The Shared Drive

It had become simpler not to be physically connected, they needed sleep more than human contact. Their lives had drifted apart, their needs and wants diverging rapidly. Claire feeling rejected and alone, Ted feeling trapped and undervalued; he had a series of on / off affairs over the next ten years. Claire knew, but somehow it was a relief to her that he was not touching her. The physical needs she had were less than her mental needs. Even these he could not or would not satisfy or accept as material, telling her to simply buck her ideas up and get on with things, as he had too.

Ted and Claire's relationship broke down further with his failure to accept that she needed help and understanding. Her worst fears were realised when he left her, not only abandoning her but also, and this for her was the worst crime, their child. The final insult and humiliation for her had been that he went to lie in her sisters arms. Of all the people he chose to set up his new life with, it had to be her sister, destroying any and all her happy memories and that most precious of friendships, between twins and sisters.

He and Chloe had set up home six miles south of where Claire now lived and the divorce circus had then rolled into town; full on big top and animal attractions. Three years later he was still arguing every dot and comma of the deal. He was not tardy with the child support and indeed was erring on the side of generous; additionally and early on they had wanted Ezz to come and stay at weekends and holiday with him and Chloe. Ezz had not been happy to go, but Claire insisted that she go see her father.

Ezz made it clear she went for her mothers sake not her own. Often Ezz returned early and in a mood, storming in and flinging her bag down, stomping upstairs. Ted, furious and spitting out his words in short staccato bursts, blamed Claire for Ezz's rudeness to Chloe and lack of respect for him. Claire shot back that respect was earned not given. Eventually Ezz had prevailed and visits now were few and far between. The atmosphere could only be described at best as taut, at worst toxic, I guessed.

I sat back and pulled Claire into my arms, she extended her feet and lowered her head into my chest, I stroked her hair. I could feel her chest heaving as she buried her head in me. Soon I felt my shirt becoming wet as her tears soaked through. All I could think of was protecting her and Ezz for as long as I possibly could and in the best way I was able. Claire's arms reached round me and her hands held my back, I just held her, it was what she needed, it's what she deserved. She needed someone to care, someone to support her. I decided I'd like it to be me.

Slowly the tears stopped and her shoulders stilled. She eased her head away from my wet chest, looking up at me, her eyes pulling me in, her lips inviting me to kiss her. I leaned down slightly and touched them, feeling their softness, feeling her need. She moved up to level herself with me, our lips pressing together, mouths opening and my tongue exploring, her's inviting. I pulled her closer and we held each other for so long.

"Bloody Hell! Get a room, you guys." Ezz stood with a look of pure mischief in her eyes, her face split by the grin on her face. We broke apart, dribble running down both our chins. "Eeh yuk, so gross!" As we hastily wiped the goo away, she walked over and leaned in for a hug. We both reached up and she knelt on the sofa between us. We kissed a cheek each, and she giggled. "Well this is fun; so are you two an item now?" I looked at Claire and laughed, "I think Claire should answer that" I deferred and looked at her. With a grin she looked me in the eyes, "Well I will if you will?" I could only shake my head and grin. "Well if you'll have me," Ezz slapped both our backs. "You two, so polite, just go for it." We looked at each other and both instinctively said, "Yes Please." Ezz hugged us tighter, "Well hooray for that, what took you so long?" I hugged the pair of them and felt my heart heave, I had never thought I could be so happy again.

Eventually we sat back and Ezz wriggled between us, hands on her knees. "So will you take care of my mother and promise never to upset her or cause her grief," She looked at me, "I do," I solemnly replied. "Good, Mum, do you promise to take care of Jim and make him the happiest man he can be?" Claire raised her hand palm up, "I do." Ezz giggled, "Then I now pronounce you sweethearts."

Claire rose and walked round Ezz's legs, "Come on sweetheart, give me a hug." I leapt up and walked to her, flinging my arms round her. We hugged and kissed each others cheek. Claire leaned in close to my ear, "I love this, do you really want to do this?" I leaned into hers, "Are you kidding me? You're gorgeous and fun and did I say gorgeous, if I didn't I'll say it now, you're gorgeous." We ambled around in a slow circle, hugging tight. "There are some considerations here," Ezz intoned, "Will you now be sleeping in Jim's room, do I get that lovely bed back, what about our house, what about?..."

