The Right One

How would they feel if they knew I almost started a relationship with Ethan that was very similar to the one that led to my first heartbreak? Maybe they would come to appreciate Hank more and even push me toward him. Or maybe, they would meet Ethan and realize he is a good person. Much too good for me.

The more I dwell on our last conversation, the more I understand that what he did was completely unselfish. He could have lied to me. Pretended that everything was fine and only showed me the best things about being with him. I can't be mad at the fact that he stayed true to himself and showed me what being with him could entail. Even the ugly bits.

Instead of trying to manipulate the situation and ask me to stay and work things out with him, he gave me an out. He realized that we were too different to make it work. He did us both a favor and avoided each of us a lot of trouble.

Or did he?

Because I still think about him. I still wonder what it would have been like if he didn't give me a choice. If he ordered me to stay there and show me his ways. Part of me believes I would have pushed back even more but another part of me gets chills as I picture sitting on his lap and having him kiss me as he had done before. Being under his touch and his gaze would have made dealing with any form of punishment worth it.

But maybe I'm the only one who wanted it to work out more between us.

I shift in my bed as I read through some online discussions about being a submissive and having a Dom. I didn't even give him the chance to elaborate on what he truly wanted. He touched surface-level stuff about control and pleasure. But there is a lot more to it. It is a balancing act that puts a lot of pressure on him. I'm sure I didn't help with my confrontational attitude.

The months pass and instead of moving on, I dig my heels deeper.

My thoughts are never far from him and I second-guess all of my actions.

Especially the one that made me walk away from him.

<<<>>>

Rupert invites me to his house for Thanksgiving.

My parents are currently in Texas, having their own little dinner with some friends they made and Maggie and Travis are out of town with their families. I expected to spend the night alone, cooking for one or maybe ordering out. But that is out of the question, according to Rupert. He doesn't believe I should be spending the holiday alone and will take it to heart if I don't show up.

That is how I find myself knocking on his door with a pecan pie in my hands.

I opted for a tan turtleneck and dark jeans. The brown boots match the peacoat I bought last week. I hope I'm not underdressed but then again, I'm sure neither Rupert nor Eleanor care about how I look.

Rupert answers the door and his slacks and polo make me feel more at ease. I'm used to him dressing up for work. Eleanor is wearing a simple floral dress that looks elegant on her but even then, I feel appropriately dressed. They fuss over me as I drop off the pie on their kitchen counter. I have a glass of wine in my hands by the time I take my coat off.

"I'm so very glad you could make it!" Eleanor hugs me once more. "When Rupert told me he invited you to dinner I was over the moon!"

I try not to be bashful and miserably fail.

"Not as excited as Ethan was, of course." Rupert winks in my direction.

My heart falters but I plaster a smile on my face. "Will he be joining us?"

The beating only accelerates, almost knocking me down on my knees. The glass of wine is on my lips in an instant.

"Yes," He looks down at his watch. "Actually, do you mind letting him know dinner is almost ready? He's staying upstairs in the guest room down the hall."

I balk at the request but neither of them notices. Eleanor goes back to basting the turkey and Rupert moves around the kitchen, grabbing plates to set the table. If I stand here any longer, they'll both realize something is wrong. I can't ruin their dinner just because of my inability to control my emotions.

I finish my wine and walk to the staircase near the entrance. I stare up at it, hoping that Ethan will show up soon and save me from having to go up there myself. I don't know how I'm expected to face him. How can I look him in the eye when I've missed him so much? Will he be able to tell immediately? Do I care if he knows? I'm half glad I did not know he was here. Otherwise, I may not have walked through the front door.

I'm in a daze as I glide up the stairs and down the hall.

He knows I'm going to be here. Rupert said he was...excited. That was the word he used. One would think he would be uncomfortable with my presence. Maybe they misinterpreted his emotion. Maybe he is utterly annoyed that I'm even showing my face tonight. How can I let him know I wasn't aware he would be a guest?

I knock on the door. "Ethan, dinner is almost ready." My voice is low.

The door opens slowly, filling the hallway with light.

