The Sun on my Skin Ch. 03

As we enter, we catch Ali and Nessa in a passionate embrace, one from which they hastily separate.

"Sorry, Mum, I was just saying bye to Ali," Nessa says in a tone that suggests Heather has been ridiculously impatient by coming in.

"It's okay, Vanessa, you don't have to say goodbye, not yet awhile," Heather tells her daughter.

"You're here for dinner," I explain.

"Really?!" exclaims Ali, but Nessa grins and groans.

"Nita — Tina. How did I not spot that?"

"Right, I'm going to make some Irish coffees, we can get the turkey stuffed and in the oven and then we can exchange presents," I tell them.

Nessa holds up two fingers. "Two words," everyone chants in unison. Two fingers become one. "First word..."

With dinner eaten and the washing up done, we're playing a board game version of Charades that Heather brought with her. Ali and Nessa are on one team, Heather and me on the other. The girls are winning — have almost won in fact — so Heather and I need to guess this one to avoid defeat.

"What is it, a film, a book, a play, what?" Heather interrupts but Nessa just gives a silent shrug; obviously, she doesn't know.

She holds up her thumb and forefinger with a tiny gap between them. "Small word," we all call out and start guessing: a, an, on, the, in... it's 'the' apparently, since Nessa points at me when I say it. "Second word..."

What follows is a perplexing mime from Nessa. This is perhaps why the girls are winning; quite often (as now) they don't know what it is they're miming, whereas Heather and I usually do. However, a large part of the challenge of the game is giving clues to your teammate that other team cannot guess.

I watch in bewilderment as Nessa holds her hands beside her head and makes her teeth protrude over her lower lip.

"A rabbit?" Heather asks.

"Hair in bunches, teeth... Sophie!" Ali exclaims, grinning, and Nessa nods.

"Sophie's Choice?" I jump in with the guess, but it receives nothing more than a contemptuous look from Nessa, who is now waving a finger around — and around and up and down — until she touches her arm with it and mimes screaming. What on earth? Ali is watching intently, her lips moving, silently.

"Er, er... the... the bee, no, the sting?" she hazards.

"The Sting is correct and... we win!" Nessa cries, reaching down to the board on the coffee table and moving their token onto the final, winning square. Instantly, Ali's arm, with the multicoloured bracelet I gave her earlier, reaches out and pulls Nessa towards the armchair they've been sharing, and onto her lap.

"Another excuse for cuddling," Heather whispers into my ear. I give her a worried glance but she's not upset, she's smiling.

"Yes, but they are cute together, don't you think?" I whisper back.

"Too damn cute," is her unexpected response, and I wonder what she means. "Shall I get more drinks?" she asks abruptly. "Sorry, " she apologises as her hand rests momentarily on my knee, as she pushes herself up from the low sofa.

"I'll give you a hand," I tell her. "What do you want girls?"

A brief discussion follows, mainly on why more wine is not an option. "You had wine with dinner," I remind them.

"So did you," Nessa points out, "and I'll bet you'll have more."

"One of the perks of being our age. Anyway, I don't know that I will have more. So, what do you want?"

When I enter the kitchen, Heather is by the sink with her back to me. "Vanessa and Ali want that cherry cola stuff. Are you okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I guess. Just got a bit of that green-eyed monster inside me, is all."

"Jealous — of their relationship?"

"A bit, I guess; they do look too damn happy together, don't they?"

"A bit," I smile, "but like you said: damn cute."

"Yes. I don't begrudge them that, for sure. It's more... it's more that I'm jealous of Ali, that I'm not going to be the most important relationship in Vanessa's life anymore, am I?"

"I guess that must hurt," I sympathise, moving towards her, "even if it's got to happen. Perhaps, in the New Year, you need to start thinking about what you want? Maybe try and meet someone..." I put my hands on her upper arms and give a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

"Maybe you're right." She takes a deep breath. Sorry, I shouldn't be glum, it's been a very nice day."

"Have another glass of wine — just a small one," I suggest.

"Part of me desperately wants a large one — maybe two," she smiles.

"Why not? Like I said, you can just get a taxi home." I almost add that she could always stay, but I'm not sure how she'd feel about the girls' inevitable request to share Ali's bed.

"I don't know... I'd have to come back and get the car tomorrow..." she points out.

"I could always drive it over to you if you like... as long as it's not too early!" She hesitates. "Oh, go on..." I urge.

"Okay... It's Christmas, why not," she smiles, happier.

