The Sun on my Skin Ch. 01

"Are you just wanting to practise your Español with me, Jojo?" she smiled.

"Well, maybe a bit," I smiled back. "No, Marta, I'm so grateful for what you've done to, you know, help me understand myself. I think you're so cool and so lovely; I'd like for us to stay in contact and, maybe, be friends..." I finished and I was very conscious of the nervous, slightly pleading note in my voice. Her flirting with me, to begin with, might have been a misunderstanding and her, to be honest, almost seduction of me after might have been for her own pleasure, but she had also been kind and gentle and caring. It would be nice to get to know her better and to have her as a friend.

"Of course, and I would like us to be friends also." She reached out and gave my hand a little squeeze. "I go now but I will write you my email down and you do the same also?" I nodded and she raised my hand and kissed it, a surprisingly touching and romantic gesture considering the afternoon we'd spent together, before turning and hurrying from the apartment.

Her departure left me alone with Tina and with my thoughts. I knew I had to talk to her and that made me nervous. However, she seemed to be sleeping soundly so I eased myself off the bed to use the bathroom. I don't know if it was my absence or the sound of the toilet flushing but when I returned to the bedroom she was awake. "Hello sexy," she smiled at me but this only increased my nervousness and I bit my lip anxiously. "What's the matter, Jojo?" she asked, concern clouding her face.

"Tina, I er... I think we need to talk about us, about what just happened." The frown that now appeared didn't make things any easier for me but I took a deep, steadying breath. "Tina, over the last couple of days I've run away to be on my own to work things out and it's not been great for either of us. I want to try and talk this time. Please?"

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" she asked rather tersely.

"Not here. Can we get a drink from the bar and find somewhere quiet. Don't worry, I'm not going to get drunk but I think I need a drink." She agreed, though there was a wariness in her that, to be fair, I was probably going to justify. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be, I hadn't made any firm decisions on that score, but I knew the conversation might not be easy.

We picked up our towels and left the apartment. "What happened to Marta?" Tina asked as we walked.

"Oh, she had to go while you were sleeping; she had to get back to work," I replied.

"She could get into trouble then, slacking off to have sex with you, or rather, us," Tina observed in a neutral tone but I just smiled.

"Since her parents own this place, I suspect that it'll be a mild telling off at worst. I got the impression that this afternoon wasn't a one-off and she didn't seem worried."

In the bar, we ordered drinks: a vodka and coke for me and a white wine spritzer for Tina. As an afterthought and not wanting to repeat of Thursday I also took a bottle of water. Nearing dinner time the pool area was quiet and the shaded area on the far side was entirely deserted so that was where we went and sat facing each other on two adjacent loungers. Now it came to it I wasn't sure what to say but realized I just had to say something.

"Tina I just..." "Jojo, you know..." We both spoke at once and, of course, immediately stopped. However, worried that she might say something I didn't want to hear right now, I immediately spoke again before she could. "Tina, I just wanted to say that while I loved being with you this afternoon I... um, I mean, I don't think it would be a good idea for us to, you know... with, like you being my boss and all and, um, this is a new experience for me and you... er..." I was watching her as I spoke and the look on her face -- surprise giving way to disappointment that became hurt -- was not at all encouraging. It was downright scary, actually.

"Jojo, what are you saying? That this was all some kind of mistake for you? Or was I the mistake because you seemed happy enough with Marta when I found you?"

"Oh god, I was so afraid this would happen..." I moaned and took a large gulp of my drink as I felt the urge to run away, preferably to a bar for several large drinks to drown my sorrows. I also felt close to tears; this was what I'd dreaded and had visions of having to look for a new job having fucked up once again. However, I was older than last time and this was not pregnancy, so I did not give up but determined to resolve this properly. "Tina, I'm sorry I'm not explaining myself very well but, please, just listen and hear me out..." She still did not look very impressed but gave me a tight nod of acquiescence so I took a slow breath, trying to calm myself and get my thoughts in some kind of order. "Okay... look I've been wondering about, you know, whether I might be, um, lesbian for a few days, since, well..."

"Since I let slip about Alex?"

