The Right One

As soon as the elevator door opens, Ethan motions for her to go in first and I want to yank his coat so that we can wait for another one. One where he and I can share a few minutes alone. Instead, we both file in behind her and he engages her in some talk about the weather and the holidays. She's preparing a nice dinner for her two friends. Meanwhile, I'm almost sobbing in self-pity because I can't get Ethan to look my way at least once. He doesn't hold my hand or talk to me about the weather. It is almost as if I am invisible.

We get out of the elevator on my floor and I speed walk to my door. My keys jiggle as I unlock it and then I step inside and let out a short breath.

Finally! After weeks of waiting, we're both alone in my apartment.

He's painstakingly slow to remove his bag, coat, and his shoes. All the while, I stand in the middle of the living room unsure of what I should be doing. I want to rip off my clothes and jump him as soon as he removes his coat but from what I've gathered so far, Ethan is in no rush at all.

I should exercise a bit more self-control.

Would kneeling at his feet be a little too forward?

"My lovely, Leila." He rolls his sleeves up to his elbows.

He's wearing a manly sweater, dark green and black, meant to be somewhat in the Christmas spirit. I always imagined if Ethan was ever at a work event for the holidays he would be the one to go all out. Wear an ugly sweater and still somehow make it look nice. He would probably hand out candy canes and holiday theme chocolates to boost office morale. When I look at him now though, I can't imagine him being anything other than the guy who has me tripping over myself to get just one measly touch from him.

"You're just shaking with anticipation, aren't you?" He comes up to me and runs his fingers through my hair.

"Please, Sir." I stare up at him and shiver when his fingers brush against my neck.

"Begging already?" The amusement in his tone annoys me but I suck it up. He doesn't miss the flash in my eyes. "Oh, what do we have here? It seems patience is not a virtue of yours either."

"Ethan," I bring my hands up to his forearms, which are very warm.

"Leila," He presses his lips together. "I am Sir from this moment forward."

I nod.

"I want to show you what being with me could be like these two days." His thumb runs along my lower lip. "You may be nervous but it won't be as intense all the time. What I want you to remember is how to use your voice." He fingers the necklace, lightly brushing it against my collarbone. "I will try to be mindful of how far I push you. But you have to speak up if you don't like where things are headed, okay? I may get lost in the moment and forget to ask you if you're comfortable but you can always speak up."

I nod along with him, rubbing my fingers against his arms. This is the first time he has allowed me to touch him without immediately removing my hands. I try to savor the feeling and not call too much attention to it. Of course, his eyes instantly drop to my hands and then the corner of his lip lifts before he speaks again.

"You should get used to asking for permission for a lot of things." He pulls my hands together and kisses my fingertips. "Touching me is the number one thing."

"That is new for me." I frown.

He nods in understanding. "Just another aspect of control that I love to exercise. I want your body readily available for my pleasure and touching me gets distracting sometimes."

I appreciate his honesty. It is terrifying to remember that I have to ask for permission for something as simple as touching him. Yet, my body tingles even more. It is a challenge for me. One that I don't mind when we're in private together. Just like I don't mind being ready for whatever he has in store.

"Anything else I should keep in mind?" I lower my hands, folding them in front of me.

"Have you heard of something called subspace?" His hands come up to my shoulders, lightly massaging them.

I shake my head.

His grin takes on a wicked tilt. "That is something we will try to achieve today." He pulls me closer, hovering his lips over mine. "When we're deep in our session, when you feel all tingly, like you're floating above us. When you think you're being driven to the point of madness as I explore your delectable body, then you'll know you're in your subspace."

Ohh, that sounds lovely. That sounds somewhat like what I felt the last time we were together. The molasses feelings in my bones as I tried to resurface from serving him and cumming against his hand. I don't mention it though. Just in case I'm wrong and it is something else entirely. Plus, getting to that point sounds like a great place for me to start.

"It does require you to relinquish all control." He further explains.

Or maybe not such a great place to start after all. I mean, I am already doing as he says. I haven't really gotten in trouble since he got off the plane. I can be docile and I can have a good time during this session. But relinquishing all control just sounds bad. Something that I am suddenly afraid of.