I pour the wine — definitely more than a small one — as Heather pours the vile-smelling Cherry Cola. I follow Heather back to the sitting room and hear her sigh.

"Are you two going to be like this every time I turn my back?" she asks. There is no anger or frustration in her voice, just resigned humour.

"We could get a room, if you'd prefer," Ali laughs.

"There's always your room, Al," Nessa adds with a giggle. Heather casts me a despairing look, and I just shrug. Ali seems to take my reaction as permission.

"Cool," she exclaims and the two of them disentangle themselves from the chair — and each other — and leave the room, pausing only to collect their drinks.

"Did we agree to that?" Heather asks as I hand her a wineglass.

"No... but let them go. It's probably what I would have been like at their age, given the chance!"

"Would you really?" she asks as we sit, side by side again on the sofa. She takes a sip of her wine. "I've thoroughly enjoyed today, being here, all of us. Being here with you."

"I'm glad," I reply. "It's certainly been the best Christmas I've had in... I don't know, years. Listen to me! If Jan could hear me, Ms Tina 'I-don't-want-a-family' Roberts saying what a great Christmas she's had with her daughter, I mean stepdaughter..." I chuckle.

"Tina, can I ask you a question?" she asks, suddenly serious.

"Is this going to be like a 'Truth or Dare' type question? Do I get to choose a dare instead?" I reply jokingly, though a little disconcerted by her sudden change in mood.

"No, but I guess you can refuse to answer," she smiles bashfully. "I know you've answered a lot of questions, more than I have."

"Okay then... but it might be a dare for you in return," I warn her, intrigued by where this might be going.

"Um, okay. Well, what I wanted to ask was how you, um, how you know if another woman is gay? I mean, if there was a woman you found attractive, how would you know she was... interested in you?" She hesitates as she shifts on the seat, looking uncomfortable. "From what you told me, Jojo and, er, the others weren't... weren't with other women so how did you know they were, you know..."

"How did I know that they're lesbians or know they were interested in me?"

"Um, either, I mean a bit of both, I suppose."

"I don't know; maybe it was just a guess." I give a grim chuckle. "I didn't get it right, did I? I'm on my own, remember, so I wasn't right about Jojo or Jan, and certainly not with Andi."

"You've not mentioned Andi before..." she waves her hand as if dismissing something irrelevant, "but, well, you were right about Jojo and Jan being attracted to women, that's for sure," she points out.

"Andi was just a bi-curious teaser; a week or so after we slept together, I met her with a guy that I assume was her boyfriend, and I'll bet he had been at the time she slept with me."

"A bi-... Oh, I see; so you were a... a sort of experiment for her?" I nod and give a long sigh.

"Anyway, all that Jojo and Jan proved is that I'm great at bringing people out of their closets so they can be with someone else," I say sadly, and she hesitantly rests her hand on mine in comfort.

"But there must have been something, some way... How did you, sort of... connect with them?"

"You mean how did I become certain that they were lesbians? Or bisexual in Jan's case, I suppose."

"Yes."

"Well... it was being naked with Jojo, I suppose, especially as we ended up sharing a bed. Obviously, I'd booked a double room for Alex and me, not a twin."

"Hmm, I can see being naked in bed with another woman would help, for sure," Heather chuckles, unexpectedly at ease with the idea. "I guess that's kind of a special situation, though."

"True. With Jan and Andi, it was dancing, I suppose. Andi was dancing on her own — just away from everyone in this sort of trance almost. It was intriguing, fascinating, so I went over and danced beside her and we got talking, I bought her a drink, chatted, flirted a bit... I mean, it's not exactly original."

"No, I guess not. Was it the same with Jan?"

"No," I reply. "Like I said the other night, we were both having a shit time — Jojo had not long left, and I guess I still wasn't really over Alex, while Jan had problems of her own at home. It was a Friday and her husband was away, so I suggested the two of us go to the pub after work — better than each being home alone and miserable, right?. Anyway, we had a couple of drinks and chatted about how shit our lives were, then I suggested going dancing, to cheer her up. I took her to..."

"Let me guess: Quixote's?" Heather suggests.

"It was, yes, but I chose it mainly because it was somewhere I knew and where we weren't going to be hit on by loads of men. I won't say I didn't find her attractive, but right then I promise that wasn't trying for any kind of sexual relationship, not with her being a work colleague and married."

"But..." Heather prompts.