She slowed to a halt, "Ezz, we're not even dating yet, I can't ask your mother just to hop into bed with me, there's rules you know." Claire grinned and looked at me, "Really? No! Really?" I looked and blushed, I stepped back, but held her hands, "I... I... I..."

"Oh hell, he's stalled, we'll have to reboot the system, happens all the time." Ezz said before dissolving into laughter again. Claire grinned, "I think I just overwhelmed you, I'm joking, you're right, we should really get to know each other better." I sat down and looked around, I shook my head. "You sure you want an old bloke like me?"

"Do I ever, you're right up my street, and we share a drive, what more could I ask."

"Oh hell! Let's live dangerously, you want to stay over for a bit longer?"

"How long?"

"Til you're bored of me?"

"I don't think that's likely to happen."

"So you stayin'?"

"You askin'?"

"I'm askin'"

"I'm stayin'."

"Then we come back to where are you sleeping tonight?"

"You can't ask a lady that, Ezz."

"I'm no lady, I'm her mother."

"So you are, no decisions to be made right now, however, let's just see how it goes."

"Were you a diplomat?" Ezz queried.

"No nothing so fancy, why?"

"Hashtag asking for a friend."

"Rude!"

"Is anyone hungry?"

"Ezz!" We both said, shaking our heads.

Later after we'd pulled together a half decent meal, Ezz disappeared upstairs, as Claire and I loaded the dishwasher and washed and dried the saucepans, Claire put the tea towel down and held my hands. Her dazzling smile reappeared.

"OK Buster spill it?" She looked right in my eyes, not blinking, waiting,

"I... Look... Claire," I couldn't take her gaze and dipped my eyes.

"You're having second thoughts. Damaged goods, no smoke without fire, uncontrollable teenage daughter, what is it?"

"It's none of those things Claire, honestly."

"Oh God! You're bringing honesty into it, so here comes the big lie, It's not you it's me, blah blah blah."

"No! It's nothing like that, hmmm. Look I just worry about..."

"Say it,"

"I..."

"Come on Jim! For heavens sake just say it!"

"I worry I'm too old for you."

"Is that it?"

"Yes."

She giggled, then chortled, then belly laughed.

"What?" I exclaimed.

"You! You worry you're too old for me?"

"Yes, yes, that's it. I worry that I'm too old for such a young vibrant, sexy, woman like you."

"Sorry..." her belly laugh rang out again, tears began to fall from her eyes, she chortled and hugged herself.

"What's so bloody funny, I'm putting myself out here, I. Love. You."

Claire stopped short, "You do?"

"Yes I do and I worry that I'm too old to be seen with a beautiful woman like you."

"Oh Jim! You beautiful, sexy, dependable, solid, home grown, gorgeous old man. How could you ever be too old? What I love about you is your heart's on your sleeve and you do everything for me and not yourself. Age is a number, love is everything. Come here grandad and give me kiss."

"Grandad, did you just call me grandad?"

"Said you were old, must be my long lost grandad. You collecting your State Pension yet? Maybe we can go and get some teabags and fig rolls. Shall I get your blanket and cushion old man. Is it your bedtime?" I moved, but she was quicker, but over a distance I was surer. She made it to the lounge When I grabbed her hips and swung her round, she screamed and her face flushed. Then I pulled her in and kissed her, hard.

I felt her melt, we traded tongues, her arms under mine and pulling me to her. I pulled back slightly, "OK, you win, I'll forget the difference, you've convinced me." She smiled and touched my cheek, "Good, now take me I'm yours." We were totally engrossed with each other, but I saw here looking around, pulling back I looked at her,

"What?"

"Ezz."

"What about her?"

"I'm worried in case, you know, we get carried away and..."

"She stumbles across us, in flagrente?"

"Exactly."

"OK, truce, I'll behave."

"Damn!"

"Language young lady."

"Yes Grandad."

"Don't push it."

Her eyes said it all, they were sparkling and dancing with mischief,

"I see where your daughter gets it from."

"Uh Huh, well you stopped, want to go be naughty upstairs?"

"You up for this then?"

"I thought that was your department."

"You hussy, up you go." I moved back and patted her cute bottom. Her look was pure naughtiness. She moved her hand down to my waist then she suddenly started to tickle me. I stepped back and my knees hit the sofa, as I started to fall she jumped and landed on my lap, her legs astride me. We were wrestling and laughing, hands everywhere, faces flushed and eyes wild. After fifteen minutes and with enthusiasm waning we slowed down. Her head moved to mine, her eyes wide and enquiring. We kissed again, my hands slipping to her waist, hers moving behind my head and on my shoulder. The kissing was becoming seriously intense, I moved a hand up towards her chest, I felt her stiffen slightly, as if bracing herself.