"What is it?" He runs his thumb against my brow.

"What if I can't get there?" I nibble on my lower lip.

"As long as you try, that is all I ask for."

I nod slowly, still a bit worried.

"Did I take the winds out of your sails?" He's mildly concerned.

I shake my head. "Are we starting now?"

He smiles. "We have already started."

He pulls me in for a lingering kiss. His hands explore my body. I push my breasts into his hands when he cups them and hiss when he plays with my nipples through the sweater. One hand sneaks around my waist and pulls me closer to him. I feel his bulge against my belly and moan again. His fingers drop down to my skirt, making lazy circles around the edge of it.

"So, your tests came back negative." He mumbles against my neck.

"Yes, Sir." I sent them over to him as soon as I received them.

"This may be personal but I have to know what we're working with here, are you on birth control?" He pulls back to look at my face.

I shake my head.

He raises an eyebrow. "Were you planning on having Hank's babies?"

I scowl. "Ew. No."

He chuckles. "Why risk it then?"

I try to find the right words, which is quite difficult when I'm trying to press my ass into his hand. "I didn't like the effects it had on me in the past."

The past being when my first ex recommended I get on it so he didn't have to use protection. Little did I know that I would turn into a blubbering mess. I cried constantly and gained weight which only added to the list of reasons to cry. I thought negatively about myself and my body and my life. I thought it would pass and that I would learn to live with it but everything got terribly worse and my mood only darkened. He wasn't happy when I stopped taking my pills but that was one rare occasion that I drew the line.

Ethan stops kissing my neck and stares at me in question.

"I'm sorry." I pull back and wrap my arms around my stomach. "I need a moment."

"What's wrong?" His concern only gets worse when I turn away from him. "Talk to me, Leila."

He doesn't try to touch me, which I appreciate. "Would you like something to drink? I need something strong."

"It isn't even noon." He points out.

"One drink won't kill me." I turn back to him, waiting for a response.

"Sure." He straightens his sweater. "I'll have whatever you're having."

He's allowing me to choose our drinks. Nothing that should be praised but a very small gesture that makes me feel better. I didn't know how he would react to me pulling away but it seems when he asked me to speak up, he was being genuine. Instead of forcing myself to go through with it, and continue kissing him, I stopped before my mind went back to that dark place in the past. I need to clear my head for a moment.

Way to ruin it! I grumble to myself.

I pour two whisky drinks on the rocks and hand Ethan a glass. He's sitting on the couch now, resting his ankle on his other knee.

"Thank you," He waits for me to sit next to him before taking a sip.

I drink all of it in three gulps and hiss. I blow a breath out and rest my hands on my knees.

"Do you want to talk about why that was a touchy subject?" He eyes my empty cup and takes another sip himself.

"Is this you asking as Ethan or as my Dom?" I want to hide. I want to shy away from that part of my past and bury it deep in my mind. Somewhere where it will never come out.

"I think we should halt any type of play for now." He patiently waits.

"Can I ask about your divorce?" That will help me determine just how much I should share.

He raises an eyebrow and takes a larger gulp of his drink before setting it down. "My ex wife, hm." He scratches his chin. "Well, I can start with her name: Vera. Short for Veronica."

Of course, it is. She sounds beautiful already.

"We met at some entrepreneur banquet that I used to attend before I started in the hospitality industry." He pretends to be okay with sharing his past but I see the sharp look in his eyes. He is also sitting straighter. "She was the most beautiful girl in the room. I thought I was the luckiest bastard all around when she chose to talk to me all night. We decided to go to the bar afterwards and then the rest is history."

"Okay," I nod. "There was this guy before Hank." My eyes flicker toward him but I have to look away. "He was my first boyfriend after college. We lived together and the rest is history."

His eyes snap to mine and I see the tension on his shoulders. He breathes in deeply and nods his head. He is setting the pace for this conversation. He will determine how deep we go.

"Vera was the one who introduced me to this world a little after we started dating." He isn't comfortable opening up, then again, neither am I.