"Not... exactly. I was, well I don't want to say I was upset by finding out you were gay. I guess I was a bit but mainly I think it was confusion about why you'd invited me. I mean finding out this was a naturist resort was a shock and now there was this too. Anyway, I just wandered around a bit trying to work out just how I felt about you and, um, I bumped into Marta." I tried to read Tina's expression but couldn't. "Well, I er, I told her about what had happened, that you'd had a girlfriend I didn't know about and she thought we'd had a fight, um, a lover's fight..." There was a look of interest on Tina's face now.

"So she thought we were a couple? Because we shared the bed?"

"Well, in part, maybe but... but she said she'd seen the way I looked at women, that my eyes followed them." I hesitated and then admitted, "And I realised she was right, I did look at women and girls more and in the way I ought to notice guys. I realized something else too; Marta was flirting with me and she kissed me... and I kinda liked it."

"I know all this: we've talked about it. We also talked about it before we made love and I thought you had accepted you are lesbian and... and that you wanted us to be more than friends."

"I did, or I thought I did... but Tina, that's not all there is to it."

"Okay, so what else is there?" she asked suspiciously.

"Tina, I have to find out how I feel about who I am, what I am, and not here but back in everyday life. Can I tell my parents? How will they react? What about my friends? I don't know if I need or want to tell them but, shit, this is all so new I need time to come to terms with it all." She nodded.

"I understand Jojo; it's something I think almost every gay man or lesbian woman goes through, but that doesn't mean you have to do it alone or before you begin a relationship... I mean we could..."

"Tina," I interrupted, "you need to understand that I... I'm worried about the fact that we made love because the fact is you're my boss. I'm not sure office romances are ever a terribly good idea but for a first girlfriend it would be... a really bad idea. especially, please don't be offended, but especially with someone who's just ended a relationship and is possibly on the rebound..." I bit my lip as I waited for her response as she stared at me intently whilst she thought.

"You seem to be assuming that I'm looking for another girlfriend, Jojo," she said after a few moments.

"I, er, well I wondered if you might be but I sort of hope you're not. Can we just be friends, like we were before? Please?" I didn't want to plead but I could hear the wheedling note in my voice. Sod it, I thought. I needed this sorted so it was no time to be proud. I reached out and took her hand and held it gently.

"I'm not sure we can, Jojo; we're sitting here naked, we've shared a bed and this afternoon we had sex," she pointed out and I sagged. I really had screwed up. I felt her hand under my chin as she raised my head to look at her. "No, Jojo, I don't mean anything bad by that. What I mean is that we'll be more than just friends. I've liked you a lot for some time so I don't think I'm on the rebound from Alex... but you might be right and I guess I can't be sure, can I? I know all this is a lot for you to come to terms with and I'm not going to resent you because you're not ready for this -- us -- right now, I promise. I don't want to lose you as a friend Jojo or as a colleague."

"Thank you," I whispered and leant forward to hug her and kiss her cheek and she hugged me back.

"We're going to have to be careful at work doing things like this or we'll both risk coming out to the whole office; it wasn't only you that didn't know Alex was a woman, no one at work does." She gave a wistful sigh. "Come on, Jojo my friend, let's get some dinner."

We dined, we drank awhile in the bar and, nearing midnight, we walked back to the apartment hand-in-hand by the light of a large, yellow moon and climbed into bed together. I don't know how it was for Tina but I felt close to her but, right there and then, there was no lust just affection. Perhaps the passion and turmoil of the afternoon had temporarily drained me of sexual urges but I really liked the way I felt right then and hoped it would continue.

Heading Home

Sunday dawned, our last full day, and I awoke to find myself snuggled up to Tina. I tried not to move so as not to disturb her while I tried to analyse my feelings. To my surprise, they were more or less the way they were last night; in particular, despite her lying sexily naked beside me I felt no more than a mild tingle of arousal at the sight and feel of her, and certainly no rising passion to make love to her. I didn't know if that would change over time but for now, I was content.

I dozed for a little while but eventually, I got up carefully and left Tina asleep as I went and showered. When I returned I found that Tina had woken at last. "Good morning sleepyhead," I said brightly and she smiled.

"Morning to you too," she replied, yawning. "You're up early."

