All Comments on 'The Slave's Journey Ch. 03'

Please edit your work for the proper tense. You must write in past tense. Remember this is not a script but a novel-like story. Thanks. I hope I some point you will do an extended flashback to take us through the "training" that could actually make our heroine like an obeying lively zombie. Thanks!

Actually on my previous comments I meant to say a flashback to actually explain how our heroine could come to behave like an obeying zombie slave, from what we see in the story, so far, meaning a denial of her own will. Also, please write in the third person. There are things a heroine cannot not and narrate about her surroundings, where she is and what her captors are thinking and also for constant reaction dialogue that gives emotional depth and simple teeth to the characters -that cannot be accomplished when writing in the first person. Thanks!