All Comments on 'The Race'

less than half a story gets less than half a score

Nice beginning! I'd like to see a conclusion though.

We needed just a little bit more, to the consequences play out, the confrontation. These tales are all about the angst, pain and suffering plus the comeuppance. You get to that point and bang the story is over.

Scores 3/5

Know I would love to see a sequel on the fallout of their dumbass decision to inform her husband.

Good story. Makes me happy knowing these women are all about to get what they deserve for cheating

Very nicely word crafted, flawless. But why that ending? Surely he had some clue and why would her friends have risked her marriage over 'fun'???

Definitely needs a part 2. 4*

This needs a sequel. Scorched earth for all.

Without the confrontation, this is worthless.

Yea, at only ~2000 words (just 2/3 page on Lit), there was plenty of time and space to finish this. Some "non-endings" work, but only after we've seen both sides of the story and been led to feel some of the pain of the betrayed. If the intent was to stop here, then you likely left people hanging. If the intent was to follow-up, that could have been indicated with a chapter 01, but again, this is so short, splitting into chapters is tedious.

With friends like them...

Blue gee u seem to be the perfect candidate who romances his spouse and gets her expectations up and as soon as she touches ur puny prick u cum and are of no use thereafter….

Same with your stories!

"surrounded by a bunch of people, most of them were strangers, but some were work colleagues or friends."

You know the old saying, "Choose wisely!" I'd say she definitely chose unwisely... She chose to participate in activities that would NOT pass a spousal test. You know, would you do this activity in front of your spouse? Secondly, she chose to associate with "people" who weren't real friends and who didn't have her interests at heart.

bachelorette and bachelor parties, just like conferences, are exempt from the fidelity vow.

Hope hubby wises up

Just ridiculous

Needs a follow up to get revenge on her pervert "friends and colleagues". Amanda's fiancée needs to know,

I agree with others - needs more. Fallout for all concerned when other husbands and fiancé are informed. However, who would be so stupid to send this in the first place? Maybe they didn't think things would go so far when this forfeit was put in but after what was videod they must have known sending it would have fatal repercussions? Fallout and confrontation needed.

Fuck he’s stupid. Come home and share the details while I fuck the hell out of you. Now that should have been the appropriate response.

What the fuck @wargamer?! You think these stories are about angst, pain and suffer? You are fucked in the head. The stories here are supposed to be EROTIC. This one definitely has elements of that. It’s a great stand alone story. Leave it at that.

Silly premise. In OZ, of all places, there are consequences for the "punishment", even if it is merely civil. After all, brining the many married witnesses before the court as witnesses would surely doom their marriages or relationships, too. That's why no one would ever go to this extreme. Now, having declared all that, as stated below, you just committed yourself to a sequel. YOU led us down the rabbit hole - now, YOU write us out!! 4/5.

Finally a good story about whore wives that is get what they deserve.

Pretty good start, but don't stop now. And please, keep the husband strong, and burn all the women to the ground.

This was a very well written and well crafted tale.

Outcry to FTDS? Really do not need it.

If you cave, make certain that vengeance is over the top excruciatingly painful.

Nice work

Nice reaction from the hubby.

Hope someone would expand on this tale.

Nice one BlueGee.

Meh. Too short, not that great a sex scene, and you left out the best part...the fall out and the loving wife explaining her actions to family and friends when the divorce starts.

If this is part 1, it's great! If this is the whole thing, the ending really sucks!

Nice original story.

Geoff had the correct response. I am surprised he didn’t vomit from the videos and photos.

This needs a second chapter for the fallout of Mary’s marriage, relationship with her parents, and Mary throwing the other wives and bachelorette under the bus with their spouses. Doesn’t need to be a total scorched earth but all of the women’s relationships need to experience some measure of suffering from this.

Looking forward to more stories from you.

Well that was seriously fucking ridiculous but you got every certifiably gay reader hot and bothered.

It wasnt even decently written, but the cum guzzlers clearly love it, but thats the thing about being a homosexual all those dicks make you excited (yes they are in denial, to some degree) even if you cant accept that everyone below me needs to open hat closet door and let the world know they wish they were Mary...and factually they really fucking do. But the end was a hoot, but it was still a case of "Write me a cuck story without making it a cuck story" so clearly the end was tossed in to save you getting burned for being a pee pee puffer.

Funny how sad the tiny dicked "I wish I were a woman and getting that cock" bi/gay kids got when she got burned. Says way more about me being right about them and their repression than they realize.

This so needs a sequel, but please don’t make it RAAC.

Silly. Honestly, 8 guys agreed to go into a room and be blown to completion? Good luck with that.

...."married and mother of three" one can only hope she has contracted HIV and dies an agonizing and slow death. So the children have at least the opportunity to see how disrespect and stupidity lead to a just end!!

Yeah it need a part 2 or you are a lame ass

Okay!