"Nope, you're asleep late, though I suppose it was a late night last night. What do you want to do today and shall we breakfast in the restaurant or shall I go and fetch some food for us to eat here?"

"Aw, too many questions too early!" she complained in mock outrage. However, she quickly added "Actually, I do know what I'd like to do. There's a path down to the beach, about a kilometre and a half long apparently; I'd like to go to the beach and swim in the sea."

"Okay," I replied and walked over to my suitcase that was still packed, there having been no good reason to unpack. "What do you reckon, a short dress to walk down and, what? Is it a nudist beach?"

"Apparently we can just walk down just as we are since Spain has no laws against public nudity; at least that's what a couple I was talking to yesterday afternoon told me. They go down regularly, they said, and the path is quite secluded apart from where it crosses a road." What do you think; are you up for it Jojo?" She had that same teasing glint as when she asked me what the most unusual thing I'd ever eaten was and invited me to come on this holiday with her. There was only ever one answer I was going to give, and I think she knew it.

"What do you think? Of course I'll come."

It was late morning by the time the two of us headed through the narrow gateway onto the path, carrying a small hamper of food, courtesy of the restaurant, along with two large beach towels, also provided by the resort, sun cream, sunglasses and books.

Tina's description was accurate as the path headed gradually downhill and was, for the most part, screened by the contours of the land or by trees and shrubs of oleander and hibiscus. However, just the idea that we were walking through the countryside naked felt wonderfully risqué. Beyond the road, which was deserted but whose dusty tarmac was very hot underfoot, the path became more exposed. Ahead the land fell more steeply down towards the sea.

We walked on the hot sand, we swam in the sea; we lay on the towels to dry, to doze, to read and to talk. Our conversations were the same as of old and yet different. The topics were of life at home and the things around us, but while there was more of an ease and closeness there were also things that we instinctively avoided: my sexuality and the events of the last forty-eight hours loomed large amongst these. I didn't worry though because there would be time and place enough in due course to talk these things through.

The trips into the cool water became more frequent as the heat of the day increased and, having had a little lunch, we decided to head back to the resort. There were few places of shade and, while there was what appeared to be a restaurant a little way down the beach, neither of us were feeling quite brave enough to visit in our current state of undress.

It was a harder walk back, uphill and in the mid-afternoon heat but we walked slowly and, beyond the road, the shrubs and trees provided a little shade. By the time we arrived back we were hot and sticky with sweat, sun cream and the salt from the sea, layered with sand and dust. "I really need a shower," Tina declared, "but we ought to take the hamper and the towels we borrowed back to the reception."

"I get it," I said, in a resigned tone, "I take the stuff back and you get the first shower!"

"Oh, do you mind? That's so kind of you Jojo," Tina laughed and I gave a tired smile back. I guessed I still owed her for looking after me on that second morning when I had that almighty hangover.

"No problem. Enjoy the shower." She leant in and kissed my cheek before turning and walking towards the apartment. I picked up the things and headed wearily to the reception building.

"Hello, Jojo. Why you always look sad when I meet you?" Marta's voice greeted me as soon as I'd shouldered my way through the door into the cool interior of Reception. I had been impressed this morning by my calm, arousal-free response to Tina's spectacular naked form next to me in bed so why was Marta's voice enough to send a thrill through my body? Looking round to see her emerging from behind the counter sent an excited tingle through me.

I tried to tell myself to stop being ridiculous because I'd be heading home in a little over twelve hours and that was the end of it -- whatever 'it' was. It didn't seem as if my body was listening. "That's much better," she said at the sight of the smile automatically spreading across my face. It didn't seem as if my emotions were listening either.

"Hi Marta," I said happily, "I'm not sad, just a bit tired from a long walk. I was just returning the hamper and the beach towels we borrowed." She waved her hand as if to say that was unimportant.

"Thank you, but I am more glad that I get to see you. Here, I write down my email for you and, come, you write yours down for me, like you promised, yes?" I had forgotten that I'd said we should exchange email addresses but I was touched, not only by the fact that she had remembered but also that she seemed so keen on the idea.

"Of course," I replied and walked over to the counter and wrote my email address down. Actually, I very carefully and neatly wrote it out as I didn't want there to be any chance that she wouldn't be able to read it. As I finished writing I felt a warm, soft arm slide around my waist. I knew I should be strong and that I should resist but I couldn't help it as my body just seem to melt against hers. "Marta, you're being naughty..." I protested.

