All Comments on 'The Queen's Punishment'

If you're planning to use historical figures in your fantasy, at least google them! Edward IV was a womanizer, and married Elizabeth Woodville for love. You are confounding them with Isabella of France and Edward II. And gangbanging the Queen would never, ever happen, so you'll lose all readers with interest in history on this one.

Last, 2d person narrative is not a favorite for a reason. It's considered a nuisance by most readers. I suggest you change for 1st or 3rd and seriously review your story line, and maybe start not to make it just an endless list of abuse.

As already stated, I personally can't abide second person narratives - it's deeply uncomfortable as a reader, and particularly on this site, that is a widely-held viewpoint. For this, I would recommend rewriting in third person.

Moreover, the sexual language (e.g. dick/cum) doesn't seem to match the time period,

and lacks verisimilitude.

Aside from that, there's potential in this and seems competent SPAG-wise.

The Queen needed to service the King’s horse.