exactly what the terms Confidence and Supply mean. I didn't know until Kitty briefed me."

"Oh yes Lady Fitzroy. Tell me darling, does Kitty happen to be very friendly with the wife of the chairman of the Green Party?"

"Darling, this is a celebration not an inquisition. You do need to relax."

The media conference next day went down like a lead balloon after the initial cheer following the PM's smiling declaration that NUP was ready to govern in coalition with the Libs. Questions included, 'Where was the expansive press release?" 'What was the secret agenda? And 'Why the Libs and not the NAP or the Greens?'

The PM was happy to reply no comment until Murray Locke of the Guardian asked, "What does the President's wife as Lib parliamentary leader get out of this Prime Minister?"

"Oh Murray, the only intelligent questioned asked here today. I will announce my Cabinet on Friday at a media conference in front of the steps up to Parliament at 10:00. Wink, wink Murray."

The conference disintegrated as reporters rushed off pulling out their phones but Murray and a TV crew stayed behind.

"Prime Minister and Lady Fitzroy," requested Murray very politely. "May we photograph you together gazing into each other's eyes? This will be a first for our country won't it Prime Minister -- a newly elected parliamentarian being appointed a Cabinet Minister."

"Yes Murray but she won it on merit and having me across the barrel. Any PM would have had to capitulate. Fuck, what am I saying!"

"Moderate your language please Prime Minister as we're on network TV. This is Murray Locke of the Guardian, signing off."

As soon at the TV camera and sound were switched off Murray walked over and kissed Magnolia, congratulating her.

"You're a bastard Murray," Sir Max snarled. "I'm surprised you had the brains to set this up."

"I probably do but someone suggested it to me. Dinner at my humble home on Saturday night Lady Fitzroy?"

"Thank you Murray. I'll attempt to bring the President with me."

They turned to look at the PM who'd slapped a hand against his head and was shouting, "Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!"

The grounds to Parliament were packed to listen to the Prime Minister announce his Cabinet, the nation knowing from the scoop TV broadcast of the PM's huge indiscretion that history would be made with Lady Fitzroy becoming a Cabinet Minister in the Coalition Government. A cartoon in the Guardian had turned the PM's gaff into mirth by suggesting Lady Fitzroy would take up a newly created post of Minister in Charge of Animal Vivisection.

A cheer sounded when the fourth Cabinet post in ranking was announced: Minister of Foreign Affairs, Miss Kitty Loveridge.

A huge roar usually reserved for 'The People's Hero' erupted when the number seventh ranking was announced: Minister of Overseas Trade and Minister of Immigration, The Marchioness of Fitzroy, The Lady Magnolia Fitzroy, Leader of the Liberal Party and Coalition Partner.

The final posting, twelfth in ranking, received polite applause: Minister of Education and Minister of the Environment, Associate Professor Dr Hamish Harris, deputy leader of the Liberal Party and Coalition Partner.

When Magnolia's appointment was announced she and Kitty squeezed hands as both knew, following intimate discussion with only Gerry, Skye and Jim present with them, that announcement marked an ending: Magnolia was no longer sexually confused. Her confidence was restored, her reputation had mended and she was on an upward spiral. At that dinner meeting Kitty nodded to Jim and he formally announced the wedding date and everyone congratulated them. Ensuring Skye was seated Kitty asked her if she would be a bridesmaid. Skye turned exceedingly pink and said yes.

"Magnolia, would you please by my chief bridesmaid."

"Oh Kitty, I'm married."

"I should hope you were, having an idea what you and Gerry get up to."