The Pulse Pt. 10

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise!"

"But I hate surprises."

We walked the few hundred yards back to the car park and found our way back down the lanes and out to the dual carriageway. A few miles later I turned off the main road and we skirted the local town and headed out again into the countryside. The road rose up the hill until we found ourselves on an old coaching road across the top of the downs. The views were lovely. We passed by a couple of pubs with Fiona begging me to tell her where we were going.

I finally saw the sign ahead and sighed with relief at finding it again. I say the sign, it's actually a tall post with a frame for a pub sign. The sign for the White Horse fell out years ago and was never replaced. As a result it's been called The Pub With No Name for some time now.

We drove up the gravel drive into the large parking area beside the very traditional old pub. It's a large old coaching house that has been added to without losing any of its charm. There's a restaurant and a more traditional bar. We headed towards the low door into the bar. We both ducked slightly as we walked into the place. It was dark inside and so much cooler. It felt wonderful. Inside there were a number of slightly rickety old tables and chairs, all a bit mismatched, standing on old flagstones.

The barmaid welcomed us in and we soon settled down with a couple of drinks while our order for two cheese ploughmans was sent through to the kitchen.

It wasn't busy and we relaxed quietly together enjoying the peace and the gentle bustle of noise coming from the other bar area.

"You know how to spoil a girl you know?" said Fiona as we finished off our lunch.

"I do?"

"Today has been wonderful. How you ever found this place I have no idea."

"I can't take credit for that. There's a real ale book that my Dad has which lists the best pubs in the country. Dad took us here a couple of years ago. It took me a little while to remember where it was but I'm really pleased you like it. It's not a trendy, exciting place."

"And that's not what I wanted. This is exactly what I'd hoped for. As I said, you're spoiling me. You even organised the weather."

"Well, that I can't take credit for."

We had another coke, enjoying the ambience of the place before heading back out to the little mini. We took a different route back, enjoying the rolling downs and the pleasure of being exactly where you want to be, with the person that you want to be with.

We got home and flaked out in the back garden, enjoying the weather and the chance to do not very much. We smooched a bit and then I left Fiona to relax while I made a chicken salad for dinner.

Mum and Dad were home in good time and we all sat round the old table in the garden that Dad had been promising to fix for the last few years. We chatted for a while about normal things before ending up in front of an old film on the telly. It was sad to think that this would be our last night together as a proper family.

Things had been perfectly amicable between my parents since they agreed to get a divorce. But there also seemed to be immense relief from them that it was finally happening. I sighed deeply as the predictable film reached its conclusion.

"Are you alright, love?" asked Mum.

"Yes, I suppose so. Just a bit sad, that's all."

"It's for the best, son."

"I know Dad. I'll just miss us being together as a family, that's all."

"I'm not dying, you know? I'll still be around. And every now and then I might even drop by and cook up a storm if your mother will let me."

"I'd like that," she said.

"We all would."

We headed off to bed. It was still really hot, even with the windows open. Sleep came slowly that night.

I was up early the next morning to find Dad making pancakes to fuel our day of box shifting. I dropped Mum off at work while he finished packing and then we started in earnest. The worst part was getting his old books and records out of the loft. It was hot, dusty work and by lunchtime we'd made two trips to and from his new flat.

"Just another two car loads should do it Jake."

"I hope so. I haven't been this dirty and sweaty since I was shifting bags of manure at the garden centre."

On the final trip I followed him over in my Mini with Fiona and we helped shift the last few boxes into the flat.

"Thanks so much for your help but you two should go home now. I'm going to need some time to figure out the best layout. And where the best local chinese takeaway is."

"If that's what you want Dad. Just give me a call if you need any help with anything."

"I will, son."

He gave me a hug and we both had a tear in our eye as Fiona and I left him to get things set up just how he wanted them.

"I still don't understand why your parents are divorcing Jake. They seem to get on really well."

"You didn't spend the last few years listening to their screaming matches. It's definitely the right thing for them. Once they made the decision to separate then everything seemed to calm right down. I think they're just two people that love each other but can't live with each other."

She gave me a hug and we got in the car to drive home.

The house that night was strangely empty. Mum had opened a bottle of wine and was reminiscing about family holidays and looking through old photo albums.

"Where did we go wrong Jake? Was I that difficult to live with?"

"I don't know Mum. But the last few years were pretty grim. I think that once you both made the decision to separate it took a lot of the steam out of the situation and you were able to remember what you liked about each other. Maybe you'll have a better relationship now..?"

"I hope so. I already miss him. Isn't that stupid? He's just moved out and I miss him."

She burst into tears. I gave her a big hug as she cried and Fiona got out some of Mum's favourite chocolates.

"Oh, look at me. You must think me so silly," she sniffed, wiping her eyes and gratefully taking a Ferrero Rocher.

"Mum, you've been together a long time. I just think that you both changed. What you wanted from the next twenty years of your lives seems to have changed and that's no one's fault. I'm sure that you'll find a way to carry on enjoying his company without the two of you screaming at each other."

"Were we that bad?"

"Yes. It was awful some nights."

I knew that I was being blunt but she needed to know that the last few weeks had been a sort of honeymoon period. It hadn't fixed the big cracks in their relationship.

"I'm sorry Jake."

"Don't be. I'm just pleased that you were both able to talk about it sensibly and realise that you couldn't carry on the way you were."

She just looked down at her wine glass sadly. We were all quiet for a time before she looked up with fresh tears in her eyes.

"Treasure each other Jake. Don't end up like Mark and me."

I didn't know what to say so I hugged her. She shuddered as she wept and Fiona brought tissues and kissed her cheek, drawing a sad smile from her.

"I always wanted another baby. A daughter like you, Fiona. Please look after him. He's all I've got."

Fiona started to reply but choked up, caught by the emotion. She nodded and joined our hug. Eventually Mum's sobbing ended in a bout of hiccups making us all laugh. She finished her wine and looked up at the ceiling trying to collect herself.

"I'm sorry, both of you. This is no one's idea of a fun Friday evening."

"Don't be silly Mum. You needed this. What sort of family would we be if we weren't here to support you?"

She nodded and got to her feet, staggering slightly. I stood up too and helped her upstairs to bed, leaving her with a large glass of water beside her.

I flopped down onto the sofa and wrapped an arm around Fiona.

"I'm not sure that I like being the responsible adult in the house."

"That's not nice Jake. Your Mum's just really sad that this part of her life is over, that's all."

"You're right. I hope that she's OK. I worry about her when we leave to go to university though."

"This is just temporary. All the abuse at work added on to the stress of the divorce has got to her. It must have been a really tough few weeks. Sometimes you just need to let it all out."

My expression grew slowly colder as I realised the impact of those bloody rumours on my family. On the people that I love. On my potential future. My scowl deepened and it took me a moment to realise that Fiona was shaking me to get my attention.

"What is it Jake? You're beginning to scare me..."

I realised that my grip on her had tightened and I immediately released her. I kissed her gently.

"I'm sorry love. I hadn't really thought through the pain and suffering that those rumours have caused to the people that I love. And the damage to my future."

I tried to keep my voice light but in my mind I was beginning to think through how I could reach these people that had hurt me and mine. How I could inflict lasting pain on them. Nothing transient. Nothing slight. A permanent scar.

I was shocked at the depth of loathing that I uncovered.

I forced myself to relax and bury all the hatred. I smiled at Fiona and we kissed tenderly before heading up to bed for the night.

But in the back of my head I was thinking, 'they need to pay for what they've done. They all need to pay'.