"Oh, sorry, I forget that you are girlfriend with Tina now." Her arm dropped slowly, teasingly caressing my skin as it slipped down. I should have let it go, let her think that Tina and I were together. I thought perhaps that would be best and would help me to put aside the temptation I was definitely feeling. Of course, I was tempted to just give in to the feelings I was feeling for Marta but I was absolutely sure that at some point Tina would wonder where I'd got to and come looking for me. I was also certain that our friendship would not survive her finding Marta and me together yet again. However, the truth just slipped out.

"Um, no, we're not girlfriends, actually. It was a bit awkward but she and I work together, and she's just broke up with Alex and this is, like, it's all new to me... so we agreed that... well, that we should just stay as friends." No sooner had I finished speaking than I felt her again; not one arm this time but two, encircling my waist as she pressed herself against me. I turned, spinning round within her embrace.

"But I shouldn't do this either," I complained feebly as her lips sought and found mine in a long, lingering kiss.

"I like your kisses, Jojo," she told me as the kiss eventually ended.

"Marta... you're so lovely... such a beautiful woman," I told her, honestly, "but I'm flying home tomorrow. I will miss you and... and making love to you again isn't going to make leaving you any easier." I realised that I was cuddling her back, my hands resting on the top of the wonderful swell of her bum. "Sorry," I said as I reluctantly let her go. A look of disappointment replaced her smile but she nodded.

"Okay, I understand Jojo. I will miss you."

"And I'll miss you too, Marta. I wish this could be more than a summer holiday fling but at least we can email each other regularly, yes?"

"Yes, of course," she agreed, though there was still a note of regret so I gave her a brief kiss on the lips. "I wish you were not going, that you were here for much longer." I nodded because I wished the same.

"Thank you for everything: thank you for listening and talking to me Marta, for the kisses and the hugs and the lovemaking. Basically, thank you for helping me know that making love to another woman is so bloody fantastic!"

"De nada, it was my pleasure, Jojo."

"I had better go, Marta," I told her reluctantly, "Tina will have finished her shower and be wondering where I am. Anyway, I really need a shower too; I'm all hot and sticky... Do not look at me like that because I don't mean 'hot and sticky' in that way!"

"Are you, er, sure?" she asked cheekily. "No I will not tease you anymore, Jojo," she added when she saw the look of discomfort on my face. "In case I don't see you tomorrow, goodbye Jojo,"

"Bye Marta love and thank you for everything." I kissed her; her lips felt so good that were it not the sound of approaching voices I would have struggled to end the kiss. "Bye-bye Marta," I whispered as I stepped back. Her hand reached out and brushed my cheek.

"Bye Jojo. Have a safe journey home. I will write you I promise."

It was a rather melancholy walk back to the apartment but I managed a smile as I entered and called Tina's name. I heard her voice from the bedroom she was just walking out of the bathroom. "Jojo, you took your time."

"I was tired and I had to wait at reception. Anyway, you didn't rush your shower!" I pointed out.

"Don't worry, there's still warm water. Go on, you'll feel better afterwards," she assured me. I walked past her and she touched my arm. "Are you okay?" she asked. I wasn't, not completely, but I felt I couldn't tell her that I was sad to be leaving Marta.

"Yeah, just a bit tired and down over going home tomorrow, I guess, back to normal life. I might also have overdone it out in the sun." This was true as my skin did have that hot, tight feeling of overexposure. "I think going into the sea might have washed the sun cream off." Tina stepped back and examined me.

"Hmmm it might be a bit pink; have a shower and I'll rub some after-sun cream onto you. Then it'd be best to keep out of the sun for the rest of today." I nodded and headed into the bathroom for a long, cool shower.

I stood in the shower thinking about how we had to be up early tomorrow to drive to the airport and then back, as I'd said, to normal life. I knew Tina and I could stay friends but wasn't sure we could ever be girlfriends. Then there was the question of whether I said anything to my parents about my being lesbian and, if so, how and when? I suddenly realised that perhaps 'normal life' wasn't going to be quite so normal after all!