3

Need a follow up story

A one for the unfinished crap

Captcha

Needs to be longer and/or a Ch.02. Everyone involved needs to be burned to the ground, especially bride-to-be Amanda and slut Abigail.

abrupt and unfulfilling story telling

It shows your ability to chose between sex and love. Sex is more important to you!

Agree the ending needs a continuation.... ....please 😉

Too short, no real conclusion, needs an aftermath.

eh no, not even close sorry to say, kind on wrong on all levels, hope there enough of her scorched arse to burn her 'friends' to the ground.

Good start. Part 2?

This could have been quite good, you really rushed the ending and we had no feelings either way on whether we liked or dislike either of the protagonists

The narrative was well written but what should be the most poignant points of the story are skirted blaming alcohol and weed. No way in hell they would have a punishment to send marriage ending video to the spouse. Take away that and we are left with nothing. 3*

LOVED THE ENDING

Mary's marriage is done by the punishments' from her friends.

Geoff Greenfield needs to make everyone there pay dearly. Scorched earth for all.

Stupid drunken bitch egged on by other stupid drunken bitch loses her marriag. Well done.

Without some background and coherent ending its just a stupid cartoon. She's committing adultery at an open party and being filmed? Yeah, with no explanation, that's believable. Thanks for the effort.

Drunken bachelorette party, public sex games, not a condom in sight, what could possibly go wrong ??

Is the author twelve years old? The most ridiculous premise for a story so far this year. Congratulations.

Ah that's good. A Bachelorette party in prep for one marriage as it ruins another. The good lil sluts. Hell of a way to find out a tramp isn't a keeper, throw her to the streets.

Reading again after the posting today of tne Aftermath. It actually works better as a prequel than it did as a first posted standalone. And it cemented Mary as one stupid tramp.

.

4 ****

Not bad. Ask male strippers -- drunk/stoned women in a group are way worse than drunk men when it comes to over-the-top sexual misbehavior. They egg each other on, and with the greater need for social acceptance, responsibility gets diffused very fast.

Drunk/stoned women in a group are like drunk men except that women will do incredibly stupid shit about sex the way men will to it with dangerous stunts. "Hey, y'all, watch this!" isn't just a drunken male phenomenon, it's a female one as well, just in a different manner. Women don't try to light their farts on fire, but they do other insanely stupid things as well. Ask your sister sometime. If she's honest, she'll tell you.

Doesn't make sense for this many women to plan a sex venue and not have a condom (no, several condoms) available. Now I have to discover the location of this Gold Coast.

Not very good. Particulary the "punishment" because that shit will get on everyone who attended.

5 stars for the last three words...

stupid in display

Alcohol plus group of humans equals stupid

Don't come home or catch a bad one...try me

The moralizers are still with us.

This is a man’s idea, on how a woman cheats. Never would have happened.

#1. Even the drunkest, biggest slut still worries about her reputation, and what other women think about her. There is not a chance in hell, that something like this would be allowed to be filmed. And the idea that it was sent to her husband, you have meant the other husbands/ boyfriends would have figured out what happened, and it would not have ended well, for any of the women.

#2. Whether a woman is married or single, she is not going to fuck you, unless she feels safe. When I was a young guy of 19, there was a 28 year old stripper I was trying to hook up with. I shared a house, with two other male roommates. I had her over a few times for heavy make out sessions, but never got any farther than that. She said she was “ uncomfortable” with strangers being in the house. I couldn’t understand, since she took her clothes off for strangers anyway. One night, I got her to let me go to her apartment. It was like flipping a light switch. Got everything that night, including anal, which was my first experience screwing a woman there. Moral of the story. A man will take a piss, over the side of a boat. A man will walk around naked at home, with the drapes open. Women are taught at a young age, to protect their reputations. For a woman, getting laid is easy. Repairing her reputation is hard.

Absolutely horrible, cheap, disgusting and soooo pathetic and disrespectful!!!!!

WTF!

Doesn’t make any difference if it is a group of imbecile immature men or slut women, they should all be dumped and treated like shit for brains!

Let’s have disgusting fun and totally ruin multiple lives and friendships. Massive stupidity at its finest.

Do you actually believe in this crap you wrote?

We’re off to actual intelligent authors instead of a wanna-be.

Good luck

Agree, this would have never happened with any common sense woman.

However, DRUNK women do whatever. I remember when I was young a drunk woman propositioned me to suck my dick in a restaurant. I thought for a moment that she was joking. Everybody was slightly buzzed with alcohol, it was some wedding party, and she looked quite serious repeating the proposition. In either case I had enough shame and I was not drunk so it did not happen.

I have never met her before that party and she looked like a grown up woman, I do not remember whether she had a boyfriend or was single. So ... that tells you that enough alcohol and a woman can do stuff like this in the story.

The part of sending video to hubby is BS. I think author just got lazy and did not know how to get husband character involved so he wrote that nonsense. Too bad because that part of the story could have been the main plot device with some creativity. For example, somebody unknown to the wife but known to husband could have done that video, a good writer could have twisted that around in any direction. I hate when authors here get so lazy as not to bother to make a decent plot.