But I need this distraction. Or I at least need to get it off my chest. I don't know how I could have thought that I could go this long without talking about my past. It would only be a matter of time before it came back to haunt me. And isn't it better that it's happening now, before we've had sex, than, I don't know, months into our relationship where I deal with my own shit in a terrible way? I've done it before, I know I'll do it again.

So, why not learn from my mistakes? I went into a relationship with Hank without ever revealing much about my previous relationship. I gave him vague answers and I steered clear of anything that would bring back painful memories. It wasn't fair to Hank. He didn't even have a fighting chance. I don't want that with Ethan.

"She is a Domme." He stares down at his watch. "She thought I was a sub. She took care in showing me my place and how our dynamic would work. And although I had never done anything like it before, it quickly became apparent that I couldn't fully submit. She would never even attempt to become a sub." He chuckles. "We figured it was something we could work out after our vows. You see, I loved her very much. If it wasn't for her, I would have never felt like my true self. I owe her all of this."

He speaks so highly of her. The envy is hard to swallow but I listen with care.

"I tried, really tried to make it work for her. To be her perfect sub. But I would do small things in an act of rebellion that she absolutely loathed. My punishments became far too many to the point that it wasn't enjoyable anymore. That lasted a very short while. And then she recommended sharing a sub." He rolls his eyes. "We deluded ourselves into thinking that it was possible. But then came all the times that we played when we weren't together. Jealousy became the main focal point of that stage in our relationship." He wipes his hands against his thighs. "We eventually settled for having a separate sub each. That wasn't any better. It was only a matter of time before we finally admitted that we weren't really married in the way that it counted."

I lean over and place my hand over his. "Thank you."

He nods, staring off into space.

It is a lot to digest in one sitting but I set that aside for now so that I can return the favor.

"The first few months of my relationship were great." I clear my throat. If only I had more alcohol. "I thought we were both madly in love and completely devoted to each other. I don't really want to get into the details right now but he ended up cheating on me and I thought my whole world had diminished." My fingers tap against my thigh. "He took everything from me. My happiness, my openness to love, my eagerness to keep living." I meet his eyes briefly and see his intense focus on my words. "He took up all of the space in my world just to crush it between his fingers." It is the best way to describe it.

Ethan waits for me to continue but I don't.

"Did he make you get on birth control?" He gently nudges.

I nod.

"Were your side effects really bad?"

I nod again.

"Okay," He nods. "I think this is something we can revisit if you ever want to."

My eyes are shining with unshed tears.

"Do you have hot chocolate?" He stands from the couch and takes both of our cups to the kitchen.

I clear my throat. "Yes, in the pantry."

I dig my palms into my eyes and take deep breaths. I can't cry right now. Not when we're supposed to be enjoying our time together. All of this time apart and I had to ruin our first moments together! How did we end up here and not in my bed wrapped up in each other's arms? He is supposed to make me feel good. He is supposed to make me forget.

I hear him rummaging through my things so I sit back and stare at the ceiling.

As the hostess, shouldn't I be the one scrambling to make us some hot chocolate? I should be the one trying to make sure he feels comfortable. Not trauma dumping before we've even had lunch. One Christmas day no less!

It has to be a record.

He comes back from the kitchen with two mugs of steaming hot chocolate.

He places one in my hands and then sits on the other end of the couch with his own. We sip silently until he reaches over and pulls my legs across his lap. He places the mug on the coffee table and removes my boots. My socks go next and then I just feel his hands against my feet. He briefly stops to take out his phone and play some holiday music to fill the silence. Then he slowly touches each foot, warming them up a bit. His fingers get comfortable with each nook and cranny before applying more pressure. What starts off as exploration ends with the only foot massage I have ever received in my life.

The hot chocolate in my hands is almost finished by the time he leans in and kisses the tops of my feet. All of my walls are down. My guard is at an all-time low.

"That was," I stare at him in wonder. "Unexpected."

"You needed it." He runs his hands higher up my calf.

I squirm in my seat, trying not to deter him from continuing his exploration.

"How do you feel?" His fingers dig into my muscles.

"Great," I squeak.

He watches me intently. "I have another question."

I motion for him to ask, not trusting my voice.