Ethan stares down at me with a careful look.

He's wearing jeans and a polo, a different watch, and a different set of loafers. His hair is wet. I inhale and regret it. He smells delicious.

"Good evening, Leila."

I take a step back but his hand wraps around my wrist and he yanks me into his chest. I snap my neck up to look at him with wide eyes. Lust blossoms in my chest and between my thighs. As if no time has passed between us, I'm ready to bend over backward for him.

"What are you doing?" I try to yank my arm back. I need to put some distance between us if I don't want to make a fool out of myself.

His other hand sneaks around my waist and he leans down to kiss me. Just a small peck. Just a light brushing of the lips.

Fuck.

He pulls back much too soon. "We need to talk."

We do.

The urge to kneel before him, and tell him I'm at his disposal, is alarming. But I shouldn't be surprised. Night and night again I promised myself if I ever saw him again, I would beg for another chance. It is the same reason I have not been able to move on. Why I haven't just taken any other guy into my bed. I've been waiting for this moment. Ever since he had me sprawled on his lap, I knew with sick uncertainty that I didn't belong anywhere else. It just took me a while to admit it and then accept it. It is just hard to recognize it right now when I wasn't expecting him.

"I need to apologize." His lids are low and his eyes haven't moved from my lips. "I was an idiot to let you walk out of my hotel room."

I shake my head. "This isn't the time or place."

They're waiting for us downstairs. I don't think I can hide the blush from my cheeks if I stay up here any longer.

"Tell me you'll talk to me tonight, after dinner." His firm chest pushes closer to mine.

I nod.

"Say it," His finger comes up to rub against my bottom lip.

"Yes," I breathe out. "Sir."

He groans but doesn't remove his hands from me. "Give me your underwear."

I clench against his words and stare up at his eyes.

He steps back and leaves his hands at his side.

With shaky hands, I remove my boots and pants. I have to peel my underwear from my slick center. The muskiness fills the space between us as I bend over and unhook my legs from each hole. I expect him to take it from my hands but he just steps closer. His hand comes up and he straightens out the cloth in my palm. We both look down to see the clear streak of my juices.

"You can have them back after we talk." He finally takes them from me and puts them in his pocket.

I hurry to put my pants and shoes back on before running back down the stairs.

>>>

It is hard not to shift too much during dinner.

I'm sure I've ruined my pants from how wet I stay as I watch Ethan play the role of the gracious guest. It probably isn't a role. He can be both an extrovert who is charismatic and polite and a sadistic bastard as he called himself. I'm constantly reminded of it as I move around and the junction of my pants rubs against my warm center.

Once or twice his eyes will catch mine and he'll give me a knowing look.

Both times, our hosts are too caught up in their own little world to pay us any mind. Ethan knows how to lead the conversation and read the room. He knows when to talk and when to sit back. When to move around to help clear the dishes and when to stare at me until I am flushed with want.

So much so that Eleanor calls attention to it.

"All you alright dear? You look like you're a little warm." She places a hand over mine.

I take the opportunity to make my exit. There is a chance that he will see it as me running because that is exactly what I will be doing. It would be rude of him to leave now. We haven't even had dessert. He could also just let me leave and end it then and there. All I know is that I can't stay sitting here a moment longer.

"I think I may be coming down with something." I feel my cheek with the back of my hand. I am burning up.

Ethan feigns concern but I see the suspicion behind his eyes. "It could be something serious." He cocks his head.

The small tightness in his voice assures me he sees through my act. What will he do about it? I clench my thighs as I imagine the punishments rolling around in his head.

Rupert pats him on the back. "Be a gentleman and give her a ride home. I'll order you a cab back here."

Ethan gives him a look. "Sure, I can do that. Let me go grab my wallet, I can pay for my ride back."

Eleanor packs up some leftovers for me and even cuts into the pie after I beg her not to. She gives me a small bag to carry everything and advises me to drink some tea when I get home. Rupert is sad to see me leave but he thanks me for stopping by. It isn't until Ethan is holding the door open for me that I see a small smile on Rupert's lips as he waves goodbye to Ethan.