"Well, she really enjoyed it, and we went a few more times. Heather, are you researching how lesbians get off with each other? Is this because of Nessa or, I don't know, that you're secretly writing a novel with a lesbian protagonist?"

"I'm just... interested. So did you kiss her or did she kiss you?"

"Okay, I kissed her, just like this..." I lean in and kiss her cheek, just to the left of her mouth. Her skin is soft and warm, and I catch the faint scent of her perfume, light and tangy. I feel a tingle inside, a gentle, warming glow of arousal that I recognise: here is an attractive woman who is evidently intrigued by the idea of lesbian sex. More than intrigued, if the colouring of her cheeks and the darkening of her wide eyes are anything to go by. "So, in your opinion, was that a big sexual advance?" I ask, keeping my voice calm because this could turn into the stupidest thing I've done this year if I'm not careful.

"It was unexpected, for sure," she replies, surprised but... no, she's not upset.

"Heather, I think it's your turn to answer a question, Okay?" She nods. "Right, have you ever wondered about what it might be like, being with a woman?"

"I've been with lots of women," she replies glibly. "I'm here with you now, aren't I?" she adds.

"You know damn well that's not what I mean!"

"I had... I guess you could call them crushes on a couple of girls when I was at school. Does that count?"

"That was quite a while ago and it's not that uncommon," I point out.

"If you say so. I also met a woman at College, through someone I knew. She... she wasn't what I expected. She was beautiful but also attractive, you understand? I guess that attraction made me feel... uncomfortable, can you understand? But she was nice, too, when I started to get to know her a bit. We met a few times, mainly through our, er, mutual friends, and she seemed friendly, although we didn't seem to have much in common at first. When I found out she was a lesbian, that made it much more... complicated."

"Why?" I ask because, even though I think I can guess the reason. Heather hasn't often opened up, and I want to encourage her to keep talking.

"Isn't it obvious? If I find a gay woman attractive, what the heck does that say about me?"

"No more nor less than if you find a straight woman attractive, I should think. Of course, it can make a difference if you want to act on those feelings; it's got to be a hell of a lot easier to tell a lesbian you fancy her."

"Must it?" she asks abruptly. "What happens if she doesn't fancy you back? What happens if what you think you feel and want isn't what you actually want?"

"This isn't anything to do with why you came to Britain, is it? A running-away-from-your-feelings kind of thing."

"If it had happened back then, maybe it would have been simpler," Heather replies, staring at me. Suddenly, the penny drops: she's talking about us: the 'mutual friends' she mentioned are, right now, busy kissing in Ali's bedroom and the college wasn't Heather's college but Ali's and Nessa's. And the woman she found attractive...

"Ah, I think I understand," I manage.

"I think I'm in..." she starts but hesitates. "You could give me a dare," she says quietly. There is a nervous note in her voice, almost a pleading. I think I know what she wants, but am I prepared to do this? I cannot say I haven't fantasised about her — my erotic dream of the Pilates class flashes intrusively into my mind, so clearly my lust would have few qualms with making the fantasies a reality — but what, honestly, do I feel for her?

I like her -- I really like her -- especially now I'm past the slightly cold, distant persona she projected when we first met. I think we've become friends, and I like spending time with her, now we're comfortable in each other's company. So: friendship — yes; affection — yes... but is there something more, some spark?

And now, suddenly, she wants to be dared to kiss me, which is clever: if she doesn't like it then it was me that asked her and it all was just a slightly drunken game, no harm done. However, what if she likes it? What if, for her, this isn't so sudden?

"Um, Tina?" she prompts, pulling me out of my reverie.

"Oh, yes... Are you sure about this, Heather? I mean, completely sure?" I ask, and she gives a tense nod. "Okay... Heather, you keep asking about being with a woman, so I dare you to kiss me... properly, on the mouth."

"I guess after all the questions, I owe you..." she is trying to sound nonchalant, blasé even, but there is a nervous edge to her voice. Nevertheless, she leans in...

I lower my head until our lips meet. Hers are soft and warm. I close my eyes and feel her fingers brush my left cheek. Instinctively, I reach out, slipping my arm around her till my hand rests on the small of her back. Her left hand touches my right cheek as she holds my head and I hear a gentle sigh as her lips press more firmly against mine. I pull her nearer, closing the gap between our bodies.

Eventually, her hands drop and her lips pull away. "I've wanted to do that so much since you walked into my Pilates class that second time. Jeez, you looked good in my stuff the first time, but that outfit you bought!"

"Hmm... Well, the way you looked definitely caught my imagination."

