The Right One

My heart stutters. I take a sip of water.

"Beyond that, I want to make you feel good. I want to give you so much pleasure that you drown in it." He leans forward slightly. "I want to control your orgasms and know what parts of your body bring you the most pleasure. Outside the physical, I want you to want to give me control. To trust that I can take care of your emotions and handle them as I best see fit."

His words leave me overwhelmed. They sound too good to be true.

"I can't give you any of that if you're not open to it." The fire in his eyes dulls. "I thought you would feel the same."

We stare at each other. The dessert arrives and neither of us make a move for it. I can't get any words to escape my lips. I can't ease his mind and tell him that I want what he wants. That I can see a world where I want to serve him and feel protected by him. Where I can trust that he will take care of my needs while I do the same for him.

I can't do that, because I did something similar in the past and I was left with the broken pieces.

He asks for the check when he realizes I'm not going to eat anymore.

We walk to the main entrance and he turns to stare down at me.

"Let's give this another try. Meet me at my hotel room tomorrow morning at 10 am." He pulls me into his arms for a short hug. "If you don't show, I will understand."

<<<>>>

The next morning I'm filled with even more apprehension.

Gone is the bravado from yesterday. The short bursts of fight that came out of nowhere are not lingering around this morning. Maybe yesterday was a one-off. Maybe I allowed myself to become overwhelmed with my emotions and gave us both a hard time for no real reason. After thinking about it all night, I couldn't come up with a very good understanding as to why I did what I did. I can only hope his patience lends to his forgiveness.

There is only the bright sun and my lingering thoughts to fall back on today. After taking a thorough shower and shaving every important part of my body, I contemplate Ethan's words. Not just his words but his actions. The small nonverbal hints of trepidation that crossed his eyes as I gave him a hard time. There is no doubt he likes me. It is just hard to determine to what capacity.

Does he want me as I am? Or does he want me to be something I'm not used to? I don't mind being introduced into his world and seeing where I may fit in. But what if there are things he wants me to do that I cannot swallow? He seems sensible and someone that can be objective. Will his need for control and dominance overpower his reasoning? I can't see that. Yet, I can't say exactly who he is as a Dom.

I dwell on this as I drive to the hotel.

Thoughts about my ex, well my first real ex, cloud my mind. He had control over me. Not that he explicitly asked for it. I gave it to him freely, not asking for much in return. He took every bit of me and discarded it without a second thought. He took advantage of my love for him. I loved him to a fault. He recognized that immediately and went in for the kill.

Will it be possible to give Ethan an illusion of what he wants? Just play a role when we're together and then go back to myself when I'm not with him? I can keep parts of myself unavailable to him. I was able to do it to Hank with no issue. I'm not naive enough to believe I can steer Ethan the way I could Hank but maybe I can protect myself in the same manner. I am only contemplating this because I really do like him. But I also vowed to put myself first when it came to future relationships.

I look down at my small gold watch and realize I will be a few minutes late.

The elevator can't go up fast enough and my sweaty palms make it hard for me to ball my hands into fists when I finally do reach his door. I take in a deep breath and rasp my knuckles against the hardwood three times.

Ethan opens, a friendly smile on his face.

"Good morning, Leila." He steps back, allowing me to walk in.

"Good morning." My heart thumps on the soles of my feet as I walk into the spacious suite.

There is a living room, a kitchen, and two separate doors. I notice his laptop on the dining table next to his briefcase. His things must be in his room because there is no other sign that someone is staying here. No discarded clothes or wrappers of chocolate bars lying about.

He guides me to the sofa and we sit next to each other. He turns his body toward me, as he sets his ankle on his other knee. He's wearing loafers with a white button-up and slacks. Maybe he has business to take care of after this. We never discussed how long we would meet for today. I assumed it would be for a better part of the day but that is what I get for letting my imagination run wild. He probably has other business to take care of afterward.

"How is your morning going?" The same easy smile graces his lips.