Is Rupert trying to play a matchmaker over here?

I feel Ethan walking behind me as I cross the street to my car. The sun has set and the street lights are on. Unfortunately, there aren't as many lights in the neighborhood. As soon as I am on the passenger side of my car, Ethan flips me around to face him and presses me against the metal frame. He reaches down to take the bag from my hand and places it on top of the vehicle, behind me.

"Trying to run away, were you?" His scent intoxicates my senses. His low growl causes me to quiver.

I set my gaze on his chin and shake my head.

"I will only ask you this once, Leila, and you better be honest about it." His body envelopes mine but he's not touching me. "Do you want this? Look at me."

A breath escapes my lips as I look up at him. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I'm scared that you'll hurt me." I'm breathing harder now.

"I won't punish you more than you can handle." He frowns. "I should have been clear about that from the beginning. I apologize for not getting around to it."

"I don't care about that." I stop short when he narrows his eyes. "I mean I do. But I just don't know what to expect from this. I don't know what it'll mean once I hand myself over to you. Will this be exclusive? Are there others? What happens if we disagree on a lot of things?" Will he kick me to the curb? Find someone that can handle his demands much better than me?

He bites his smile. "All things that I would have answered last time we were together. But as we both know why it didn't turn out that way."

I stare at him and admit to myself that this is just all talk at this point. I want this, so bad. I want him. I've been telling myself over and over that if I had a second chance, I would take it. Because I can't stop thinking about him. Why am I fighting it so hard now?

"All I need to know is if you want this. If you say you do, I will lead you. I will be patient and go over things with you and only push you as far as I think you can handle. You are more than welcome to stop me at any moment when you do not feel comfortable. But please, put me out of my misery and tell me you want this as much as I do." He's very serious.

"I do." I huff out a breath. "I want this. I want you."

He wastes no time kissing me. Pressing his body against mine until I can feel his hard-on against my belly. I moan when his tongue dips into my mouth. I try to hold on to his arms as the kiss deepens but he tugs my hands down at my sides.

He pulls back and pecks my lips once more. "Tomorrow is my last day in town."

"You can stay with me tonight." I offer. I don't ask why he's staying at Rupert's and not a hotel.

It does make me nervous to bring him over but they're normal nerves.

"That sounds great." He pulls back and helps me stand straight.

>>>

Having Ethan in my apartment is dreamlike.

For one, I never thought we would speak again after the last time we saw each other. I ran away and never reached back out. I should have known that fate would pull us back together. Or should I say, Rupert. That old man has to know what he's been doing, throwing us both together at every turn. Another reason it feels odd to have him in my space is that if somewhere deep in my mind I ever thought we would see each other again, I expected at least a few months of seeing each other before taking a big step like inviting him into my sanctuary.

"Make yourself comfortable." I hang up my coat and remove my shoes.

He removes his shoes and immediately takes command of the open room. He walks around and starts to look through the paintings, framed photos, and other little knick-knacks I've placed around the place.

"Would you like something to drink?" I wring my hands behind myself.

"Water is fine." He bends over and makes note of the candle scent I have on the coffee table. "Wine for you. One glass."

I don't immediately jump at his request which makes him stand straight again and look at me patiently.

"Why wine for myself?" I try not to sound confrontational.

"You express yourself better when you're not riddled with nerves." He places his hands behind him.

I concede silently and make my way to the kitchen. My body moves around gathering cups and opening bottles as my eyes watch him move around the room. He stops by the window and takes a look at the view. There is no telling what he could be thinking. Does he think my living room is bare? Too much? What would he change? I hope nothing, given that I live here and he will only see it a few times. Well, more if things go well tonight.

I make my way over to the couch and place a coaster down under each cup.

He comes to the other side of the couch and sits, completely at ease in my space.

"You have a lovely home, Leila." His hazel eyes are extra vigilant tonight. Nothing is escaping his view.

"Thank you," I lean over to grab my wine glass but he stops me.

"Allow me." He moves closer to me on the couch and grabs the glass.

