All Comments on 'The Silence'

I enjoyed reading your story, you should continue it.

Please continue!!!

Interesting and sexy story, but some of the wording reads as if your first language is not English, though in other parts English is used well.

For example, "Forgive me for the late. Baby, fell on slumber waiting for you." -- "the late" and "fell on slumber" are phrases that would not be used in that form in English. One might say: "Forgive me for being late", or "Forgive me for answering late", or "Forgive me for the delay". One might say "I fell asleep", or "I fell into a slumber", or "I was slumbering",

There were some other places with odd wordings as well.

That was an awesome start . Please continue

It was hard to read because of the english, sometimes I couldn't get the gist of what you were saying, other times I couldn't get into the story because it took me out of the story trying to decipher your meaning. You have great story ideas, but you really need an editor. This story has a lot of potential though. Keep writing!

brilliant chapter 2 please

I agree about the sentence structure, but I was wondering if it was deliberate. The story set in the future, or a slightly different time and place..... I think I did notice some spelling mistakes, though this story has intrigued me enough not to worry about them! Keep going, please!

You're off to a decent start, but as others mentioned the grammar issues distracted me and made it more difficult to get into and to follow. With better editing it would have been much better. Keep it up but get an editor!

Definitely an interesting and gripping start, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that English isn't your first language - in a way it adds a bit of mysteriousness but later does start to get in the way. Very enjoyable, please continue!

I think it's a great idea but it's way to short to be a good story. The spelling errors were atrocious. All in all I loved the idea of it bu I'd develope the protagonists characterization before introducing the love interest so that you get the reader to be even sorrier for her and wish happiness for her. I'd suggest revising this story, lengthening it, and resubmitting it.

Thanks R

It was really hard to stay focused on it though. Not only is the sentence structure and grammar hard to read but the swapping between American English and Brittish English was even worse. I thought the story was based in England till you popped up with Seattle and Olympia as the location.

The story line was wonderful... So keep writing. :)

Thank you for sharing.

Take some English courses and use the Literotica volunteer editor program. Good for you for writing, but until you improve, it's unreadable. Get help and keep writing!

This story needs another chapter. What happened next? Did she every get her memory back? And what happened in her pass? So could you please write a chapter 2.