I pulled back so I could talk, "If you're not sure, or don't feel this is the right time, just tell me, there's no rush, no pressure. You don't have to do or let me do anything you don't want to. That means you are in charge, your call, I'll go as fast or slow as you want. You want to stop just say so, no means no, whenever you call it."

I thought she was going to cry, but instead she nodded and pushed back a little more. "I thought I wanted to, but my mind says too soon. I'm sorry Jim, I really want to, but I think it's happening far too quickly for me to process. I'm so sorry, I don't want to upset you or push you way, but I can't do this, or rather I want to do this but not now." She sat back and took my hands. I looked into her deep blue eyes and felt myself melt away. "Claire that's fine, don't worry about it. As I said, there is no pressure. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here. Now why don't you go up and join Ezz, get a good nights sleep and we'll start again tomorrow."

"You're too good to me Jim, why couldn't I meet you twenty years ago?"

"Because I would have been happily married and you would just be leaving Uni. Now go and cuddle that fabulous daughter of yours and sleep well." I leaned in and kissed her nose, she wrinkled it and I loved her more. She kissed my cheek and slowly unwrapped herself from the sofa. She kissed the top of my head and walked away, leaving me sitting alone on the sofa. I waited ten minutes having heard her use the bathroom and the door to their room shut. I walked round and checked everything was shut and locked, turned the lights off and went upstairs.

After using the bathroom I went and shut the curtains in my room, left the door slightly ajar and undressed. Climbing into that big bed and switched my bedside lamp off, I could feel myself slipping away. I drifted off into a deep sleep. Just before the dawn I awoke as the bed creaked and a warm body slipped in beside me. A soft arm slid round my waist and a hand draped itself over my stomach. A small kiss was planted on my neck and I felt a soft wave of hair fluttered over my shoulder. I felt her snuggle up to me, her hand dropping lower.

"I can't get you out of my mind, Just let me snuggle up Jim, I just need your warmth."

"Claire?"

"You think it was Ezz?"

I giggled, as she kissed my back.

"I hoped it was you, I wanted it to be you."

"Shhh, let's sleep on it, hey wasn't that from You got Mail?"

Her hand fluttered over my lower belly, as I heard her breathing relax. Surprisingly I also drifted back to sleep, the dark gathering into me. We kind of woke together, as the alarm clattered on the bedside cabinet. We were now facing each other, her lower leg over mine, our hands clasped together, our stomachs touching.

"Hello you?" She smiled and touched her lips to mine.

"Hi, gorgeous," I let our mouths meld together and slightly opened mine to welcome her tongue."

"Mmm, nice as this is, we need to get going, or at least I do, things to do buster; people to meet, emails to write, bills to pay. I'm going to shower, you wait here." And then she was gone and the bed felt bigger, emptier and cooler. I sighed and lay on my back. I heard the shower start, then the bathroom door open and two voices talking, Ezz must have gone into the bathroom to talk to Claire. I pulled the covers up over my chest and placed my hands behind my head. The bathroom door opened and I heard them talking. Then Ezz's head appeared round the door grinning.

"Morning Jim, you OK?"

"Ezz, good morning, I'm fine, how are you?"

"Better for seeing you."

"Well thank you, me too."

She pushed the door open and came in. She had on another pair of long sleeved, full length sets of pyjamas, the legs ending just above her ankles. They were a garish red tartan. She sauntered over to the bed and climbed up, sitting cross legged next to me.

"OK Ezz, I'll buy it, what's on your mind?"

"You and my mum, are you..." She looked questioningly,

"Are we what?"

"You know,"

"Ezz it could be any of a number of things. Are we friends? Yes we are; are we lovers? Not yet. Would I like to be? You bet."

Ezz pulled at a strand of hair and mused on that.

"Did mum come in here and sleep with you?"

"Yes she did, and that was all we did, sleep."

"Oh! Do you love her?"

"I do Ezz, I know it's only a week, but yes I love her and I love you too, the same way but differently. If you were to go out of my life now, it would break my heart."

She nodded and her face grew quite serious, she looked at me and tears fringed her eyes.

"Come here you big daft girl, come on." She flattened herself against my chest and I wrapped her in my arms. I felt her chest heave and tears darkened the duvet under her.