I watch with wide eyes and shallow breaths. He pushes my hair behind my ear and smooths his hand behind my neck. He tips my head back slightly and brings the glass to my lips. I get nervous that he'll overpour or that I will clumsily drop some from the corner of my mouth but he patiently gives me three small sips before setting the glass down.

He keeps his hand behind my neck and leans in to lick my lips.

"How was that?" He stares at me through the lust in his eyes.

I nod. "Intoxicating."

The corner of his lips quirk.

He sits back and places some space between us. "I should apologize for getting ahead of myself but I have been waiting to do that for quite some time."

My heart is threatening to burst out of my chest and all I can manage is a lousy nod. My cheeks are burning bright and the wetness between my legs has completely soaked through my jeans.

"So, let's get started." He grabs his water and takes a sip. "Have you thought about us? What would you want out of this relationship?"

I try to control my breathing and take on a more professional air, just as he is. Unfortunately, all I can think about is his tongue against my lips. He is too inebriating for his own good. What would it feel like to have his tongue in every inch of my body?

"Do you need more wine?" He points to the glass.

I shake my head.

"The floor is yours." He waits again.

"I want to explore your world." I clear my head enough to answer. I'm sure he will be disappointed if we had a repeat of the last time we were together. When I forced myself shut and didn't give him a chance. "I'm trying to remain open-minded and give you what you need."

He nods but seems unsatisfied. Instead of speaking again, he motions to the glass once more. I nod this time and he gives me another sip. He's careful not to touch any part of my body this time. The need to feel his hands on me is maddening almost to the point of distraction.

"I know what it is like to give all of myself to someone." I look down at my hands. "I've been violated and made a fool out of for doing that in the past. I want to know if there is a difference when the person I do this for has the same respect for me as I do for them." I wait a moment more before speaking. "I can't promise that I won't have doubts and sometimes rebel against the notion of submitting, given my past and promises I've made to myself. But I will try to learn as much as I can from you and truly give us a chance."

He doesn't answer with words. Instead, he pulls me close into his chest and places the same hand behind my neck. He reaches for the wine glass but instead of placing it against my lips, he takes a generous sip and pulls at my nape so he can pour the contents of his mouth into mine. My mind begins to cloud as I swallow the wine and I moan when he licks my lips and tongue.

"Shit." I dig my nails into my palms to stop myself from straddling his thighs.

"You sure do like to curse." He chuckles.

"That is the best wine I've ever had in my life." It is not just the sweet taste of the reward that is getting to me. It is the act of him mixing some of himself and giving it to me that warms my insides with pure pleasure. My mind is swimming through something unknown but I just know I want more. "May I have some more?"

"Tell me what could cause you to rebel. As best as you can." He keeps his hold on my nape and the glass, looking down with unrestrained lust.

"Giving up control, after just gaining it back is terrifying. In my head, I may feel comfortable with choices that you make but there is a disconnect when the words come out of my mouth." I lick my lips. "Just as it happened in your hotel room. It is as if my mind and body aren't on the same page when it comes to giving up control."

He takes another generous sip and pours it into my mouth. I moan again and this time I try to pull him down to kiss me.

He holds me still and shakes his head. "One reward doesn't lend itself to another."

I nod and lower my eyes.

"You're doing great though." He kisses my cheek.

He puts space between us once more and this time places the glass in my hand.

"May I take a sip?" I need it if I'm going to get through this conversation without jumping his bones.

"You may, you have earned it." His voice is low.

My insides purr with desire at his words. If only I could earn more.

"I guess I can talk now, while you finish your wine." He rubs his neck, thinking about his next words. The space between us helps us both cool down enough to carry on the conversation. "I am hoping that we get to see each other more now that we are on better terms."

I nod in agreement and take another sip. It is missing his touch but I need to get over it.

"What I want and what you're able to give at the moment are on two different ends of the spectrum. I think if we limit our Dom/sub relationship to the bedroom to start, it will have a better outcome." He bites the inside of his cheek. "That is not to say that it will be easy for me not to do small things when we're out in public, just because I'm used to overseeing all of my sub's needs."