"Did it? That's kinda nice to know," she replies, a momentary shy look downwards before her gaze rise to meet mine again. "Okay, your turn: truth or dare?"

"Dare," and the word is barely out of my mouth before her lips find mine again. A few moments later I slip my tongue out to brush her lips... and again, more firmly. She responds, her hand sliding up onto my boob as her head tilts, her mouth opening to admit my tongue. She pushes forward and I yield, giving way as I lean back, until my head rests on the arm of the chair and Heather is half-lying on top of me as we continue the kiss.

My hand slips down, across her waist and onto the textured fabric of her skirt, the delightful firmness of her bum evident beneath my fingers. Heather presses her body against mine, and it's the turn of her tongue to slide between my lips. Suddenly, I feel her hand massaging my boob, and my body responds excitedly.

Our mouths part momentarily as she gives a little gasp. The kiss was lovely, her attraction to me both flattering and arousing, and as my dream proved, that attraction is mutual. However, some flicker of responsibility makes me think of Ali.

"Heather, wait," I say as her lips seek mine again, and she hesitates. "I... I've loved this day with you, with the four of us, and god knows I find you attractive but... Heather, what about Ali and Nessa? I don't want to upset Ali."

"Yes... the girls..." her tone is flat, and I can feel her closing herself off as she has in the past.

"Listen, Heather, that kiss was lovely and your arse is... wonderfully and delightfully squeezable, but I don't want to take advantage or make you do something you then regret"

"Tina, grabbing my butt wasn't taking advantage; not when my hand was holding your breast." She slides off me, straightening her clothes. "I guess, after the year you've had, you don't want to be yet another woman's experiment. I get that."

"Heather, I meant what I said about not upsetting Ali but... Okay, you're sort of right: I don't want just a quick tumble in bed followed by regrets and goodbyes."

"Like I said, I understand, Tina." The words are edged and brittle, and I realize that I've hurt her. She took a chance, and now she thinks I'm rejecting her, even after all those questions about 'how do you know..?' made it clear she's feeling things that make her unsure and nervous, maybe downright scared. I take her hand.

"No, Heather, I don't think you do. I told you how much I enjoyed today, and I mean it. Sure, Nessa being here with Ali was good and made them both happy, but I also liked, really liked you being here. Yes, Heather, I'm attracted to you, physically; yes, I fancy you, especially in Lycra!" I flash her a smile, and the corners of her mouth twitch upwards momentarily, "but I really like you too, I like being with you, sharing time with you. I don't want that to be ended because of, of..."

"Because of me doing something I regret afterwards, right?"

"Yeah, that's about it."

"Tina, I asked you if your offer to spend Christmas together was still on the table, remember? I wouldn't be here if I hadn't been thinking about this. Thinking about it more and more." Her hand slides suddenly and unexpectedly between my legs to squeeze my inner thigh gently. "I was telling the truth when I said that meeting you that first time was disconcerting. I guess in part it's because, although I knew you were Ali's aunt, you weren't what I expected. I only met her Mom twice but you're very different from her."

"Yes, we always were."

"After we met, I kept thinking about you... in ways that I didn't expect to think about another woman. And then, when I found Vanessa and Ali kissing, I felt so guilty, as if, you know... as if somehow, it was my fault. Perhaps she'd seen something in the way I looked at you or maybe she could sense my mixed-up feelings." She looks uncomfortable but her hand still rests on my inner thigh. "Or maybe Vanessa had seen some of the sites I'd visited on the Internet."

"You were Googling lesbianism, I assume."

"Sure. You can learn a lot from the Internet, right? And not just, like, Wikipedia, you know what I mean?" Her hand squeezes again, inching ever so slightly upwards.

"Have you been looking at lesbian porn?" I ask with an incredulous smile.

"A bit," she admits, bashfully, "but more kinda the erotica — stories and the like. I was looking for real-life stuff, you know? Trying to understand what I was feeling, and well..."

"You clicked on the wrong link?" I suggest and she smiles.

"Or maybe the right one." She leans in and kisses my lips, briefly but affectionately. "I think I... I might have fallen in love with you, Tina. Um, I think maybe it might have happened the first time I saw you, to tell you the truth" she admits, shyly, and I feel my heart skip and butterflies swarming in my stomach as the reality finally dawns: she's been trying to seduce me! She really does want this, wants me... loves me! "Still, I guess I better call a cab and try to extract Vanessa from Ali's arms," she says with a sigh, and I know that I cannot, must not let her go.