"I am used to ignoring my sub for hours as punishment." He watches my reaction. "I ignored you for two minutes in the elevator and it was as if I had run over your puppy."

I lower my head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"Look at me."

I lift my head.

"Does this also have to do with your ex?" He continues to work on my calves, alternating between each one.

I ponder the question. "Maybe." I sit back and ignore his hands for a few moments. "With him, there were a lot of times when we were never on the same page when it came to sex. Whenever he was in the mood, I wasn't and vice versa." I bite my lip thinking hard. "He would pretend not to notice when I tried to get his attention during those nights that I really wanted to have sex. He would turn over and get on his phone or pretend he was too tired. He wouldn't kiss me longer than a few seconds because he claimed it would get me riled up." I blush in embarrassment. "And then with Hank, he would constantly be on his phone or watching T.V. or playing video games. I could practically become invisible if he didn't want me around."

His hands go up a little higher and he contemplates his next words. "A lot of things are adding up." He rubs the top of my thighs.

"Like what?" My pussy is beginning to throb again.

"You're very skittish when I focus on you."

"That's because you stare with uncanny focus." It may be true that I went from being half ignored at home to the center of someone's affection but I didn't think it was that noticeable.

"You're timid when we kiss. I sense a lot of hesitation- like you think that I'm going to pull away too soon. Or like you're scared of how turned on you can appear after one kiss" He cocks his head. "I should add that I won't punish you by ignoring you. I couldn't bear to see that look on your face again."

It is as if all the breath has run out of my lungs. Has my body stopped working? Oh wait, I just forgot to breathe.

"You really see everything." How isn't that terrifying? That he knows things about me that I don't even fully understand myself. He must have had a ton of questions before I mentioned anything about my ex. He says he isn't patient but I would argue otherwise. He knows exactly when to push and when to sit back.

"I really care about you." He kisses my knee.

What is the best way to ask a guy to suck his dick without seeming too forward?

Something flashes in his eyes and he smirks. I wouldn't be surprised if he could actually read my thoughts. He hasn't disappointed me yet. His hands come back up to my thighs and he gently pulls them apart. He grabs one of my ankles and places it on the back of the couch. He places the other one towards the edge of the couch while pushing me back. He grabs a small throw pillow meant for decoration and places it under my ass.

"You're going to cum all over my lips. But not until I say so." His lips nibble on my inner thigh.

"Oh, my-" My breaths come out shallow and annoyingly loud.

He rolls the edge of my skirt up, causing me to squirm under his stare. He bites on my inner thigh again. The sensation falls somewhere between ticklish and painful. How can that be? I try to settle down and keep my breathing leveled. Both of which I fail at, tremendously. His hands come back up and fold my shirt with patience until my breasts are exposed. His hands waste no time plucking each one, loving every moan coming from my lips.

He finally settles between my thighs and stops his slow torture. His lips immediately latch on to my throbbing clit and I am at a loss for words. My jaw drops and my eyes widen as I look down at him sucking my swollen nub straight into his mouth. His large hands play with my breasts and my legs start to shake.

"Oh," I try to pull away from his mouth when I feel the looming wave rushing towards me.

I've gone weeks without cumming. I can't wait a moment longer. Not when I'm under his touch, completely bared both body and soul. He has me exactly where he wants me. He twists my nipple, digging his tongue deeper into my pussy, and wrapping an arm around each thigh. I am completely at his mercy, unable to move.

"I'm going to cum!" I arch, hoping to create a small space between my sensitive clit and his firm lips.

He doubles his efforts just as I feel my body tighten, in a last attempt to hold my orgasm back. It is no use. His tongue assaults my clit and sneaks into my tight hole in sensual strokes. Fuck, I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum all over his lips and I can't do anything about it. He pulls his mouth away, yanking a sob from my lips.

"What-?" I get on my elbows and see his wet lips and chin pulled into a smirk.

"Were you just about to cum?" He runs his fingers against my warm pussy.

Tears are forming in my eyes and all I can do is breathe through the loss of his mouth against me. "Why did you stop?" My voice is thick and it's hard not to pull my legs together, shutting him out.