Um, well, you throw some coke in the mix and, well, it can happen.........

Not erotic

I realize that this is fantasy erotica but damn, this was just..... I don't have the words. I'll try anyway. I guess this is possible in some world somewhere but the wives in these cheating stories are portrayed as incredibly ignorant. I see that there is a follow up titled fallout. I will check that out however there really shouldn't be as I cannot imagine any husband that would ever speak another word to his wife after this kind of disresepct. Everything just goes through the lawyer after something like that.

No mature spouse would put herself in that situation, get that drunk and go that far. If that intoxicated she wouldn't function sexually. Or at least I would hope not. An interesting flash fantasy?

I’m old enough to have seen things I never even thought would happen. This one isn’t even close to that list. Is it LIKELY to happen? Probably not. Has it EVER happened? I’m sure it has. There’s a saying in the Bible; there’s nothing new under the Sun. Meaning: Many things/ideas that appear new aren't really new at all. It’s just new to you.

As for the events in this story, I was invited on a bachelor party and the groom (and most of the party) were swingers and/or very kink friendly. A lot of the things that happened at the party was recorded and shared with the bachelorette group and they did the same. Obviously there wasn’t any problems with it for those involved, but I do remember seeing a blowjob contest by the bridal party on their video that was very hot. Ahh, good memories…

Anyway, thanks for your story. I enjoyed it.

Try posting a true story or at least start with one sentence is true. So incredibly fake.

The sign of sickness is to treat another human with extreme cruelty. To do it to a woman shows utter contempt for women.

The author portrays the characters as doing that to Mary and he wrote it.

Disgusting

But you knew that

For those who think this unlikely, I've seen men doing similar at a stag party, so why wouldn't women?

It was a short story but I loved it. Thank you.

Lets see what else you've written :).

My willing suspension of disbelief jumped ship.

Idiot women who think they can do what they want & act like sluts during a few days away from their men. And they send Geoff pictures of them in action? How fucking stupid can one get? As such, while an interesting story, it's on the unbelievable side that in reality, women will act like this. But then again, what do I know? Must be something 'cause abt. 1/2 the marriages end in divorce. But this story's saved (in my opinion) by the next part. Yes, I've read it but came back to rate/ comment here. A low 4 stars. Bob

horrible ending. When one of the women get's betrayed then why wouldn't she rat out all the other married women. Absurd

After reading again the 2nd part, while I still give this 4 stars (I take back the "low" part), as I feel more could've been put here, the story's saved by the next part. Not downing this short story, just think a bit more could've been provided. But enjoyable story.

As I wrote in part 2, how could women not only actually agree to a sex olympics, but in front of a group of strangers? Then the most moronic part- sending the photos, etc., to Mary's husband. Irregardless, they should've had enough brain power to cancel out that "punishment". Did they think her husband would have a "oh well, women be women" attitude? Bob

The story needs somebody to edit/ re-read this. Words left out, questions asked but no question mark. Just annoying & detracting from the story itsself. I agree with those below me stating what she did was unforgivable. Mary let herself become a huge slut at the bridal shower; she didn't HAVE to participate as she did, didn't HAVE to drink & smoke as much as she did. The others share the blame also, putting up this sex filled game- in front of a bunch of strangers!

Beautiful ending.

Alcohol and drugs?!

Why would she think it okay to get high? Chose to? Why?

Does not care about consequences?!

Then slut

Pute de salope.

would love a follow up. Love hubby's reaction

Real garbage. There wasn’t a story here, just sex acts which was cheap and lazy with a moronic ending. Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea (drunk or sober) to ruin a marriage over this shit. Wish I had my time back but at least it only was some short shit reading.

Wow! Way to end a marriage both her actions and her friends. Friends? Sending that video? Damn I wouldn't want those women as enemies. Great short punchy tale of what can happen with too much alcohol and drugs. The brain sometimes shuts down. BardnotBard

What a crazy way to end a marriage. There are children who will suffer from the consequences of this crazy misadventure. I like to read a sequel.

So none of the women thought it was a bad idea to have a party where they would be cheating on their partners and no one objected to sending a video of cheating to one of said partners? Is this story set in the Twilight Zone universe or something? I can't comprehend such insanity. And don't give me alcohol as the excuse. No one is buying that. Maybe if they were all drunk as fuck and on ecstasy or something I could buy them all being into it, but that's not the scenario presented; they knew what was going on and at least some of them knew what was going to happen since they planned the games. Putting that aside though, a very dumb way to ruin a marriage (possibly more than one if she were to tell others or the video was to spread).

Women cheat at most hen parties thats a fact. If your wife is out on a hens night this is what shes doing and her friends encoueage it, Geoff is lucky he got a video to catch the cheating woman and makes divorce easier.

not enough story here

While this is farfetched, the dynamics involved are all to real. Ask innumerable women, a tiny fraction documented on the internet, who have cheated for potential money or fame of just to be appreciated in the moment. Tie in weed, and alcohol, and peer pressure and this not only plausible, but it probably happens every day.