I tug the hem of my dress further down my knees. I want to cover myself a bit more, regretting my choice of clothing. The thin straps give him a perfect view of the freckles along my shoulders. I should have worn some jeans and maybe a long sleeve. His eyes are glued to my face but I know he's seeing more than he's letting on.

"It was interesting." I cross my arms.

He looks down at my hands fleetingly and then smiles once more. "Interesting how?"

I shrug, words failing me once more.

Whenever I am in his presence, I feel as though everything I say will be internalized. I've never met anyone more focused on mere words. He watches me with the same fascination as when we first met but now there is more. He is looking at me as a potential partner and it is hard not to feel self-conscious about my thoughts. I don't think he would think low of me or even laugh at me. Nothing from our interaction has led me to believe he is malicious. There are just some nerves I can't shake off when he stares at me so.

"Would a kiss help?" He watches the blush rush to my cheeks.

I nod, grasping at any form of distraction that can quiet my thoughts.

He leans over and frames my face with his hands as he did two nights ago. Except this time when he leans in to kiss me, he doesn't hold back. His lips apply slight pressure when they meet mine. It doesn't take him long to lick along my bottom lip, causing a wave of pleasure to ripple down my spine. My hands come up to his forearms but he quickly uses one hand to gather my wrists and hold them against my lap. His hand goes back up to my face and he groans as his tongue sneaks into my mouth.

A gasp escapes my lips when I glide my tongue against his and feel the heat building between my legs. The throbbing continues as he gets closer and I have to lean up to let his mouth explore mine. His kiss seems endless. Like he is trying to devour me. Tasting every inch of my mouth, pulling every moan from my lips. I'm panting by the time he pulls back and goes back to sitting as he was a few moments ago.

The easy smile is back on his lips and other than a slight change in his breathing, he looks normal. Almost unphased.

It makes my heavy breathing and flushed face seem overly dramatic for a small kiss shared between us. Maybe not so small since I want to straddle his lap at the movement, but he seems unaffected.

"Ethan," I clasp my hands together. "I need more."

I've been needing more. I want him with carnal desire. That kiss was just the tip of the iceberg. He knows what he's doing. He has to. How can he kiss me like that and expect me to have a normal conversation with him? I won't be able to think about anything else now. My lips are buzzing from his minor assault. I want a lot more.

"Do you, now?" He rolls his shoulders and his smile falters. "Shall I fuck you against the window?"

The air leaves my lungs and I stare at him wide-eyed. I would love that very much. It is just odd to hear the words coming from his lips. This is the same Ethan that has never cursed in front of me. He's always collected and easygoing. The way his eyes take me in makes me slightly nervous but in a good way. He absolutely knows what he's doing.

He smiles again and turns his head to the side. "I think I'm getting a little ahead of myself." He stands and walks over to the TV stand, where his phone is sitting. "Shall I order us some breakfast?"

What? No. I want...

"I don't think I can eat right now." I realize I'm pouting when he turns back and gives me a meaningful look.

"And why is that?"

"You know why." I frown.

Is he really just okay with us not touching? Not kissing every moment we're together? From the moment I walked into this room, I have wanted nothing more than to mold myself against him. Maybe that is a very bad thing. Maybe I need to throw some cold water on my face. Give myself a moment to breathe and realize that I'm the one who is actually getting ahead of myself. I'm supposed to be guarded and figure out if I'm ready for whatever Ethan wants to offer.

"Leila," He admonishes me. "We still have so much to discuss before we're ripping each other's clothes off."

"Then let's start talking."

He lowers his phone on the coffee table and sits next to me again. "Okay, start talking."

My mouth opens but I don't know what to say.

He raises an eyebrow.

"I don't know what you had in mind," I admit.

"Hmm," He leans back and makes himself comfortable. His arms open along the sofa cushions. "Are you sure you want to know what I have in mind right now?"

I swallow but nod.

"Let's start with the fact that you got here four minutes late." There is a ghost of a smile on his lips, but he's trying to be serious.

It angers me for some unknown reason. Like I'm the butt of a joke he hasn't even said out loud. He may be laughing at me in his head.

