All Comments on 'The Sinner's Tale'

Fantastic story! Great ending, too!

Loved the read. Was a bit hard to read at first but once I got into it, it was much easier. Thanks for the lovely story and I hope to see more out of percival and marigold in the future.

This was a hard read but well worth it if you can get past the king James English

This was a good story. The structure and pace worked, although you could have stretched this out into several chapters and made quite the epic. Perhaps in the sequel? I also enjoyed the content and the characters. Well done for an early attempt. I am offering feedback in good faith, with no desire to cause you any pain -- only encouragement to keep writing. To that end -- [The author attempted to use parenthetical to portray action, and it did much distract from my experience of the tale]. The King James speech was not distracting, once the cadence set in. I feel as if the bard dost attempt a screenplay: however, it fell flat. By attempting to give camera or scene information, the richness of the story was lost. And using Speaker: "Dialogue..." syntax made me think you were writing a treatment rather than a story. Consider the last section rewritten as follows (with [P] indicating a paragraph): The young girl trembled as she spoke haltingly, pleading, "My family hasn't much to give sir, but what little gold there is, we'll give to thee, if thou will but try." [P] Percival's eyes gazed in the distance, echoes of his mentor flashed through his mind. [P] "Good Sir!" the child cried, fearing Percival ignored her earlier plea, "I beg thee and pray to our Lord, please help!"--- IMHO, this is more detailed and rich than the original, even though intent and dialogue remains largely unchanged. - I am curious: Is it possible that the divine knight-squire tale alternates each generation? Marigold was squired to a Man and then took up the mantle of divine knight, adopting Percival as her squire and successor. Will Percival mature and find a waif appointed as his squire by the almighty? Keep writing!!!

@DigitalDreamer thou hast caused no pain, sir. I appreciate the constructive criticism! I will definitely keep writing and will likely return to your comment. Thank you for reading and commenting.

The English speech and grammar commonly known as King James is not so foreign to readers on this site. Rather than seeking to re-invent the wheel, by following accepted writing practices for dialogue, etc. universal understanding is facilitated, while the added brackets and semicolons detracted from the strength of your writing. Aside from that, you did an excellent job conveying the medieval tone of your tale. I look forward to enjoying more works from your imagination. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.