All Comments on 'The Ring of Kings Pt. 01'

I'll go along for the ride, with the hope that you don't go to far into dominance and the non con. And that this does not turn into another of those harem stories, where the guy collects female after female and they have no free will. And just exsist to serve the protagonists whims.

TheSecretBunny- I already have a couple of Harem stories, so I agree. I am attempting to do something here, where the MC has the power to do this, but fights the urge. For him it is not about power for his own benefit. The first woman was on purpose, to test the ring. The second was completely by accident and hormones got the best of his 18 year old prick. He resisted the urge to take control of Dawn's roommates and resisted her mom. His feelings are real. The fourth he took over, well that was revenge. He was ready to let her go, but Sabine and Dawn want their revenge. the ring though, the ring wants Elvinia. Why? Stay tuned.

(Sabine let loose of the dress and fell, bunched up at Dawn's feet) this sentence near the end of page2, suggests that Sabine fell and bunched up at Dawn's feet after releasing the dress. It would read better <Sabine released the dress, letting it fall, bunched up at Dawn's feet>.

and this paragraph ("Well sir, whatever she is willing to accept. It is too early in our relationship for any real long-term plans, but I would not be opposed to having he <her> in my life as long as she wanted <wants> to be in it." He started saying this as he looked at the other man, but towards the end, his attention shifted to Dawn.) has two small errors, first is probably just a typo missed in editing (you wrote "he" in the second part of the second sentence instead of <her>), secondly as this is foreshadowing of the main character's girlfriend's future desires "wanted" should be the future tense <wants> not past tense.

other than these few errors, I am liking the premise of the story, thank you for your contribution to the erotic literary arts

Anonymous- yeah, I usually catch the grammar and word issues when I upload the story. Unfortunately, my brain knows what i wanted to say, so it sees what it wants to see by that time. I have tremors in my hands which makes typing difficult sometimes, but writing is therapeutic. I will endeavor to do better in the next chapter. Thank you for the input and I am glad you are enjoying the story. It is a challenge, keeping the MC from turning into one of my darker characters. I want him to balance the lust for power with his innate goodness and disgust with those who bully others.

Looking forward to more!

My 2 cents

A good start. I’m interested in the characters and the story, as well as the sex part. I’m not a grammar nazi so I will not tear your story apart. I enjoyed the flow and will see where you take this. Thanks for your time and imagination.

This is a good story idea with plenty of potential! I like it so far. I lean toward avoiding non-con, too, for the sexual situations. If you need an experienced editor/proofreader, let me know.

looking forward the him facing his father

Fuck you for raping one of his girls. DIAF.

OpenWords- it is difficult for me to not have a complete shit character in one of my stories. However, it had to be done to elicit a strong desire for revenge and show his restraint in the moment. It shines a light on his true character. It is however a story on a fantasy world where male domination is more uncommon than rare.

I'm sorry, but a writer who believes they need to depict rape for character development is either a weak writer or simply a sexist one. You had plenty of ways around that.

Show restraint? You mean get cucked? And to rely on rape as well? Sick fuck!

Was fine until rape.