"Not only that but you don't openly talk about what is on your mind and when I try to order us breakfast, you try to control the situation. Not even my kiss was enough to make you docile for the slightest of moments."

"You-"

He shakes his head, his eyes darkening. "And now you're interrupting me."

I watch his body with a different set of eyes and realize he isn't as calm as I thought. His back may be against the couch, but he's rigid. Like he's ready to pounce at the drop of a hat. His hands are tense and his shoulders haven't dropped since he started talking. The underlying threat in his tone doesn't scare me necessarily. Just makes me a little wary about where this conversation going.

"You were supposed to get here on time, we were supposed to have a pleasant exchange, have some breakfast, and then discuss how we were going to go about this." He motions between us. "Now, I have to skip about ten steps and go straight into punishment."

The wolfish smile that takes over his face makes me shiver.

"Punishment?" An involuntary gulp escapes from my lips.

"That is, if you are willing to play by my rules. Just for this morning. Then maybe we can try having a discussion again tomorrow when you'll be more willing to follow my lead."

"But I didn't even know that I was doing anything to warrant a punishment." I don't know how I'm even talking at the moment, but I keep going. Self-preservation and all of that. "Now that I know, maybe we can start over again."

He contemplates my words. "That is fair. You are absolutely right. There I go again, getting ahead of myself."

I sigh in relief.

"But I think I should still punish you just to set the tone." He moves around on the couch, getting closer to me. "And because I won't be able to think of anything else other than giving you exactly what you deserve." He pats his lap. "Lay across, I think a nice spanking will suffice."

I was never punished as a girl. My parents were too pacifist to ever lay a hand on me. I never even got into school fights. Violence has never been a part of my life and I'd run away from it if I could help it. The instinct to run right now is great. But the need to stay here and follow through with Ethan's wishes starts to outweigh my dread.

"I haven't agreed to anything." I panic.

"You're right, again." He frowns. "Maybe we should postpone our meeting. I think this morning isn't going to go quite how either of us pictured it. We can try again tomorrow when we're both not so caught up in our own heads."

"Wait," I speak up when he tries to stand. "Will it hurt?"

"It will sting," He nods. "You'll have a sore bottom."

"And then what will happen?"

He thinks for a moment. "I'm not sure." He frowns again. "I usually control how most interactions go but with you, I forget myself a lot."

We stare at each other a moment longer.

I slowly get on my knees and crawl across his lap. He places a small cushion under my hips and turns my head to the side, so he can see my reaction.

"I recommend trying not to brace for impact. It will make your body feel like it is worse than it actually is." His large hand trails down my spine, lighting a fire in its wake. He makes me feel so dainty under his touch. His hand palms my ass and then flips the dress over. "May I?" His finger dips into the waistband of my underwear.

I nod.

"Use your words, Leila." He mulls one of my cheeks in a warning.

"Yes,"

"Yes, Sir." He corrects me.

"Yes, Sir." I feel his semi-hard cock jump against my hip.

"Know that I typically do not ask, but I am trying to accommodate how novice you are."

"Thank you, Sir."

He hums in appreciation. His hands pull my underwear down to the underside of my cheeks. I'm sure he can see my bare pussy but he only focuses on my ass as he touches me. His hand is soft but firm. There is a moment of absence as he raises it, and then he comes down.

Hard.

"Fuck." I choke out and try to control my breathing. It is the complete opposite of what I expected. I thought he would be caring and try not to hurt me. Maybe make this more of a sexual foreplay than an actual punishment.

"Too rough?" He peeks over at me and I look back at him.

I nod.

He stares at me and his brows pull together. "Maybe we should stop now."

I shake my head.

"Leila, I know this can be very overwhelming. I was meant to woo you and try to show you all of the wonderful things of being a submissive. I don't want to give you a bad taste that can have lingering effects."

"I can take it." His cock jumps again and the darkness returns in his eyes.

His hand raises again and I hold my breath.

The slap doesn't catch me off guard this time. It is the same force as the first one. He continues to slap my ass, watching as it turns varying shades of pink and red. It jiggles with every impact. He doesn't hit the same place twice, covering every surface of my exposed skin.

