All Comments on 'The Rivalry Pt. 01'

Great start to a great story

Great story. I love the idea that once you're on the block, your best move is to make the best of it, and get the best price possible, no matter how humiliating that may be. And of course the humiliation is ratcheted up to an 11 by having her enslaved by a rival. Nice work!

It wouldn't surprise me if Janey started the fire that burned down Leslie's father's business. Who knows? A wonderful start to a new story.

This is incredible! I never read the story. I was actually interested

Your work is inspirational, and very well written but I don't like the fact that even in fiction people can be enslaved, to no fault of their own.

Carl hit another one out of the park.

It feels like this is going to be great.

I would love to see this all fold back on Janey, with her being found to have started the fire and owe compensation to the enslaved family. Leslie would no doubt be too classy to take pay back but I'm sure she would hear about what happened to her!

Best story you've ever done. It was really amazing and my heart was besting fast. I started out really liking the main character and the twist was super hot.

I said on your last story that you got away from what makes these stories great. IDK if you cared but this was a return to the greatness of these stories.

Don't protect your protagonist too much. Let her suffer the slings and arrows. That's what makes a story worth reading. She can be wise and clever, but don't come to her rescue.

Really great start. I'm looking forward to more.

Have you considered that the collateral for a home loan would still be the home unless you were "underwater" or owed more than the home was worth AND the contract included a slavery clause?

Have you given any thought to what conditions would allow body modification or breeding? I think that a person indentured less than 6 years would not be modifiable except for standard slave markings such as branding and they would not be available for breeding. However, a slave indentured for more than 6 years would be available for body modifications and breeding.

Those body modifications would be things like a "slut tattoo" or "slut sleeves". They would not be able to amputate an arm or blind the slave. Any disability-causing modification would be cause to free the slave and give the slave a cause of action with their former owner.

A slave who is bred would have no maternal or paternal rights. It could be that girls who were bred in slavery end up as slaves when they turned 18. Their "guardian" would be the one who had them bred. This would increase the permanent slave population.

All of this is terrible but hot.

I have to say that I needed some time with this story. The start was a bit rough. A little too much "setting the story" and a abrupt start of the "plot". But it got better by the minute. The ending here is top notch. Bravo!

Is this all going to come back on Janey?

REVERSAL OF FORTUNE

French have an expression BIEN FAIT, literally well done, but actually meaning the opposite, serves you right. It's an expression of how fickle fate can be. Leslie, a popular girl in High School, cheerleader, admired by the boys, finds herself reduced to slavery after her family suffers financial reversals.

She is spared witnessing her parent's degradation. The parents are shipped to a different auction house. Stripped and placed on public display, Leslie finds herself sold to her rival Janey who makes slavery far worse than it need be.

Will Leslie survive continual torture at the whim and caprice of her vengeful rival Janey for a seven year indenture? Will Janey continue to abuse a valuable piece of property? READ THE RIVALRY.