"Oh Ezz, you silly thing, c'mon, don't be sad, it'll be fine."

"I want my mum to be happy, I want her smiling, I want to be with you and her. I want a family."

"I heard the bathroom door click and feet padding over the landing. The door was wide open and Claire appeared clad in a towel, her night things in her hand. She raised her eyebrow and mouthed "What?"

I shook my head slowly and mouthed "come in." Claire walked in and dropped her nightclothes, Climbing on beside Ezz she wrapped an arm round her touching mine, laying her head on Ezz's back. We held this for a while, Ezz finally lifted her head, "This is what I want, this is my family." I looked at Claire, she had a smile, but a single tear rolled down her cheek. Looking me in the eyes she nodded slowly, I held her gaze, nodding once, signal received. I lay there, content, with the women I loved. This too was my family.

Six months down the line and the three of us had finally moved in together. Claire had sold her old house on the back of a rising market. We had redecorated our place, as we now thought of it throughout. Ezz was settled and positively lapping up school. Claire and I had settled into a cozy routine. Her job allowed her to work from home, so we had no problem sorting out access to her company's portal from our place. We rose about seven, made sure Ezz was organised and off to school, it was a fifteen minute walk, then Claire would shower and dress, I'd do our breakfast and then tidy up as Claire logged in and began work.

After tidying up I went and showered. I had plenty to do in the house and garden. We took lunch together and then I would carry on with my jobs. Ezz would be back by three fifteen and would demolish a snack, before going to her room to do homework. We'd bought her some sound dampening headphones so she could play music as loud as she wanted. She knew at six thirty we'd be having our evening meal, after which she'd stack the dishwasher and I would do the pans. Later we'd all sit in the lounge snuggled on the sofa and watching something together. Me at the end, Claire lying on me, head on my chest, Ezz lying on her mother's chest her feet dangling over the end. Everyone seems comfortable.

I knew I had to tell the kids, it was inevitable, they'd started to wonder anyway, as I had not pestered them constantly in my quest for human contact. Finally I FaceTimed them and explained what was happening in my life. Louise was pretty gobsmacked but wanted to know all the details, Robbie seemed a bit quiet, almost sullen. At the point I panned back from me to show them Claire, Robbie snorted and a strange almost angry expression clouded his face. Suddenly he cheered up as Ezz appeared and made a fool of herself. Lou, snorted, Robbie laughed so hard I thought he was going to burst. After that, it was a five way conversation and plans were laid for us to visit and get to know each other better.

So here we were, on a Saturday making our way to Great Malvern to meet, Robbie and Chloe and Louise and Bob. The decision had been made to walk over the hills and have a pub lunch, a way of getting to know one another. We met in the car park below British Camp and after hugs, handshakes and introductions set off up the hill. After a vigorous walk, with us all interchanging and talking, we made our way down towards the pub on the far side.

I noticed Robbie had an arm round Ezz and they were deep in conversation, Ezz's eyes were sparkling and both their faces were turned towards each other laughing. As they parted, she was met by Lou, who again placed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in tightly to her side. Chloe and Bob were either side of Claire and again the talk was punctuated by laughter. Robbie slowed to meet up with me.

"You seem to be getting on with Ezz."

"She's a nice kid, what's not to like. Dad I'm sorry if I appeared rude when you first spoke to us about Claire, I wasn't prepared for her introduction into the family. I guess I was jealous and probably a bit hurt, but I can see why you love her. No one can take Mum away from us, but Claire kinda makes things a whole lot more pleasant. Are you going to marry her, or be lifetime partners or something?"

"Worried about your inheritance?" I kidded

"Nope, don't need it, don't want it, give to Lou or Claire. No it's more like worried that you'll miss a chance to be really happy, so grab her Dad, make yourselves happy, you obviously love her, and she you; it would be criminal not too seize the opportunity to love again. Also you have to love Ezz, she's like some kind of a weird combination of Lou and me."

"Yes I want to marry Claire, but I wanted to gauge your reaction first. Not that Lou or you could stop me, but it's so much better if you're onboard with me. I thought Ezz was exactly like the best combination of you and Lou, but she's far crazier than you ever were."

"I think Mum would dispute that?"

"Yeah guess so, I bet there's plenty I never got told."

"My secret's are safe then?"

"Looks like it, unless Lou grasses you up. Better keep on her good side."