All Comments on 'The Secret of the Old Cock Ch. 20'

DID I MISS SOMETHING? SO WHAT WAS THE SECRET OF THE OLD COCK?

It was intended that the Rush will originally stored in the Old Cock was the secret. But this is really a philosophical question. Was the secret really Mary's sight of her father's cock in Chapter One that set her on this journey in the first place? Or was it actually Sheriff Barton's cock that she settles down on with such pleasure in this final chapter? This is for the reader to decide.

From a virginal innocent girl of 18 to a hyper sexual super slut in a couple of days!!!!

What a girl!!

Too bad she’ll never realise her dream of being a G Woman, J Edgar would never allow a super slut gangbang Queen into their hallowed ranks.

A position in a whorehouse is far more likely and far more fitting to her newfound skills. LOL!!!!

BTW l scored the tale at 4/5. It was hilarious and I enjoyed it.

Mary is entirely capable of becoming a G-Woman despite J. Edgar's or anybody's interference. She can think, seduce, and fight her way to the top of any power pyramid.

It was a fun story, and I hope you take this as constructive criticism. It is certainly meant as such.

The short chapters, requiring clicks to move on, became annoying. They didn't even end at logical stopping points, in some places.

That she was never in real danger (because she had her martial/meditative skills), also took some bite out of it.

Historically, she definitely has a place within the agency. They were never above using women to seduce and extract information. But she'll need to rely more on her quieter skills to truly excel.

I look forward to reading your next.

Thanks for the feedback!

The chapters are all 2K-ish words long, and there's always 20 of them. This is in slavish adherence to the Nancy Drew / Hardy Boys / Tom Swift formula. I think it gives a certain breathless cliffhanger-y feel to the chapters you can't really reproduce otherwise. Sorry about the reading inconvenience. There is a certain "why the hell does this chapter end here" feel to the original books as well. I also acknowledge those writers are better than I am so far, so they hide it better. Something for me to aspire to. There is a method to my madness.

Never in real danger -- exactly! In my defense, you'll see that a lot of readers get worried about her around chapter 17. You can see it in the comments and the rating. People just don't want to see Mary Jones in serious peril. I'm still navigating the delicate balance between giving enough peril that it fits the genre while not turning off readers. The Nancy Drew books have no sex, of course, but horrible amounts of violence. People are trying to blow that girl up all the time in those things! So, I'm working on it, keeping in mind George Carlin's quote about turning violence into sex in a western: "Well, Sheriff, we're going to fuck you now, but we're going to fuck you slow."

Thanks again for the feedback. Keep it coming!