Tears spring to my eyes towards the end of it and I finally let out a breath when he finishes.

He pulls my underwear up and pulls me onto his lap. His arms wrap around me as I come down from the moment. The tears have stopped but it helps my mood settle down with his arms around me. He pulls back after a long time of rubbing my back and kisses me.

"How was that?" The concern in his eyes only intensifies when I sniffle.

"I'm not sure." I search his hazel eyes.

Trying to put the image of this Ethan and the one that I had many encounters with in the past is proving to be hard. I don't know how he can be the same person. The type of person that wants to hurt me and to that degree. Why would I want to subject myself to something like that?

"That is on the worst end of the spectrum." He brushes my cheek with his thumb.

"Why do you like doing that?"

"I'm a controlling, sadistic, bastard." He doesn't sound proud of it.

"But why do you want to hurt me?" It feels personal.

He shakes his head. "I'm not angry with you. Punishment isn't meant to be enjoyable. At least not while I'm training you."

Those words alleviate some of the sting. It is as if his being upset with me is much worse than any punishment he would throw my way. Am I the crazy one now? How can I care more about being in his good graces than preserving my independence? I abhor violence and what he just did comes very close to that. What is wrong with me?

"You act as if I'm a dog you're training." I snap back.

A little form of rebellion escapes my lips after letting him humiliate me for pleasure.

"Leila," His tone is stern. "I gave you plenty of opportunities to back out. I stated we should stop because I realized this was all too much to start with. You can't blame me now for following through on my word."

I frown. "I know."

"I'm not sure that you do." He makes me stand and guides me to the center of the room. "I like you, a lot. I have had a very hard time keeping you at arm's length and trying not to think about you when we're apart. But maybe liking each other isn't enough to make this work."

My heart trembles in fear of letting Ethan slip through my fingers. I know the emotions coursing through me are making me act this way and maybe I should heed his warning. But I feel the same way he does. I will gladly lay across his lap again and show him that I do want this to work. I just need time.

The next words out of my mouth don't relay any of that though.

"So, that's it? We should just walk away from each other now?" Will it be that easy for him?

"I've tried the normal relationship route." His eyes turn sad. "If I could do it again, I would for you. But I can't allow myself to live a lie anymore. This is who I am, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't give you normal."

"Fine." My pride holds my heart together. Because I would rather hurt now before it has even started than a few months from now when I realize I can't be who he needs. "Goodbye, Ethan."

<<<>>>

My new position couldn't have come at a better time.

I throw myself into my work. The first few weeks are spent in orientation, training, and seminars. They're very thorough with their onboarding process. It makes me sad to think that I could have done this in the past seeing as they give enough resources to make someone feel comfortable coming into their new role. But I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and I'm meant to be here now.

I work under Shelly, who is a lot younger than Rupert but very experienced. She is not one to smile a lot but has her own way of caring for her team. Kaylan is second in command and then me. I spend a lot of time shadowing her and asking a lot of questions to avoid bothering her as much in the future.

The role itself is different from what I'm used to but I come to realize that I prefer the side of the business where I don't have to deal with customer complaints. I deal with other types of complaints but they come from the staff, which I'm all too familiar with. I've built a lot of good relationships in the past, which makes people more comfortable coming to me with any issues they're dealing with.

My office is on the opposite side of the building from Rupert's but I still manage to sneak away every now and then to visit him. He always welcomes me with open doors and we sometimes take lunch breaks together. It is easy to look to him as a mentor when he gives me some advice regarding the lay of the land. He's been here long enough to know what will help me succeed.

My time at home is spent watching T.V, doing yoga, and spending more time with my friends. I've become accustomed to being alone but it doesn't mean that I like it all the time. I do get bored and sometimes lonely. It is easier to get over it when I remember that I used to be lonely before, it just didn't feel that way because there was someone else to chat with every now and again.

Maggie and Travis celebrate my big promotion and make a habit of seeing me more often. They start inviting me out and try not to pry into my love life or lack thereof. As long as I don't go back running to Hank, I don't think they care what I do.